Fig Jam Pizza

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I wish I was 13 years old again and my greatest joy in life was learning a new cheat code in The Sims.

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I wasn’t a cool 13-year-old, OK?

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If I could calculate it, I’d likely discover I spent the better part of my adolescence behind a giant Dell computer screen making fictional families comprised of me, my school crushes and lots of children with my favorite names at the time – Juliet, Katarina, Trevor, etc.

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I’d build extravagant houses and paint all of the walls hot pink and lime green and fill the backyard with like 6 hot tubs. My character’s career path was ALWAYS music and I mastered the guitar in like 3 days and painted in my spare time. I always made my husband (better known as my 7th grade flavor of the week) a doctor and when, in real life, I decided I was totally over him and/or he got a girlfriend (more likely the case), I would make him cheat on me in the game so I could slap him and kick him out. Learning healthy relationship skills from the jump.

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The best was when I’d get bored with a family so I’d put them all in the house, remove the doors and watch them go nuts.

 

 

Time: 2 hours (prep + cooking) | Serves: 1 pizza

Ingredients:

  • 2 lbs of figs, ends trimmed + sliced thin
  • 1 1/2 cup of sugar
  • 1/2 cup of lemon juice
  • 1 pizza crust
  • 2 cups of arugula
  • 1 onion, sliced thin
  • 1 tbsp. of olive oil
  • S+P, to taste

How to:

  • In a bowl, combine figs + sugar, coat + let sit for 15 minutes, stirring occassionally
  • Transfer figs to a pot + add lemon juice + 1 cup of water, bring to a boil
  • Turn heat down a bit, let simmer for 40-45 minutes, until jam is sticky + runny to your desire
  • If you want chunks, leave as is, if not, turn off heat + blend with an immersion blender
  • Transfer to a mason jar + refrigerate
  • Meanwhile, preheat oven to 400 + heat olive oil in a skillet over medium heat
  • Add onion slice + S+P, let caramelize for 8-10 minutes, remove from pan
  • On a pizza crust, spread some jam + top with onion
  • Bake for 10 minutes or until crisp to your desire
  • Top with arugula + serve warm
  • Put a slice atop your head + run into the streets chanting “I gotta pizza on my head, but don’t call me a pizza head”

 

Fig jam adapted from here!

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Chilled Corn Soup

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Were you all aware that I look absolutely adorable driving a sports car?

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I’m not tooting my own (car) horn or anything (get it?), but I think it’s true. It might have something to do with the tinted windows and the fact you can’t tell who is actually driving, but I digress.

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For the last week, I’ve been driving around my dad’s 2017 electric blue Mustang GT California Special.

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I know what you’re thinking, “EWW mustangs are gross!” Under normal circumstances, I totally agree, but you haven’t seen me behind the wheel of one! I fit like a glove! Also, my dad has this terribly obnoxious kit on the car that makes it sound like you’re driving a jet down the road, it’s so fetch. I just felt alive! Like, I can go so fast and it is so loud and everyone turns to look at me and is like umm how did an idiot like you afford this car and I just smile with all of my teeth and give them a big thumbs up.

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But like it’s an actual boat and ya girl had some slight difficulty in the parking department.

 

 

Time: 2 hours (prep + cooking) | Serves: 4-6

Ingredients:

  • 4 ears of corn, shucked + save the cobs
  • 1 medium white onion, diced
  • 1 tbsp. of fresh ginger, diced
  • 1 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 1 jalapeno, diced
  • 1 white potato, diced
  • 1 can of coconut milk
  • Juice of 1 lime
  • 2 tbsp. of olive oil
  • 1 tsp. of turmeric
  • S+P, to taste
  • Cilantro, for serving
  • Sriracha, for serving

How to:

  • In a large stock pot, heat olive oil over medium heat
  • Add onion + S+P, cook 3-4 minutes
  • Add ginger + garlic, cook another minute
  • Add jalapeno, cook another 2-3 minutes
  • Add corn kernels + potato + coconut milk + 1 cup of milk + turmeric + S+P, stir to coat
  • Add corn cobs, bring to a boil, reduce heat + simmer for 25-30 minutes
  • Remove corn cobs
  • Turn off heat + stir in lime juice
  • Using an immersion, blend soup until smooth
  • Taste + add some more S+P, if you’d like
  • Put in the fridge for a couple of hourse
  • Serve cold with cilantro + some sriracha if you like a lil heat
  • Pour some soup into a glass + serve to sweetie + tell him it’s a banana smoothie

 

Adapted from here!

Lemon Blueberry Poppyseed Muffins

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I’ve gone to warm yoga 15 times in the last month and feel I can officially call myself a yogi now.

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It is so unlike me to try something new all on my own, but I just strutted up into that yoga studio one day and pretended like I knew what I was doing and BAM! Now your girl can do crow pose. (It happened once for 10 seconds, but counting it as a W.)

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Why didn’t you all make me join a studio sooner? Did you like me being mentally unstable and flabby?

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I mean, I’m definitely the worst person in every single class I attend, but the judgement is really minimal. I’ve only been corrected like two times! I absolutely sweat my socks off so I leave feeling detoxified and refreshed and so disgusting I must rush home immediately to avoid being seen and confused for someone who just fell down a well. All of the instructors are so beautiful and unique and have the most soothing voices. Sometimes they read from meditation books and I’m like, do y’all wanna come over andΒ  read me novels while I do household chores cause I wouldn’t hate it and also I would not turn down a bedtime story. THE VERY BEST is at the end when they place a lavender-infused cold cloth on my dripping forehead & massage my neck and shoulders. I’m so relaxed and genuinely happy in that moment I always have to stay really aware of my mouth. “Rachel, keep it together, do NOT creepily smile in this chick’s face!!”

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I don’t let myself think about the fact that she massaged 20 other sweaty humans without using hand sanitizer in between. Nope.

 

 

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + baking) | Serves: 1 dozen

Ingredients:

  • 2 cups of whole wheat flour
  • 2 1/2 tsp. of baking powder
  • 1/4 tsp. of baking soda
  • 3 tbsp. of poppyseeds
  • Juice + zest of 1 lemon + 2 tbsp. (grab 2 lemons at the store)
  • 2/3 cup of granulated sugar
  • 1/3 cup of olive oil
  • 1 cup of flax milk (or other non-dairy milk)
  • 1 tsp. of apple cider vinegar
  • 1 cup of blueberries
  • Pinch of salt
  • 3/4 cup of powdered sugar

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 375
  • In a lil bowl, combine flax milk + apple cider vinegar, set aside for 10 minutes and let curdle (isn’t curdle the worst word on planet earth?)
  • In a large bowl, combine flour + baking powder + baking soda + salt + poppyseeds
  • In another bowl, combine juice of 1 lemon + zest (reserve the other 2 tbsp) + granulated sugar + olive oil
  • Whisk in curdle milk
  • Now pour wet ingredients into dry, whisking as you pour
  • Fold in blueberries
  • Using a lil cookie scoop, pour some muffin mix into a lined muffin pan
  • Bake 15 minutes
  • Meanwhile, whisk together remaining lemon juice + powdered sugar until you got a lil drizzle
  • Remove muffins + top with lemon glaze + let cool
  • Serve warm
  • Stab each of your fingers into individual muffins, lift hands + do muffin finger puppet shows for friends

 

Adapted from here!