Rainbow Carrot + Asparagus Tart

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How can I ever accurately express the impact Celine Dion has had on my life?

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I suppose I’d have to go back to the beginning. When a six-year-old Rachel sat in the movie theatre after her first screening of Titanic and the credits rolled. Something inside of me just clicked.

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My Heart Will Go On became the first in what would become a collection of ballads I would memorize and sing at all hours of the day staring at myself in the mirror performing in a melodramatic fashion.

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And now, in less than one year, I will see my idol in person. I will breathe her angelic air and hear her golden voice live. Because my mother knows me to my core, she was determined to get these tickets. She joined a Celine fan club to get early access to tickets and on the morning they went on sale, she was prepared to fight the masses with two cell phones, an iPad and a laptop. After we lost out on Adele tickets in 2016, she was not taking any chances! After about 73 failed attempts, she gets them. 8 tickets for me, her and 6 of my BFFs. It’s not until after she’s paid she realizes she accidentally bought us VIP tickets. Like, OK, do I smell a meet and greet in my future?!?!! After further research, we discover the 8 VIP tickets we purchased give us 8 commemorative lanyards and 1 CD. A single CD. For the 8 of us to share. We’ll be creating a rotation schedule so everyone gets equal amount of time with the disc.

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And we are also all going to channel different Celines for our wardrobe and makeup, so we or may not go viral.

 

 

Time:  1.5 hours (prep + cooking) | Serves: 1 tart

Ingredients:

  • 1 puff pastry
  • 4 rainbow carrots
  • 1/2 a bunch of asparagus
  • 1 cup of basil leaves
  • 1/2 cup of walnuts
  • 1/4 cup of nutritional yeast
  • 1 tbsp. of garlic
  • 1 tbsp. of lemon juice
  • 1/2 cup of olive oil
  • S+P, to taste

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 400 degrees
  • Thaw puff pastry for 40 minutes
  • Arrange carrots + asparagus on two lined baking sheets
  • Drizzle each with 1 tbsp. of olive oil + some S+P
  • Roast 20 minutes, tossing once in the middle, remove the asparagus, cook carrots a couple more minutes
  • Meanwhile combine basil + walnuts + nutritional yeast + garlic + lemon juice + S+P in a food processor, process on low + add in remaining olive oil
  • Spray a baking sheet with oil + place puff pastry on sheet
  • Spread pesto on thawed puff pastry, leaving edges plain
  • Cut carrots in half, length wise + place them + asparagus on top of the tart in whatever order your heart desires
  • Bake 15-20 minutes or until crisp to your desire
  • Cut in quarters + serve warm
  • Take a quarter in your hand + crunch it up over your tilted mouth letting the crumblies fill your pie hole

Green Goddess Veggie Bowl

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The manager of a Memphis-area Target is trying to kill me.

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Here is my hypothesis: Target hires a new manager. He/she starts on day one and is asked to share his phone number with his employees. He obliges. His phone number is in the hands of dozens, maybe a hundred Target employees.

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The kicker: he gave them MY phone number.

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For the past three days I have had approximately 11 Target employees call me to tell me why they will either be late to work or why they can’t come in. One young woman called me in a panic, assuring me her uniform was on and she was leaving a Wal-Mart to head to work. I know these details because even after telling her 6 times she had the wrong number, she continued to speak.

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If she calls me back, I’m firing her for supporting the competition.

 

 

Time: 45 minutes (prep + cooking) | Serves: 4 bowls

Ingredients:

  • 1 bunch of asparagus, washed + ends trimmed
  • 1 bunch of broccolini, washed + ends trimmed
  • 1/2 lb. of brussels sprouts, peeled + halved
  • 1 head of cauliflower, washed + cut in florets
  • 1 package of frozen edamame, cooked to package directions
  • 1 avocado
  • 2 tbsp. of cilantro, chopped
  • Juice of 1/2 a lime
  • 4 tbsp. of olive oil
  • 4 eggs
  • 1 tbsp. of white vinegar
  • S+P, to taste

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 425 degrees
  • Arrange asparagus on a lined baking sheet, drizzle with 1 tbsp. of olive oil + S+P
  • On another lined baking sheet, arrange broccolini + brussels sprout, drizzle with 1 tbsp. of olive oil + S+P
  • On a third lined baking sheet, arrange cauliflower, drizzle with one tbsp. of olive oil + S+P
  • Place these in the oven together with asparagus on top, then broccolini + brussels sprouts, finally cauliflower
  • Roast asparagus for 15 minutes, remove
  • Roast broccolini + brussels sprouts for 20, remove
  • Roast cauliflower for 25, remove
  • Meanwhile, combine 1/2 of an avocado + lime juice + cilantro + remaining olive oil + S+P, mix well
  • Bring a pot of water with the vinegar to a slow boil
  • Crack an egg into a lil ramekin
  • Make a lil whirlpool in the water + drop the egg gently in the center
  • Poach for 3 minutes, remove with a slotted spoon onto a paper towel lined plate
  • Repeat with remaining eggs
  • To make a bowl, combine some asparagus + some broccolini + some sprouts + some cauliflower + some avocado slices + some edamame + some of the avocado dressing + a poached egg + S+P
  • Repeat with remaining ingredients
  • Serve hot
  • Might want a knife to help cut broccolini + asaparagus, meaning a plate would be easier, but research shows eating out of a bowl makes you happier so suck it up + eat out of the bowl

Roasted Asparagus Grilled Cheese

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I took public transit and didn’t die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Taking the bus was a thrill! I felt like an independent city girl or a common plebian or something.

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What misconceptions I had about this mode of transportation!

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First, I thought they were unsafe. I had this notion that busses just ~flip~ over on the regular. This is false, apparently. Second, I thought they were dirty. It was clean AND I had a personal vent and reading light. Cute! Finally, I thought there were just too many variables for my feeble mind to comprehend. How do I pay? How do we file in? Are there assigned seats? What if the bus driver kidnaps me and takes me to his lair?

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The bus driver did have to show me how to insert the coins, so once he figured out I was an idiot he decided to let me go.

 

 

Time: 45 minutes (prep + cooking) | Serves: 4 sandwiches

Ingredients:

  • 1 bundle of asparagus, washed + trimmed
  • 1 avocado, pitted
  • 8 slices of swiss cheese
  • 1 cup of gorgonzola
  • 1 tsp. of crushed red pepper
  • 1 tbsp. of olive oil
  • Butter
  • 8 slices of sourdough
  • S+P, to taste

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 425 degrees
  • Arrange asparagus on a lined baking sheet, drizzle with olive oil + S+P
  • Roast for 13 minutes
  • Meanwhile, smash avocado in a bowl + stir in red pepper + S+P
  • Once cooled, cut asparagus in half
  • On two pieces of bread, spread some avocado on one side + butter on the other
  • On the avocado side, add a piece of swiss + asparagus + gorgonzola + another piece of swiss + top with the other piece of bread, avocado side down, repeat
  • Heat olive oil in a skillet over medium heat
  • Grill sandwich for 3 minutes, flip + grill another 2 minutes
  • Serve hot
  • Get a big ole bowl of soup + dunk this bad boy like you aint never dunked before