Chocolate + Date Oat Bars

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I am a 19 year old frat boy.

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In that I have been living like a stuffed pig this week.

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Garr was traveling this week and I was bound and determined to get the house spic and span after several weeks of both of us traveling.

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The laundry basket overflowing with three clean loads I’ve yet to fold tell a different story. I literally just dug through it to get some clean workout clothes for yoga tomorrow. I am ashamed of myself. Yet here I sit. Writing this. Instead of doing my chores. The irony. I was also going to clean all the bathrooms. I managed to put my hairbrush under the sink and contact solution in the drawer. The end. I also had big plans to sweep & mop on my lunch break. Did I instead read The Bachelorette spoilers? You better believe it. I even only ran Felix (roomba) once in 4 days. That is literally unacceptable! He’s used to a daily workout. I’ve reached a new level of lazy if I cannot *press* his button. I’m blaming it on the full moon. It’s sucking my energy for its weird lunar purposes.

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I have at least showered every day and for that I applaud myself.

 

Time: 2 hours (prep + cooking) | Serves: 12 bars

Ingredients:

  • 2 cups of whole wheat flour
  • 1 cup of rolled oats
  • 1/2 cup of granulated sugar
  • Pinch of S
  • 1/2 cup of vegan butter, melted
  • 12 oz. of pitted dates
  • 1 tsp. of vanilla extract
  • 1 cup of vegan semisweet chocolate chips

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 350 degrees
  • Coat a 9×13 baking dish with cooking spray + top with a sheet of parchment paper
  • Meanwhile, combine flour + oats + sugar + S
  • Slowly stir in melted butter until combined
  • Scoop 2/3 of the mix into the bottom of the baking dish + pat into a flat layer
  • Pop in the freezer while you make the filling
  • In a food processor, combine dates + vanilla + pinch of S + 1/2 cup of hot water + process on high until smooth
  • Transfer to a bowl + fold in chocolate chips
  • Spread date mix on top of the oat base
  • Top with leftover oat mix + pat down
  • Bake for 40 minutes or until golden brown
  • Let cool for an hour + pop in the freezer for a bit to set
  • Cut into bars + serve! Or individually wrap them + pop back in the freezer for snacking throughout the week
  • Fasten on your bib, partner, there are going to be some serious crumbs

 

Adapted from here!

Egg Roll Bowls

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I’ve had a disturbing realization.

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Rather, it’s come to my attention that there are human beings out there in our very own world that are not motivated by food?

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I’m sorry, so like…what do you live for?

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Every single one of my days is measured in food. I live one meal to the next. My next meal is what keeps me motivated to keep going through the day. Right now as I’m writing this, I’m thinking about how tasty my breakfast is going to be tomorrow. And all other meals are planned. Any time I venture outside of my house, snacks are packed. When I travel, I have to be sure I know when and where I’ll be having my meals. Food just rules me. And I love it. Up until now, I just assumed we were all like this….???? Apparently this is not the case and I am FLOORED. No joke, there are people out there who just *forget* to eat. Literally have never done that one day in my life for any meal. What do people think about all day if not the food they will soon enjoy? What do they spend their time looking at on the interwebs if not restaurant reviews and recipes? What does it mean for someone to not be a “foodie?” How do I respond to that? How can I help these people?

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Tbh I think they’re probably too far gone for even medical attention.

 

 

Time: 45 minutes (prep + cooking) | Serves: 3-4

Ingredients:

  • 1 red onion, diced
  • 1 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 1 tbsp. of ginger, minced
  • 1/2 head of purple cabbage, chopped
  • 1 cup of carrots, cut in match sticks
  • 2 cups of mushrooms
  • 1 head of broccoli, cut in tiny florets
  • 1 tbsp. of sesame oil
  • 1/4 cup of soy sauce
  • 1 tbsp. of crushed red pepper
  • S+P, to taste
  • Green onion, for serving
  • Sesame seeds, for serving
  • Avocado, for serving
  • Rice, for serving

How to:

  • Heat oil in a wok over medium heat
  • Add onion, cook 3-4 minutes
  • Add garlic + ginger, cook another minute
  • Add cabbage + carrots + mushrooms + broccoli + crushed red pepper, cook 6-7 minutes
  • Add soy sauce, cook another 2 minutes
  • Serve hot over rice with green onion + sesame seeds + avocado
  • Pretend like you are on an episode of Chopped + have to transform all the ingredients to pulse them in a blender + serve to pals in smoothie form

Chickpea + Fruit Salad

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Welp, I’ve fallen in love with Colorado.

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As if I needed another place to become obsessed with.

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Who woulda thunk I’d jive so hard with the midwest? Until now, I always pictured tumbleweeds just flowing through the streets and kids in overalls.

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But Colorado is kewl, man! So many beautiful mountains and plenty of nature things and good places to grub and excellent people watching. The homeless population rivals Seattle, making me feel ever so at home. I just loved everything about it. The main purpose of the trip was to see our favie band at Red Rocks. I thought I would be underwhelmed by the venue because it’s like “the” place to see a show, but nopity nope nope. It was amazing. You’re just watching a radical show surrounded by these giant…red…rocks… It sounds lamer than it is, I promise. We did a couple of hikes too and they about killed me. Apparently elevation sickness is a thing and there is less oxygen in CO. That would explain my incessant wheezing. The other purpose of our trip was to scope out neighborhoods your girl and her man are MOVING there next summer WOOOO. We are so stoked. We had a list of neighborhoods to explore. Ask me how many we got to, just ASK! You’d be right, we saw not a one and instead just ate our way through the state.

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There are so many vegan restaurants I am absolutely going to go bankrupt in this state.

 

 

Time: 30 minutes (prep + cooking) | Serves: 2-3

Ingredients:

  • 1 can of chickpeas, rinsed + drained
  • 1/2 a red onion, diced
  • 1 jalapeno, diced
  • 1/2 an english cucumber, sliced thin + quartered
  • 1 orange, segmented
  • 1 cup of strawberries, quartered
  • Juice of 1 lime
  • 2 tbsp. of cilantro, diced
  • 1 tbsp. of agave
  • S+P, to taste

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 400 degrees
  • Arrange chickpeas on a lined baking sheet + sprinkle with S+P
  • Roast for 25-30 minutes, tossing once
  • Meanwhile, combine onion + jalapeno + cucumber + orange + strawberries + lime juice + agave + cilantro in a bowl
  • Add chickpeas + S+P, toss well
  • Serve chilled
  • Sit on couch with bowl of chickpea + fruit salad between your legs + eat all of the contents of said bowl while bingeing Handmaid’s Tale so you can talk to me about all of your feelings