Smoky Tempeh + Hummus Salad

I desperately need a life.

I’ve always known this, it’s not totally news. I’m pretty boring, lackluster, average, etc. I’m not looking for compliments, I’m just very self aware.

But it’s become glaringly obvious in the last several days that something has to give.

As my dreams have been haunted completely by…characters from The Bachelor franchise. I call them characters because I’m not convinced they’re real people. I’ve only seen one in real life and she was far away, but we did ride on the same airplane together so ~celeb sighting~. Anyways, it just does not do anything good for my psyche to go from watching The Bachelorette every Monday night immediately into a fresh season of Bachelor in Paradise. As much as I love the continuity, I am truly consumed with these people and need a break.

But will I give myself one by just not stalking all of them on instagram and skipping next week’s episode? Absolutely not.

Time: 3.5 hours (prep + cooking) | Serves: 2-3

Ingredients:

  • 1 package of tempeh, cut in thin slices
  • 1 cup of hummus, any flavor you fancy
  • 3-4 rainbow carrots, sliced in thin rounds
  • 1/4 of a red cabbage, sliced thin
  • 2 tbsp. of soy sauce
  • 1/2 cup + 1 tbsp. of apple cider vinegar
  • 1 tbsp. of honey
  • 1 tsp. of smoked paprika
  • 1 tbsp. of sugar
  • 1 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 1 tsp. of rosemary
  • 4-6 cups of arugula
  • S+P, to taste
  • 3 tbsp. of olive oil

How to:

  • In a bowl, combine soy sauce + 1 tbsp. of apple cider vinegar + honey + smoked paprika + olive oil + S+P
  • Arrange tempeh slices in a container + pour marinade over them, cover, shake + refrigerate for 3 hours
  • Meanwhile, add cabbage to another container + pour 1/2 cup of apple cider vinegar + 1/2 cup of water + sugar + garlic + S+P, cover, shake + refrigerate that too
  • Once tempeh is marinated + cabbage pickled, preheat oven to 350 degrees
  • Arrange carrots on a lined baking sheet + drizzle with 1 tbsp. of olive oil + S+P + rosemary
  • Bake 20-25 minutes, tossing once, until roasted to your desire
  • In a skillet, heat remaining tbsp. of olive oil
  • Add tempeh, cook 5-6 minutes until crisp to your desire
  • To serve, arrange some arugula in a dish + top with tempeh + pickled cabbage + roasted carrots + a big dollop of hummus
  • Cram a little bit of each bite into your cram hole

Peanut Butter Hummus

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So, how about them Cowboys, eh?

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I’m just trying to bring a little levity to the situation.

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Because I fear our world is in the midst of pure chaos.

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The coronavirus is the giant, infectious, elephant in the room, if you dare enter a room with more than a handful people in it. There’s nowhere to turn to get away from it! It’s taken over the news, social media, workplaces, businesses. I hardly remember what life was like when I could just go into an establishment and not judge everyone by their sniffles. I’m not overly concerned I will personally catch it, but I do worry about everyone else! I also spend 90% of my life in my house, so I’m practically quarantined every day. My mom called me in a panic last night that her grocery store was out of toilet paper and she waited in the checkout line for 20+ minutes. Naturally, I forced Garrett to go with me to our grocery store to stock up. It was so calm… like eerily so.

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But I did snag a big pack of Charmin, so success!

 

 

Time: 30 minutes (prep + cooking) | Serves: 4-6

Ingredients:

  • 1 can of chickpeas, rinsed + drained
  • 1/3 cup of coconut sugar
  • 1/2 cup of creamy peanut butter
  • 1/4 cup unsweetened plain almond milk
  • 2 tsp. of vanilla extract
  • 1/4 cup of dark chocolate chips
  • Pinch of S

How to:

  • In a food processor, combine chickpeas + coconut sugar + peanut butter + almond milk + vanilla + S
  • Process until smooth
  • Pour in a bowl + fold in some chocolate chips + top with the rest
  • Cover + refrigerate for several hours until ready to serve
  • Serve with some lil graham crackers
  • Using graham cracker, smear some hummus all over face + add some cucumbers to your eyes, enjoy the exfoliation

 

Adapted from here!

Broccolini + White Beans over Cauli Cous Cous

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When I die, just bury me in CenturyLink Field.

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My addiction to the Seattle Seahawks is impacting my health.

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I can’t sleep, I overeat, it’s a problem.

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Last night, they played at 8:15pm. Well, ya girl is SNOOZING by 9pm, so this presented a major problem. I watched for a few minutes, then shut it off at promptly 8:58pm, telling myself I would wake up to the outcome and be OK no matter what. I plumb SHOT out of bed at midnight & the first thing I did was check the final score. SEAHAWKS WIN, BABAY. Well, now I’m obviously too hyped up to sleep. I spend the rest of the evening tossing and turning with joy and faint anxiety that I dreamt the win as opposed to it being real. I legit woke up 6 more times dreaming of Russell Wilson and company just tossing the pigskin and being my baby boys.

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We’re going to a game in a couple of weeks & I might just have Garrett leave me there & I’ll find work in a hotdog kiosk.

 

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 3-4

Ingredients:

  • 1 bunch of broccolini, trimmed
  • 1 can of cannellini beans, drained + rinsed
  • 1 pint of cherry tomatoes, halved
  • 1 shallot, sliced thin
  • 1 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 1 cauliflower, riced in a food processor
  • 3 tbsp. of olive oil
  • 1 tsp. of crushed red pepper
  • S+P, to taste
  • Pomegranate seeds, for serving
  • Hummus, for serving

How to:

  • Heat 1 tbsp. of olive oil in a cast-iron skillet over medium heat
  • Arrange broccolini in an even layer + add S+P + crushed red pepper, cook + char all over, 6-8 minutes
  • Remove + add another tbsp. of olive oil
  • Add shallot + S+P, cook 2-3 minutes
  • Add beans + S+P, cook 4-5 minutes
  • Add garlic, cook another minute
  • Remove + add remaining olive oil
  • Add tomatoes + S+P, cook for 5-6 minutes until nice + blistered
  • Meanwhile, add 1/2 cup of water to the bottom of a large skillet + add S+P, bring to a simmer
  • Add cauliflower rice, bring to a simmer, reduce heat + cover + cook for 10 minutes, season with S+P
  • To serve, arrange cauli cous cous on a plate + top with broccolini + beans + tomatoes + top with pomegranate seeds + hummus
  • Mix up all the goodness + slingshot bits of food into your own mouth without damaging an eyeball