Butternut Noodle Bowls

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How many pairs of eyewear will I purchase online before I realize it’s a very bad idea?

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3 dozen? 100? Does the limit really not exist?

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I legit get a new pair every 8 months because I can no longer stand the sight of myself in the giant goggles I choose.

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I always order from the same site and they are chock full of the latest fashions and v stylish options. I’m hip, I’m trendy, I can wear those ginormous oblong frames, right? Wrong. They even offer free at-home try-ons so you’re not stuck with something that looks horrendous. Do I utilize this convenient service? No, never. I always think this time is going to be different. This pair will perfectly my fit equal parts long face and chubby cheeks. A new pair arrived yesterday. These are much smaller than my old pairs, neatly round, no crazy shape, and pink. Pink! I have found the perfect pair! I sent a selfie to my father who immediately told me I look more and more like a grandmother everyday.

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The BEST part of new glasses is the first couple of days where they haven’t stretched to my face & they are squeezing my head so hard they leave stellar bruises.

 

 

Time: 45 minutes (prep + cooking) | Serves: 3-4

Ingredients:

  • 1 butternut squash, spiralized
  • 1 red onion, sliced thin
  • 1 package of cremini mushrooms, sliced thin
  • 1 head of cauliflower, cut into florets
  • 1 zucchini, sliced into thin ribbons
  • 1/2 cup of pomegranate seeds
  • 1 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 4 tbsp. of olive oil
  • Juice of 1/2 a lemon
  • S+P, to taste

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 400 degrees
  • Arrange cauliflower on a lined baking sheet with a drizzle of 1 tbsp. of olive oil + some S+P
  • Roast 20-25 minutes, tossing once
  • Meanwhile, heat another tbsp. of olive oil in a skillet over medium heat
  • Add onion + S+P, cook 3-4 minutes
  • Add garlic, cook another minute
  • Add mushrooms + S+P, cook another 5 minutes
  • Toss the raw butternut squash noodles + raw zucchini + mushroom + onion mix + cauliflower in a large bowl with remaining olive oil + lemon juice + pomegranate seeds + S+P
  • Refrigerate for a bit + serve chilled or room temp
  • Enjoy slurping the entirety of this guilt free meal + doing a lil happy jig around your party pad in celebration

Butternut Burrito Bowls

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I really thought I had defined all airport archetypes, but alas, I continue to be surprised.

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To preface, I’m not judging my fellow travelers, I’m simply observing their habits with a keen eye, taking as many mental pictures as I can and recording all my data and research so I can one day compile a book on air travelers, simple.

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My most recent discovery is really a matter of etiquette. Allow me to pose a question: What foods are OK to bring on a plane?

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I’ll admit I’m personally lenient on the issue. Like, I’ll bring an everything bagel onto a plane, noooo problemo. No one makes small talk with onion breath Rachel! Burgers, sammies, burrito bowls, I’m really fine with it. Peeps gotta eat, right? I’m on a plane yesterday, snacking on some almonds, reading my book, when I get a whiff of something stank. I’m accustomed to passenger foot stank as I know some folks are super pro-shoeless-flying, but this was different. It was definitely food. And it was definitely fish. On a plane. Like snakes on a plane, except more frightening? Idk. At first I was like, I am definitely making this up. No one brought fish on this plane. I turn and see a gal just going to town on a tuna salad and owning every bite. I couldn’t be upset, I could tell she was loving her dinner and living her best life up there at 30,000 feet. In the end, are my onion bagels so different from her tuna salad? No, I say, no, they are not.

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To my fellow pungent food plane eaters, I applaud you for living your truth.

 

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 4-6

Ingredients:

  • 1 butternut squash, peeled + cubed
  • 1 package of soyrizo
  • 1 white onion, diced
  • 1 jalapeno, diced
  • 1 red pepper, chopped
  • 1 can of black beans, rinsed + drained
  • 1 cup of quinoa, cooked
  • 1 cup of roasted corn
  • Avocado, for serving
  • Cilantro, for serving
  • 1 tbsp. of chili powder
  • 2 tsp. of cumin
  • S+P, to taste
  • 2 tbsp. of olive oil

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 400
  • Arrange butternut squash on a lined baking sheet + drizzle with 1 tbsp of olive oil + sprinkle with chili powder + 1 tsp. of cumin + S+P
  • Roast 20-25 minutes, tossing once
  • Meanwhile, heat remaining olive oil in a skillet over medium heat
  • Add onion, cook 3-4 minutes
  • Add soyrizo, cook 5-6 minutes
  • Add jalapeno, cook another 2 minutes
  • Meanwhile, heat black beans in a lil pot over low-med heat with remaining cumin + S+P
  • To serve, add some quinoa + squash + soyrizo mix + beans + red pepper + corn to a bowl and top with cilantro + avocado, serve hot
  • Light up your pumpkin candles, swaddle yourself in scarves + sweaters + sit by the fire, delicately eating your burrito bowl + being the basic autumn queen you are

Butternut Squash Tacos

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What to do with all of this free time when the good TV is on hiatus…………………….

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I feel like I am in a reality show/melodramatic sitcom limbo where I am without outlet for all of my evening feelings.

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What do those with lives do in the evenings?

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I tried Cloroxing some stuff and I followed Felix (my Roomba) around for a while. I called my mom and talked her ear off for a half hour. I stared at my massive pores for a bit and daydreamed of what a button nose would look like on my face. I’d like to take a walk but I live in Antarctica and Topanga can barely make it to the mailbox without wheezing. The book I’m reading has bored me to tears so I can barely get through three pages a day, but I am not a quitter!!!!!! I have simply run out of activities.

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Online shop for things I will never be able to afford it is!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

Time: 45 minutes (prep + cooking) | Serves: 2-3 peeps

Ingredients:

  • 1 butternut squash, seeded + cubed
  • 1/2 head of red cabbage, shredded
  • 1 red onion, diced
  • 1 can of black beans
  • 1 can of green chiles
  • 2 tbsp. of olive oil
  • 1 tsp. of cinnamon
  • 1 tsp. of chili powder
  • 1 tsp. of cumin
  • S+P, to taste
  • Cilantro, for serving
  • Corn tortillas, for serving

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 400 degrees
  • Arrange squash on a lined baking sheet
  • Drizzle with 1 tbsp. of olive oil + cinnamon + chili powder + S+P
  • Roast for 25 minutes, tossing 1-2 times
  • Meanwhile, heat remaining oil in a sauce pan over medium heat
  • Add 1/2 the onion + S+P, cook 3 minutes
  • Add beans + green chiles + cumin + S+P< cover + simmer for 8-10 minutes, stirring occasionally
  • To serve, spread some beans on a tortilla + top with squash + cabbage + raw onion + cilantro
  • Serve hot
  • Open wide for the butternut choo choo train – CHOOOO CHOOOOO (sorry that was not my best work)