Pesto Cauliflower with Butter Beans + Blistered Tomatoes

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I think I had my first hot flash.

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At 28. Is that even possible?

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Farewell, cruel world. I’m out.

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I’m getting ready for bed two nights ago and all of a sudden I am overcome with heat. Like I can feel my scalp get hot and start to dampen. My cheeks flush. I feel like I am going to burst out of my skin. I accuse Garrett of turning off the air and/or poisoning me. I’m like running around the house trying to figure out what is happening to make me so hot. Air is working, fan is on, everything is normal. It’s me. I’m just boiling from the inside out. These are just as terrible as Diane Keaton has always told us. I’m sorry, I simply won’t survive anymore of these. I hope someone is working on a menopause pill that allows us to bypass these symptoms. I only calmed down after ripping off all my clothes and standing in front of the oscillating fan for 20 minutes while contemplating aging and my mortality. It was a dark day.

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I’ve tried to since convince myself it was just the summer heat and I’m a delicate southern belle who must be fanned and tended to with iced teas and fresh hankies to dab at my sweaty brow.

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 2

Ingredients:

  • 1 head of cauliflower, cut into florets
  • 1 can of butter beans, rinsed + drained
  • 1/4 cup of sundried tomatoes, chopped
  • 1 pint of cherry tomatoes, rinsed + halved
  • 1 cup of basil
  • 1 cup of spinach
  • 1/2 cup of walnuts
  • 1/4 cup of nutritional yeast
  • 2 tbsp. of garlic
  • Juice of 1/2 a lemon
  • 1/3 cup + 1 tbsp. of olive oil
  • 1 tsp. of crushed red pepper
  • S+P, to taste

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 400 degrees
  • In a food processor, combine basil + spinach + walnuts + nutritional yeast + 1 tbsp. of garlic + lemon juice + S+P
  • Process while drizzling in 1/3 cup of olive oil until smooth
  • Thin with a little water if necessary
  • In a bowl, toss cauliflower with half of the pesto
  • Arrange on a lined baking sheet
  • Bake 30-35 minutes, tossing once, until browned to your desire
  • Meanwhile, heat 1 tbsp. of olive oil in a skillet over medium heat
  • Add beans + S+P, cook 3-4 minutes
  • Add sundried tomatoes + crushed red pepper, cook another 2-3 minutes
  • Remove from pan
  • Add tomatoes to hot skillet with S+P, cook 4-5 minutes
  • To serve, arrange some cauli on a plate + top with beans + tomatoes + remaining pesto
  • On your plate, create a cauli road for you to traipse down with your scarecrow friend + find magical adventure + fun

Cauli Rice Risotto with Fennel + Peas

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TELL ME some of you guys are following along with this slick crazy Instagram scavenger hunt engagement/wedding happening over the last few days.

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If not, allow me to fill you in with an abridged version.

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This Instagram influencer and her banker boyfriend are apparently getting engaged. Dude set up this wild scavenger hunt for her starting Tuesday and it’s literally still happening and she’s still not engaged or seen her beau. She went from NYC to the Hamptons to Miami and is now on her way to Paris. And she is posting every detail on her insta story and it’s gone viral Like, modern America, you gotta love it.

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I know this seems really exciting and thoughtful and romantic or something, but I have some questions. This gal has a 9-5 (supposedly), so is her boss really kewl with her just leaving work in the middle of a random Tuesday and not coming back for who only knows how long?? That must be one heck of a benefits package! Next, she doesn’t know where she’s going so doesn’t know what to pack. Literally one of my worst nightmares. I pack 12 outfits for one night because I can think of that many things that could go wrong, requiring backups. Additionally, she is on all of these planes and going, going, going, yet she shows absolutely no sign of travel bloat. I don’t buy it! Either she doesn’t eat or she is a specimen we need to lock up and study because the travel bloat is not something even the rich and famous can escape. Finally, this woman is getting showered with free gifts. Like, goodies are raining from the sky on her because of how big of a deal this is becoming. They are obvio already wealthy otherwise how is this happening in the first place, but now she’s getting free outfits and jewelry?! The cruel injustices of our social media-addicted world! Of which I am addicted.

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What happened to getting engaged on the porch of your boo’s house with your BFF stashed in a bush taking iPhone pix?? The good ‘ole days.

 

 

Time: 45 minutes (prep + cooking) | Serves: 3-4

Ingredients:

  • 1 head of cauliflower, grated into rice on a cheese grater
  • 1 white onion, diced
  • 1 tbsp. of garlic, monced
  • 1/4 cup of dry white wine
  • 1/4 cup of vegetable broth
  • 6 tbsp. of walnuts
  • 3 tbsp. of nutritional yeast
  • 2 tbsp. of vegan buter
  • 1 fennel bulb, sliced thin
  • 1 cup of frozen peas
  • 2 tbsp. of olive oil
  • 1 tsp. of crushed red pepper
  • S+P, to taste

How to:

  • Heat one tbsp. of olive oil in a large pot over medium heat
  • Add onion + S+P, cook 3-4 minutes
  • Add garlic, cook another minute
  • Add cauliflower, coat + cook another 3-4 minutes
  • Add wine, cook another 2 minutes
  • Add broth, cook another 5 minutes or until absorbed by the cauli rice
  • Meanwhile, heat the remaining olive oil in a skillet over medium heat
  • Add fennel + S+P, cook 5-7 minutes
  • Meanwhile, pulse walnuts + nutritional yeast + some S+P in a food processor
  • Turn heat to low + add in walnut mix + butter + fennel + peas + crushed red pepper + S+P, cook another 3-4 minutes
  • Serve warm
  • Eat 6 bowls of this back to back because it’s basically like eating air

 

Adapted from here!

Butternut Noodle Bowls

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How many pairs of eyewear will I purchase online before I realize it’s a very bad idea?

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3 dozen? 100? Does the limit really not exist?

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I legit get a new pair every 8 months because I can no longer stand the sight of myself in the giant goggles I choose.

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I always order from the same site and they are chock full of the latest fashions and v stylish options. I’m hip, I’m trendy, I can wear those ginormous oblong frames, right? Wrong. They even offer free at-home try-ons so you’re not stuck with something that looks horrendous. Do I utilize this convenient service? No, never. I always think this time is going to be different. This pair will perfectly my fit equal parts long face and chubby cheeks. A new pair arrived yesterday. These are much smaller than my old pairs, neatly round, no crazy shape, and pink. Pink! I have found the perfect pair! I sent a selfie to my father who immediately told me I look more and more like a grandmother everyday.

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The BEST part of new glasses is the first couple of days where they haven’t stretched to my face & they are squeezing my head so hard they leave stellar bruises.

 

 

Time: 45 minutes (prep + cooking) | Serves: 3-4

Ingredients:

  • 1 butternut squash, spiralized
  • 1 red onion, sliced thin
  • 1 package of cremini mushrooms, sliced thin
  • 1 head of cauliflower, cut into florets
  • 1 zucchini, sliced into thin ribbons
  • 1/2 cup of pomegranate seeds
  • 1 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 4 tbsp. of olive oil
  • Juice of 1/2 a lemon
  • S+P, to taste

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 400 degrees
  • Arrange cauliflower on a lined baking sheet with a drizzle of 1 tbsp. of olive oil + some S+P
  • Roast 20-25 minutes, tossing once
  • Meanwhile, heat another tbsp. of olive oil in a skillet over medium heat
  • Add onion + S+P, cook 3-4 minutes
  • Add garlic, cook another minute
  • Add mushrooms + S+P, cook another 5 minutes
  • Toss the raw butternut squash noodles + raw zucchini + mushroom + onion mix + cauliflower in a large bowl with remaining olive oil + lemon juice + pomegranate seeds + S+P
  • Refrigerate for a bit + serve chilled or room temp
  • Enjoy slurping the entirety of this guilt free meal + doing a lil happy jig around your party pad in celebration