Orange + Cranberry + Rosemary Bread

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I have done it! I have discovered the sketchiest bar in all of America!

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Who knew that behind the doors of the bowling alley was a gloriously cheap full bar????

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I always knew you could get a pitcher of terrible beer and some hot dogs, but a full bar complete with extraordinary people watching??? Revolutionary.

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Why did we stop hanging out there? It was the most happening hang out at one time. Would things have been different if we had known what the bowling alley would one day become? $4 vodka drinks, people. $4!!!!!!

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I still need bumpers while bowling, but what of it?

 

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 1 loaf of bread

Ingredients:

  • 2 1/2 cups of all-purpose flour
  • 2/3 cup of sugar
  • 2 tsp. of fresh rosemary, chopped
  • 1 tsp. of baking powder
  • 1/2 tsp. of baking soda
  • Pinch of salt
  • 3 eggs
  • 1/2 cup of olive oil
  • 1/2 cup of fat-free vanilla yogurt
  • Juice of 2 oranges
  • 1 tbsp. of orange zest
  • 1 tsp. of vanilla extract
  • 1 cup of baking cranberries

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 350 degrees
  • In a large bowl, combine ingredients through salt
  • In another bowl, combine eggs through vanilla extract
  • Whisk in the wet ingredients to the dry
  • Fold in cranberries
  • Spread batter in a greased bread pan
  • Bake for 40 minutes
  • Serve warm
  • Wrap up in a bow + give to a pal don’t be selfish + eat the entire loaf like I did

Double Chocolate Cakies

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Wait, where did 2015 go?

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I’m not kidding. It was April like two days ago.

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I cannot physically handle how quickly my life is passing by. I have so much to do, so much to say. Like sleep & sing karaoke at the top of my lungs. I just need time to slooooow down a bit. I feel like adult weekends go by so much quicker than my adolescent weekends did. Why??? Perhaps it’s all of the cider I choose to consume on Saturdays. Idk.

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If I were a superhero, my power would be the ability to bend time. Like, speed it up when things are totally miz & slow it down when life is grand. How handy would this be? Your boss is yelling at you & you just *zoom* to the next life event. Then you’re having a picnic with your sweetie & butterflies & hummingbirds are flying around & you just *halt* time & live in that moment for as long as you like. (I’d probably not stay at a picnic for too long, though, because the outdoors)

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I suppose some challenges might arise, though, like when I *halt* time & live in bed for 3 years.

 

 

Time: 30 minutes (prep + cooking) | Serves: 12

Ingredients:

  • 2 cups of whole wheat flour
  • 1/4 cup of cocoa powder
  • 1/2 cup of brown sugar
  • 1 tsp. of baking soda
  • 1/4 cup of butter, melted
  • 2 eggs
  • 1/2 cup of nonfat greek yogurt (I’ve played around with flavored kind & it definitely does not hurt!)
  • 1/2 cup of skim milk
  • 1 tsp. of vanilla
  • A pinch of salt
  • 1 tbsp. of peanut butter
  • 1 bag of chocolate chips (yes, the whole bag)

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 375 degrees
  • In a large bowl, combine flour + cocoa powder + brown sugar + baking soda + salt
  • In another bowl, whisk butter + eggs
  • Whisk eggs into flour mixture
  • Stir in greek yogurt + milk + vanilla + peanut butter (This is a pretty moist batter! Yes, I said moist)
  • Fold in chocolate chips
  • Using a cookie scoop, scoop out batter onto a lined baking sheet
  • Bake for 8-10 minutes
  • Serve warm with a glass of milk
  • After you’ve eaten 3, rub the chocolate that got all over your fingers onto your body

 

Chocolate Chip Muffins

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Do y’all know what a muffie is? Yes, muffie. It’s the top, fluffy part of a muffin. & also the name of my alter ego.

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Every modern woman needs one. A pseudonym. A name you tell the Starbucks chick. A name you tell the bartender for your tab. A name you write down on the cocktail napkin & slide across the table to a cutie. (I have never actually done any of this but I am prepared in the event.)

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Muffie just suits me. She is snooty & cute – just like the real me except in pearls & sweater sets. She sips white wine (red stains her teeth) & is the first to start the dance party. She lives by the “no new friends” rule & only likes socializing in intimate exclusive groups. She really just enjoys good, wholesome fun, ya know?

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I really have to take this opportunity to thank Panera Bread for introducing me to muffies. Browsing their pastry selection one afternoon I came across these sweet muffin tops & I just knew. Muffie would be MY cute, fluffy, better half, too.

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Muffie also bakes cause y’all know I don’t do that crap.

 

 

Time: 40 minutes (prep + cooking) | Serves: A dozen muffins

Ingredients:

  • 1.5 cups of whole wheat flour
  • 1 tsp. of baking soda
  • Pinch of salt
  • 2 bananas
  • 1/4 cup of low fat cream cheese
  • 1/4 cup of honey
  • 1 tbsp. of vanilla
  • 1 tbsp. of olive oil
  • 1 tbsp. of skim milk
  • 1 egg
  • 3/4 cup of chocolate chips

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 350 degrees
  • In a bowl, combine flour + baking soda + salt
  • In a food processor, combine bananas + cream cheese + honey + vanilla + olive oil + milk + egg
  • Whisk wet ingredients into dry
  • Fold in chocolate chips
  • Evenly pour mix into muffin tin
  • Bake for 25 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean
  • Eat until you have chocolate all over your face