Vegan Tamales


I am ill.


That’s not a metaphor for anything, I’m just a big, pitiful, sick baby.


I have not been sick since going vegan. I don’t share that to sound like the annoying vegan I aspire never to be, I share to give you a frame of reference. It’s been a long time, I simply don’t remember how to conduct myself.


I woke up Saturday unable to breath and had a scratchy throat and a dizzy head. I convinced myself hot yoga would release the sickly toxins, and boy was I wrong. I spent the entire class in child’s pose trying not to puke on my neighbors. It was totally zen. Then, I proceeded to spend the entire day wrapped in two blankets and a hoodie, practically drooling on myself from all the mouth breathing I was forced to do. Garr was a doll baby, though. He did the grocery shopping all by himself, and despite buying the wrong oatmeal and off-brand everything, he managed to surprise me with pumpkins and mums and cheer me up slightly. He also expressed minimal complaints during my Gilmore Girls marathon and put on my socks for me when my feet got cold. Oh, and the soup. The man made me soup. Though, he did seriously ask, “Do you want it heated up or out of the can?” Like.


Now I will retreat back to my hole, I’m dripping snot on the keyboard.


Time: 4 hours (prep + cooking) | Serves: 3-4 dozen


  • 1 package of dried corn husks
  • 6 cups of masa harina
  • 1 tsp. of baking powder
  • 6 cups of water
  • 1 cup of olive oil
  • 2 cans of vegan refried beans
  • 1 yellow pepper, chopped in squares
  • 1 red pepper, chopped in squares
  • 1 orange pepper, chopped in squares
  • 1 green pepper, chopped in squares
  • 1 yellow onion, sliced thin
  • 1/4 cup of salsa, + more for serving
  • A couple of slices of vegan pepperjack
  • S+P, to taste
  • Avocado, for serving
  • Cilantro, for serving

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 400
  • Arrange peppers + onion in an even layer on a couple of lined baking sheets
  • Drizzle evenly with 1/4 cup of olive oil + sprinkle with S+P, roast 20-25 minutes, tossing once
  • Place your husks in a large pot + cover with warm water, soak for 30 minutes, moving them around a lil about 15 minutes in
  • In a large bowl or stand mixer, combine masa harina + baking powder + 2 tsp. of salt, combine well
  • Add 3/4 cup of the olive oil, + mix on low with your stand mixer or hand mixer
  • Gradually add water, continue mixing on low until all water is added
  • Turn up to medium, beat for 10 minutes
  • Once you have a fluffy mixture, cover with a wet paper towel until you’re ready to use
  • Once your peppers + onion are done, add to a bowl + combine with salsa
  • To prepare, lay out a husk
  • Using a lil cookie scoop, add a lil masa to the center + spread into a thin rectangle, length-wise, in the middle of the husk
  • Add a lil scoop of beans + peppers to the middle of the masa + top with a lil corner of cheese – you don’t need much
  • Fold the husk in half vertically, so the masa covers all of the filling – this is tricky, took me few tries
  • Now wrap it like a lil burrito + fold one end in + wrap it in a bow with a lil piece of husk or cooking string, you can leave one end of the tamale unfolded or fold & try to wrap it all up – again, it can be tough, I am no master
  • Repeat with ALL them lil guys
  • Add water to the bottom of a large stock pot + top with a strainer
  • Add a handful of tamales – about a dozen or so at a time – to the strainer + steam for about 35 minutes, repeat with the remaining tamales
  • Serve a few warm with salsa + avocado + cilantro, freeze the rest – you’ll have tamales foreverrrrrr
  • Put a tamale in each hand + sing, “I got tamales, I got tamales, I got tamales, hey, hey, hey, hey”


Recipe + method from here!

Chickpea Fajitas

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I don’t know how old I am.


Without, like, REALLLLLLYYYYY thinking about it.


When asked, I answer with a number anywhere from 19-32.


It really depends on my mental state that day, I suppose. Like, if I’m feeling super carefree and like the world is my oyster, I instinctively say, “I’m 23!” If I’m acting mature (pronounced with a soft ‘u’) and like I have literally everything figured out, my go-to is, “Ahh, yes, I’m 30.” Though my actual age is 26, I literally NEVER get the age question right on the first try. Some days I’m like, I was literally 18 years old and wearing halter tops and going to frat parties yesterday. Other days I’m all, kids these days going to bars, ordering vodka sodas and staying out until 11 pm – what hooligans!


There’s a word for people like me – delusional.



Time: 40 minutes (prep + cooking) | Serves: 4-5


  • 2 cans of chickpeas, rinsed + drained
  • 1 red pepper, sliced
  • 1 yellow pepper, sliced
  • 1 green pepper, sliced
  • 1 onion, sliced
  • 1 bunch of swiss chard, stems removed + chopped
  • 1 lime
  • 1/4 cup of olive oil
  • 3 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 1 tbsp. of chili powder
  • 1 tsp. of cumin
  • 1 tsp. of smoke paprika
  • S+P, to taste
  • Tortillas, for serving
  • Brown rice, for serving
  • Refried beans, for serving
  • Lime wedges, for serving
  • Cilantro, for serving


How to:

  • In a bowl, combine 1/2 of the olive oil + all of the garlic + chili powder + cumin + smoked paprika + juice of 1/2 a lime + S+P
  • Add chickpeas + coat
  • Heat 1/2 the remaining olive oil in a cast iron skillet over medium heat
  • Add chickpeas + cook for 6-8 minutes until cooked + crispy, remove
  • Heat the rest of the olive oil + add onion + S+P, cook for 3-4 minutes
  • Add peppers + S+P, cook another 3-4 minutes
  • Add chard + S+P, cook another minute
  • Add chickpeas, cook another minute
  • Serve warm with tortillas + lime wedges + brown rice + refried beans + cilantro
  • Be like me + mix literally all of the ingredients together + show bowl to friends who don’t like their foods to touch + watch them scream

Black Bean Taquitos

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But why do we wash our cars?

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I spend $18 on a car bath & what do I really get? Does Creed (my car) run any better after his car bath? Does Creed smell pretty after his car bath? No.

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I take human baths for the free & I step out smelling like a country spring day. That’s a strong return on investment.

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I finally broke down and got a car wash when I could no longer see through my windows. I went through one of those car washes that you sit in while the contraption does all of the work for you. I’m truly not convinced that these things are safe. They’re definitely not safe for those prone to pessimism because my crazy self about lost it up in there! These giant twirling sponges were beating Creed to death and there were all these juices spewing from every which way. All the while I’m thinking, “If one of these sponges breaks my windshield, I am going to drown. I’m drowning. I’m dying in a car wash. Will I make national news?”

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It rained that night & Creed looked like he rolled around in mud again. $18 well spent.




Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 10-12 taquitos


  • Corn tortillas
  • 1 can of black beans, drained + rinsed
  • 1/2 can of spicy corn, drained
  • 1/2 cup of green pepper, diced
  • 1/2 cup of onion, diced
  • 1 tsp. of chili powder
  • 1 tsp. of cumin
  • 1/2 tsp. of garlic salt
  • 1/2 tsp. of paprika
  • 1/4 cup of spicy cheese, shredded
  • 1 tbsp. of olive oil
  • S+P, to taste
  • Cilantro, for serving
  • Salsa, for serving

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 400 degrees
  • In a food processor, combine black beans + corn + pepper + onion + chili powder + cumin + garlic salt + paprika + S+P
  • Pulse until combined, just a lil bit, leave it chunky!
  • Scoop a lil bit of the bean mix into a tortilla + top with a lil bit of cheese
  • Roll it up
  • Arrange seam down on a lined baking sheet
  • Repeat
  • Brush with olive oil
  • Bake for 20 minutes
  • Top with cilantro + salsa
  • Have sword fight with sweetie using these lil guys as weapons


Idea from here!

Baked Black Bean Taquitos