Caesar Brussels Sprouts Salad


Get a load of how grown up I am.


Not only did I successfully host an impromptu dinner party this weekend, but I also did our taxes.


Not at the same time, I’m not a total masochist. However, I successfully did 1/2 of these things without shedding a single tear.


Dinner parties are ~kind of~ becoming my thing. They give me an excuse to wear my cute aprons and cook in heels, empowering me to the core. It’s also nice to eat on real dishes vs. the tupperware I’m accustomed. Now if we could just do away with the conversation portion of the evening, I’d really be in my element.

Taxes weren’t too bad either. Until I got to the end, convinced myself I typed a number in wrong 83 screens back, googled likelihood of jail time for incorrect tax return (mixed reviews), went back 83 screens & quadruple checked all of the numbers (typed correctly the first time), called my dad to hyperventilate, clicked “file,” put head in hands & prayed that the Lord be swift in determining my fate.


Would like to have you all over for a dinner party on April 15th.



Time: 30 minutes (prep + cooking) | Serves: 3-4


  • 1 lb. of brussels sprouts, washed + ugly leaves removed
  • 1/4 cup of walnuts, toasted
  • Juice + zest of 1/2 a lemon
  • 1/3 cup of raw almonds
  • 2 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 1 tbsp. of dijon mustard
  • 1 tsp. of rice vinegar
  • 1 tbsp. capers
  • 1/4 cup of olive oil
  • 1/2 tsp of crushed red pepper
  • S+P, to taste

How to:

  • Soak almonds in 1/3 cup of hot water for 15 minutes
  • Add almonds + soaked water + garlic + dijon mustard + rice vinegar + capers + olive oil + juice of 1/2 a lemon + S+P to a food processor and process until smooth + creamy
  • Meanwhile shred brussels sprouts using a cheese grater (yeah, I said it!) into a large bowl
  • Add toasted walnuts + crushed red pepper + plenty of S+P + lemon zest to sprouts + mix up
  • Drizzle dressing as desired
  • Serve chilled (salad doesn’t keep, but dressing does!)
  • Brag to all who will listen about the light salad you’ve eaten + how you are the picture of health + fitness


Dressing from Thug Kitchen!



Chickpea Fajitas

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I don’t know how old I am.


Without, like, REALLLLLLYYYYY thinking about it.


When asked, I answer with a number anywhere from 19-32.


It really depends on my mental state that day, I suppose. Like, if I’m feeling super carefree and like the world is my oyster, I instinctively say, “I’m 23!” If I’m acting mature (pronounced with a soft ‘u’) and like I have literally everything figured out, my go-to is, “Ahh, yes, I’m 30.” Though my actual age is 26, I literally NEVER get the age question right on the first try. Some days I’m like, I was literally 18 years old and wearing halter tops and going to frat parties yesterday. Other days I’m all, kids these days going to bars, ordering vodka sodas and staying out until 11 pm – what hooligans!


There’s a word for people like me – delusional.



Time: 40 minutes (prep + cooking) | Serves: 4-5


  • 2 cans of chickpeas, rinsed + drained
  • 1 red pepper, sliced
  • 1 yellow pepper, sliced
  • 1 green pepper, sliced
  • 1 onion, sliced
  • 1 bunch of swiss chard, stems removed + chopped
  • 1 lime
  • 1/4 cup of olive oil
  • 3 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 1 tbsp. of chili powder
  • 1 tsp. of cumin
  • 1 tsp. of smoke paprika
  • S+P, to taste
  • Tortillas, for serving
  • Brown rice, for serving
  • Refried beans, for serving
  • Lime wedges, for serving
  • Cilantro, for serving


How to:

  • In a bowl, combine 1/2 of the olive oil + all of the garlic + chili powder + cumin + smoked paprika + juice of 1/2 a lime + S+P
  • Add chickpeas + coat
  • Heat 1/2 the remaining olive oil in a cast iron skillet over medium heat
  • Add chickpeas + cook for 6-8 minutes until cooked + crispy, remove
  • Heat the rest of the olive oil + add onion + S+P, cook for 3-4 minutes
  • Add peppers + S+P, cook another 3-4 minutes
  • Add chard + S+P, cook another minute
  • Add chickpeas, cook another minute
  • Serve warm with tortillas + lime wedges + brown rice + refried beans + cilantro
  • Be like me + mix literally all of the ingredients together + show bowl to friends who don’t like their foods to touch + watch them scream

Biscuits + Gravy


By now, you’ve gathered I have a ~thing~ for baseboards.


I think about them all the time. “Are they clean enough? Where does all this dust come from? How will I reach that corner tucked behind that very heavy object?


They’re the first thing I notice in every room I enter. I’m not a great dinner guest, honestly.


Imagine my sheer glee when a package arrived on my doorstep from my fellow clean freak and the woman who gave me life to find a BASEBOARD BUDDY. An actual tool for basket cases like me!!! It’s like a giant stick with a lil wipe wrapped around a square head. Said square is curved perfectly to hug your baseboard crevices just so. I was so excited, I ripped it open and put it together so quickly. Garr was standing by with his jaw on the floor like, “I thought things that read ‘assembly required’ gave you anxiety……….” Your girl just needs a lil motivation.


Just one step closer on my quest to build the strongest army of cleaning tools in the world.



Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 4-5



  • 1 cup of plain almond milk
  • 2 cups of all-purpose flour
  • 1 tbsp. of baking powder
  • 1/2 tsp. of baking soda
  • Pinch of salt
  • 4 tbsp. of vegan butter, melted


  • 1 cup of meatless crumbles
  • 1/4 cup of all-purpose flour
  • 2 tbsp. of nutritional yeast
  • 1 tbsp. of fresh sage, chopped
  • 1 tsp. of crushed red pepper
  • S+P, to taste
  • 4 cups of plain almond milk

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 450 degrees
  • In a bowl, whisk dry biscuit ingredients – 2 cups of flour + baking powder + baking soda + salt
  • Make a well in the dry ingredients + mix in almond milk a lil at a time with wooden spoon
  • Once formed into sticky ball, plop onto a floured surface + dust with a lil more flour
  • Turn dough over 6 times, barely kneading
  • Press dough out with hands into flat pancake
  • Using a glass, cut out 8 rounds + place onto baking sheet
  • Push the center of the biscuits in a lil with your thumb + brush with melted butter
  • Bake for 12-15 minutes or until golden brown to your desire
  • Meanwhile, for gravy, combine flour + nutritional yeast + sage + crushed red pepper + S+P in a dry skillet over low-medium heat for 5 minutes
  • Turn heat up to medium + whisk in almond milk
  • Bring to a bubble, lower heat + add meatless crumbles
  • Whisk until thickened to your desire, adjust seasoning to taste
  • Serve warm biscuit with warm gravy
  • Untie your stretchy pants, pull the waistband loose + sit at your kitchen table until every bite of this has vanished



Adapted from these!