Classic Totchos

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It’s time I reveal a secret to you.

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I would prefer to wait until the very last minute, but literally nothing else is going on in my life so here it goes.

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We’re pregnant!!!!

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And not just with tater tots. But a real, live fetus. Growing in my womb. I still can’t believe. We tried for so long and were first class passengers on the fertility struggle bus. This little bit is the biggest blessing of our whole lives!!!! But she is also trying to kill me. I thought girls don’t fight with their moms until they’re like 14??? Who knew it would happen this soon?! Really she’s just making my BP plummet on random occasions and making me feel like I’m going to faint while leading a Zoom call. V professional. Whatever, she’s worth it. But I am adding it to the spreadsheet of all the crap she’s put us through that I plan to whip out and review when she’s being a big ole turd.

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Oh, and fried potatoes are a pregnant girl’s #1 BFF.

 

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 3-4

Ingredients:

  • Half a package of frozen tots
  • Cheese sauce from here
  • 1 can of black beans, rinsed + drained
  • 1 red pepper, diced
  • 1/2 pint of cherry tomatoes, halved
  • 1/4 cup of pickled red onions
  • Cilantro, for serving

How to:

  • Cook tots according to package directions
  • Meanwhile, prepare cheese sauce
  • Once tots are crisp, scooch them together + top with beans + red pepper + cherry tomatoes + cheese sauce
  • Pop back in the oven at 450 for about 5-6 minutes or the broiler for just a hot minute until cheese has browned a little
  • Top with red onion + cilantro
  • Serve hot
  • Put a whole slop of these into a bowl + just enjoy the tater tot bowl of your dreams

Vegan Ravioli

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Quick! I need a way to stream every football game in the country on any screen in my house legally and for free.

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We have officially been cable-free people for three months.

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For the most part I feel like we are happier, dumber people. We’ve saved a ton of money and know nothing about what’s going on in the real world. It’s so dope.

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Until my husband remembered it’s football season and I remembered I am the Seahawks number one fan! We are in a serious predicament here. I cannot not dress Topanga and I up in our matching jerseys and prance around the house screaming at the television. I just won’t do it. Our other option is to post up at the local Buffalo Wild Wings and bribe the bartenders to put all of the screens on the games we want also kicking out all other patrons. But I’d have to pack my own snacks and that involves a lot of advanced planning. I suppose we could break down and buy some sort of football package, but I prefer the weekly bi-weekly agony and complaining.

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Until then, we will refresh ESPN’s homepage while bingeing Queer Eye.

 

 

Time: 2 hours (prep _ cooking) | Serves: 3-4

Ingredients:

  • 2 cups of all-purpose flour
  • 1/2 cup of whole wheat flour
  • 1 block of extra firm tofu, water drained
  • 1/2 cup of roasted, unsalted sunflower seeds
  • Juice of 1/2 a lemon
  • Zest of 1/2 a lemon
  • 3 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 1/4 cup of nutritional yeast
  • 4 tbsp. of olive oil
  • 1 tsp. of crushed red pepper
  • S+P, to taste
  • Basil, for serving

How to:

  • In a large bowl, combine flours + a pinch of S, stir
  • Make a well in the center + add 3/4 cup of water + 3 tbsp. of olive oil, stir until you got a doughy thang
  • It’ll likely be a lil dry, so go on with your bad self, add another 1/4 cup of water, combine well
  • Once you have a dough ball, put on a floured surface + begin to knead for a full 10 minutes
  • Place back in a bowl, cover with plastic wrap + refrigerate for an hour
  • Meanwhile, pulse sunflower seeds in a food processor
  • Add tofu, process until combined with seeds
  • Pour all of that in a bowl + add remaining olive oil + lemon zest + lemon juice + garlic + nutritional yeast + crushed red pepper + some S+P, combine well
  • Remove pasta dough from refrigerator + cut in half
  • Take one half, roll out on a floured surface until a nice + thin rectangle, about 1/8 inch thick
  • With the long side of the dough facing you, use a lil cookie scoop + scoop some tofu ricotta onto one section + repeat until you fill up a lil row
  • Fold dough in half over the tofu ricotta + press gently around the ricotta to form lil squares
  • Wet your fingers + pinch the edges all together
  • Using a pizza cutter, cut your lil guys, making sure to continue pinching the edges to tuck away all the filling + place on a plate
  • Repeat with the other dough half
  • Bring a pot of salted water to a boil
  • Cook 3-4 at a time until raviolis pop to the top, about 3 minutes
  • Serve hot with basil + your favorite tomato sauce – here’s mine – sans the cheese
  • Rub saucy raviolis on face like a luxurious mask + draw yourself a bubble bath + nibble on the lil guys while you relax, you deserve it

 

Recipe from Thug Kitchen!

Apricot + Caper Jam Grilled Cheese

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A thing we should have done 4 years ago:

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Invest in a king bed.

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Truly, how has our marriage survived up until this point?

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It’s not that we don’t love cuddling. We’re a big cuddling couple. We cuddle watching tv, cuddle while we read, cuddle while we scroll through our phones looking at memes and food pix. But when it’s time for night night, it’s time for night night. We go our separate ways. It’s an absolute no limb touching zone. If a toe crosses the border and caresses a calf, it’s like Mortal Kombat 7. Hence the need for a ginormous king bed. It’s basically like  having three lil twin beds all connected. One for Garr, one for me & Topanga has one all to herself!

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Now if only the bed frame would arrive & we could lift our mattress off the floor and stop living like frat boys.

 

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 6 grilled cheeses

Ingredients:

  • 1 loaf of crusty bread, sliced
  • 3 cups of arugula, packed
  • 6 slices of vegan pepper jack cheese
  • 1/2 cup of vegan cream cheese
  • 1/2 cup of vegan butter
  • 20 dried apricots
  • 1 tbsp of capers
  • 1 tbsp. of dijon mustard
  • 1 tbsp. of olive oil
  • S+P, to taste

How to:

  • In a sauce pan, add apricots + just enough water to cover
  • Bring to a boil, turn off + remove from heat
  • Mix in capers + dijon mustard + oil + some S+P
  • Add to a food processor + pulse until chunky but spreadable
  • Refrigerate until you’re ready to cook
  • Spread one side of a piece of bread with butter + the other with cream cheese, repeat with all breads
  • On the cream cheese side, spread some jam + top with cheese + arugula + another piece of bread, cream cheese side down, repeat with all sandwiches
  • Add a lil butter to a skillet over medium heat
  • Cook sammies for 2-3 minutes on each side
  • Serve hot
  • Dip sammie into vat of jam, use sammie to trace jam heart on face + get self portraits made