Coffee Cookies

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The Met Gala is a nice annual reminder that I am not what the kids would call “hip” and our world is pretty sick that we slingshot money at this kind of thing and watch it all unfold with bated breath.

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It took my friend approximately 45 minutes to explain the “camp” theme to me.

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FYI – I still don’t understand.

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While I thoroughly enjoyed the flamboyant fashion, I couldn’t help but wonder (*channels Carrie Bradshaw*) is this really the best use of this much wealth??? Like, I get it’s a fundraiser for the Met and these are millionaire celebrities who blow their noses in hundred dollar bills, but $35,000 a TICKET?! 100,000 humans could eat a hot meal for that (I have no idea of this is true). That’s just the ticket. The celebs only know if they’ve been invited like three weeks before so how much are they paying these designers to create wearable hamburgers on such short notice??? Idk, maybe I’m just jealous I’ll never receive a personal invitation from Anna Wintour requesting my presence on this carpet. Though, that is a BIG mistake, Anna, because I will happily pull a Gaga and do a 15-minute performance complete with 3 wardrobe changes and backup dancers as I make my entrance. I will, however, need to borrow $35,000 to make it happen.

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Cher performed, though, and that’s worth at least $27,000.

 

 

Time: 45 minutes (prep + cooking) | Serves: 12-18 cookies

Ingredients:

  • 1/2 cup of vegan butter
  • 3/4 cup of coconut sugar
  • 4 tbsp. of dairy free milk (I used unsweetened vanilla almond milk)
  • 2 tsp. of vanilla extract
  • 2 cups of whole wheat flour
  • 1 tbsp. of instant coffee
  • 1/2 tsp. of baking soda
  • Pinch of salt
  • 1/2 cup of dark chocolate chips

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 350
  • In a mixer, combine butter + sugar until well combined
  • Add in milk + vanilla, combine well
  • Slowly add in flour while mixer is on low
  • Add in coffee + baking soda + salt, mix until a dough is formed
  • Fold in chocolate chips
  • Using a cookie scoop, scoop cookies onto a lined baking sheet
  • Flatten them a bit with the back of the scoop
  • Bake for 10 minutes, remove + let cool
  • Serve warm or room temperature
  • Dunk into your morning coffee + cram into your mouth, repeat until you explode

Chocolate Chip Larabars

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A fun new marital test: go 71 hours without power.

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Hurricane Florence was something else, I tell you what.

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Our power went out at 6pm Friday and I, being naive and incredibly stupid, was actually excited for the vacation from amenities.

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It started out with a lot of potential. The power went out and we had like all of our neighbors over and we grilled and listened to music and my house smelled like a cookie shop (food candles) and it was just FUN! The next day we basically did the same except there were games and a puzzle and reading by headlamp. More fun! It wasn’t until hour like 56 after I’d read an entire book and Garrett refused to play another board game with me and I’d had several cold showers and three cans of soup heated on the grill that I became a tad despondent. The prospect of sleeping in a hot room with no air flow next to a 200-pound human furnace AGAIN was discouraging. After a bucket of tears and a quick screaming match, we decided to stay at a friend’s house. We left the Panera we were working at to go home and quickly pack. As we pull into our driveway, we could see a lamp was on through the window. LET THERE BE LIGHT, PEOPLE!!! We ran into the house, jumping and screaming and kissing and all was well again.

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Until it was time to clean out the fridge and we discovered a rotten cucumber whose stench we still cannot get out of our nostrils.

 

But like for real, it could have been 109234i5x worse and we are so grateful and looking for ways to help those affected!

 

Ingredients:

  • 4 cups of pitted dates
  • 2 cups of whole almonds
  • 1 cup of vegan chocolate chips
  • 2 tbsp. of peanut butter

How to:

  • Line a 9×13 pan with double the parchment paper you think you need
  • Add almonds to a processor + pulse until fine
  • Add chocolate chips + pulse until combined + fine
  • Pour mix into a bowl
  • Now add half the dates to processor + process until they form a lil ball
  • Add half the peanut butter + half the chocolatey nuts + process until all combined into a ball
  • Remove + place ball on the lined pan
  • Repeat with remaining ingredients
  • Combine both date balls + knead + pat down into an even layer
  • Cover with sides of the parchment paper until completely covered
  • Put something heavy on top + refrigerate for two hours
  • Cut into shapes you like, wrap individually + refrigerate, eat when hungry
  • Set up a table outside of your home + sell your bars for $35 a pop

 

These easy peasy dudes are adapted from here!

Chocolate Chip Muffies

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It’s time I tell you about Muffie.

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She’s just a girl, like you and me.

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Except she happens to be my alter ego and is named after the good part of a muffin.

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You see, in college, all of my friends had really funny alter egos with unique personalities who would appear at different times. I was just always Rachel. Boring ‘ole Rachel. UNTIL one day while dining at a Panera Bread before a Gavin DeGraw concert at the local casino, my pals and I spotted a tray of lil muffies sitting in the window. I locked eyes with the muffin top delights, and just knew. I AM Muffie, Muffie is me – pillowy, sweet, full of chocolate chips, soft edges, slightly pretentious. And so, it was there in that chain restaurant that Muffie was born.

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Like the dessert she’s named for, Muffie is really the best version of myself.

 

Time: 40 minutes (prep + cooking) | Serves: 12

Ingredients:

  • 1 ripe banana, mashed
  • 1/2 cup of melted vegan butter
  • 1/3 cup of coconut sugar
  • 1 tbsp. of vanilla extract
  • 1/2 tbsp. of agave
  • Pinch of salt
  • 1/2 tsp. of baking soda
  • 1/2 tsp. of nutmeg
  • 1/2 tsp. of cinnamon
  • 1 3/4 cup of all-purpose flour
  • 2/3 cup of vegan chocolate chips

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 355 degrees
  • In a bowl, combine banana + butter + sugar + extract + agave until creamy
  • Stir in salt + baking soda + nutmeg + cinnamon
  • Fold in half of the flour, combine
  • Fold in rest of the flour until fully combined
  • Fold in 3/4 of the chocolate chips
  • On a lined baking sheet, scoop a heaping amount of batter with a cookie scoop + arrange, repeat
  • Top with remaining chocolate chips
  • Bake 14-15 minutes + let cool slightly
  • Serve
  • Sneak down to the kitchen late at night + eat all of these in the dark like the chocolate monster you are

 

 

Adapted from here!