Buffalo Chickpea Burritos

fullsizeoutput_929

What kind of backwoods, boonies town do I live in that we just got recycling cans like yesterday??

fullsizeoutput_918

For months, my plastics and cardboard have gone into the TRASH.

fullsizeoutput_8b5

The deforestation and pollution I must have caused. I shudder!

fullsizeoutput_921

To make up for the many trees I undoubtedly destroyed, I decided to take a couple of proactive measures. First, I purchased a reusable straw. These are very in right now. It came in a stylish lil pink container with an easy cleaning tool! I used it like 4 times and every time I whipped it out I felt like an environmental crusader, just doing my part one sip at a time. Then I left it at a restaurant, obviously. To compensate, I offered to take the recyclables home after volunteering at church on Sunday. We’re leaving and I throw a giant trash bag full of milk cartons over my shoulder. Garr stops in his tracks and is like, “What are you doing….?” I explained and he is all, no, nope, not happening, we are not starting this. Apparently, he thinks taking recyclables from church might be a gateway drug. Like, eventually I’ll start calling random restaurants and offering to pick up their salvageable materials.

fullsizeoutput_922

Ha! He’s funny. I’m not ready for that, I’m still working on my spreadsheet of local shops that don’t recycle.

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 4-5

Ingredients:

  • 2 cups of cooked chickpeas
  • 1 onion, diced
  • 1 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 1 roma tomato, diced
  • 1 cup of carrots, shredded
  • 1/2 cup of cabbage, shredded
  • 1 avocado, diced
  • 1 cup of buffalo sauce
  • 1 tsp. of onion powder
  • 1 tsp of garlic powder
  • 1 tsp. of smoked paprika
  • 1 tsp. of cumin
  • 1 tsp. of chili powder
  • S+P, to taste
  • 1 tbsp. of olive oil
  • Tortillas, for serving

How to:

  • Heat olive oil in a skillet over medium heat
  • Add onion + S+P, cook for 3-4 minutes
  • Add garlic, cook another minute
  • Add chickpeas + onion powder + garlic powder + paprika + cumin + chili powder + S+P, cook 4-5 minutes or until starting to crisp
  • Add buffalo sauce, coat + cook another 2 minutes
  • To serve, lay out a warmed up tortilla on a flat surface, top with chickpeas + tomato + carrots + cabbage + avocado
  • Roll up, folding the sides in as you go, until you have a nice lil burrito baby
  • Repeat with remaining ingredients
  • Hold burrito in both hands, length wise, and nibble on it like a corn on the cob, terrifying all your pals

Buffalo Tempeh Quesadillas

FullSizeRender_4

I am weak.

FullSizeRender_1

I had a cheese quesadilla and rice and beans smothered in cheese this weekend.

FullSizeRender_3

Then I had 8 slices of a very cheesy pizza.

FullSizeRender_2

I AM THE WORST VEGAN EVER. I feel like I need a scarlet D on my shirt for all of the dairy I have consumed recently. Everywhere I turn, it’s just…cheese. You can’t go to a Mexican restaurant and avoid it! You can’t go to my local, sketchy pizza joint where all of the employees yell at each other and get a pizza without cheese! I cannot escape it! I really feel like it’s not my fault, I’m a product of my environment.

FullSizeRender

I also accidentally drank a latte with skim milk so I’m just counting August as a loss.

 

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 2 quesadillas

Ingredients:

  • 1 package of tempeh, cut into cubes
  • 1 cup of arugula, packed
  • 1 onion, sliced thin
  • 1/4 cup of cilantro, chopped
  • Some jalapenos if you are a masochist
  • 4 whole wheat burrito-size tortillas
  • 2/3 cup of hot sauce
  • 1/2 cup of olive oil + 4 tbsp.
  • 1 1/2 tbsp. of white vinegar
  • 1/2 tsp. of Worcestershire
  • 1 tbsp. of smoked paprika
  • 1 tsp. of cayenne pepper
  • 1/2 tsp. of garlic powder
  • S+P, to taste

How to:

  • In a food processor, combine hot sauce + 1/2 cup of olive oil + white vinegar + Worcestershire + paprika + cayenne + garlic + S+P, pulse until well-combined
  • Pour into a sauce pan + heat over low-medium heat until it starts to bubble, remove from heat
  • Meanwhile, heat a tbsp. of olive oil in a skillet over medium
  • Add onion + S+P, let caramelize for 6-7 minutes, set aside
  • In the same skillet, heat another tbsp. of olive oil + add tempeh + cook for 4-5 minutes letting them get a lil crispy
  • Once crispy, toss tempeh in the buffalo sauce
  • To prepare the quesadillas, heat another tbsp. of olive oil in the same skillet over medium heat
  • Lay down a tortilla + top with 1/2 the onion + 1/2 the arugula + 1/2 the tempeh + 1/2 the cilantro + top with another tortilla, cook for 3 minutes, flip + cook another 1-2 minutes
  • Repeat with remaining ingredients
  • Serve hot with extra cilantro
  • Fold over quesadilla triangle + tilt head back + let quesadilla contents slide down gullet

 

Buffalo sauce adapted from here!

http://www.theedgyveg.com/2014/01/16/vegan-buffalo-sauce-recipe/

 

Buffalo Chickpea Burgers

Processed with VSCOcam with f2 preset

I’ve had this thing for like 6 months. Occasionally, I feel like I can’t breath or swallow & I think I’m going to choke & die. It’s been fun, really.

FullSizeRender

This weekend I had a dream that I was choking & I woke up literally choking. Let that sink in & tell me you would not FLIP YOUR LID. I would die & Topanga would probably eat my lifeless body before anyone found me. Moving on. So I made a doctor appointment. Enough is enough. Fix me, medical professionals.

Processed with VSCOcam with f2 preset

So I go in. He checks things out. Asks some questions. Looks down my throat & is all, “nope – nothing there.” & I’m like, “ok, ok, but listen to my lungs – I can’t BREATHE!” & he is all, “clear as a bell!” & I’m all, “…….k………………………”

Processed with VSCOcam with f2 preset

I get quiet for a minute & then it hits me. I suggest, “Perhaps I’m making it all up in my head.” & Doc is like, “Wow you are very introspective.” No, Doc, I just know I am clinically insane & I like having several problems at once & this just seemed to suit me for the last few months thanks for your time see you soon.

Processed with VSCOcam with f2 preset

He did, however, tell me I was thin & that makes my visit all worth while.

 

Time: 1.5 hours | Serves: 6 patties

  • 2 cans of chickpeas, drained + rinsed
  • 1 onion, diced
  • 1/2 cup of cooked brown rice or quinoa (brown rice used here)
  • 4 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 1/2 cup of parmesan cheese, grated
  • 1/4 cup of panko breadcrumbs
  • 1 cup of buffalo sauce
  • Plenty of S+P
  • Toasted buns, for serving

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 400 degrees
  • In a food processor, combine onion + chickpeas + S+P
  • Process on low until combined, 1-2 minutes
  • Add brown rice + garlic + 1/2 the buffalo sauce +  S+P, process 30 seconds, do not get it runny or liquidy or they wont make patties!
  • In a large bowl, add chickpea mix + parmesan + breadcrumbs + S+P
  • Form into patties + arrange on a lined baking sheet
  • Pour remaining buffalo sauce on top
  • Bake for 30 minutes, flipping once in the middle of cooking
  • Serve hot on a toasted bun with ranch or blue cheese or something else sissies use to calm the heat