Buffalo Chickpea Burritos


What kind of backwoods, boonies town do I live in that we just got recycling cans like yesterday??


For months, my plastics and cardboard have gone into the TRASH.


The deforestation and pollution I must have caused. I shudder!


To make up for the many trees I undoubtedly destroyed, I decided to take a couple of proactive measures. First, I purchased a reusable straw. These are very in right now. It came in a stylish lil pink container with an easy cleaning tool! I used it like 4 times and every time I whipped it out I felt like an environmental crusader, just doing my part one sip at a time. Then I left it at a restaurant, obviously. To compensate, I offered to take the recyclables home after volunteering at church on Sunday. We’re leaving and I throw a giant trash bag full of milk cartons over my shoulder. Garr stops in his tracks and is like, “What are you doing….?” I explained and he is all, no, nope, not happening, we are not starting this. Apparently, he thinks taking recyclables from church might be a gateway drug. Like, eventually I’ll start calling random restaurants and offering to pick up their salvageable materials.


Ha! He’s funny. I’m not ready for that, I’m still working on my spreadsheet of local shops that don’t recycle.


Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 4-5


  • 2 cups of cooked chickpeas
  • 1 onion, diced
  • 1 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 1 roma tomato, diced
  • 1 cup of carrots, shredded
  • 1/2 cup of cabbage, shredded
  • 1 avocado, diced
  • 1 cup of buffalo sauce
  • 1 tsp. of onion powder
  • 1 tsp of garlic powder
  • 1 tsp. of smoked paprika
  • 1 tsp. of cumin
  • 1 tsp. of chili powder
  • S+P, to taste
  • 1 tbsp. of olive oil
  • Tortillas, for serving

How to:

  • Heat olive oil in a skillet over medium heat
  • Add onion + S+P, cook for 3-4 minutes
  • Add garlic, cook another minute
  • Add chickpeas + onion powder + garlic powder + paprika + cumin + chili powder + S+P, cook 4-5 minutes or until starting to crisp
  • Add buffalo sauce, coat + cook another 2 minutes
  • To serve, lay out a warmed up tortilla on a flat surface, top with chickpeas + tomato + carrots + cabbage + avocado
  • Roll up, folding the sides in as you go, until you have a nice lil burrito baby
  • Repeat with remaining ingredients
  • Hold burrito in both hands, length wise, and nibble on it like a corn on the cob, terrifying all your pals

Buffalo Tempeh Quesadillas


I am weak.


I had a cheese quesadilla and rice and beans smothered in cheese this weekend.


Then I had 8 slices of a very cheesy pizza.


I AM THE WORST VEGAN EVER. I feel like I need a scarlet D on my shirt for all of the dairy I have consumed recently. Everywhere I turn, it’s just…cheese. You can’t go to a Mexican restaurant and avoid it! You can’t go to my local, sketchy pizza joint where all of the employees yell at each other and get a pizza without cheese! I cannot escape it! I really feel like it’s not my fault, I’m a product of my environment.


I also accidentally drank a latte with skim milk so I’m just counting August as a loss.



Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 2 quesadillas


  • 1 package of tempeh, cut into cubes
  • 1 cup of arugula, packed
  • 1 onion, sliced thin
  • 1/4 cup of cilantro, chopped
  • Some jalapenos if you are a masochist
  • 4 whole wheat burrito-size tortillas
  • 2/3 cup of hot sauce
  • 1/2 cup of olive oil + 4 tbsp.
  • 1 1/2 tbsp. of white vinegar
  • 1/2 tsp. of Worcestershire
  • 1 tbsp. of smoked paprika
  • 1 tsp. of cayenne pepper
  • 1/2 tsp. of garlic powder
  • S+P, to taste

How to:

  • In a food processor, combine hot sauce + 1/2 cup of olive oil + white vinegar + Worcestershire + paprika + cayenne + garlic + S+P, pulse until well-combined
  • Pour into a sauce pan + heat over low-medium heat until it starts to bubble, remove from heat
  • Meanwhile, heat a tbsp. of olive oil in a skillet over medium
  • Add onion + S+P, let caramelize for 6-7 minutes, set aside
  • In the same skillet, heat another tbsp. of olive oil + add tempeh + cook for 4-5 minutes letting them get a lil crispy
  • Once crispy, toss tempeh in the buffalo sauce
  • To prepare the quesadillas, heat another tbsp. of olive oil in the same skillet over medium heat
  • Lay down a tortilla + top with 1/2 the onion + 1/2 the arugula + 1/2 the tempeh + 1/2 the cilantro + top with another tortilla, cook for 3 minutes, flip + cook another 1-2 minutes
  • Repeat with remaining ingredients
  • Serve hot with extra cilantro
  • Fold over quesadilla triangle + tilt head back + let quesadilla contents slide down gullet


Buffalo sauce adapted from here!



Buffalo Chickpea Burgers

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I’ve had this thing for like 6 months. Occasionally, I feel like I can’t breath or swallow & I think I’m going to choke & die. It’s been fun, really.


This weekend I had a dream that I was choking & I woke up literally choking. Let that sink in & tell me you would not FLIP YOUR LID. I would die & Topanga would probably eat my lifeless body before anyone found me. Moving on. So I made a doctor appointment. Enough is enough. Fix me, medical professionals.

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So I go in. He checks things out. Asks some questions. Looks down my throat & is all, “nope – nothing there.” & I’m like, “ok, ok, but listen to my lungs – I can’t BREATHE!” & he is all, “clear as a bell!” & I’m all, “…….k………………………”

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I get quiet for a minute & then it hits me. I suggest, “Perhaps I’m making it all up in my head.” & Doc is like, “Wow you are very introspective.” No, Doc, I just know I am clinically insane & I like having several problems at once & this just seemed to suit me for the last few months thanks for your time see you soon.

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He did, however, tell me I was thin & that makes my visit all worth while.


Time: 1.5 hours | Serves: 6 patties

  • 2 cans of chickpeas, drained + rinsed
  • 1 onion, diced
  • 1/2 cup of cooked brown rice or quinoa (brown rice used here)
  • 4 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 1/2 cup of parmesan cheese, grated
  • 1/4 cup of panko breadcrumbs
  • 1 cup of buffalo sauce
  • Plenty of S+P
  • Toasted buns, for serving

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 400 degrees
  • In a food processor, combine onion + chickpeas + S+P
  • Process on low until combined, 1-2 minutes
  • Add brown rice + garlic + 1/2 the buffalo sauce +  S+P, process 30 seconds, do not get it runny or liquidy or they wont make patties!
  • In a large bowl, add chickpea mix + parmesan + breadcrumbs + S+P
  • Form into patties + arrange on a lined baking sheet
  • Pour remaining buffalo sauce on top
  • Bake for 30 minutes, flipping once in the middle of cooking
  • Serve hot on a toasted bun with ranch or blue cheese or something else sissies use to calm the heat