Spring Rolls


Things that are not OK volume 3246:


Humans being sucked out of airplanes!!!!!!!!!


As someone who was literally on a Southwest flight yesterday at the exact same time this particular plane’s engine exploded, it’s just a little too close for comfort!!!!!


I think we all do it. You know, have incredibly morbid thoughts right before boarding the plane and perform little rituals to ensure your safe arrival at your intended destination. For instance, I always touch the outside of the plane as I enter it and ask God to bless this vessel that is about to hurl me through space. I also size up my row mates based on who I’d most like to hold hands and cry with in the event of an emergency. However, I always know deep down I am going to be OK. Until yesterday’s events brought me back to the reality that nothing and no one is safe and your worst nightmares can become real in an instant.


Just to provide you some uplifting words this evening.



Time: 30 minutes (prep + cooking) | Serves: 1 dozen spring rolls


  • 12 spring roll wrappers
  • 2 carrots, shredded
  • 1 red bell pepper, chopped thin
  • 1 cucumber, sliced thin
  • 1 avocado, sliced thin
  • 5-6 green onions, chopped
  • 1/2 cup of cilantro, chopped
  • 1 cup of vermicelli (thin rice noodles)
  • Sweet + sour sauce, for serving

How to:

  • Prepare the vermicelli according to package directions (for mine, they just soaked in warm water about 20 minutes)
  • Prepare your wrappers by making sure they’re pliable + ready to stuffing + rolling (depending on the brand, you may have to dunk in water or just spread the ends in water)
  • Lay a wrapper flat + place some noodles + carrots + bell pepper + cucumber + avocado + green onions + cilantro at one end
  • Roll wrapper over the ingredients, tuck the sides in, keep rolling, making sure sides stay tucked
  • Repeat with remaining wrappers + ingredients
  • Serve with extra green onion + sweet + sour sauce
  • Smash a roll into your face, allowing roll insides to fall into your many face holes

Shiitake Grain Bowls


I have a new friend!


She arrived to town on Sunday and it looks she’ll be sticking around for a while.


It’s a giant growth on my face and I call her Rita.


We went to a baseball game on Saturday. It was a gorgeous spring day in Seattle. Sunshine everywhere. I did not put on my SPF moisturizer that morning for fear it’d react with my self-tanner. (I should really start thinking about my priorities – perhaps skin health > tan.) However, I did purchase a baseball cap with high hopes I could pull it off (false) and wore it 83% of the day. I truly thought I struck a nice balance. I wake up Sunday morning and just brush my hand against my cheek. I feel a giant glob on my cheek…that wasn’t there yesterday….. I trace the perimeter of the mass and discover it’s the size of a modest spaceship. WHERE DID THIS COME FROM?! Literally, I BARELY touch it (still in bed at this point) and it explodes water. I run, screaming, to the bathroom to survey the damage and staring back at me is a gaping hole in my cheek. Oh, Rachel, as if you needed to draw more attention to that face.


Two days later and it’s starting to scab. Just looks like someone dragged my face across a gravel road. How’s your appetite?



Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 4 bowls


  • 1 package of tempeh, cubed
  • 1/2 lb. of shiitake mushrooms, chopped
  • 1/2 lb. of brussels sprouts, halved
  • 1 parsnip, peeled + chopped
  • 1 can of chickpeas, drained + rinsed
  • 1 bunch of asparagus, ends trimmed
  • 1 cup of farro, uncooked
  • 1/4 cup of soy sauce
  • 2 tbsp. of dijon mustard
  • 1 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 1 tsp. of agave
  • 4 tbsp. of olive oil
  • S+P, to taste

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 400 degrees
  • In a bowl, combine soy sauce + dijon mustard + garlic + agave + 1 tbsp. of olive oil
  • Add the tempeh + shiitakes to the sauce, let marinate while your other veggies roast
  • Arrange asparagus on a lined baking sheet, drizzle with 1 tbsp. of olive + S+P, bake 12 minutes-14 minutes, stirring once
  • On another lined baking sheet, arrange brussels sprouts + chickpeas + parsnips, drizzle with 1 tbsp. of olive oil + S+P, bake 14-16 minutes, tossing once
  • While veggies roast, cook farro according to package directions
  • While roasted veggies cool slightly, heat remaining oil in a skillet over medium heat
  • Add tempeh + mushrooms + cook for 5-7 minutes, or until tempeh is crisp to your desire
  • To serve, combine farro + tempeh + mushrooms + asparagus + brussels mix + avocado
  • Don’t forget to feed some with face friends like Rita

Falafel Platter


Our house is on the market.


Which I’d probably care about if we owned it, but alas.


However, I DO care that a whole host of strangers are traipsing through here and touching all of my things with their grubby paws.


The realtor was over recently taking some fresh pix. I had been gone the entire week and, while tidy, the house was not up to my unusually high standards. The realtor was like, “This place is definitely going to get offers. It helps that you live so ~clean~.” While I took a bow in my mind and thanked the Academy for this honor, I simultaneously started downplaying her compliment and assuring her I usually keep a much better home! Her words fueled me for days. UNTIL I realized she was likely just buttering me up for the chaos that was to ensue – that being the dozens of feet that would enter my home to judge my decorative choices and open my drawers. Felix (my Roomba) has truly been working overtime trying to clear all of the foreign particles from our carpet fibers.


Am only interested in spacious bubbles for our next home.



Time: 10-12 hours (overnight soaking + prep + cooking) | Serves: 4-6


  • 2 cups of uncooked chickpeas, soaked overnight + drained + rinsed in the morning (used 1 1/2 cans of chickpeas if you don’t have time to soak fresh ones)
  • 1/3 cup of flat-leaf parsley, + more for serving
  • 4 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 1/2 of an onion, diced
  • 2 tbsp. of flax meal (or your flour of choice
  • Juice of 1 lemon
  • 1 tbsp. of cumin
  • 1 tsp. of coriander
  • 1 tsp. of cayenne pepper
  • 1 cup of white quinoa, cooked to package directions
  • 1 english cucumber, diced
  • 2 roma tomatoes, diced
  • 1 red pepper, sliced thin
  • Pita, for serving
  • 2-3 tbsp. of olive oil
  • 1/2 cup of tahini
  • 1/2 tsp. of garlic powder
  • 1/4 cup of warm water
  • S+P, to taste

How to:

  • Cook chickpeas according to package directions, drain + rinse
  • In a food processor, combine chickpeas + parsley + garlic + onion + flax meal + 1/2 of the lemon juice + cumin + coriander + cayenne + S+P, pulse until a pasty dough (gross) forms
  • Refrigerate for an hour
  • Meanwhile, combine quinoa + cucumber + tomatoes + remaining lemon juice + S+P, set aside
  • Meanwhile x2, combine tahini + garlic powder + S+P + the warm water in a lil bowl, adjust seasoning to taste
  • Heat 1 tbsp. of olive oil in a skillet over medium heat
  • Form chilled falafel dough into lil balls using a cookie scoop
  • Fry in the skillet a couple at a time, turning on all sides + not letting burn!
  • To serve, arrange some quinoa on one side, then falafel, followed by some red pepper + pita with the tahini sauce on the side + extra parsley
  • Using only the contents of this platter, create mural, let dry + hang in prominent spot in home