Pineapple Fried Rice

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We need to talk about Catfish.

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Not the bottom feeder, the television show about people who meet on the internet but have no idea who they are *actually* communicating with so they call in MTV to crack the case. AKA give these fools an Emmy.

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Who knew this stuff actually happened? I mean, I definitely found myself in a couple of weird chat rooms in the 8th grade, but these people carry on internet relationships with each other for yearrrsssssss.

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I had heard of this show, but never watched an entire episode. Luckily, my father is a teenage boy so he’s super into it. He’s all, “Come over – I’m watching Catfish.” And I’m all, “K.” Just like that, I’m hooked. Surprisingly, I’m really skilled at guessing the outcomes of the episodes. Like, oh yeah his crazy ex definitely made some fake accounts and has been getting him to tell her all of his secrets for the last three years – duh. It’s like I can get into the minds of crazy girls or something – weird.

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If you or someone you know is possibly being Catfished, please call me first so I can know all of the deets.

 

 

Time: 30 minutes (prep + cooking) | Serves: 3-4

Ingredients:

  • 2 cups of cooked brown rice
  • 1 cup of fresh pineapple chunks
  • 1 red pepper, chopped
  • 2 eggs, beaten
  • 1/2 cup of cashews, chopped
  • 1/4 cup of green onion, chopped
  • 2 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 1 tbsp. of cilantro, + more for serving
  • 1/4 cup of low-sodium soy sauce
  • 2 tbsp. of sriracha
  • S+P, to taste
  • 2 tbsp. of olive oil

How to:

  • Heat one tbsp. of the olive oil in a large skillet over medium heat
  • Add eggs + scramble, remove from pan
  • Turn up heat to medium-high + add the other tbsp. of olive oil
  • Add pineapple + red pepper, cook for 5 minutes
  • Add green onion + garlic, cook another minute
  • Remove pineapple + red pepper mixture
  • Add cashews to the hot pan + stir constantly for a minute
  • Add rice + S+P, cook for 4-5 minutes
  • Add the egg + pineapple mix back to the pan, cook for a minute
  • Add soy sauce + sriracha, cook for a minute
  • Top with cilantro + serve hot
  • Eat until your tummy distends to look like you are carrying triplets

 

 

Adapted from hereeeeeeeee!

http://cookieandkate.com/2015/thai-pineapple-fried-rice-recipe/

Sriracha Cauliflower Fried Rice

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There is no food more sinfully delicious than a good fried rice. I’m the lamest person to take to an Asian restaurant because I will, undoubtedly, order just a heaping bowl of vegetable fried rice. I do not share.

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I know it sounds ridiculous and it is because who doesn’t love regular rice?! But when needing to cut carb intake (muah), I love using cauliflower as a substitute. It’s cheap, easy and, essentially, flavorless. So easy to mold into whatever you desire.

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When I made this the first time Cheryl literally did not believe it wasn’t rice. It looks and tastes too good to be true. We gobbled up the whole darn pan – what’s new?

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Tonight I made enough for about 8 humans, but only had one mouth to feed. Leftovers for days, y’all!

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Hearty and hot. Just like me!

Time: 30 minutes (prep+cooking)

Serves: 4

Ingredients:

  • One head of cauliflower, grated or pulsed in a food processor
  • 4 cloves of garlic, diced
  • 1 onion, diced
  • 1 tbsp. olive oil
  • 1 bag frozen Asian veggies
  • 1 cup frozen peas
  • 4 egg whites, scrambled
  • 3 tbsp. soy sauce
  • 2 tbsp. sriracha
  • P, to taste (enough S in the soy)

How to:

  • Heat olive oil in a large pan over medium-high heat
  • Add garlic + onion and saute for 3-4 minutes
  • Add in frozen veggies + peas, cook for 4 minutes
  • Add cauliflower + scrambled eggs + soy sauce + sriracha
  • Cook for another 7 minutes, stir frequently