Chicken + Brie Grilled Cheese

Processed with VSCOcam with f2 preset

I’d like to slap a kick me sign on the back of every human being who shares spoilers on social media.

Processed with VSCOcam with f2 preset

Like, it takes effort to pick up your phone, open a social media account, type out your spoiler, & hit send. It takes literally no effort to SHUT UP.

Processed with VSCOcam with f2 preset

So if you are on the interwebs at all (which you are, obviously, I thank you), then you know that last night’s Grey’s Anatomy was beyond. I won’t go into details because I am not the spawn of satan.

Processed with VSCOcam with f2 preset

I’m just depressed. Not only because I know what happens in the show, but because I lose a little more faith in humanity every time I log into Facebook. I’m sure these spoiler sharers were all good people once. They just took a wrong turn somewhere. Got mixed in with the wrong crowd. Someone tells them it’s OK to summarize every episode of television they watch in their Facebook status. “It’s totally fine, all the kids are doing it” type of thing.

Processed with VSCOcam with f2 preset

If you are one of the aforementioned hellions, trust that I am praying for you.

 

Time: 30 minutes (prep + cooking) | Serves: 5 sandwiches

Ingredients:

  • 8 oz. of deli chicken
  • 1 onion, sliced
  • 4-5 oz. of brie
  • 1/2 cup of mozzarella cheese
  • 10 slices of sourdough bread
  • 2 tbsp. of olive oil
  • Butter, for bread
  • S+P, to taste

How to:

  • Heat a tbsp. of olive oil in a skillet over medium heat
  • Add onion + S+P, let caramelize to your desire, about 8-10 minutes
  • Meanwhile, butter bread
  • In another skillet, heat the other tbsp. of olive oil over medium heat
  • Add bread, butter side down, + brie + chicken + onion + mozz + P + another slice of bread
  • Flip & cook until golden brown & cheese melted
  • Repeat with rest of the ingredients
  • Lick the plate leaving no crumb behind

Pear + Prosciutto Pasta

Processed with VSCOcam with f2 preset

We’ve all got our go-to after dinner treat. Ice cream, a cupcake, Dunkaroos, a stiff drink, the options are endless.

Processed with VSCOcam with f2 preset

Some of us have been eating the same dessert every night for 10 years. Some of us are insecure & addicted to routine, OK?

Processed with VSCOcam with f2 preset

When Nabisco released The Mint Oreo, my world got brighter. I don’t remember the first time I tasted one, but I think we must have broken the space-time continuum or something.

Processed with VSCOcam with f2 preset

After years of trial & error, I’ve finally perfected the Oreo-eating experience.

1) Only eat the mint flavor – please don’t argue, I will squash you.

2) Pair with a giant glass of skim milk. Take one Oreo between your thumb & index finger, above either of the O’s on the Oreo. Dip into the milk up to the second letter (R or E depending on which end you’re dipping from) for 8 seconds. Eat the softened half. Repeat.

3) Only eat them when wearing your sleepy pants so you can wipe any milk residue on them. (Don’t scowl at me)

4) Eat no less than 6 at a time. An entire sleeve is acceptable if a good television show is on, you’re sad, you’re happy, or you looked really skinny that day.

Processed with VSCOcam with f2 preset

Eat 3 bowls of this & then test out the above. You might need a Tums or something, but totally worth it.

 

Time: 30 minutes (prep + cooking) | Serves: 4

Ingredients:

  • 1 package of whole grain pasta
  • 8 oz. of prosciutto
  • 2 red anjou pears
  • 1 onion, diced
  • 2 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 2 oz. of goat cheese
  • 1 tbsp. of olive oil
  • 1 tbsp. of butter
  • 1 tsp. of oregano
  • 1 tsp. of crushed red pepper
  • S+P, to taste

How to:

  • Cook pasta to al dente, drain
  • In a saute pan, heat olive oil over medium heat
  • Add onion + S+P, cook for 3-4 minutes
  • Add garlic, cook for another 1-2 minutes
  • Add pear + prosciutto, let warm through
  • Add pasta + butter back to the pot it was cooked in
  • Combine with pear + prosciutto mix + oregano + crushed red pepper + S+P
  • Stir in goat cheese letting coat all of the noodles
  • Serve hot with extra cheese
  • Slap your partner with leftover noodles just for kicks

Honey Roasted Brussels Sprouts + Barley Salad

Processed with VSCOcam with f2 preset

Is it seriously already time to elect a new president? Like, why do we start this process so early? You’re interrupting my Today Show, Marco & Hillary.

Processed with VSCOcam with f2 preset

Why do we announce that a candidate is ABOUT to announce they’re running? This is maddening to me. & why is the news revealing everyone’s campaign strategies? Isn’t that cheating? I literally know where Hillary will be every week for the next 8 months. This is dangerous!

Processed with VSCOcam with f2 preset

I wish I was a better citizen. I’d like to be jazzed about it all, I really do. Be one of those people with the bumper sticker & the yard sign. Maybe even a t-shirt, I just don’t know.

Processed with VSCOcam with f2 preset

I just don’t feel like I’ll connect with any of the candidates until we start digging a little deeper than foreign policy & the economy. Like, I want to know my president. Television show currently binge watching? Weird thing you do when you’re home alone? Do you fold or wad your toilet paper? Getting right down to the psyche.

Processed with VSCOcam with f2 preset

I’m hopeless, aren’t I? Topanga 2016, y’all.

 

Time: 30 minutes (prep + cooking) | Serves: 2

Ingredients:

  • 12 oz. of barley
  • 3 cups of brussels sprouts, peeled
  • 1/2 cup of dried cranberries
  • 1/2 cup of pecans
  • 2 tbsp. of honey
  • 1 tbsp. of olive oil
  • Goat cheese, for serving
  • S+P, to taste

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 400 degrees
  • In a bowl, combine brussels sprouts + honey + olive oil + S+P
  • Roast on a lined baking sheet for 20 minutes
  • Meanwhile, cook barley to package directions, drain
  • In a large bowl, combine barley + cranberries + pecans + brussels sprouts + S+P + goat cheese
  • Serve warm
  • Throw a sprout at your partner + knock him out so you can eat the whole bowl