Cauliflower Nachos

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I need help with baby names.

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I’m not pregnant, fools, I literally just learned what fabric softener was like yesterday. I cannot take care of a miniature human yet. Also, I don’t want to buy new pants.

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But I do like to daydream about the names of my future offspring, so I keep a note in my phone with all my favie girl and boy names.

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Unfortunately, I’m facing some opposition from the other piece of this puzzle, my husband. He looked through my list the other night and was like, “nope, no, never, hate it, gross, that’s one’s OK but still no.” I’m like K, well what do you like? He’s all what’s wrong with naming it after me – Garrett DeWayne???

 

I do not have the time or energy to address this suggestion.

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I’m hoping he just feels terrible for me while I’m in labor and let’s me name them Jack and Rose like I’ve always wanted.

 

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 3-4

Ingredients:

  • 2 heads of cauliflower, cut in florets
  • 1 can of black beans, rinsed + drained
  • 2 ripe tomatoes, diced
  • 1 white onion, diced
  • 1 jalapeno, diced
  • 1 cup of colby jack cheese, shredded
  • 1 avocado, cubed
  • 1/4 cup of cilantro, chopped
  • S+P, to taste
  • 1 tbsp. of olive oil

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 400 degrees
  • Arrange cauliflower on a lined baking sheet + drizzle with olive oil + S+P
  • Roast 20-25 minutes or until browned to your liking
  • Meanwhile, combine tomatoes + onion + jalapeno + S+P in a bowl, set aside
  • Scootch cauliflower together on the pan + top with black beans + tomato mix + S+P + cheese, bake another 10 minutes or until cheese is melted + golden
  • Remove + top with avocado + cilantro
  • Serve hot
  • Get into stretchy PJ pants, turn on some good television, dim the lights + eat all of this straight off the pan like the monster you are

BBQ Chickpea Nachos

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K that was the least entertaining awards show I’ve ever witnessed.

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Y’all know I live for this crap. I showered real quick, put on my frumpiest jammies & poured a cup of hot tea. Only to turn the television on to a total yawnfest.

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I didn’t watch Olive Kitteridge and I’m perpetually unimpressed by Jon Stewart so this really wasn’t my year anyways. But I wanted SOMETHING. No one even said anything controversial. They threw out Donald Trump’s name each time there was a lull in laughter – veeeeery original.

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I did, however, appreciate Amy Schumer keeping it too real & thanking her makeup artist for her smoky eye. You just can’t do that ish yourself.

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& Jon Hamm is an adorable doll baby that I wouldn’t mind keeping in my pocket.

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 2

Ingredients:

  • 2 cups of ketchup
  • 1 cup of mustard
  • 1 cup of water
  • 1 tbsp. of worcestershire
  • 1 tbsp. of tabasco
  • 1 tbsp. of apple cider vinegar
  • 5 tbsp. of brown sugar
  • 1 tbsp. of onion salt
  • 1 tbsp. of garlic salt
  • 1 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 1 can of chickpeas, rinsed + drained
  • Tortilla chips
  • 1 onion, diced
  • 1 red pepper, diced
  • 1 can of black beans, rinsed + drained
  • 1 jalapeno, diced
  • 1 cup of spicy cheese, shredded

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 400 degrees
  • Combine all ingredients through garlic + bring to a boil
  • Reduce heat + simmer for 20 minutes
  • Add chickpeas to BBQ sauce + coat well
  • Arrange chickpeas in a single layer on a lined baking sheet
  • Bake for 25 minutes, stirring once in the middle
  • When done, arrange chips + onion + red pepper + jalapeno + black beans + chickpeas + cheese + the rest of the BBQ sauce on a lined baking sheet
  • Bake for 10 minutes or until cheese is melted
  • Unbutton your pants + buckle up

Sweet Potato Nachos

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So we’ve all been asked to share our favorite quotes in a staff meeting this week……………

CUE PANIC

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So many things could go wrong with this. A) What if I go too serious & kill the mood? B) What if I go funny & no one laughs? C) What if I choose something hip & obscure & NO ONE GETS IT?!

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I just have so many thoughts. Why couldn’t they ask my favorite movie? (Titanic) Or the classic favorite color question? (Purple) I even prefer the hidden talent one because HELLO I am good at everything.

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This could really change my peer’s perception of me. Right now I think I’m straddling the cute, quirky, neurotic line & I would like to ride that wave as long as possible.

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Please advise or I will end up saying “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened” or something.

 

Time: 45 minutes (prep + cooking) | Serves: 2 for din din

Ingredients:

  • 3 sweet potatoes, cut in very thin rounds
  • 1/2 onion, chopped
  • 1 can of black beans, drained + rinsed
  • 2 jalapenos, diced
  • 1 tomato, diced
  • 1 cup of spicy cheese, shredded
  • 1 tbsp. of sriracha
  • Cilantro, for serving
  • 2 tbsp. of olive oil
  • S+P, to taste

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 400 degrees
  • On a lined baking sheet, lay out 1/2 the sweet potato rounds in an even layer
  • Sprinkle with S+P + drizzle with 1 tbsp. of olive oil
  • Bake for 12-14 minutes or until crisp
  • Repeat with other half of sweet potatoes
  • Turn on broiler
  • Lay all sweet potato chips back on the baking sheet
  • Top with onion + black beans + jalapenos + tomato + cheese + srirach
  • Cook under broiler for 5-6 minutes or until cheese is melted + golden
  • Top with cilantro
  • Take the pan + run to bedroom + do not come out until you’re finished