Crispy Quinoa Burgers

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I am SO happy Game of Thrones is back!!!!

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^ A thing I have never said.

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Though I do appreciate any excuse to host a watch party so I’m here for it.

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I especially love this Kit Harrington and Emilia Clarke love story. Not because of their intense physical connection or because it’s an intriguing plot line. It’s simply because they’re both so gorgeous. People that look that way just need to be on my television screen pretending to be in love. The creators really missed the boat on not giving them more screen time, honestly. Unfortunately, the new episode brought me but a single kiss. There are a whole host of other characters I’m supposed to be invested in (Joshua Jackson, it’s nice to see you working!). Alas, I will hold out hope for a spinoff with just Kit and Emilia and their dragons and it will be a lighthearted, live studio sitcom about life in prehistoric times or something.

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My fellow watch party attendees only had to beg me to shut up and stop asking questions once, so I consider it a success.

 

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 4-6

Ingredients:

  • 1 cup quinoa, uncooked
  • 1 can of cannellini beans, rinsed + drained
  • 1 onion, diced
  • 1/2 cup of panko breadcrumbs
  • 1/4 cup of cilantro, chopped
  • 1 tbsp. of nutritional yeast
  • 1 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 1 tbsp. of chili powder
  • 1 tbsp. of cumin
  • 1 tsp. of smoked paprika
  • 1/2 tsp. of crushed red pepper
  • S+P, to taste
  • 2 tbsp. of olive oil
  • Lettuce, for serving
  • Tomato, for serving
  • Avocado, for serving
  • Buns, for serving

How to:

  • Toast quinoa over low-medium heat for a few minutes, stirring often
  • Cook quinoa according to package directions, drain
  • In a bowl, mash cannellini beans
  • Stir in onion + cilantro + nutritional yeast + breadcrumbs + cooked quinoa + garlic + chili powder + cumin + paprika + red pepper + S+P
  • Heat 1 tbsp. of olive oil in a skillet over medium heat
  • Form into patties + place 2-3 in the skillet, not overcrowding, cook for 4 minutes per side or until crispy
  • Repeat with remaining patties
  • To serve, place a patty on a bun + top with lettuce + tomato + avocado
  • Take burger in one hand, smush it between your grimy fingers + rub contents on your face in a nice war paint fashion, you are prepared to attack the rest of the burgers

 

Mole Enchiladas

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On this week’s episodes of Real Housewives of suburban North Carolina:

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Follow Rachel as she travels home to Memphis and tries to fit in at the fanciest wedding to which she will ever be invited.

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Like, I just did not belong rubbing elbows with Memphis’ elite.

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In an attempt to blend in with the crowd, me, my mom and BFF got our hair and makeup done. My stepbrother’s husband is the most fabulous HMU artist in town and he spent literally 5 hours getting us appropriately glammed. We sat in his styling chair sipping mimosas, eating fruit, gabbing and generally just living our best lives. We legit had such a lovely time, we were late for the wedding. We raced to the venue, went through some random back door and walked in on the wedding party as they were about go down the aisle. Whoopsies. We tried to sit quietly through the ceremony but there were just so  many beautiful things to point out to each other so the likelihood our commentary is picked up on the video is high. The food was overwhelming. When they passed around vegan spring rolls I about fainted. It was really hard to stay calm when I saw the taco station and salad bar filled with topping options like quinoa and edamame. I somehow  never made it to the past bar but my skin tight dress thanked me. I tanked up so hard I looked like a busted can of biscuits the rest of the eve.

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Did I mention it was a Jewish wedding and my very Christian stepfather thought he was supposed to wear a yarmulke so grabbed one on the way in and introduced himself as a pretend Jew the entire night?

 

 

Time: 2 hours (prep + cooking) | Serves: 3-4

Ingredients:

  • 6 New Mexico chiles, stems removed
  • 4 dried arbol chiles, stems removed
  • 2  white onions, diced
  • 4 cloves of garlic, minced
  • 1 roma tomato, diced
  • 2 pieces of bread, toasted + cubed
  • 1 heaping tbsp. of cocoa powder
  • Juice of 1/2 an orange
  • 1 tbsp. of oregano
  • 1 tbsp. of sugar
  • 1/4 tsp. of cinnamon
  • Tiny pinch of cloves
  • S+P, to taste
  • 3 tbsp. of olive oil
  • Whole wheat flour tortillas
  • 1 can of black beans, rinsed + drained
  • 4 ears of corn, shucked
  • 1 jalapeno, diced
  • 1 red pepper, diced
  • 1 tbsp. of chili powder
  • 1 tbsp. of cumin
  • 1 tsp. of smoked paprila
  • Cilantro, for serving

How to:

  • Place chiles in a bowl + cover with boiling water, weigh it down + let sit for 30 minutes
  • Meanwhile, cook garlic + tomato in a dry skillet over medium heat for 5 minutes
  • Drain chiles + add to a food processor with 1/2 cup of the water they soaked in + garlic/tomato mix + 1 of the diced onions + bread + cocoa powder + orange juice + oregano + sugar + cinnamon + cloves + S+P, process until smooth, add more liquid if necessary
  • Heat 2 tbsp. of oil in a pan over medium heat, add sauce + simmer for 30 minutes
  • Preheat oven to 350 degrees
  • Meanwhile, heat remaining oil in a skillet over medium heat
  • Add onion + S+P, cook 3-4 minutes
  • Add peppers + S+P, cook another 3 minutes,
  • Add corn + S+P, chili powder + cumin + smoked paprika, cook 3-4 minutes
  • Place tortilla on a flat surface + fill with some bean mix
  • Roll + place seam down in a greased baking dish
  • Repeat with remaining tortillas + toppings
  • Spread some mole on top
  • Bake for 30 minutes
  • Remove + spread with remaining mole sauce
  • Serve warm with cilantro
  • Since there’s some cocoa in these, wash your mole enchilada dinner down with ANOTHER mole enchilada

 

Mole adapted from here!

Vegan Sloppy Joes

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I did it. I’ve taken the plunge.

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I’ve done a swan dive into the deep blue sea that is finally binge watching Friends.

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Why has it taken me this long, you ask? Oh, I don’t know. I’m just not big on conforming.

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This isn’t true. I love rules and following order. 10 seasons of anything is just such a big commitment. Who has the time? Who can stand to see this exquisitely cast ensemble in timeless situations? Who wants to just be blissfully ignorant of the world’s turmoil for perfectly carved out 20 minute blocks of time? Well, everyone unless you are a space alien or someone with a really radical social life. It’s just such a darn good program, ya know? I always LOVED having the same name as Jennifer Aniston’s character. My dad used to tell me, “They gave the prettiest girl the prettiest name.” This gave me a complex for a long time, but man, did I love hearing it! And the CLOTHES! My mother dressed just like them in the 90s and I idolized her style. I wish it was still acceptable for women in their mid to late 20s to sport their bare midriff in any and every situation. How freeing.

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It’s nice watching on Netflix because every like 3 episodes it judges me and asks if I’m still watching.

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 3-4

Ingredients:

  • 1 can of kidney beans, rinsed + drained
  • 1/2 cup of lentils, cooked
  • 1 onion, diced
  • 1 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 1 green pepper, diced
  • 12 oz. can of tomato sauce
  • 6 oz. can of tomato paste
  • 2 tbsp. of soy sauce
  • 1 tbsp. of apple cider vinegar
  • 1 tbsp. of chili powder
  • 1 tbsp. of cumin
  • 1 tsp. of oregano
  • 1 tsp. of smoked paprika
  • 1 tsp. of crushed red pepper
  • S+P, to taste
  • 1 tbsp. of olive oil
  • Buns for serving

How to:

  • Heat olive oil in a skillet over medium heat
  • Add onion + S+P, cook 3-4 minutes
  • Add garlic, cook another minute
  • Add green pepper, cook 3-4 minutes
  • Add tomato sauce + paste + soy sauce + apple cider vinegar + chili powder + cumin + oregano + paprika + red pepper + S+P, bring to a lil boil, turn down heat + simmer for 7-8 minutes
  • Add beans + lentils, cook another 3-4 minutes
  • Serve on toasted buns
  • Strap on your bib + pull that hair in your nastiest top knot + just smash your face in a large plate of this