Grilled Lemon + Broccolini Pizza

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It’s a weird thing when you realize your parents are old.

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Like, it really forces you to wrestle with your own mortality.

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It hit me this week when I innocently asked my dad what he was doing and he responded with, “trolling neighborhood watch Facebook groups leaving fake concerns.”

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The man is not yet 60, but he is obviously senile. He left a comment on this neighborhood watch site insinuating that renters are the root of the town’s problems. And I quote, “They’re trash. We don’t want ’em!” Insanity ensued obviously. The man got a big kick out of it. Thus sparking a new interest in the latest internet fad – trolling. He’s just truly embracing his reality as a crotchety old grandpa, yet in the modern era he’s able to do it from the comfort of his office chair in front of a computer screen while simultaneously playing Grand Theft Auto.

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I suggest he take up walking or playing cards, but he prefers the mystique of his internet persona – I wonder where he gets it from?¿

 

 

Time: 40 minutes (prep + cooking) | Serves: 1 pizza

Ingredients:

  • 2 lemons, sliced
  • 1 bundle of broccolini, washed
  • 4 oz. of mozzarella cheese, sliced
  • 1/4 cup of goat cheese, crumbled
  • 1 pizza crust
  • 1 tsp. of crushed red pepper
  • S+P, to taste
  • Cooking spray for the grill

How to:

  • Heat yo grill up!
  • Spray your lemons + broccolini with some cooking spray
  • Arrange on the grill, but not directly over coals or on the hottest part of the grill
  • Grill lemons 2 minutes, flip + grill another 1, remove
  • Flip broccolini after 3 minutes, flip + grill another 2, remove
  • Arrange mozzarella on a pizza crust
  • Top with broccolini + lemon + goat cheese + S+P
  • Spray grill + lay pizza on grill, again not on the hottest part
  • Grill for 3 minutes or until cheese is slightly melted
  • Remove + top with crushed red pepper
  • Take each side of the pizza, fold into a boat + sink into your pie hole

 

Idea from the latest issue of Food + Wine magazine!

Grilled Pimento Cheese with Fried Green Tomatoes

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I’m human – I have urges.

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And sometimes they hit me so suddenly that I turn into a real-life monster until they are fulfilled. Like tonight, when I was shampooing my hair & it hit me – if I don’t get mint Oreos & skim milk within the hour I might actually keel over.

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OF COURSE I’m dieting this week (going without Oreos until my tummy pooch subsides) & I didn’t get any supplies at the grocery store. I am trapped in hell, basically. I literally curled up in a ball on top of Garrett & whined until he agreed to go get me some. My knight in shining armor!

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I ride with him because I am selfless, obviously, but refuse to go inside because wet hair. He goes in & they ARE OUT OF OREOS. So he gets me warm, fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies. I can work with this. He struts out, all proud.

“Umm where is the milk?”

“You need milk for these kind of cookies?”

“I need milk for ALL cookies!!!!!!”

So he went back in & got me milk.

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I’m a troll, I know, but at least I’m fat & happy.

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 6 grilled cheeses

Ingredients:

  • 5 oz. low fat cream cheese
  • 1 cup of cheddar cheese, shredded
  • 1 cup of Colby jack, shredded
  • 1/4 cup of sriracha mayonnaise
  • 3 tbsp. of pimentos (found near olives & pickles)
  • 1 tsp. of garlic powder
  • 3-4 green tomatoes, sliced
  • 1/2 cup of panko breadcrumbs
  • 2 eggs, beaten
  • 2 tbsp. of olive oil
  • Butter, for bread + pan
  • Rye bread
  • S+P, to taste

How to:

  • In a bowl, combine cream cheese + cheddar + colby jack + mayo + pimentos + garlic powder + S+P
  • Refrigerate until ready to use
  • In a small bowl, add eggs + a tbsp. of water
  • In another bowl, add panko + S+P
  • Dredge tomatoes in egg + panko
  • Heat a tbsp. of olive oil in a pan over just below medium heat
  • Cook tomatoes 4 at a time for 2-3 minutes on each side or until golden brown
  • Butter one side of rye bread + spread the other side with the pimento cheese + top with 2 tomatoes + another piece of buttered bread, repeat
  • Heat the other tbsp. of olive oil + a lil butter in a nonstick pan over just below medium heat + cook sandwiches for 3-4 minutes on each side or until crisp to your desire
  • Serve hot
  • Unbutton your pants + just go to town on these

Grilled Caesar Salad

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I heart entertaining guests. It’s one of my top skills, really.

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A friend of ours from the good ole days stayed with us for the past week. I had his room all made up & brand new bath towels for him to use. His first comment after showering? “Umm Rach can I get a towel that doesn’t SHED ALL OVER ME?!?!?” He’s the BEST, honestly.

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We showed him some great restaurants & bars. We went to a cocktail bar where he made the waitress wait half an hour before he ordered his drink because he really wanted to make the right decision. He ended up choosing a hot pink one & the rest of the night went swimmingly.

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But all he could talk about was wanting to make a celebrity guest appearance (he is not a celebrity) on the blog. I explained that I don’t really do that. There can only be one star of this show, ya know? But I must say he was a hell of a sous chef. While Garr ran out to get charcoal for the grill, he stayed behind to help me dice crap & even help me filet some daggum fish. Then we had ciders & the three of us fell asleep in our bed. It was awesome.

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So for that, Brian, you get a post. We miss you already! Sorry Panga ate your shoe.

 

Time: 40 minutes (prep + cooking) | Serves: 2

Ingredients:

  • 3 stalks of romaine hearts
  • 1/3 cups of lightly salted almonds
  • 2 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 1 tbsp. of dijon mustard
  • 2 tbsp. of lemon juice
  • 1 tsp. of rice vinegar
  • 1 tbsp. capers
  • 1 cup of olive oil
  • 3 slices of sourdough bread, cut in chunks
  • 1 tsp. of garlic powder
  • 1 tsp. of oregano
  • 1/2 tsp. of paprika
  • S+P, to taste

How to:

  • Preheat a grill + the oven to 400 degrees
  • Soak almonds in hot water for 15 minutes
  • Add almonds + the water they soaked into a food processor with garlic + dijon mustard + lemon juice + rice vinegar + 1/4 cup of olive oil + S, pulse until smooth + almonds totally chopped
  • Add capers + pulse another minutes
  • Refrigerate until time to gorge
  • In a bowl, combine the rest of the olive oil + garlic powder + oregano + paprika + S+P
  • Add bread chunks + coat well
  • Spread on a parchment paper lined baking sheet + bake for 20 minutes, turning once
  • Once the grill is hot, place stalks of romaine directly onto the grill, cooking only for 4-5 minutes turning once
  • Once cooled, remove the first leaves off of the stalks
  • Chop up the rest of the leaves + add to a bowl with croutons + dressing + plenty of S+P
  • Serve room temp to chilled
  • Impress everyone with your mad skills, seriously

Dressing came from Thug Kitchen! I can’t find the recipe online, but it’s in their cookbook. Just take my word for it.