Chocolate Chip Muffins

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Do y’all know what a muffie is? Yes, muffie. It’s the top, fluffy part of a muffin. & also the name of my alter ego.

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Every modern woman needs one. A pseudonym. A name you tell the Starbucks chick. A name you tell the bartender for your tab. A name you write down on the cocktail napkin & slide across the table to a cutie. (I have never actually done any of this but I am prepared in the event.)

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Muffie just suits me. She is snooty & cute – just like the real me except in pearls & sweater sets. She sips white wine (red stains her teeth) & is the first to start the dance party. She lives by the “no new friends” rule & only likes socializing in intimate exclusive groups. She really just enjoys good, wholesome fun, ya know?

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I really have to take this opportunity to thank Panera Bread for introducing me to muffies. Browsing their pastry selection one afternoon I came across these sweet muffin tops & I just knew. Muffie would be MY cute, fluffy, better half, too.

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Muffie also bakes cause y’all know I don’t do that crap.



Time: 40 minutes (prep + cooking) | Serves: A dozen muffins


  • 1.5 cups of whole wheat flour
  • 1 tsp. of baking soda
  • Pinch of salt
  • 2 bananas
  • 1/4 cup of low fat cream cheese
  • 1/4 cup of honey
  • 1 tbsp. of vanilla
  • 1 tbsp. of olive oil
  • 1 tbsp. of skim milk
  • 1 egg
  • 3/4 cup of chocolate chips

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 350 degrees
  • In a bowl, combine flour + baking soda + salt
  • In a food processor, combine bananas + cream cheese + honey + vanilla + olive oil + milk + egg
  • Whisk wet ingredients into dry
  • Fold in chocolate chips
  • Evenly pour mix into muffin tin
  • Bake for 25 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean
  • Eat until you have chocolate all over your face

20 thoughts on “Chocolate Chip Muffins

  1. kevinashton says:

    Ahh… but did you know that in some parts of the UK muffie is also an affectionate name for a woman’s naughty bits??….slinks away with a red face and a mischievous grin.


  2. Jan Simon says:

    I can see the lbs start to form a “Muffin Top” ( rolls on me tummy) from these delectable treats!
    I am the exception to the “No new friends” right? LOL


    • Rachel says:

      Janny wanny, get outta here with that muffin top talk! We can share these treats & pretend calories don’t exist. & OBVI you are the exception to the rule 😉


  3. nutmegandwhiskey says:

    Fucking Jesus yes yes YES Muffie!! I want to be friends with Muffie. My official alter ego is now Zora who is Muffie’s friend from boarding school who smokes filtered cigarettes while drinking her rose wearily in the early morning of 10 am.

    Also, muffin tops are bae. ❤


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