Grilled Pineapple Burrito Bowls


Conflabit, I love a good comeback.


I am SO here for all of these TV reboots and sequels and adaptations and anything else that gives my eyeballs or earholes fresh content.


Bring it all back! Jennifer Aniston was on Ellen the other day and she said she’s down for a Friends reboot. CAN YOU IMAGINE?!


But the comeback I am most unashamedly excited for is none other than….drumroll, please…..The Jonas Brothers. This new album literally ROCKED MY SOCKS OFF. I have not stopped playing it since Friday and the end is nowhere in sight. I wish I could explain what these three brothers meant to me in 2008. I will sum it up by sharing I did have a Joe Jonas fitted tee that I wore under my clothes occasionally. I’ve just always loved them unconditionally. Their music resonated deeply with my naive soul. Plus, they were in Camp Rock which is only one of the top 8 greatest Disney Channel films of all time – supremely underrated and better than the more popular High School Music. Controversial opinion, I know, but I STAND BY IT. I’m just so happy the boys are back together. I really think this is what our country needs right now to bring peace and unity to our communities.


Also, Garrett is out having divorce papers drafted because he claims he’d rather be alone than listen to the JoBros for one more second. Weird.



Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 3-4


  • 1 onion, diced
  • 1 tbsp. of garlic, diced
  • 1 jalapeno, diced
  • 2 red bell peppers, diced
  • 1 can of black beans, rinsed + drained
  • 1 pineapple, sliced in 1/2 inch thick rounds
  • 2 ears of corn
  • 6 corn tortillas, cut in lil strips
  • 2 cups of brown rice, cooked
  • 1 avocado, for serving
  • Cilantro, for serving
  • 1 tsp. of chili powder
  • 1 tsp. of cumin
  • 1 tsp. of smoked paprika
  • S+P, to taste
  • 1 tbsp. of olive oil

How to:

  • Heat oven to 350 degrees
  • Arrange tortilla strips on a lined baking sheet + bake for 10 minutes, tossing once in the middle
  • Remove + sprinkle with + S+P, set to the side
  • Meanwhile, heat olive oil in a skillet
  • Add onion + S+P, cook 3-4 minutes
  • Add garlic, cook another minute
  • Add jalapeno + red peppers + S+P, cook another 3-4 minutes
  • Add beans + chili powder + cumin + smoked paprika + S+P, cook another 4-5 minutes
  • Meanwhile, heat a grill or grill pan over medium heat + spray with oil
  • Grill pineapple on each side for about 2-3 minutes or until you have nice lil char marks
  • Grill corn for about 20 minutes, flipping on each side every 5 minutes or so
  • Once cooled, cut pineapple in chunks + shuck the corn
  • To serve, combine rice + black bean mix + pineapple + corn + avocado + tortilla strips + cilantro
  • Mix up all your bowl ingredients + dump into large trough, eat from it whilst on hands + knees like the animal you are

Buffalo Chickpea Burritos


What kind of backwoods, boonies town do I live in that we just got recycling cans like yesterday??


For months, my plastics and cardboard have gone into the TRASH.


The deforestation and pollution I must have caused. I shudder!


To make up for the many trees I undoubtedly destroyed, I decided to take a couple of proactive measures. First, I purchased a reusable straw. These are very in right now. It came in a stylish lil pink container with an easy cleaning tool! I used it like 4 times and every time I whipped it out I felt like an environmental crusader, just doing my part one sip at a time. Then I left it at a restaurant, obviously. To compensate, I offered to take the recyclables home after volunteering at church on Sunday. We’re leaving and I throw a giant trash bag full of milk cartons over my shoulder. Garr stops in his tracks and is like, “What are you doing….?” I explained and he is all, no, nope, not happening, we are not starting this. Apparently, he thinks taking recyclables from church might be a gateway drug. Like, eventually I’ll start calling random restaurants and offering to pick up their salvageable materials.


Ha! He’s funny. I’m not ready for that, I’m still working on my spreadsheet of local shops that don’t recycle.


Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 4-5


  • 2 cups of cooked chickpeas
  • 1 onion, diced
  • 1 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 1 roma tomato, diced
  • 1 cup of carrots, shredded
  • 1/2 cup of cabbage, shredded
  • 1 avocado, diced
  • 1 cup of buffalo sauce
  • 1 tsp. of onion powder
  • 1 tsp of garlic powder
  • 1 tsp. of smoked paprika
  • 1 tsp. of cumin
  • 1 tsp. of chili powder
  • S+P, to taste
  • 1 tbsp. of olive oil
  • Tortillas, for serving

How to:

  • Heat olive oil in a skillet over medium heat
  • Add onion + S+P, cook for 3-4 minutes
  • Add garlic, cook another minute
  • Add chickpeas + onion powder + garlic powder + paprika + cumin + chili powder + S+P, cook 4-5 minutes or until starting to crisp
  • Add buffalo sauce, coat + cook another 2 minutes
  • To serve, lay out a warmed up tortilla on a flat surface, top with chickpeas + tomato + carrots + cabbage + avocado
  • Roll up, folding the sides in as you go, until you have a nice lil burrito baby
  • Repeat with remaining ingredients
  • Hold burrito in both hands, length wise, and nibble on it like a corn on the cob, terrifying all your pals

BBQ Bean + Brussels Burrito

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My birthday was grand, you mongrels, thanks for asking.

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I forgive you for forgetting.

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It’s tough sharing a birthday with Pi day. People’s priorities become out of whack when cobbler is involved.

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It was a nice birthday. I was awoken by Garr jumping on me at 4 a.m. singing “Happy Birthday” at the top of his lungs directly into my right ear canal. In the afternoon, I went to the dermatologist. The nurse told me happy birthday, it was special. Then, Garr surprised me and took me to eat mexican food where I ate a cheese quesadilla, rice, beans and a bowl of chips and salsa. I ended the night swimming in Reese’s eggs and catching up on The Bachelor finale. 26 is going to be A-OK.

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Except for the fact I am closer to 30 than I am to 20 and that simply can’t be because I still don’t know how basic life things work like how to change my oil and omg when was my last oil change I have to go.



Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 3-4 burritos


  • 2 can of pinto beans, rinsed + drained
  • 1/2 lb. of brussels sprouts, quartered
  • 2 cups of spanish rice, cooked
  • 1 onion, chopped
  • 1 6 oz. can of tomato paste
  • 4 chipotle peppers in adobo with some sauce
  • 1/4 cup of vegetable broth
  • 2 tbsp. of orange juice
  • 2 tbsp. of brown sugar
  • 1 tbsp. of maple syrup
  • 1 tsp. of soy sauce
  • 2 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • S+P, to taste
  • Tortillas, for serving
  • Salsa verde, for serving
  • Avocado, for serving

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 425 degrees
  • Arrange brussels on a lined baking sheet + drizzle with olive oil + S+P
  • Bake for 20-25 minutes, stirring once
  • Meanwhile, in a food processor, combine onion + tomato paste + chipotle peppers + sauce + broth + OJ + brown sugar + maple syrup + soy sauce + garlic + S+P
  • Blend until smooth
  • Heat in a sauce pan over medium heat + add beans, cook for 10 minutes
  • Lay a tortilla flat + add beans + brussels + rice + salsa verde, roll it up + cut in half
  • Serve hot
  • Face plant into burrito + ask sweetie to tell you you’re pretty


Beans & burrito idea from Thug Kitchen, but I can’t find a link online, so just trust me!!!!!