Peanut Butter Hummus


So, how about them Cowboys, eh?


I’m just trying to bring a little levity to the situation.


Because I fear our world is in the midst of pure chaos.


The coronavirus is the giant, infectious, elephant in the room, if you dare enter a room with more than a handful people in it. There’s nowhere to turn to get away from it! It’s taken over the news, social media, workplaces, businesses. I hardly remember what life was like when I could just go into an establishment and not judge everyone by their sniffles. I’m not overly concerned I will personally catch it, but I do worry about everyone else! I also spend 90% of my life in my house, so I’m practically quarantined every day. My mom called me in a panic last night that her grocery store was out of toilet paper and she waited in the checkout line for 20+ minutes. Naturally, I forced Garrett to go with me to our grocery store to stock up. It was so calm… like eerily so.


But I did snag a big pack of Charmin, so success!



Time: 30 minutes (prep + cooking) | Serves: 4-6


  • 1 can of chickpeas, rinsed + drained
  • 1/3 cup of coconut sugar
  • 1/2 cup of creamy peanut butter
  • 1/4 cup unsweetened plain almond milk
  • 2 tsp. of vanilla extract
  • 1/4 cup of dark chocolate chips
  • Pinch of S

How to:

  • In a food processor, combine chickpeas + coconut sugar + peanut butter + almond milk + vanilla + S
  • Process until smooth
  • Pour in a bowl + fold in some chocolate chips + top with the rest
  • Cover + refrigerate for several hours until ready to serve
  • Serve with some lil graham crackers
  • Using graham cracker, smear some hummus all over face + add some cucumbers to your eyes, enjoy the exfoliation


Adapted from here!

Broccolini + White Beans over Cauli Cous Cous


When I die, just bury me in CenturyLink Field.


My addiction to the Seattle Seahawks is impacting my health.


I can’t sleep, I overeat, it’s a problem.


Last night, they played at 8:15pm. Well, ya girl is SNOOZING by 9pm, so this presented a major problem. I watched for a few minutes, then shut it off at promptly 8:58pm, telling myself I would wake up to the outcome and be OK no matter what. I plumb SHOT out of bed at midnight & the first thing I did was check the final score. SEAHAWKS WIN, BABAY. Well, now I’m obviously too hyped up to sleep. I spend the rest of the evening tossing and turning with joy and faint anxiety that I dreamt the win as opposed to it being real. I legit woke up 6 more times dreaming of Russell Wilson and company just tossing the pigskin and being my baby boys.


We’re going to a game in a couple of weeks & I might just have Garrett leave me there & I’ll find work in a hotdog kiosk.



Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 3-4


  • 1 bunch of broccolini, trimmed
  • 1 can of cannellini beans, drained + rinsed
  • 1 pint of cherry tomatoes, halved
  • 1 shallot, sliced thin
  • 1 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 1 cauliflower, riced in a food processor
  • 3 tbsp. of olive oil
  • 1 tsp. of crushed red pepper
  • S+P, to taste
  • Pomegranate seeds, for serving
  • Hummus, for serving

How to:

  • Heat 1 tbsp. of olive oil in a cast-iron skillet over medium heat
  • Arrange broccolini in an even layer + add S+P + crushed red pepper, cook + char all over, 6-8 minutes
  • Remove + add another tbsp. of olive oil
  • Add shallot + S+P, cook 2-3 minutes
  • Add beans + S+P, cook 4-5 minutes
  • Add garlic, cook another minute
  • Remove + add remaining olive oil
  • Add tomatoes + S+P, cook for 5-6 minutes until nice + blistered
  • Meanwhile, add 1/2 cup of water to the bottom of a large skillet + add S+P, bring to a simmer
  • Add cauliflower rice, bring to a simmer, reduce heat + cover + cook for 10 minutes, season with S+P
  • To serve, arrange cauli cous cous on a plate + top with broccolini + beans + tomatoes + top with pomegranate seeds + hummus
  • Mix up all the goodness + slingshot bits of food into your own mouth without damaging an eyeball

Roasted Beetroot Hummus

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What do you & your pals do for fun?

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I imagine normal groups gather around a meal or a bottle of wine and catch up on work, boys, maybe swap a few stories, reminisce on yesteryear, etc.

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My friends aren’t much different. There’s always dinner and some $11 cab but after about 3 minutes of catching up, someone inevitably turns on YouTube and we watch clips for hours.

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Our tastes are wide. We like to start with sad movie trailers and music videos, then we take a turn for our favorite musical numbers, which segue ways nicely to watching numbers from Glee, transitioning us to Cory Monteith’s death and Lea Michele’s strength and conviction in the face of loss, which reminds us of Sia and how she has overcome her addictions, landing us on her music video of Shia Labeouf with the little chick from Dance Moms, leading us to our final and most fulfilling destination which is that of Shia Labeouf videos.

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You all would have such a blast – come over some time!!



Time: 1 1/2 hours | Serves: 4-6


  • 2 beets, scrubbed clean
  • 1 can of chickpeas, rinsed + drained
  • 1 tbsp. of tahini
  • 2 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • Juice of 1/2 a lemon
  • Plenty of S+P
  • 1/2 cup of olive oil
  • Parsley flakes, for serving
  • Pita, for serving

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 375 degrees
  • Trim ends off of beets
  • Set each beet on individual pieces of foil
  • Drizzle with 1/2 tbsp. of olive oil each before wrapping up fairly tightly in foil
  • Set on a baking sheet + roast for 1 hour
  • When cooled, remove skins from the beets with a paper towel
  • Add chickpeas + beets to a food processor
  • Process for a few seconds or until not very chunky
  • Add tahini + garlic + lemon juice + S+P
  • Process on low + slowly pour in remaining olive oil
  • Serve room temperature or chilled with parsley flakes + pita
  • Slather on face and run to your mother telling her you have a horrible infection