Lemon Tarts

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In a galaxy far, far away lives the version of myself that used to be fun.

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There was a time when I was the life of the party!

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That’s a lie, my social anxiety has always kept me from obtaining that title.

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But I could hang! I mean, in WA, Garr and I used to start a Saturday with a fab brunch & spend the next 8 hours exploring & shopping & eating & listening to live music & doing photoshoots & stumbling upon random festivals & strolling by the water. Fast forward like 1.5 years & Garr and I go to Raleigh for the day, thinking it’ll be like our wild Seattle days. NAHT. We kick things off with brunch, old faithful. Turns out, this place makes all vegan desserts. Mmkay. So we order a peanut butter pie. At 11am. MISTAKE. We immediately need to be tucked in for a nap. But we must persevere! We decide to walk around downtown and find some coffee. This helps but only momentarily. We’re fading. It’s 12:30pm. We try to shop but nothing is catching our eye. We try to stop and grab a drink at this really hip restaurant but there are no seats at the bar. The world is conspiring against us! We’re at a crossroads, we can power through or we can embrace our aging, failing bodies and ditch the downtown scene, go to Trader Joe’s and go home for a siesta. 

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Got to TJ’s in time to snag ALLLLL the cauliflower gnocchis. Holler.

 

 

Time: 3 hours (prep + baking) | Serves: 12 tarts

Ingredients:

  • 1 1/2 cups of unsweetened, shredded cocount
  • 1 cup of whole wheat flour
  • 1 tbsp. of coconut sugar
  • 1 tbsp. of brown sugar
  • 1/2 cup of coconut oil
  • 1 cup of raw almonds, soaked overnight or placed in a bowl + covered in boiling water, letting soak for 30 minutes-hour, drained
  • Juice of 2 lemons
  • 2 tbsp. of agave
  • 1 tsp. of vanilla extract
  • Pinch of turmeric
  • 1/4 cup of coconut milk
  • Pinch of S
  • Blueberries + raspberries for serving

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 350 degrees
  • In a food processor, combine coconut + flour + sugar + 2 tbsp. of the coconut oil + the S, pulse until well combined + sticks together
  • Scoop a tbsp. of the crust mix in lined muffin tins + press flat
  • Bake for 10 minutes
  • Meanwhile, rinse out food processor
  • Add remaining coconut oil + almonds + lemon juice + agave + vanilla extract + turmeric, process + slowly pour in coconut milk, process until smooth + creamy
  • Scoop 1-2 tbsp. of lemon filling onto each crust + smooth it out
  • Freeze for 2 hours
  • Serve chilled with fruit on top
  • Take a giant bite out of a tart + smile as wide as the dent you made in it + snap a selfie with your tart + make it your profile picture

 

Adapted from here!

 

 

 

Coffee Cookies

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The Met Gala is a nice annual reminder that I am not what the kids would call “hip” and our world is pretty sick that we slingshot money at this kind of thing and watch it all unfold with bated breath.

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It took my friend approximately 45 minutes to explain the “camp” theme to me.

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FYI – I still don’t understand.

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While I thoroughly enjoyed the flamboyant fashion, I couldn’t help but wonder (*channels Carrie Bradshaw*) is this really the best use of this much wealth??? Like, I get it’s a fundraiser for the Met and these are millionaire celebrities who blow their noses in hundred dollar bills, but $35,000 a TICKET?! 100,000 humans could eat a hot meal for that (I have no idea of this is true). That’s just the ticket. The celebs only know if they’ve been invited like three weeks before so how much are they paying these designers to create wearable hamburgers on such short notice??? Idk, maybe I’m just jealous I’ll never receive a personal invitation from Anna Wintour requesting my presence on this carpet. Though, that is a BIG mistake, Anna, because I will happily pull a Gaga and do a 15-minute performance complete with 3 wardrobe changes and backup dancers as I make my entrance. I will, however, need to borrow $35,000 to make it happen.

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Cher performed, though, and that’s worth at least $27,000.

 

 

Time: 45 minutes (prep + cooking) | Serves: 12-18 cookies

Ingredients:

  • 1/2 cup of vegan butter
  • 3/4 cup of coconut sugar
  • 4 tbsp. of dairy free milk (I used unsweetened vanilla almond milk)
  • 2 tsp. of vanilla extract
  • 2 cups of whole wheat flour
  • 1 tbsp. of instant coffee
  • 1/2 tsp. of baking soda
  • Pinch of salt
  • 1/2 cup of dark chocolate chips

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 350
  • In a mixer, combine butter + sugar until well combined
  • Add in milk + vanilla, combine well
  • Slowly add in flour while mixer is on low
  • Add in coffee + baking soda + salt, mix until a dough is formed
  • Fold in chocolate chips
  • Using a cookie scoop, scoop cookies onto a lined baking sheet
  • Flatten them a bit with the back of the scoop
  • Bake for 10 minutes, remove + let cool
  • Serve warm or room temperature
  • Dunk into your morning coffee + cram into your mouth, repeat until you explode

Chocolate Chip Zucchini Bread

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Favorite places on Earth in order: 1) Airports 2) Trader Joe’s

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That’s it. That’s the whole list.

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Those are the places I am the most at home, the best version of myself, really.

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Because my local TJ’s is legit over an hour away, I adopt the PPPPP motto. Prior planning prevents poor performance. There is no room for error on these trips. A list is non-negotiable. It’s impossible to walk into that heavenly establishment without impulse buying, but you have to set some ground rules. Only one unnecessary purchase from each aisle – two from the frozen food aisle that’s lined with the cookies and sweet treats. Because it’s so far, I can only make it on weekends, meaning the joint is jumping. Peeps are packed in their like sardines! Comfortable shoes are a must. Keep your head down and your elbows slightly bowed – you might have to throw a couple if you and some gal are both reaching for the last cauliflower gnocchi. When shopping with pals, consider sharing a cart – this cuts down on the space you and your posse take up. It also makes you all look like a couple of radical broads on a mission cause you’re carrying a lot of stuff in your arms trying to catch up with your rogue cart as your friend beelines to the cheese.

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Do consider tipping your checkout guy if you share a cart because you will inevitably aggravate the stew out of him as you all divvy up your goodies.

 

 

Time: 1 1/2 hours (prep + cooking) | Seves: 3-4

Ingredients:

  • 2 cups of whole wheat flour
  • 1/2 cup of pure cane sugar
  • 1/2 cup of brown sugar
  • 3 tsp. of baking powder
  • 2 zucchini, washed + shredded
  • 1 cup of vegan chocolate chips
  • 1 ripe banana, mashed
  • 1/2 cup of favie non-dairy milk
  • 1/4 cup of olive oil
  • 1 tsp. of vanilla extract
  • 1 tbsp. of flax seed
  • 1 tsp. of cinnamon
  • 1/2 tsp. of nutmeg
  • Pinch of S

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 350
  • Prepare a flax egg by combining flax seed + 3 tbsp. of hot water, stir + set aside
  • In a large mixing bowl, combine flour + sugars + baking powder + cinnamon + nutmeg + S, mix well
  • Add zucchini + banana + milk + olive oil + vanilla + flax egg, mix well
  • Fold in chocolate chips
  • Line a loaf pan with parchment paper + spray with some nonstick spray
  • Pour batter into pan + spread in an even layer
  • Bake one hour or until a toothpick comes out clean
  • Let cool for a bit
  • Serve warm, cold, room temp, for breakfast, lunch dinner, snack, I don’t care just eat it and if you don’t feel instantly happier, I’ll give you your money back, no I won’t

 

Adapted from here!