I’ve had this thing for like 6 months. Occasionally, I feel like I can’t breath or swallow & I think I’m going to choke & die. It’s been fun, really.
This weekend I had a dream that I was choking & I woke up literally choking. Let that sink in & tell me you would not FLIP YOUR LID. I would die & Topanga would probably eat my lifeless body before anyone found me. Moving on. So I made a doctor appointment. Enough is enough. Fix me, medical professionals.
So I go in. He checks things out. Asks some questions. Looks down my throat & is all, “nope – nothing there.” & I’m like, “ok, ok, but listen to my lungs – I can’t BREATHE!” & he is all, “clear as a bell!” & I’m all, “…….k………………………”
I get quiet for a minute & then it hits me. I suggest, “Perhaps I’m making it all up in my head.” & Doc is like, “Wow you are very introspective.” No, Doc, I just know I am clinically insane & I like having several problems at once & this just seemed to suit me for the last few months thanks for your time see you soon.
He did, however, tell me I was thin & that makes my visit all worth while.
Time: 1.5 hours | Serves: 6 patties
- 2 cans of chickpeas, drained + rinsed
- 1 onion, diced
- 1/2 cup of cooked brown rice or quinoa (brown rice used here)
- 4 tbsp. of garlic, minced
- 1/2 cup of parmesan cheese, grated
- 1/4 cup of panko breadcrumbs
- 1 cup of buffalo sauce
- Plenty of S+P
- Toasted buns, for serving
- Preheat oven to 400 degrees
- In a food processor, combine onion + chickpeas + S+P
- Process on low until combined, 1-2 minutes
- Add brown rice + garlic + 1/2 the buffalo sauce + S+P, process 30 seconds, do not get it runny or liquidy or they wont make patties!
- In a large bowl, add chickpea mix + parmesan + breadcrumbs + S+P
- Form into patties + arrange on a lined baking sheet
- Pour remaining buffalo sauce on top
- Bake for 30 minutes, flipping once in the middle of cooking
- Serve hot on a toasted bun with ranch or blue cheese or something else sissies use to calm the heat