The E! Oscar pre-show was so painful. Like, how did Khloe Kardashian get past security? She is woefully under-qualified to even be in attendance.

To exacerbate the obvious problems, they give her a microphone. She immediately bashed Anna Kendrick’s dress & I immediately had steam coming out of my ears. You don’t bash Anna Kendrick, Khloe, Anna Kendrick bashes you. GOODBYE!

I am convinced my friends & I would be a far more entertaining panel. Phrases we’d overuse to describe outfits & stars: DEAD, DYING, I CAN’T, IS THIS REAL LIFE, CAN’T BREATH, ON THE FLOOR, KILL ME.

(look at my mess)

We would just be so positive & uplifting about everyone. We’d also be funnier & more articulate than the babbling fools they currently have.

Call us, E! We’re cute & will work for cheap. Also, I’ll feed you this.

 

Time: 1 hour | Serves: 2-3

Ingredients:

• 1 lb. of shrimp, peeled + deveined + tails off
• 6 tbsp. of butter + 2 more
• 3 tbsp. of flour
• 1 onion, diced
• 1 red pepper, diced
• 6 celery stalks, chopped
• 2 tbsp. of garlic, minced
• 2 cups of vegetable broth
• 1 can of fire roasted diced tomatoes
• 2 tbsp. of Worcestershire
• 1 tbsp. of hot sauce
• 1 tbsp. of creole seasoning
• 1/2 tsp. of rosemary
• Juice of 1/2 a lemon
• Italian parsley, serving
• S+P, to taste
• Brown rice, for serving

How to:

• Heat the 6 tbsp. of butter in a large skillet over medium heat
• Whisk in flour to create a roux
• Add onion + red pepper + celery + S+P, cook for 6-8 minutes
• Add garlic, cook another minute
• Add broth + tomatoes + Worcestershire + hot sauce + creole seasoning + rosemary, bring to a simmer + cook for 10-12 minutes
• Add shrimp + cook until pink, about 5 minutes
• Stir in lemon juice + the rest of the butter + S+P
• Serve with brown rice + sprinkle with parsley
• Set a timer + see how long it takes for you to devour all

Adapted from: http://www.closetcooking.com/2013/02/shrimp-etouffee.html