Homemade Black Beans + Rice

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Well, Topanga’s birthday party was a SMASHING success.

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No, literally, she smashed her pupcake and promptly fell asleep in her party dress.

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The real MVP of the party was Garrett, though.

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He spent two hours blowing up hot pink balloons and hanging doggy decorations. And he only complained like 2 times! It was all worth it, though. I’m sorry, I couldn’t NOT buy rose gold balloons that spelled “LETS PAWTY,” ya know? Then, Garr grilled all the meats and served dinner to our guests. He sat through SEVERAL rounds of What Do You Meme? and Catchphrase. If you didn’t know, Garr is a BIG game guy. NAHT. Then, I was feeling extra lazy and just wanted to lounge on the couch and gab with my pals, and that boy cleaned up the whole daggum kitchen, dishes and all. He’s basically my very own, perfect yenta.

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AND he brings home the bacon, best of both worlds!

 

 

Time: 3 hours (prep + cooking) | Serves: 4-6

Ingredients:

  • 1/2 lb. of black beans, soaked overnight + drained
  • 1 white onion, chopped
  • 1/2 a green bell pepper, chopped
  • 2 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 1 tsp. of oregano
  • 1 tbsp. of cumin
  • 1 tbsp.
  • 1 28oz. can of whole, peeled tomatoes
  • 1 1/2 cups basmati rice
  • 2 cups of vegetable broth
  • 2 limes
  • 2 tbsp. of olive oil
  • S+P, to taste
  • Cilantro, for serving

How to:

  • In a large stock pot, bring beans + 1/2 the onion + all the green pepper + 1 tbsp. of garlic + oregano + 1/2 the cumin + S+P + 4-6 cups of water, enough to cover everything, to a boil
  • Reduce heat, cover + cook for 2 hours, stirring often, until tender. Add more water as necessary to keep the beans covered
  • Meanwhile, place tomatoes + remaining onion in a food processor + blend until smooth
  • Transfer to a sauce pan + add broth + remaining cumin + S+P, bring to a boil
  • Meanwhile, heat olive oil in a bigger sauce pan over medium heat
  • Add rice + toast, stirring for about 5 minutes
  • Add remaining garlic + cook another minute
  • Pour boiling tomato mixture into rice pan, stir + cook until rice is tender, 30-40 minutes
  • When both rice + beans are tender, add the juice of a lime to each + some cilantro
  • To serve, put some rice in a bowl + top with beans, sprinkle with more cilantro + serve with lime wedges
  • Go to town on it + get ready for some mega toots tonight!

 

Adapted from here & here!

Vegan Hot Dish

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Tater tots hold a special place in my heart.

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And my gut.

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I’ve mentioned it before, but I used to be what some call a picky eater.

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Hot dogs and chicken nuggets were my main food groups. Growing up we dined out a lot. Probably because I threw a fit every time they tried to serve me pork chops and apple sauce or some crap. I frequented the local Sonic Drive-In regularly with my pops. By regularly, I mean weekly, I’m pretty sure. After two bites of whatever heinous dinner they tried to shove down my throat, I would kick and scream and Greg would drive us to the local Sonic for limeades and wait for it…… cheese tots. Your girl used to drown her adolescent sorrows all up in some cheesy tots. I just have the fondest memories of my dad introducing me to Conway Twitty and listening to the top 40 radio countdown shows (I have a vivid memory of Vitamin C’s “Graduation” being number 1 for a considerable amount of time and IT WAS MY JAM) while sitting in our spot at Sonic.

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I don’t eat cheese now, but I can tell you with absolute certainty I will have cheese tots again one day.

 

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 4

Ingredients:

  • 1 onion, chopped
  • 1 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 1 jalapeno, diced
  • 2 red peppers, chopped
  • 1 green pepper, chopped
  • 1 can of black beans, rinsed + drained
  • 1 can of corn, drained
  • 1 can of fire roasted tomatoes
  • 1 package of cauliflower tater tots
  • 1 tbsp. of olive oil
  • 1 tbsp. of cumin
  • 1 tsp. of crushed red pepper
  • 1 tsp. of smoked paprika
  • 1 tsp. of chili powder
  • S+P, to taste
  • Cilantro, for serving

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 350
  • Heat oil in a skillet over medium heat
  • Add onion + S+P, cook 3-4 minutes
  • Add garlic, cook another minute
  • Add peppers + S+P, cook another 3-4 minutes
  • Add beans + corn + tomatoes + spices + S+P, bring to a simmer + cook 3-4 minutes
  • Turn off hot + top with tots
  • Bake 20 minutes
  • Broil for 2-3 minutes until tots get crispy
  • Serve warm with cilantro
  • Scoop a heaping helping of this into a bowl + go to daggum town on this grub

Lentil + Pineapple Salsa Tacos

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I said this time would be different.

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I wouldn’t fall into the same trap I end up in every few years.

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I’ve grown, I’ve changed, I’m strong.

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Then August 23rd came around and Taylor Swift dropped Lover and all my resolve went out the window. The album is killer, man. I was the first person to tell anyone I talked to about it that I felt like this would be her worst yet. I didn’t like the singles. I wasn’t feeling her ‘tude about the whole thing. I was OK with the idea of this being an off year for her. I listened to the whole thing once through and I was like dagnabit she done made me a liar! It’s so good. It gives me Red vibes which is unarguably her best album of all time and quite possibly won’t be topped. Even the singles I didn’t enjoy as they stood alone sound better when played with the rest of the songs. Why, oh why, is she so good at connecting with twenty-something upper middle class females?!?!?!

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Though I do need to have a talk with her about the v unnecessary Leo lyric in The Man.

 

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 6 tacos + extra salsa

Ingredients:

  • 1 cup of lentils
  • 1 pineapple, cut into cubes
  • 1 red pepper, diced
  • 1/2 a red onion, diced
  • 1 jalapeno
  • 1 tbsp. of olive oil
  • 1/4 cup of cilantro
  • Juice of 1 lime + the zest
  • 1 tbsp. of chili powder
  • 1 tsp. of cumin
  • 1 tsp. of smoked paprika
  • 1 tsp. of onion powder
  • 1 tsp. of garlic powder
  • 2 tbsp. of tomato paste
  • S+P, to taste
  • Warm tortillas, for serving

How to:

  • In a bowl, combine pineapple + red pepper + red onion + jalapeno + cilantro + olive oil + juice of 1/2 the lime+ S+P, mix well + refrigerate until ready to serve
  • Cook lentils according to package directions
  • Once lentils are just about cooked, mix in remaining lime juice + zest + chili powder + cumin + smoked paprika + onion powder + garlic powder + tomato paste + S+P, cook another 2-3 minutes until all liquid is absorbed
  • To serve, spread some lentils in a warm tortilla + top with salsa
  • Smear leftover lentils on face for a detoxifying mask + feed yourself chunks of pineapple

 

Adapted from here!