Chocolate + Date Oat Bars

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I am a 19 year old frat boy.

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In that I have been living like a stuffed pig this week.

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Garr was traveling this week and I was bound and determined to get the house spic and span after several weeks of both of us traveling.

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The laundry basket overflowing with three clean loads I’ve yet to fold tell a different story. I literally just dug through it to get some clean workout clothes for yoga tomorrow. I am ashamed of myself. Yet here I sit. Writing this. Instead of doing my chores. The irony. I was also going to clean all the bathrooms. I managed to put my hairbrush under the sink and contact solution in the drawer. The end. I also had big plans to sweep & mop on my lunch break. Did I instead read The Bachelorette spoilers? You better believe it. I even only ran Felix (roomba) once in 4 days. That is literally unacceptable! He’s used to a daily workout. I’ve reached a new level of lazy if I cannot *press* his button. I’m blaming it on the full moon. It’s sucking my energy for its weird lunar purposes.

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I have at least showered every day and for that I applaud myself.

 

Time: 2 hours (prep + cooking) | Serves: 12 bars

Ingredients:

  • 2 cups of whole wheat flour
  • 1 cup of rolled oats
  • 1/2 cup of granulated sugar
  • Pinch of S
  • 1/2 cup of vegan butter, melted
  • 12 oz. of pitted dates
  • 1 tsp. of vanilla extract
  • 1 cup of vegan semisweet chocolate chips

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 350 degrees
  • Coat a 9×13 baking dish with cooking spray + top with a sheet of parchment paper
  • Meanwhile, combine flour + oats + sugar + S
  • Slowly stir in melted butter until combined
  • Scoop 2/3 of the mix into the bottom of the baking dish + pat into a flat layer
  • Pop in the freezer while you make the filling
  • In a food processor, combine dates + vanilla + pinch of S + 1/2 cup of hot water + process on high until smooth
  • Transfer to a bowl + fold in chocolate chips
  • Spread date mix on top of the oat base
  • Top with leftover oat mix + pat down
  • Bake for 40 minutes or until golden brown
  • Let cool for an hour + pop in the freezer for a bit to set
  • Cut into bars + serve! Or individually wrap them + pop back in the freezer for snacking throughout the week
  • Fasten on your bib, partner, there are going to be some serious crumbs

 

Adapted from here!

Coffee Cookies

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The Met Gala is a nice annual reminder that I am not what the kids would call “hip” and our world is pretty sick that we slingshot money at this kind of thing and watch it all unfold with bated breath.

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It took my friend approximately 45 minutes to explain the “camp” theme to me.

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FYI – I still don’t understand.

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While I thoroughly enjoyed the flamboyant fashion, I couldn’t help but wonder (*channels Carrie Bradshaw*) is this really the best use of this much wealth??? Like, I get it’s a fundraiser for the Met and these are millionaire celebrities who blow their noses in hundred dollar bills, but $35,000 a TICKET?! 100,000 humans could eat a hot meal for that (I have no idea of this is true). That’s just the ticket. The celebs only know if they’ve been invited like three weeks before so how much are they paying these designers to create wearable hamburgers on such short notice??? Idk, maybe I’m just jealous I’ll never receive a personal invitation from Anna Wintour requesting my presence on this carpet. Though, that is a BIG mistake, Anna, because I will happily pull a Gaga and do a 15-minute performance complete with 3 wardrobe changes and backup dancers as I make my entrance. I will, however, need to borrow $35,000 to make it happen.

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Cher performed, though, and that’s worth at least $27,000.

 

 

Time: 45 minutes (prep + cooking) | Serves: 12-18 cookies

Ingredients:

  • 1/2 cup of vegan butter
  • 3/4 cup of coconut sugar
  • 4 tbsp. of dairy free milk (I used unsweetened vanilla almond milk)
  • 2 tsp. of vanilla extract
  • 2 cups of whole wheat flour
  • 1 tbsp. of instant coffee
  • 1/2 tsp. of baking soda
  • Pinch of salt
  • 1/2 cup of dark chocolate chips

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 350
  • In a mixer, combine butter + sugar until well combined
  • Add in milk + vanilla, combine well
  • Slowly add in flour while mixer is on low
  • Add in coffee + baking soda + salt, mix until a dough is formed
  • Fold in chocolate chips
  • Using a cookie scoop, scoop cookies onto a lined baking sheet
  • Flatten them a bit with the back of the scoop
  • Bake for 10 minutes, remove + let cool
  • Serve warm or room temperature
  • Dunk into your morning coffee + cram into your mouth, repeat until you explode

Chocolate Chip Larabars

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A fun new marital test: go 71 hours without power.

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Hurricane Florence was something else, I tell you what.

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Our power went out at 6pm Friday and I, being naive and incredibly stupid, was actually excited for the vacation from amenities.

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It started out with a lot of potential. The power went out and we had like all of our neighbors over and we grilled and listened to music and my house smelled like a cookie shop (food candles) and it was just FUN! The next day we basically did the same except there were games and a puzzle and reading by headlamp. More fun! It wasn’t until hour like 56 after I’d read an entire book and Garrett refused to play another board game with me and I’d had several cold showers and three cans of soup heated on the grill that I became a tad despondent. The prospect of sleeping in a hot room with no air flow next to a 200-pound human furnace AGAIN was discouraging. After a bucket of tears and a quick screaming match, we decided to stay at a friend’s house. We left the Panera we were working at to go home and quickly pack. As we pull into our driveway, we could see a lamp was on through the window. LET THERE BE LIGHT, PEOPLE!!! We ran into the house, jumping and screaming and kissing and all was well again.

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Until it was time to clean out the fridge and we discovered a rotten cucumber whose stench we still cannot get out of our nostrils.

 

But like for real, it could have been 109234i5x worse and we are so grateful and looking for ways to help those affected!

 

Ingredients:

  • 4 cups of pitted dates
  • 2 cups of whole almonds
  • 1 cup of vegan chocolate chips
  • 2 tbsp. of peanut butter

How to:

  • Line a 9×13 pan with double the parchment paper you think you need
  • Add almonds to a processor + pulse until fine
  • Add chocolate chips + pulse until combined + fine
  • Pour mix into a bowl
  • Now add half the dates to processor + process until they form a lil ball
  • Add half the peanut butter + half the chocolatey nuts + process until all combined into a ball
  • Remove + place ball on the lined pan
  • Repeat with remaining ingredients
  • Combine both date balls + knead + pat down into an even layer
  • Cover with sides of the parchment paper until completely covered
  • Put something heavy on top + refrigerate for two hours
  • Cut into shapes you like, wrap individually + refrigerate, eat when hungry
  • Set up a table outside of your home + sell your bars for $35 a pop

 

These easy peasy dudes are adapted from here!