Buffalo Chickpea Burritos


What kind of backwoods, boonies town do I live in that we just got recycling cans like yesterday??


For months, my plastics and cardboard have gone into the TRASH.


The deforestation and pollution I must have caused. I shudder!


To make up for the many trees I undoubtedly destroyed, I decided to take a couple of proactive measures. First, I purchased a reusable straw. These are very in right now. It came in a stylish lil pink container with an easy cleaning tool! I used it like 4 times and every time I whipped it out I felt like an environmental crusader, just doing my part one sip at a time. Then I left it at a restaurant, obviously. To compensate, I offered to take the recyclables home after volunteering at church on Sunday. We’re leaving and I throw a giant trash bag full of milk cartons over my shoulder. Garr stops in his tracks and is like, “What are you doing….?” I explained and he is all, no, nope, not happening, we are not starting this. Apparently, he thinks taking recyclables from church might be a gateway drug. Like, eventually I’ll start calling random restaurants and offering to pick up their salvageable materials.


Ha! He’s funny. I’m not ready for that, I’m still working on my spreadsheet of local shops that don’t recycle.


Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 4-5


  • 2 cups of cooked chickpeas
  • 1 onion, diced
  • 1 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 1 roma tomato, diced
  • 1 cup of carrots, shredded
  • 1/2 cup of cabbage, shredded
  • 1 avocado, diced
  • 1 cup of buffalo sauce
  • 1 tsp. of onion powder
  • 1 tsp of garlic powder
  • 1 tsp. of smoked paprika
  • 1 tsp. of cumin
  • 1 tsp. of chili powder
  • S+P, to taste
  • 1 tbsp. of olive oil
  • Tortillas, for serving

How to:

  • Heat olive oil in a skillet over medium heat
  • Add onion + S+P, cook for 3-4 minutes
  • Add garlic, cook another minute
  • Add chickpeas + onion powder + garlic powder + paprika + cumin + chili powder + S+P, cook 4-5 minutes or until starting to crisp
  • Add buffalo sauce, coat + cook another 2 minutes
  • To serve, lay out a warmed up tortilla on a flat surface, top with chickpeas + tomato + carrots + cabbage + avocado
  • Roll up, folding the sides in as you go, until you have a nice lil burrito baby
  • Repeat with remaining ingredients
  • Hold burrito in both hands, length wise, and nibble on it like a corn on the cob, terrifying all your pals

BBQ Bean + Brussels Burrito

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My birthday was grand, you mongrels, thanks for asking.

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I forgive you for forgetting.

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It’s tough sharing a birthday with Pi day. People’s priorities become out of whack when cobbler is involved.

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It was a nice birthday. I was awoken by Garr jumping on me at 4 a.m. singing “Happy Birthday” at the top of his lungs directly into my right ear canal. In the afternoon, I went to the dermatologist. The nurse told me happy birthday, it was special. Then, Garr surprised me and took me to eat mexican food where I ate a cheese quesadilla, rice, beans and a bowl of chips and salsa. I ended the night swimming in Reese’s eggs and catching up on The Bachelor finale. 26 is going to be A-OK.

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Except for the fact I am closer to 30 than I am to 20 and that simply can’t be because I still don’t know how basic life things work like how to change my oil and omg when was my last oil change I have to go.



Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 3-4 burritos


  • 2 can of pinto beans, rinsed + drained
  • 1/2 lb. of brussels sprouts, quartered
  • 2 cups of spanish rice, cooked
  • 1 onion, chopped
  • 1 6 oz. can of tomato paste
  • 4 chipotle peppers in adobo with some sauce
  • 1/4 cup of vegetable broth
  • 2 tbsp. of orange juice
  • 2 tbsp. of brown sugar
  • 1 tbsp. of maple syrup
  • 1 tsp. of soy sauce
  • 2 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • S+P, to taste
  • Tortillas, for serving
  • Salsa verde, for serving
  • Avocado, for serving

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 425 degrees
  • Arrange brussels on a lined baking sheet + drizzle with olive oil + S+P
  • Bake for 20-25 minutes, stirring once
  • Meanwhile, in a food processor, combine onion + tomato paste + chipotle peppers + sauce + broth + OJ + brown sugar + maple syrup + soy sauce + garlic + S+P
  • Blend until smooth
  • Heat in a sauce pan over medium heat + add beans, cook for 10 minutes
  • Lay a tortilla flat + add beans + brussels + rice + salsa verde, roll it up + cut in half
  • Serve hot
  • Face plant into burrito + ask sweetie to tell you you’re pretty


Beans & burrito idea from Thug Kitchen, but I can’t find a link online, so just trust me!!!!!


Shrimp Burrito Bowls

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I think I know why every other country hates America.

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It’s because Americans absolutely suck on the Internet.


I’m serious. We are just so daggum opinionated. Give us an international crisis & a Facebook account & it’s all she wrote.

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Like, why does every human on Facebook feel the need to not only post their own opinion 8 times a day, but also comment on every person’s posts who disagree with them??? The truth is – you’re all idiots! Every American human on Facebook is a moron. Now some might argue this is a gross generalization, but I can say this because I, too, am an internet moron (have you read this blog??). All I’m saying is if you aren’t sharing puppy videos & photos of you & your boyfriend at dinner, then no one wants to see it! Folks in other countries look at our Facebook pages & see ignorant comments & no puppies & they’re like, “oh yeah THIS is why we hate America.”

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This is also while I’ll make an excellent First Lady someday because I just really connect with the people.


Time: 30 minutes (prep + cooking) | Serves: 2


  • 1 lb. of shrimp, peeled + deveined + uncooked
  • 1/2 cup of quinoa
  • 1 red onion, diced
  • 1 red pepper, diced
  • 3 tbsp. of cilantro, chopped
  • 1 tomato, diced
  • 1 can of black beans, rinsed + drained
  • 1 tbsp. of garlic
  • 1 tbsp. of chili powder
  • 1 tsp. of garlic powder
  • 1 tsp. of cumin
  • 1/2 tsp. of oregano
  • S+P, to taste
  • 2 tbsp. of olive oil

How to:

  • In a bowl, combine chili powder + garlic powder + cumin + oregano + S+P
  • Add shrimp + 1 tbsp. of olive oil + combine well, set aside
  • While shrimp marinate, cook quinoa according to package directions + drain
  • Heat other tbsp. of olive oil in a skillet over medium heat
  • Add garlic + cook for 1 minute
  • Add shrimp + cook until pink
  • Add shrimp + quinoa + red onion + red pepper + tomato + black beans + some cilantro to a bowl
  • Serve hot
  • See how many scrimps you can fit in your mouth at one time