Kale Dolmas

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There’s a reason I didn’t go into the medical field.

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You might guess it’s because of the blood or guts or puke or just bodily functions in general.

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Those don’t really bother me tbh. I’m just a big, fat spaz.

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Due to some stellar medical issues, I have to take these shots. I was in the doctor’s office yesterday and my nurse showed me how to do my new shot and then asked me to demonstrate so she knew I wasn’t an idiot. My how she overestimated me. Not only am I an idiot, I am a dangerous idiot. I put the shot together just fine. I was taking it apart and putting the little plastic piece back on the needle when somehow the needle went sideways through the plastic and into my finger. It bled. I let out a minor profanity. My nurse was like, “Huh OK I have truly never seen that before.”

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What can I say, I like being the first at things.

 

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 7-8 dolmas

Ingredients:

  • 1 bunch of lacinato kale leaves
  • 1 onion, chopped
  • 2 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 1 package of tempeh, crumbled
  • 2 cups of brown rice, cooked
  • 1/4 cup of fresh dill
  • 2 tbsp. of parsley, chopped
  • 1 tbsp. of olive oil
  • 1/2 cup of vegan, plain yogurt
  • Juice of 1 lemon
  • S+P, to taste

How to:

  • Bring a pot of salted water to a boil
  • Add kale leaves a few at a time, cooking for 3-4 minutes
  • Remove + place on a kitchen towel + pat dry
  • In a bowl, combine yogurt + lemon juice + some S+P, set aside
  • Meanwhile, heat olive oil in a skillet over medium heat
  • Add onion + S+P, cook for 3-4 minutes
  • Add garlic, cook another minute
  • Add tempeh, cook 6-7 minutes or until starting to brown
  • Add rice + parsley + dill + S+P, cook another 1-2 minutes
  • Turn off heat, add half of the yogurt mix
  • Place a kale leaf on a flat surface
  • Fill with a hefty scoop of the rice mix right in the middle
  • Fold like a hamburger first, then a hotdog (you know what I’m talking about), place seam side down on a plate
  • Serve with remaining yogurt sauce
  • Accidentally eat all of them in one sitting + watch your tummy balloon from all of the delectable rice kernels

 

Adapted from here!

Sweet Potato + Apple Hash

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2020 is the year of decluttering.

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I want to sell all of my possessions and live in a sterile environment with the bare essentials. I feel like I really just need a bed, a plate or two, a pot and maybe like a hot plate or something.

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Basically, I should just go to jail.

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I need space! Mental and physical space to just roam and focus on the important things in life. Or something. Idk what I’m talking about anymore. But I do know I’m decluttering! This weekend, I’m forcing Garr to help me tackle the kitchen and bathroom cabinets. I want to get rid of at least 1/2 the things we own and organize what remains. He loves when I have a really long honey-do list for him on Saturdays. In addition, I have unsubscribed from almost all emails. Literally only Bath and Body Works can get in touch with me now. I am also off Facebook and my personal instagram. I simply do not have the mental capacity to scroll through social media and process all the selfies and political rants anymore. I’m exhausted. Hopefully with all this mental and physical space I will have the room to find and fulfill my destiny!

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Which is probably just being really good at puzzles and avoiding socialization.

 

 

Time: 45 minutes (prep + cooking) | Serves: 3-4

Ingredients:

  • 2 sweet potatoes, peeled + chopped
  • 1 red fuji apple, chopped
  • 1 onion, chopped
  • 1 package of tempeh, cubed
  • 1 cup of kale, chopped
  • 1 tbsp. of dijon mustard
  • 2 tbsp. of soy sauce
  • 1 tbsp. of garlic
  • 1 tbsp. of chili powder
  • 1 tsp. of smoked paprika
  • 1 tsp. of cumin
  • S+P, to taste
  • 3 tbsp. of olive oil
  • Avocado, for serving

How to:

  • In a bowl, combine dijon + soy sauce + garlic + 1 tbsp. of olive oil
  • Add tempeh, coat + set aside
  • Meanwhile, heat remaining olive oil in a skillet over medium heat
  • Add onion + S+P, cook 3-4 minutes
  • Add sweet potatoes + chili powder + smoked paprika + cumin + S+P, cook 8- 10 minutes or until potatoes start to brown on the outside + become tender
  • Add tempeh, cook another 3-4 minutes
  • Add apple, cook another 2-3 minutes
  • Add kale + S+P, cook one more minute
  • Serve warm with some avocado slices
  • Enjoy guilt free knowing you didn’t even cave + add a bucket of rice to this

Copycat Panera Bread – Modern Greek Salad

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Why, oh why, was I not born in the early 1800s to a wealthy English family?!

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I think I could have really excelled.

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But only if I had money. I wouldn’t survive if I had to slum it.

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I went to a tea parlour this weekend with some girlfriends. My gosh, it was posh. This darling old lady waited on us wearing the most gorgeous apron I’ve ever seen. The whole place was decorated with these ornate paintings of British aristocrats. My people! We each had a pot of tea, served to us in these adorable tea pot coozies. Who knew such a happy thing existed in this world? Floral tea pot coozies! We ate scones and little biscuits (British for cookies, you wouldn’t understand) and just gabbed and sipped. In that moment, I felt I had truly found my calling. I am meant to be surrounded by beautiful things and delicate floral patterns and fine china and adorable little sugar cubes with equally adorable miniature sugar cube tongs. I now know I need at least three hours a day in the early afternoon for my tea time. Unfortunately, this is unacceptable in our heinous, overworked society.

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I feel like the Bronte sisters are probably the only ones who get me.

 

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 4

Ingredients:

  • 2-3 cups of kale, washed
  • 2-3 cups of romaine lettuce, washed + shredded
  • 1/2 cup of kalamata olives, halved
  • 1/2 cup of slivered almonds, toasted
  • 1 english cucumber, quartered
  • 2 cups of dry quinoa
  • 1 onion, diced
  • 1 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 15 oz. can of crushed tomatoes
  • 1 tsp. of italian seasoning
  • 1 tsp. of paprika
  • 2 tbsp. of white wine vinegar
  • 1 tsp. of oregano
  • Juice of 1/2 a lemon
  • S+P, to taste
  • 6 tbsp. of olive oil

How to:

  • Cook the quinoa according to package directions, drain excess water
  • Heat 1 tbsp. of olive oil in a skillet over medium heat
  • Add onion + S+P, cook for 4-5 minutes
  • Add garlic, cook another minute
  • Add crushed tomatoes + italian seasoning + paprika + S+P
  • Bring to a boil, reduce heat + simmer for 15 minutes
  • Stir in quinoa + some S+P
  • To make the dressing, whisk remaining olive oil with vinegar + oregano + lemon juice + some S+P
  • To serve, combine kale + romaine + cucumber + olives + toasted almonds + quinoa sofrito + drizzle with dressing
  • Serve chilled

 

Adapted from here!