I am going to the beach tomorrow.
I haven’t been on a vacation in three years. This is my time – my moment. New bikinis and over-priced hair products that are supposed to give me blonde beach waves have been purchased. I’ve been doing extra squats & ab workouts & some arm toning thing a ma bobbers. I’m READY.
Then it hits me while I’m in Target buying matching sleep sets I don’t need: I must have Oreos or I will perish. I find myself at a crossroads. Beach body or sugar high? The age-old question.
I obvi went for the rush. I haven’t dipped a cookie in milk & let the sugar coarse through my gluttonous veins in like 5 months. After 25 years of eating a sleeve a day, it was time for a detox. But you know the saying, you can take the girl out of the Oreo, but you can’t take the Oreo out of the girl. Much to my chagrin, it seems like they have changed the recipe a bit. Did that stop me from eating the entire box? Absolutely not.
Since rockin’ beach bod is out, I figure I’ll just wrap myself in a full-body sarong & call it a day.
Time: 45 minutes (prep + cooking) | Serves: 6 burgers
- 2 cans of black beans, rinsed + drained
- 1 cup of panko bread crumbs
- 1/2 of an onion, diced
- 1 egg
- 1 tbsp. of chili powder
- 1 tsp. of cumin
- 1 tsp. of paprika
- 1 tsp. of crushed red pepper
- 1 tbsp. of cilantro
- 2 tsp. of sriracha
- 1 tbsp. of mayonnaise
- S+P, to taste
- 2 tbsp. of olive oil
- Hamburger buns, toasted
- Pepper jack cheese slices
- Avocado slices
- Red onion
- Pour black beans into a large bowl and mash with a fork, leaving some whole black beans for texture
- Add breadcrumbs + onion + cilantro + chili powder + cumin + paprika + red pepper + + 1 tsp. sriracha + S+P to beans and combine
- Heat olive oil + over medium heat in a skillet
- Pack a patty & slide into skillet
- Cook for 5 minutes and flip
- Place cheese on cooked side and let it melt before removing patty
- Repeat until all your burgers are done
- Combine the mayo + remaining sriracha
- Top with red onion + avocado + sriracha mayo
- Eat all 6 by self + go in public immediately + see how many people ask you when you are due