Vegan Ravioli

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Quick! I need a way to stream every football game in the country on any screen in my house legally and for free.

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We have officially been cable-free people for three months.

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For the most part I feel like we are happier, dumber people. We’ve saved a ton of money and know nothing about what’s going on in the real world. It’s so dope.

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Until my husband remembered it’s football season and I remembered I am the Seahawks number one fan! We are in a serious predicament here. I cannot not dress Topanga and I up in our matching jerseys and prance around the house screaming at the television. I just won’t do it. Our other option is to post up at the local Buffalo Wild Wings and bribe the bartenders to put all of the screens on the games we want also kicking out all other patrons. But I’d have to pack my own snacks and that involves a lot of advanced planning. I suppose we could break down and buy some sort of football package, but I prefer the weekly bi-weekly agony and complaining.

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Until then, we will refresh ESPN’s homepage while bingeing Queer Eye.

 

 

Time: 2 hours (prep _ cooking) | Serves: 3-4

Ingredients:

  • 2 cups of all-purpose flour
  • 1/2 cup of whole wheat flour
  • 1 block of extra firm tofu, water drained
  • 1/2 cup of roasted, unsalted sunflower seeds
  • Juice of 1/2 a lemon
  • Zest of 1/2 a lemon
  • 3 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 1/4 cup of nutritional yeast
  • 4 tbsp. of olive oil
  • 1 tsp. of crushed red pepper
  • S+P, to taste
  • Basil, for serving

How to:

  • In a large bowl, combine flours + a pinch of S, stir
  • Make a well in the center + add 3/4 cup of water + 3 tbsp. of olive oil, stir until you got a doughy thang
  • It’ll likely be a lil dry, so go on with your bad self, add another 1/4 cup of water, combine well
  • Once you have a dough ball, put on a floured surface + begin to knead for a full 10 minutes
  • Place back in a bowl, cover with plastic wrap + refrigerate for an hour
  • Meanwhile, pulse sunflower seeds in a food processor
  • Add tofu, process until combined with seeds
  • Pour all of that in a bowl + add remaining olive oil + lemon zest + lemon juice + garlic + nutritional yeast + crushed red pepper + some S+P, combine well
  • Remove pasta dough from refrigerator + cut in half
  • Take one half, roll out on a floured surface until a nice + thin rectangle, about 1/8 inch thick
  • With the long side of the dough facing you, use a lil cookie scoop + scoop some tofu ricotta onto one section + repeat until you fill up a lil row
  • Fold dough in half over the tofu ricotta + press gently around the ricotta to form lil squares
  • Wet your fingers + pinch the edges all together
  • Using a pizza cutter, cut your lil guys, making sure to continue pinching the edges to tuck away all the filling + place on a plate
  • Repeat with the other dough half
  • Bring a pot of salted water to a boil
  • Cook 3-4 at a time until raviolis pop to the top, about 3 minutes
  • Serve hot with basil + your favorite tomato sauce – here’s mine – sans the cheese
  • Rub saucy raviolis on face like a luxurious mask + draw yourself a bubble bath + nibble on the lil guys while you relax, you deserve it

 

Recipe from Thug Kitchen!

Apricot + Caper Jam Grilled Cheese

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A thing we should have done 4 years ago:

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Invest in a king bed.

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Truly, how has our marriage survived up until this point?

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It’s not that we don’t love cuddling. We’re a big cuddling couple. We cuddle watching tv, cuddle while we read, cuddle while we scroll through our phones looking at memes and food pix. But when it’s time for night night, it’s time for night night. We go our separate ways. It’s an absolute no limb touching zone. If a toe crosses the border and caresses a calf, it’s like Mortal Kombat 7. Hence the need for a ginormous king bed. It’s basically like  having three lil twin beds all connected. One for Garr, one for me & Topanga has one all to herself!

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Now if only the bed frame would arrive & we could lift our mattress off the floor and stop living like frat boys.

 

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 6 grilled cheeses

Ingredients:

  • 1 loaf of crusty bread, sliced
  • 3 cups of arugula, packed
  • 6 slices of vegan pepper jack cheese
  • 1/2 cup of vegan cream cheese
  • 1/2 cup of vegan butter
  • 20 dried apricots
  • 1 tbsp of capers
  • 1 tbsp. of dijon mustard
  • 1 tbsp. of olive oil
  • S+P, to taste

How to:

  • In a sauce pan, add apricots + just enough water to cover
  • Bring to a boil, turn off + remove from heat
  • Mix in capers + dijon mustard + oil + some S+P
  • Add to a food processor + pulse until chunky but spreadable
  • Refrigerate until you’re ready to cook
  • Spread one side of a piece of bread with butter + the other with cream cheese, repeat with all breads
  • On the cream cheese side, spread some jam + top with cheese + arugula + another piece of bread, cream cheese side down, repeat with all sandwiches
  • Add a lil butter to a skillet over medium heat
  • Cook sammies for 2-3 minutes on each side
  • Serve hot
  • Dip sammie into vat of jam, use sammie to trace jam heart on face + get self portraits made

Chili + Cheese Cauli Tots

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Working from home has afforded me the opportunity to really get to know my neighbors.

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From afar. I’ve never introduced myself to any of them – far too shy and they’d all hate me, I’m sure.

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So I was really happy for my neighbor when she got a new car last week. What an exciting time!

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A couple of days later I noticed the car was a different color. I sat on this for a while and thought: A) they painted it B) they traded it in for a different color C) I’m out of my mind and it was always light gray not dark gray. Finally, I realize I haven’t seen the husband’s car in a while. Interesting. What a mystery. Until I look out the window one morning, and there in the driveway sit two, IDENTICAL, brand new cars – one light gray, one dark gray. They got matching cars! Within days of each other!!! I’m not judging here, I’ve just never seen this before! A couple of additional theories: A) Their love is on another level & they thoroughly enjoy matching B) They got a 2-for-1 deal 3) They are doomsday preppers and it’s more economical to stock up on identical car parts.

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Moral of the story: I need a life.

 

 

Time: 2 hours (prep + cooking) | Serves: 4-6

Ingredients:

Tots-

  • 1 head of cauliflower, cleaned + chopped into florets
  • 1 cup of panko breadcrumbs
  • 1/2 a yellow onion, chopped
  • 3 tbsp. of nutritional yeast
  • 2 tbsp. of ground flaxseed meal
  • 2 tbsp. of cilantro
  • 1 tsp. of crushed red pepper
  • S+P, to taste
  • Vegan butter, for coating your baking sheet

Chili-

  • 1 yellow onion, diced
  • 1 jalapeno, diced
  • 1 red bell pepper, diced
  • 1 cup of cooked lentils
  • 1 cup of cooked red beans
  • 3 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 1 tbsp. of chili powder
  • 1 tsp. of smoked paprika
  • 1 tsp. of cumin
  • 1 tsp. of oregano
  • 1 tsp. of crushed red pepper
  • 1 can of diced tomatoes
  • 2 tbsp. of tomato paste
  • 2 tsp. of apple cider vinegar
  • 2 tbsp. of sriracha
  • 1 tbsp. of olive oil
  • S+P, to taste

Cheese-

  • 1/4 cup of cashews, soaked in water overnight + rinsed before using
  • 1 russet potato, chopped
  • 1 carrot, chopped
  • 3 tbsp. of nutritional yeast
  • Juice of 1/2 a lemon
  • 1/2 tsp. of white wine vinegar
  • 1 tbsp. of sriracha
  • 1 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 2 tbsp. of olive oil
  • 1/4 cup of water
  • S+P, to taste

Toppings-

  • Cilantro
  • Tomatoes

How to:

  • To make the cheese, add potato + carrot to a pot + cover with water
  • Bring to a boil, reduce heat + simmer for 15 minutes
  • Add the drained potato + carrot + all other cheese ingredients to a food processor
  • Combine until smooth + drizzleable (new word), set aside
  • Now, preheat oven to 400 degrees + grease baking sheet with vegan butter
  • Add cauliflower to a food processor, pulse until riced
  • Add remaining tot ingredients (except the butter), + pulse until all combined
  • Scoop out a lil with a cookie scoop + form into tots, arrange on baking sheet
  • Bake these lil guys for 10 minutes, turn over + bake another 10 minutes
  • While tots bake, make your chili!
  • Heat olive oil in a skillet over medium heat
  • Add onion + S+P, cook 3-4 minutes
  • Add garlic, cook another minute
  • Add jalapeno + red pepper + S+P, cook another 3-4 minutes
  • Add chili powder + smoked paprika + cumin + oregano + crushed red pepper + S+P
  • Add diced tomatoes + bring to a simmer
  • Add tomato paste + lentils + red beans, smash with the back of a fork
  • Add vinegar + sriracha, cook another 10 minutes
  • To serve, arrange your tots in a dish + top with chili + cheese + more tots + top with cilantro + tomatoes
  • Pretend you are at a drive-in wearing your sweatpants + listening to some early 2000’s top hits while stuffing your face with this

 

Chili + cheese from Oh She Glows! Tots adapted from here!