Cauliflower Mash

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I think I have DVR.

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I can’t be sure  because I’m not totally sure what DVR is.

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All I know is Garr got to this menu on our TV that listed all of the movies currently on. I see that Ghost is on & my mind goes berserk. MUST. WATCH. PATRICK. SWAYZE. NOW.

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After convincing him it’s a boy movie (LOL), he was able to rewind it to the beginning. Meaning, I think I have DVR. Meaning, I have entered the 2010’s and there is no going back for me. I am a believer! What sadness this space device could have saved me throughout my youth the many times I stumbled upon a halfway over Crossroads or Blue Crush.

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I may or may not have made Garrett play Unchained Melody on repeat the rest of the evening.




Time: 25 minutes (prep + cooking) | Serves: 4-6


  • 1 head of cauliflower, rinsed + chopped in florets
  • 2 tbsp. of low fat cream cheese
  • 1/4 cup of parmesan cheese
  • 1 tbsp. of garlic, minced (do not go by the amount in the photo, I beg of you, I used too much & am adjusting the recipe for you because I have a heart)
  • S+P, to taste
  • Butter, for serving
  • Chives, for serving

How to:

  • Bring a pot of salted water to a boil
  • Add cauliflower + cook for 6 minutes, drain
  • Add hot cauliflower to food processor + add cream cheese + parmesan + garlic + S+P
  • Process until smooth
  • Serve warm with butter + chives
  • Fashion scoop of mash into a pillow + lay your sweet head upon it + dream of gravy boats


Adapted from here!


11 thoughts on “Cauliflower Mash

  1. Linda Jameson says:

    I made this by accident the other night – was so surprised at how much like mashed potato it was!

    I made it by accident as I was trying for cauliflower rice but whizzed it up after cooking and wasn’t expecting it to mush together quite as much.

    It was delicious though!


  2. Jasmine S. says:

    I’m almost embarrassed to tell you the number of times that I have seen Crossroads. For what it’s worth, I recently started (for the first time) Party of Five on Netflix!! Can we just relive the 2000s together?

    Also, I have never seen cauli mashed made in a slow cooker, but it makes total genius sense! Just in time for Thanksgiving, too! 🙂


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