Buffalo Chickpea Burritos

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What kind of backwoods, boonies town do I live in that we just got recycling cans like yesterday??

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For months, my plastics and cardboard have gone into the TRASH.

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The deforestation and pollution I must have caused. I shudder!

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To make up for the many trees I undoubtedly destroyed, I decided to take a couple of proactive measures. First, I purchased a reusable straw. These are very in right now. It came in a stylish lil pink container with an easy cleaning tool! I used it like 4 times and every time I whipped it out I felt like an environmental crusader, just doing my part one sip at a time. Then I left it at a restaurant, obviously. To compensate, I offered to take the recyclables home after volunteering at church on Sunday. We’re leaving and I throw a giant trash bag full of milk cartons over my shoulder. Garr stops in his tracks and is like, “What are you doing….?” I explained and he is all, no, nope, not happening, we are not starting this. Apparently, he thinks taking recyclables from church might be a gateway drug. Like, eventually I’ll start calling random restaurants and offering to pick up their salvageable materials.

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Ha! He’s funny. I’m not ready for that, I’m still working on my spreadsheet of local shops that don’t recycle.

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 4-5

Ingredients:

  • 2 cups of cooked chickpeas
  • 1 onion, diced
  • 1 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 1 roma tomato, diced
  • 1 cup of carrots, shredded
  • 1/2 cup of cabbage, shredded
  • 1 avocado, diced
  • 1 cup of buffalo sauce
  • 1 tsp. of onion powder
  • 1 tsp of garlic powder
  • 1 tsp. of smoked paprika
  • 1 tsp. of cumin
  • 1 tsp. of chili powder
  • S+P, to taste
  • 1 tbsp. of olive oil
  • Tortillas, for serving

How to:

  • Heat olive oil in a skillet over medium heat
  • Add onion + S+P, cook for 3-4 minutes
  • Add garlic, cook another minute
  • Add chickpeas + onion powder + garlic powder + paprika + cumin + chili powder + S+P, cook 4-5 minutes or until starting to crisp
  • Add buffalo sauce, coat + cook another 2 minutes
  • To serve, lay out a warmed up tortilla on a flat surface, top with chickpeas + tomato + carrots + cabbage + avocado
  • Roll up, folding the sides in as you go, until you have a nice lil burrito baby
  • Repeat with remaining ingredients
  • Hold burrito in both hands, length wise, and nibble on it like a corn on the cob, terrifying all your pals

BBQ Bean + Brussels Burrito

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My birthday was grand, you mongrels, thanks for asking.

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I forgive you for forgetting.

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It’s tough sharing a birthday with Pi day. People’s priorities become out of whack when cobbler is involved.

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It was a nice birthday. I was awoken by Garr jumping on me at 4 a.m. singing “Happy Birthday” at the top of his lungs directly into my right ear canal. In the afternoon, I went to the dermatologist. The nurse told me happy birthday, it was special. Then, Garr surprised me and took me to eat mexican food where I ate a cheese quesadilla, rice, beans and a bowl of chips and salsa. I ended the night swimming in Reese’s eggs and catching up on The Bachelor finale. 26 is going to be A-OK.

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Except for the fact I am closer to 30 than I am to 20 and that simply can’t be because I still don’t know how basic life things work like how to change my oil and omg when was my last oil change I have to go.

 

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 3-4 burritos

Ingredients:

  • 2 can of pinto beans, rinsed + drained
  • 1/2 lb. of brussels sprouts, quartered
  • 2 cups of spanish rice, cooked
  • 1 onion, chopped
  • 1 6 oz. can of tomato paste
  • 4 chipotle peppers in adobo with some sauce
  • 1/4 cup of vegetable broth
  • 2 tbsp. of orange juice
  • 2 tbsp. of brown sugar
  • 1 tbsp. of maple syrup
  • 1 tsp. of soy sauce
  • 2 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • S+P, to taste
  • Tortillas, for serving
  • Salsa verde, for serving
  • Avocado, for serving

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 425 degrees
  • Arrange brussels on a lined baking sheet + drizzle with olive oil + S+P
  • Bake for 20-25 minutes, stirring once
  • Meanwhile, in a food processor, combine onion + tomato paste + chipotle peppers + sauce + broth + OJ + brown sugar + maple syrup + soy sauce + garlic + S+P
  • Blend until smooth
  • Heat in a sauce pan over medium heat + add beans, cook for 10 minutes
  • Lay a tortilla flat + add beans + brussels + rice + salsa verde, roll it up + cut in half
  • Serve hot
  • Face plant into burrito + ask sweetie to tell you you’re pretty

 

Beans & burrito idea from Thug Kitchen, but I can’t find a link online, so just trust me!!!!!

 

Shrimp Burrito Bowls

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I think I know why every other country hates America.

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It’s because Americans absolutely suck on the Internet.

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I’m serious. We are just so daggum opinionated. Give us an international crisis & a Facebook account & it’s all she wrote.

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Like, why does every human on Facebook feel the need to not only post their own opinion 8 times a day, but also comment on every person’s posts who disagree with them??? The truth is – you’re all idiots! Every American human on Facebook is a moron. Now some might argue this is a gross generalization, but I can say this because I, too, am an internet moron (have you read this blog??). All I’m saying is if you aren’t sharing puppy videos & photos of you & your boyfriend at dinner, then no one wants to see it! Folks in other countries look at our Facebook pages & see ignorant comments & no puppies & they’re like, “oh yeah THIS is why we hate America.”

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This is also while I’ll make an excellent First Lady someday because I just really connect with the people.

 

Time: 30 minutes (prep + cooking) | Serves: 2

Ingredients

  • 1 lb. of shrimp, peeled + deveined + uncooked
  • 1/2 cup of quinoa
  • 1 red onion, diced
  • 1 red pepper, diced
  • 3 tbsp. of cilantro, chopped
  • 1 tomato, diced
  • 1 can of black beans, rinsed + drained
  • 1 tbsp. of garlic
  • 1 tbsp. of chili powder
  • 1 tsp. of garlic powder
  • 1 tsp. of cumin
  • 1/2 tsp. of oregano
  • S+P, to taste
  • 2 tbsp. of olive oil

How to:

  • In a bowl, combine chili powder + garlic powder + cumin + oregano + S+P
  • Add shrimp + 1 tbsp. of olive oil + combine well, set aside
  • While shrimp marinate, cook quinoa according to package directions + drain
  • Heat other tbsp. of olive oil in a skillet over medium heat
  • Add garlic + cook for 1 minute
  • Add shrimp + cook until pink
  • Add shrimp + quinoa + red onion + red pepper + tomato + black beans + some cilantro to a bowl
  • Serve hot
  • See how many scrimps you can fit in your mouth at one time