OK, OK, I’ll tell you about my toes.
I just don’t really have any….
I mean, I have ten ~things~ on the ends of my feet but I’m not sure you can call them toes.
Let’s set the scene: My big toe and baby toe are the only normal-sized ones. Think the rockstar hand symbol. The second and third lil piggies are webbed. I like to think of them as being on their own plateau. Half of the webbed duo, toe #3, is the smallest one. The nail on this one is about the size of your average food crumb, I’d say. Both feet are identical. It’s a medical miracle, honestly. I used to avoid sandals as much as possible cause evil peeps would make fun. Then I started telling people that I was born toe-less so they cut some off of a dead baby and sewed them on me. That shut ’em up.
I would include a visual but you might gouge your eyes out and forever lose your appetite.
Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 4 sandwiches
- 1 eggplant, peeled + sliced thin on a mandolin
- 2 tbsp. of olive oil
- 2 tbsp. of soy sauce
- 1 tbsp. of Worcestershire
- 1 tbsp. of honey
- 1 tbsp. of liquid smoke
- 1 tsp. of smoked paprika
- 1 tsp. of garlic powder
- S+P, to taste
- 1/4 cup of vegan mayo
- 2 tbsp. of sriracha
- Avocado, for serving
- Tomato, for serving
- Lettuce, for serving
- Sourdough bread, toasted
- Preheat oven to 225 degrees
- In a bowl, combine olive oil + soy sauce + Worcestershire + honey + liquid smoke + paprika +garlic powder + S+P
- Arrange eggplant slices on a parchment paper-lined baking sheet
- Spread some of the sauce onto each slice, flip + spread on other side
- Bake for 30 minutes or until crisp
- Meanwhile, combine mayo + sriracha
- To serve, spread sriracha mayo on two slices of bread + on one slice add lettuce + tomato + avo + eggplant bacon + top with mayo side of the other slice
- Serve this to your sweetie at a summer picnic + see if he still talks to you
Bacon adapted from here!