Tomatillo + Kiwi Salsa

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I am a Real Housewife of middle-class, suburban North Carolina.

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Thanks, in part, to the bougie weekend I just had.

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I was in Florida for a bachelorette party and I felt like I was living the life of the rich and the famous.

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We were in a super dope house in a ritzy neighborhood and there was this mega-ginormous pool with this crazy water fountain like out of that pivotal scene in Clueless. Then a party bus came to pick us up and cart us around all evening. I don’t know much about their salaries, but my guess is that party bus drivers are grossly underpaid. They have to drive dozens of screaming girls around into the wee hours of the night without any sort of libation to ease the headache. They have to listen to someone else’s blaring music (there was a lot of O-Town and Leann Rhimes’ version of “The Rose”) without saying a peep. These guys are saints! Saturday we had a PRIVATE SUSHI CHEF come to the house and cook for us all night. The spread he made! I sat back, eating my 18th piece of a vegan roll topped with lemon zest, just taking it all in and realized, “I am meant to be wealthy and do this all the time.”

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And that is how I became inspired to ask Garrett to consider taking a second job.

 

 

Time: 45 minutes (prep + cooking) | Serves: a big ole tub of salsa

Ingredients:

  • 1 lb. of tomatillos, rinsed + quartered
  • 1 kiwi, peeled + sliced thin
  • 1/2 red onion, diced
  • 1 jalapeno, diced
  • 1/2 cup of cilantro, chopped
  • Juice of 1 lime
  • Pinch of sugar
  • S+P, to taste
  • 1 tbsp. of olive oil
  • Chips for serving

How to:

  • Preheat oven’s broiler
  • Arrange tomatillos on a baking sheet + drizzle with olive oil
  • Broil for 10-15 minutes, checking every two to three to make sure they aren’t browning too quickly, remove once browned to your desire
  • While tomatillos cool, place kiwi + onion + jalapeno + cilantro + lime + sugar + some S+P in a food processor, pulse until combined but still chunky
  • Add tomatillos + puree again until it’s the consistency you desire, adjust seasoning to taste
  • Chill for a couple of hours
  • Serve chilled or room temp with chips
  • Dunk face into salsa + let kiwi + tomatillo nutrients nourish your crackling skin

 

Adapted from here!

Salsa Verde Chilaquiles

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I really strive to be a likable vegan.

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There’s a meme I come across all the time (probably because I stalk the vegan hashtag, hmm…) about how you can tell if someone is vegan because they won’t shut up about being vegan. Becoming this meme is my worst nightmare.

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I purposefully try NOT to bring up my diet in conversation, so as not to annoy others. I’m not a vegan crusader. I’m not trying to change the world. I just want to feel good. (Perhaps I should have more ambition, hmm…)

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Despite my best efforts at playing coy, peeps are so darn CURIOUS about it! Once they confirm I’m not protein deficient, they really want to know more. Why did I do it? Do I eat fish? What do I consider an animal product? It’s not until they realize I no longer eat cheese that I start to hear audible gasps. For those considering taking the plunge, I ask them, “can you really live without chicken nuggets?” This is where I lose them.

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Is blogging about being vegan the same as talking about being vegan and therefore make me comparable to the meme I so fear? Hmm…

 

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 3-4

Ingredients:

  • 1 package of tempeh, cubed
  • 12 corn tortillas, cut in triangles
  • 2 tbsp. of soy sauce
  • 1 tbsp. of garlic powder
  • 1/4 cup of nutritional yeast
  • 1 onion, 1/2 diced + the other roughly chopped
  • 1 red bell pepper, diced
  • 2 jalapenos, diced
  • 1 cup of spinach
  • 4 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 4 tbsp. of olive oil
  • 4 tomatillos, washed + rinsed
  • 1/2 cup of cilantro, + more for serving
  • 1 lime
  • S+P, to taste
  • Avocado, for serving
  • Tomatoes, for serving

 

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 400
  • Arrange tortilla triangles on a baking sheet, bake 15 minutes, toss ’em around, bake another 5-10 or until crisp to your desire, remove + set aside
  • Meanwhile, add tomatillos + 1 jalapeno to a baking dish
  • Place in the oven for as long as your chips take, flipping ’em once in the middle of cooking, remove + let cool
  • Once cool, halve your tomatillos + chop up the jalapeno
  • Add those + 1/2 of the onion (the rough chopped half) + 2 tbsp. of garlic + cilantro + juice of 1 lime + S+P to a food processor, pulse until smooth to your liking, set aside
  • Meanwhile, heat 1 tbsp. of olive oil in a skillet over medium heat
  • Add tempeh, cook 3-4 minutes
  • Add soy sauce + garlic powder + S+P, cook another 1-2 minutes
  • Add nutritional yeast, cook another minute, remove from pan
  • Heat remaining olive oil in the skillet
  • Add the rest of the onion + some S+P, cook for 3-4 minutes
  • Add garlic, cook another minute
  • Add red pepper + other jalapeno + S+P, cook another 3-4 minutes
  • Add spinach + S+P, cook another minute
  • To assemble, add some of chips in the skillet, stir + coat with some of the salsa + tempeh, repeat with more chips + salsa + tempeh until your layered + coated to your liking
  • Top with cilantro + tomatoes + avocado + serve hot
  • Scamper to a dark corner with your skillet + curl self into ball + secretly eat every bite with your grubby hands

 

Adapted from Thug Kitchen!

Root Chips

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I don’t believe in new year’s resolutions, but I have made about 83 so far.

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In no particular order, I’d like to stop picking my split ends, master baking, worry less, buy more candles, become a minimalist, read 40 books, exfoliate more and reduce my social media footprint just to name a few.

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Twelve days in and I’m 0/83.

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These resolutions really boil down to a common theme: becoming a healthier, more well-rounded Rachel. If successful, I’ll have healthier hair and skin, less clutter, a sound mind and a house that smells like Ina Garten’s on lemon tart day. Though self-absorbed, I have high hopes for myself this year!

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Next year I’ll resolve to do something for the greater good, I promise.

 

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: a bunch of chips

*Note – get a mandolin!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It’s the arm workout I never knew I needed

Ingredients:

  • 1 sweet potato, peeled + sliced thin
  • 2 parsnips, peeled + sliced thin
  • 1 beet, peeled + sliced thin
  • 2 golden beets, peeled + sliced thin
  • 1-2 tbsp. of olive oil
  • S+P

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 350 degrees
  • Arrange slices on paper towels + sprinkle with salt, let water release from veggies for about 15 minutes
  • Arrange on lined baking sheets evenly
  • Drizzle with olive oil
  • Bake for 15-20 minutes
  • Remove from oven + sprinkle with S + a little P immediately
  • Serve
  • Spread next to bed while sweetie is sleeping + wait for him to yell a lot when he wakes + crunches them all under his toes