Apricot + Caper Jam Grilled Cheese


A thing we should have done 4 years ago:


Invest in a king bed.


Truly, how has our marriage survived up until this point?


It’s not that we don’t love cuddling. We’re a big cuddling couple. We cuddle watching tv, cuddle while we read, cuddle while we scroll through our phones looking at memes and food pix. But when it’s time for night night, it’s time for night night. We go our separate ways. It’s an absolute no limb touching zone. If a toe crosses the border and caresses a calf, it’s like Mortal Kombat 7. Hence the need for a ginormous king bed. It’s basically like  having three lil twin beds all connected. One for Garr, one for me & Topanga has one all to herself!


Now if only the bed frame would arrive & we could lift our mattress off the floor and stop living like frat boys.



Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 6 grilled cheeses


  • 1 loaf of crusty bread, sliced
  • 3 cups of arugula, packed
  • 6 slices of vegan pepper jack cheese
  • 1/2 cup of vegan cream cheese
  • 1/2 cup of vegan butter
  • 20 dried apricots
  • 1 tbsp of capers
  • 1 tbsp. of dijon mustard
  • 1 tbsp. of olive oil
  • S+P, to taste

How to:

  • In a sauce pan, add apricots + just enough water to cover
  • Bring to a boil, turn off + remove from heat
  • Mix in capers + dijon mustard + oil + some S+P
  • Add to a food processor + pulse until chunky but spreadable
  • Refrigerate until you’re ready to cook
  • Spread one side of a piece of bread with butter + the other with cream cheese, repeat with all breads
  • On the cream cheese side, spread some jam + top with cheese + arugula + another piece of bread, cream cheese side down, repeat with all sandwiches
  • Add a lil butter to a skillet over medium heat
  • Cook sammies for 2-3 minutes on each side
  • Serve hot
  • Dip sammie into vat of jam, use sammie to trace jam heart on face + get self portraits made

Vegan Banana + Chocolate Chip Bread


My husband has been really into spoiling me lately.


Should I be worried?


Every turn I take, there are treats awaiting me!


Like, this weekend, we spent three hours at Trader Joe’s and Whole Foods and followed it up with a stroll through Walmart (I needed clothes hangers). Bub spots the ladies pajamas and is all, “Ohhhh you need new sleepies!!” I’m all, umm you bet I do! He picked me out a gorgeous $4 mumu with moose on them. Then, he snuck Reese’s trees and a Seahawks scarf into the buggy (his podunk word, not mine). Tonight, the man comes home with not one, but TWO creme bluree scented candles that he found on clearance. I’m sorry, but what did I do to deserve this royal treatment???


I suppose folding his underwear and meal prepping his slimy chicken weekly does deserve some perks.


Time: 2 hours (prep + cooking) | Serves: 4-6


  • 4 very ripe bananas
  • 2 tbsp. of ground flaxseed
  • 2/3 cup of cashew milk
  • 1/3 cup of vegan butter, melted
  • 2 tbsp. of maple syrup
  • 3 tsp. of vanilla extract
  • 1/3 cup of coconut sugar
  • 1/2 cup of rolled oats
  • 1 tsp. of baking soda
  • 1/2 tsp. of baking powder
  • Pinch of salt
  • 1 1/2 cup of all-purpose flour
  • 1/4 cup of chopped walnuts
  • 1/2 cup of vegan chocolate chips

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 350
  • Spray a loaf pan with cooking spray
  • In a large bowl, mash the bananas until smooth
  • Stir the flax + milk + butter + maple syrup + vanilla into the banana
  • Stir the sugar + oats + baking soda + baking powder + salt + flour into the wet ingredients
  • Stir in the chocolate chips
  • Pour into loaf pan + top with walnuts
  • Bake for 45 minutes or until a toothpick comes out of the center clean
  • Let cool for 30 minutes before removing from the pan + letting cool another 15 minutes
  • Serve warm with extra vegan butter
  • Turn off all light + shut blinds + stand at kitchen counter + eat every crumb of this alone like the vampire carb monster you are



Modified from here!


Mushroom Phillies


I watched an episode of Game of Thrones.


Unfortunately, I hopped on this train about 6 seasons late, so the cortex of my brain skilled at catching on quickly to television plots has reached maximum capacity.


First, I need a flow chart of characters detailing phonetic spellings because, at present, the only name I can remember is Jon.


Second, what is “the wall” they keep talking about? Who is within it? Who is outside of it? Why doesn’t a dragon just fire breath it down? Third, is everyone simultaneously related and in love? I’m confused. Fourth, I need a map. Who is in the north? Who is in the south? Are all of these places within the wall? Where is this mythical land? Are we in an alternate universe? What if all of this is taking place inside of a snow globe that a little boy is playing with??? No? I’m the only one with this theory? OK.


Honestly, the only part I understood was the Ed Sheeran cameo.



Time: 45 minutes (prep + cooking) | Serves: 6 sandwiches


  • 1 lb. of mushrooms (I did a mix of white + cremini)
  • 1 onion, sliced thin
  • 1 green pepper, chopped
  • 1 jalapeno, diced
  • 1 bundle of swiss chard, stemmed
  • 2 tbsp. of olive oil
  • 1 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 1 tsp. of crushed red pepper
  • S+P, to taste
  • Mozzarella, for melting
  • Hoagies

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 350
  • Heat a tbsp. of olive oil in a skillet over medium heat
  • Add onion + S+P, cook for 3-4 minutes
  • Add green pepper + jalapeno + S+P, cook another 3-4 minutes, until the mixture starts to caramelize
  • Add mushrooms, crushed red pepper + S+P, cook for 6-8 minutes until mixture is cooked and tender
  • Meanwhile, heat the other tbsp. of olive oil in another skillet over medium heat
  • Add garlic, cook 1 minute
  • Add chard + S+P, cook 3-4 minutes until wilted
  • To assemble, spread mush mix on a hoagie, top with mozz
  • Repeat with other sandwiches
  • Pop in oven for a few minutes until melted
  • Pop open the button on your jeans + allow your gut to extend to its true happy place