Adobo Jackfruit Nachos

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Marie Kondo has already won 2019 and we’re like two weeks in.

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What a shining beacon of light that little woman is in this dark world of ours.

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If I had that machine from Honey! I Shrunk the Kids, she would be the FIRST person I zap so I can keep her in my pocket and take her with me everywhere I go to remind me to find joy in all of the things.

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If y’all haven’t watched her Tidying Up show on Netflix, get on it! It’s inspiring. Marie goes into these unorganized, semi-disgusting homes and helps these peeps get their act together. She has this incredibly tedious clothes folding method that takes literally triple the amount of time, but the clothes look like the cutest lil packages, so of course I spent my entire Sunday Marie Kondoing my drawers. She also says to clean out your closet by putting all the clothes in a pile and then picking each item up one by one and talking to it a lil and seeing if it sparks joy. Normally, I would make fun of this, but she could tell me to sell all my wordly possessions and devote my life to bank robbery and as long as she says it in her lil giggly voice, I would instantly be like, yes, wow, will do immediately.

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I’m not down with her 30 book minimum, though, someone has gotta talk some sense into that woman.

 

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 4

Ingredients:

  • 1 can of jackfruit, drained + chopped
  • 1 7oz. can of chipotle chilis in adobo
  • 1 tsp. of liquid smoke
  • 1 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 1 russet potato, washed, peeled + cubed
  • 2 carrots, washed, peeled + sliced
  • 1/4 cup of nutritional yeast
  • 2 tbsp. of lemon juice
  • 1 tbsp. of apple cider vinegar
  • 1 tsp. of onion powder
  • 1 tsp. of garlic powder
  • 1 tsp. of turmeric
  • 1 red onion, diced
  • 1 can of black beans, rinsed + drained
  • 1 jalapeno, sliced thin
  • 2 roma tomatoes, diced, for serving
  • Avocado, for serving
  • Cilantro, for serving
  • Lime juice, for serving
  • Chips
  • 1 tbsp. of olive oil
  • S+P, to taste

How to:

  • Bring potato + carrot to a boil in a lil pot of salted boiling water, boil for 10 minutes, let sit for a few minutes
  • Remove potato + carrot from pot + add to a food processor
  • Add 1 cup of the cooking water + nutritional yeast + lemon juice + apple cider vinegar + onion powder + garlic powder + turmeric + S+P, blend until smooth + combined, add a lil more cooking water if it’s too thick, adjust seasoning to taste
  • Meanwhile, heat olive oil in a skillet over medium heat
  • Add 1/2 the red onion + S+P, cook 3-4 minutes
  • Add garlic, cook another minute
  • Add jackfruit + S+P, cook another 5-6 minutes
  • Add all the adobo sauce you can get out of the chipotle chili in adobo can + liquid smoke, simmer + cook for another 5-6 minutes
  • Preheat oven to 400 degrees
  • In a large cast iron skillet, spray nonstick oil
  • Spread a layer of tortilla chips evenly + top with jackfruit + beans + remaining onion + jalapeno + a lil of your cheese sauce
  • Bake 10 minutes
  • Remove + top with more cheese sauce + tomatoes + avocado + cilantro + drizzle with lime juice
  • Serve warm
  • Bring pan of nachos into living room +  eat the entire pan whilst watching football + yelling at the referees + throwing some chips at the screen when they make bad calls

 

Cheese sauce adapted from here!

Sweet + Spicy Brussels Sprouts Tacos

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I just feel really seen.

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Like, the people I surround myself with really just get me and accept me for who I am.

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As confirmed at my BFF Christmas party during our traditional round of Secret Santa when I opened the most Rachel gift I ever could have dreamed of.

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A hot pink karaoke microphone. Bazinga! Now that’s a thoughtful gift, I tell you. I’m not sure how I made it 27 years without one already. It’s just so daggum handy. We were watching music videos all evening and I was able to sing into my new microphone at a higher volume than my peers thereby drowning out their voices and letting me hear myself better. It obviously has bluetooth so I can play music through it and sing along to my favorite artists or, as intended, to instrumental versions of hits so I can really shine. For some reason, I don’t sound as good on Rehab when dueting with Amy Winehouse. It was also really useful on Christmas Eve when my family played this game where you had to say stupid phrases in equally stupid accents. The echo effect on the mic proved most helpful.

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If your Christmas was half as pleasant as mine, you, my friend, are a lucky lil kitten.

 

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 3-4

Ingredients:

  • 1 lb. of brussels sprouts, ends trimmed + brussels halved
  • 1/2 red onion, diced
  • 1/2 small red cabbage, sliced thin
  • 1 can of vegan refried beans
  • Juice of 1 lime
  • 2 tbsp. of hot sauce
  • 1 tbsp. of agave
  • 1 tbsp. of olive oil
  • S+P, to taste
  • Tortillas, for serving
  • Cilantro, for serving
  • Avocado, for serving

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 400 degrees
  • Arrange brussels sprouts on a lined baking sheet
  • Drizzle with olive oil + hot sauce + some S+P
  • Roast 15 minutes, remove + drizzle with agave, roast another 10-15 until crisp to your desire, remove
  • Meanwhile, heat beans in a lil pot
  • To serve, spread a couple of warm tortillas with some refried beans + fill with brussels sprouts + red onion + cabbage + top with cilantro + avocado + drizzle with lime juice
  • Form taco boat with hand + sail these bad boys straight into hole in your face

Tempeh Chili

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I may or may not be a psychopath.

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At least according to my adoring husband.

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I don’t exhibit the normal characteristics of a psychopath, but apparently this one habit of mine is so abhorrent it automatically classifies me as such.

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I eat my oatmeal plain. No cinnamon or brown sugar, certainly no raisins. I flirt with blueberries occasionally, but even they alter the experience. I do add some nuts when I’m eating the complimentary breakfast at the Hampton Inns, just to not scare the other patrons. It is the true highlight of my day. Nothing brings me more satisfaction than sitting down at my dining table with a piping hot bowl of stick to your ribs plain as the day is long oatmeal. I’m sorry, I can’t help that oats are pure in nature and need no refining, but apparently this is not normal? Garrett is literally so appalled by this, he tells everyone he comes in contact with that he’s married to a psychopath who eats her oatmeal plain. He’s obviously so in love.

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Tbh I’ve been called worse, so I’m just rolling with it.

 

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 4

Ingredients:

  • 1 package of tempeh
  • 1 onion, chopped
  • 1 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 1 jalapeno, diced
  • 1 red bell pepper, diced
  • 1 can of diced tomatoes
  • 1 can of green chiles
  • 1 can of black beans, rinsed + drained
  • 1 can of pinto beans, rinsed + drained
  • 1 can of kidney beans, rinsed + drained
  • 1 can of hominy, drained
  • 1 tbsp. of olive oil
  • 1 tbsp. of chipotle chili powder
  • 1 tsp. of cumin
  • 1 tsp. of crushed red pepper
  • S+P, to taste
  • Cilantro, for serving
  • Avocado, for serving

How to:

  • Heat oil in a large stock pot over medium heat
  • Add onion, cook 3 minutes
  • Add garlic, cook another minute
  • Crumble in tempeh, cook for 5-6 minutes or until starts to slightly brown
  • Add jalapeno + red pepper + some S+P, cook for 2-3 minutes
  • Add 1-2 cups of water (depending on how brothy you like your ish) + tomatoes + chiles + beans + hominy + chipotle chili powder + cumin + crushed red pepper + S+P
  • Bring to a boil, reduce heat, simmer for 30-40 minutes
  • Serve hot with cilantro + avocado
  • Locate giant straw + plop into bowl + slurp down chili, accelerating the nutrients entering your bloodstream