Black Bean + Plantain Polenta Stacks

fullsizeoutput_1049

Moments ago, I learned something incredibly disturbing.

fullsizeoutput_106d

I warn you, this is going to be graphic.

fullsizeoutput_1078

There are apparently people in America who only eat meat.

fullsizeoutput_1074

I mean, ONLY eat meat. BY CHOICE! Not lack of resources. No fruits, no veggies, no grains. Just……meat. Can you imagine what their insides look like?!?! I imagine everything just covered in tar. Their poor guts and heart! Some of them even use skin and body care products made of…..meat. Like beef moisturizers. Have you ever heard of anything more grotesque???? I know this sounds like I’m judging these folks. I don’t mean to, I’m just genuinely shocked. They rub beef on themselves!!!! Maybe there’s something to it, I don’t know. I just want to stick with my Cetaphil face wash, OK?

fullsizeoutput_104b

Wait, do people say the same things about me since I DON’T eat meat??!!?!

 

 

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 3-4

Ingredients:

  • 1 cylindrical package of polenta, sliced into thin rounds
  • 2 ripe plantains, peeled + chopped into 1/2 inch thick rounds
  • 1 onion, sliced thin
  • 1 can of black beans, rinsed + drained
  • 1 lime
  • 5 tbsp. of olive oil
  • 1 tsp. of cumin
  • 1 tsp. of chili powder
  • S+P, to taste
  • Jalapeno, sliced thin, for serving
  • Red cabbage, sliced thin, for serving
  • Cilantro, for serving

How to:

  • Heat 1 tbsp. of olive oil in a skillet over medium heat
  • Add onion + S+P, cover + cook 8-10 minutes, stirring occasionally until caramelized
  • Remove from the pan + set aside
  • Heat another tbsp. of olive oil to the pan + place half of your polenta rounds, cook 3-4 minutes on each side until crisp, cook remaining polenta using another tbsp. of olive oil if needed
  • Meanwhile, heat another tbsp. of oil in another large skillet over medium heat + place half of your plantains, cooking 2-3 minutes on each side or until caramelized to your desire, cook remaining plantains using another tbsp. of olive oil
  • Meanwhile, heat black beans in a pot over medium heat
  • Add cumin + chili powder + half the lime juice + S+P, cook 5-7 minutes
  • To assemble, place some polenta on a plate + top with beans + onion + plantains + some jalapeno + cabbage + cilantro + serve with a sauce of your choosing
  • Eating these lil mini stacks, pretend like you’re a dainty + delicate flower and not the greedy lil food monster you are

Spiced Poppyseed Shortbread Cookies

fullsizeoutput_ff7

I have a greatness hangover.

fullsizeoutput_1026

From breathing the same air as Celine Dion two nights ago.

fullsizeoutput_102a

Never again in the rest of my ever loving life will I ever be in the same room as someone better.

fullsizeoutput_102b

Since I was 6 years old, this woman has been my literal everything. What she did, I did in the mirror 10x over until I had it JUST right. I about FAINTED when she used a mic with a cord the entire night. If you don’t think I learned to twirl a mic with a cord and catch it at just the right moment like Celine does, you are MISTAKEN. & her ARMS. The paparazzi make it seem like she’s too thin or something. I am here to tell you this woman is a BEAST. Her arms rival Michelle Obama’s, there I said it. So strong, so graceful, so much power! She was doing, like, lunges and backbends and let us remember she is 51. I cannot. Don’t even get me started on her performance of My Heart Will Go On. She came out of the darkness in a giant ball gown & the Titanic music was playing & I just sobbed and sobbed until I was exhausted & my mascara was everywhere.

fullsizeoutput_ffa

& I tried to convince the arena attendants our VIP passes meant we actually got to meet her and I went through three levels of people until I was told to please leave.

 

Time; 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 2-3 dozen cookies

Ingredients:

  • 3/4 cup of all-purpose flour
  • 3/4 cup of whole wheat flour
  • 1/4 cup of chopped coconut, unsweetened
  • 2 tsp. of poppy seeds
  • 1 tsp. of nutmeg
  • 1 tsp. of ground ginger
  • 1/2 tsp. of baking powder
  • 1 cup of plant-based butter, softened
  • 3/4 cup of sugar
  • 2 tsp. of vanilla extract
  • 3 tbsp. of olive oil
  • 1 tbsp. of flax seed

How to:

  • In a small bowl, combine flax + 2.5 tbsp. of warm water, set aside
  • In a bowl, combine flours + coconut + poppy seeds + nutmeg + ginger + baking powder + a pinch of salt
  • In a mixer, combine butter + sugar until creamed together
  • Add vanilla + oil, beat on low
  • Once combined, add egg, + beat until combined
  • Slowly add in dry ingredients until everything is combined + it’s formed in a ball
  • Turn the bowl upside down on a large piece of parchment paper
  • Cover with another piece of parchment paper + roll into a thin rectangle, about 1/4 inch thick
  • Refrigerate for an hour
  • Preheat oven to 375
  • Remove the top parchment paper sheet + cut using a sharp knife into lil squares, placing on parchment paper lined cookie sheets
  • Bake 10-12 minutes
  • Remove + place cookies on a wire rack to cool
  • Eat 18 for an after dinner snack

 

 

Adapted from here!

Kale Dolmas

fullsizeoutput_fbb

There’s a reason I didn’t go into the medical field.

fullsizeoutput_fa8

You might guess it’s because of the blood or guts or puke or just bodily functions in general.

fullsizeoutput_fab

Those don’t really bother me tbh. I’m just a big, fat spaz.

fullsizeoutput_fae

Due to some stellar medical issues, I have to take these shots. I was in the doctor’s office yesterday and my nurse showed me how to do my new shot and then asked me to demonstrate so she knew I wasn’t an idiot. My how she overestimated me. Not only am I an idiot, I am a dangerous idiot. I put the shot together just fine. I was taking it apart and putting the little plastic piece back on the needle when somehow the needle went sideways through the plastic and into my finger. It bled. I let out a minor profanity. My nurse was like, “Huh OK I have truly never seen that before.”

fullsizeoutput_fbe

What can I say, I like being the first at things.

 

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 7-8 dolmas

Ingredients:

  • 1 bunch of lacinato kale leaves
  • 1 onion, chopped
  • 2 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 1 package of tempeh, crumbled
  • 2 cups of brown rice, cooked
  • 1/4 cup of fresh dill
  • 2 tbsp. of parsley, chopped
  • 1 tbsp. of olive oil
  • 1/2 cup of vegan, plain yogurt
  • Juice of 1 lemon
  • S+P, to taste

How to:

  • Bring a pot of salted water to a boil
  • Add kale leaves a few at a time, cooking for 3-4 minutes
  • Remove + place on a kitchen towel + pat dry
  • In a bowl, combine yogurt + lemon juice + some S+P, set aside
  • Meanwhile, heat olive oil in a skillet over medium heat
  • Add onion + S+P, cook for 3-4 minutes
  • Add garlic, cook another minute
  • Add tempeh, cook 6-7 minutes or until starting to brown
  • Add rice + parsley + dill + S+P, cook another 1-2 minutes
  • Turn off heat, add half of the yogurt mix
  • Place a kale leaf on a flat surface
  • Fill with a hefty scoop of the rice mix right in the middle
  • Fold like a hamburger first, then a hotdog (you know what I’m talking about), place seam side down on a plate
  • Serve with remaining yogurt sauce
  • Accidentally eat all of them in one sitting + watch your tummy balloon from all of the delectable rice kernels

 

Adapted from here!