Stuffed Avocado Tacos

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I am an ugly man.

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Like, as a man, I kind of just look like roadkill.

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Thanks to the new Snapchat filters, we can all discover what we look like as the opposite sex! Because that is a thing our society needs.

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All of my girlfriends are all, like, really good looking dudes. I mean, they’re all gorgeous women, but it’s just not fair they are hot guys too! I, on the otherhand, look like a “geeky frat boy who is trying too hard” according to one pal. Then, Garrett does the girl filter and he is like really pretty….. The filter gave him like feathered hair and perfectly manicured brows. It softened his smile and gave him these rosy cheeks. He was so proud of himself, too. At least 8 times, he chanted “I’m a pwetty giwl! I’m a pwetty giwl!” I just don’t think I can be friends with all of these stunning hermaphrodites. It’s not good for my ego.

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Honestly, I’m most upset Snapchat gave me a trash ‘stache.

 

 

Time: 40 minutes (prep + cooking) | Serves: 4

Ingredients:

  • 4 avocados, pitted
  • 1 package of soyrizo
  • 1 white onion, diced
  • 1 pint of cherry tomatoes, halved
  • 7-8 leaves of butter lettuce, chiffonaded
  • 4 tortillas, cut in lil strips
  • 1 tbsp. of olive oil
  • 1 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • S+P, to taste
  • Cilantro, for serving

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 400
  • Arrange tortilla strips on a lined baking sheet in an even layer, bake 20 minutes, tossing once, being careful they don’t burn
  • Meanwhile, heat olive oil in a skillet over medium heat
  • Add 1/2 the onion + some S+P, cook 3-4 minutes
  • Add garlic, cook another minute
  • Add soyrizo, cook for 8-9 minutes or until soyrizo is crisp to your desire
  • To serve, sprinkle some soyrizo onto an avocado + top with some raw onion + tomatoes + lettuce + crunchy tortilla strips + cilantro
  • With hands tied behind back, dive face first into this sea of avocado taco boat goodness + go to town

Chopped Greek Salad

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Apparently, I have what some like to call Rolls Royce taste on a Honda budget.

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We’re shopping for our first home.

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And we could just get a lot more house for the money if our budget was like $800,000.

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Honestly, Garrett is the problem. He’s wildly against a fixer upper because he doesn’t want to spend his time making improvements. I’m really down for whatever. As long as there are at least 2.5 baths, floor to ceiling windows with lots of natural light and a giant kitchen with white marble countertops and white cabinets, I’m set. I’m simple, really. I don’t mind having to make a couple of updates to get our dream home. But I can’t even online search with Garr anymore. If we look at a house and the curtains are ugly, he’s like nope, no, can’t, exit out of this page, I’m out. He can’t look past the poor decorating choices and see the good bones of a place. We saw one and he was like ugh NO I’d have to rip off that wall paper. The audacity! He thinks we just need to buy a new build. I was like OK great, that sounds really nice, why don’t you just loosen the grip on your pocketbook, good sir.

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How easy is it to buy a house behind your husband’s back? Asking for a friend.

 

 

Time: 30 minutes (prep + cooking) | Serves: 3-4

Ingredients:

  • 1 head of romaine, washed + shredded
  • 1 english cucumber, sliced thin
  • 1/2 a red onion, sliced thin
  • 1 pint of cherry tomatoes, halved
  • 1/2 cup of kalamata olives
  • 1/4 cup of banana peppers
  • 1/4 cup of roasted red peppers
  • 1/2 cup of quinoa, uncooked
  • 1/2 cup of olive oil
  • 1/3 cup of red wine vinegar
  • 1 tsp. of lemon juice
  • 2 tsp. of oregano
  • 1 tsp. of garlic powder
  • 1 tsp. of onion powder
  • Pinch of sugar
  • S+P, to taste

How to:

  • Cook quinoa according to package directions, set aside
  • In a bowl, whisk olive oil + red wine vinegar + lemon juice + oregano + garlic powder + onion powder + sugar + S+P, refrigerate until ready to use
  • In a big bowl combine lettuce + cucumber + onion + tomatoes + kalamata olives + peppers
  • Pour onto a big cutting board
  • Using a ulu knife, chop up the salad to your desire
  • Add back to bowl + add quinoa + mix in dressing
  • Serve chilled
  • Using a spatula, shovel salad contents into mouth until they are all gone and you have eaten your daily calories in salad

Pesto Spaghetti Squash

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I did a bad thing.

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Like, four years ago when I first started this whole thing, I posted a spaghetti squash recipe and pretended I liked it.

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I lied to you. To all of you. It was heinous. The worst thing, to date, I’ve ever made, and certainly the worst I’ve ever fed another human. Garrett still talks about the spaghetti squash incident of 2014 with tears in his eyes.

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I’ve literally not had this pasta imposter since. In fact, I’ve actively avoided it and told myself and others it is an overrated, garbage vegetable that should be boycotted at all costs. Then, I was at dinner the other night and my options were limited and I was forced to order a salad with crispy lil spaghetti squash noods on top and I DIDN’T HATE IT.  Could it be the spaghetti squash is just a moody, misunderstood veg? Maybe spaghetti squash just prefers not to be stuffed with multiple cheeses & slimy, horrific artichokes (these I actually do detest). I don’t blame it, tbh. It could also be I actually have no idea what I’m doing in the kitchen 93.5% of the time.

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Spaghetti squash & I have redeemed ourselves and this household is once again full of believers!

 

 

Time: 1.5 hours (prep + cooking) | Serves: 4

Ingredients:

  • 1 spaghetti squash, halved + de-seeded
  • 2 cups of basil, rinsed
  • 1/4 cup of walnuts
  • 1/4 cup of nutritional yeast
  • 1/2 cup of olive oil
  • 2 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • Juice of 1 lemon
  • 2 shallots, sliced thin
  • 1 can of canellinni beans, rinsed + drained
  • 2 cups of spinach
  • 1 tbsp. of crushed red pepper flakes
  • 1 tsp. of oregano
  • S+P, to taste

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 400 degrees
  • Place squash halves cut side up on a baking sheet
  • Drizzle with 1 tbsp. of olive oil + some S+P
  • Roast for 60 minutes
  • Meanwhile, in a food processor, combine basil + walnuts + nutritional yeast + 1 tbsp. of garlic + juice if 1/2 a lemon + 1/4 cup of olive oil + S+P, process until smooth, refrigerate until ready to use
  • Once squash is roasted + cooled, scrape out them noodles
  • Heat remaining olive oil in a skillet over medium heat
  • Add shallots + S+P, cook 3 minutes
  • Add remaining garlic + crushed red pepper + oregano, cook another minute
  • Add cannellini beans + S+P, cook another 3-4 minutes
  • Add spinach + S+P, cook another 2 minutes
  • Add squash noodles + pesto + juice of the other 1/2 lemon, cook for 2 minutes, turn off heat
  • Slurp down a bowl of these bad boys + pour yourself another + keep ’em coming till you pass out