Roasted Red Pepper + Broccoli Risotto


Christmas tree is up, stockings are hung and a dozen holiday-scented candles are lit. Christmas time is here!


I love how the holiday season reminds us of what’s really important.


Like my uncanny resemblance to the Grinch.


We relate on a really cerebral level, it’s just deep, man. Minus the anti-Christmas sentiments, we are practically twins. The secret language with our animals, the social anxiety, the love of raw onion, the motivation to publicly receive awards, it’s all there. Plus, I, too, have a standing 4 o’clock appointment to wallow in self-pity. I’m watching the movie now and he just said, “What if it’s a cruel prank? What if it’s a cash bar?” These are literally the only two things that cross my mind when I’ve been invited to a party or event.


Also, I can do a near-perfect impersonation of the Grinch smile and it is a real crowd pleaser.



Time: 1 1/2 hours (prep + cooking) | Serves: 4-6


  • 1 cup of arborio rice
  • 1 white onion, diced
  • 1 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 1/4 cup of dry white wine
  • 6 cups of vegetable stock
  • 3 red peppers, tops lopped off
  • 2 heads of broccoli, cut in florets
  • 3 tbsp. of olive oil
  • 1 tsp. of crushed red pepper
  • S+P, to taste
  • 1/4 cup of nutritional yeast + more for serving

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 400 degrees
  • Arrange peppers on a lined baking sheet + drizzle with 1 tbsp. of olive oil + some S+P
  • Arrange the broccoli florets on a lined baking sheet + drizzle with 1 tbsp. of olive oil + some S+P
  • Roast veggies for 20 minutes, toss, roast another 10, remove broccoli, stir peppers again, cook until blackened on almost all sides
  • Meanwhile, heat remaining olive oil in a large stock pot over medium heat
  • Add onion + S+P, cook 3-4 minutes
  • Add garlic, cook another minute
  • Add rice, stir to coat + toast for a minute
  • Turn down heat to low-med, add wine, stir + let rice absorb
  • Add stock, one ladle at a time, stirring constantly until each ladle full is absorbed, repeat until rice is tender, about 40 minutes
  • Once peppers are cool, remove skin + chop peppers up
  • Once rice is tender, add roasted veggies + nutritional yeast + crushed red pepper + some S+P
  • Serve warm with some extra nutritional yeast
  • Roll up leftovers into lil balls + hang from your tree for a lil extra pizazz this Christmas

Chili Lime Broccoli Steaks


Pretty sure I live in an alternate universe.


And/or a North Carolina suburb with really well-behaved, respectful children. Either or.


Garrett & I were the kewl house on the block last night. Ya know, the kind that leave out the giant bowl full of name-brand candy with no passive aggressive sign saying to please only take two pieces.


We’re jazzed, man. Some little kid is going to have the Halloween of his life because he can take this bowl and dump it directly into his pillow sack and brag to all his friends that he got 89 mini Snickers from the kewl couple down the street. Garr and I go out and enjoy an evening with pals. We get home prepared to find an empty bowl, maybe catch a glimpse of a stray toddler dressed as a little cowboy, I don’t know. The bowl is UNTOUCHED. Not a single grubby mitt has been placed upon these Skittles. How can this be? We left the light on and everything! The front porch was decorated with pumpkins and mums! Mums, I tell you!!!! It’s an inviting porch! I was devastated. Questioning every decision. The Starburst were too wild, weren’t they??


Now we are stuck with all of this candy and cannot decide whether to pitch it or throw it at passing cars.



Time: 45 minutes (prep + cooking) | Serves: 4 lil steaks


  • 2 heads of broccoli, carefully halved
  • Juice of 1 lime
  • 2 tbsp. of chili powder
  • 1 tsp. of cumin
  • 1/2 tsp. of cayenne pepper
  • 1/2 tsp. of garlic powder
  • S+P, to taste
  • 1 tsp. of nutritional yeast
  • 1 shallot, sliced thin
  • 1 cup of cooked quinoa, for serving
  • Green onion, for serving

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 450 degrees
  • Arrange broccoli on lined baking sheet
  • Spray broccoli all over with cooking spray
  • Combine chili powder + cumin + cayenne pepper + garlic powder + S+P in a lil bowl
  • Rub all over the broccoli
  • Roast for 15 minutes
  • Flip steaks, roast another 10 minutes
  • Fresh out the oven, hit ’em with that lime juice + nutritional yeast
  • Serve hot with shallots + quinoa + green onion
  • Tell sweetie you’re having steaks for dinner, then serve him this + see if he still loves you


Green Goddess Veggie Bowl


The manager of a Memphis-area Target is trying to kill me.


Here is my hypothesis: Target hires a new manager. He/she starts on day one and is asked to share his phone number with his employees. He obliges. His phone number is in the hands of dozens, maybe a hundred Target employees.


The kicker: he gave them MY phone number.


For the past three days I have had approximately 11 Target employees call me to tell me why they will either be late to work or why they can’t come in. One young woman called me in a panic, assuring me her uniform was on and she was leaving a Wal-Mart to head to work. I know these details because even after telling her 6 times she had the wrong number, she continued to speak.


If she calls me back, I’m firing her for supporting the competition.



Time: 45 minutes (prep + cooking) | Serves: 4 bowls


  • 1 bunch of asparagus, washed + ends trimmed
  • 1 bunch of broccolini, washed + ends trimmed
  • 1/2 lb. of brussels sprouts, peeled + halved
  • 1 head of cauliflower, washed + cut in florets
  • 1 package of frozen edamame, cooked to package directions
  • 1 avocado
  • 2 tbsp. of cilantro, chopped
  • Juice of 1/2 a lime
  • 4 tbsp. of olive oil
  • 4 eggs
  • 1 tbsp. of white vinegar
  • S+P, to taste

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 425 degrees
  • Arrange asparagus on a lined baking sheet, drizzle with 1 tbsp. of olive oil + S+P
  • On another lined baking sheet, arrange broccolini + brussels sprout, drizzle with 1 tbsp. of olive oil + S+P
  • On a third lined baking sheet, arrange cauliflower, drizzle with one tbsp. of olive oil + S+P
  • Place these in the oven together with asparagus on top, then broccolini + brussels sprouts, finally cauliflower
  • Roast asparagus for 15 minutes, remove
  • Roast broccolini + brussels sprouts for 20, remove
  • Roast cauliflower for 25, remove
  • Meanwhile, combine 1/2 of an avocado + lime juice + cilantro + remaining olive oil + S+P, mix well
  • Bring a pot of water with the vinegar to a slow boil
  • Crack an egg into a lil ramekin
  • Make a lil whirlpool in the water + drop the egg gently in the center
  • Poach for 3 minutes, remove with a slotted spoon onto a paper towel lined plate
  • Repeat with remaining eggs
  • To make a bowl, combine some asparagus + some broccolini + some sprouts + some cauliflower + some avocado slices + some edamame + some of the avocado dressing + a poached egg + S+P
  • Repeat with remaining ingredients
  • Serve hot
  • Might want a knife to help cut broccolini + asaparagus, meaning a plate would be easier, but research shows eating out of a bowl makes you happier so suck it up + eat out of the bowl