Tofu Nuggets

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Why must I be trapped in a consumer economy?

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I simply hate paying money for goods and services.

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I work so hard for my money. Why must I give it away in exchange for necessities like food and shelter???

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I was in the market for some new clothes. So what did I do? I did what you have to do in America and I bought some. I went to a couple of stores and I tried some things on and I bought what looked decent on me. I spent probably $300 on some overpriced fabrics that happened to hug me in the right places. What gives??? There’s got to be a way around this. What if we put some flat rates on clothes? Like, a new top – maybe $3? A sundress – a modest $4.

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Though, I will continue to pay globs of money for jeans because whoever is making mine are magicians of the booty-shaping variety and I feel like I’ll never pay them back for all they’ve given me.

 

 

Time: 40 minutes (prep + cooking) | Serves: 3-4

Ingredients:

  • 1 lb. of firm tofu
  • 3/4 cup of whole wheat breadcrumbs
  • 1 tsp. of cajun seasoning
  • 1 tsp. of paprika
  • 1/2 tsp. of crushed red pepper
  • 1/2 tsp. of ground mustard
  • S+P, to taste
  • 1 tbsp. of olive oil
  • 1/4 cup of mayonnaise
  • 1 tbsp. of sriracha

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 375 degrees
  • Wrap tofu up in paper towels and put a small pan on top
  • Let as much water drain out as possible, about 10 minutes
  • Cut tofu into nuggets
  • Combine breadcrumbs + cajun seasoning + paprika + crushed red pepper + ground mustard + S+P
  • Dredge tofu in breading and arrange on a lined baking sheet
  • Drizzle with olive oil
  • Bake for 15 minutes, then flip
  • Bake for another 7-8 minutes
  • Meanwhile, combine mayo + sriracha
  • Serve hot with yummy sriracha mayo dipping sauce
  • Throw into the air one at a time and chase with your pie hole

Cauliflower Nuggets

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Anecdote: I got out of high school at 2 p.m. & I had to be at work at 3 p.m. every day. I would leave school, go to Chick-fil-A, order a 12-count of nuggets, medium fries, & a large cookies & cream milkshake. Every effing day. I regret nothing. I was reckless & in my baby fat stage.

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I haven’t had a bad meal since I arrived in Washington, but this place is missing the restaurant chain that built me (Miranda Lambert lyric cred).

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A chain that nourished me with breakfasts, lunches, dinners, snacks. A place that accepted me in my pajamas and my party dresses. A restaurant that force fed me milkshakes during every breakup. My home away from home with way better food.

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Politics aside, don’t tell me you’ve ever had better chicken nuggets because you would be a big, fat liar. I’m convinced they stuff them with crack. Little crack nuggets.

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I would never try to make my own chicken nuggets because they would pale in comparison & just suck. So I made cauliflower ones. They were crunchy & creamy & yummy & filling??? & light & cute. I don’t care what’s inside. I just think we should all eat more nuggets.

 

Time: 40 minutes (prep + cooking) | Serves: 2-3

Ingredients:

  • 1 head of cauliflower, cut in florets
  • 1 cup of seasoned breadcrumbs
  • 1 tbsp. of garlic salt
  • 1 tbsp. of onion salt
  • 1 tsp. of crushed red pepper
  • S+P, to taste
  • Olive oil, for cooking

How to:

  • Put florets in a microwave safe bowl + add 1/2 cup of water
  • Steam in microwave for 7-8 minutes or until tender enough to mash
  • Squeeze water out of cauliflower + add to a different, large bowl
  • Add 1/2 cup of breadcrumbs + garlic salt + onion salt + red pepper + S+P
  • Heat a tbsp. of olive oil over medium-high heat in a skillet
  • Form cauliflower mixture into nuggets + roll them in other 1/2 cup of breadcrumbs + add to pan one at a time
  • Cook for 2-3 minutes on each side or until desired crispiness
  • Serve with favie dipping sauce + some sweet potato frenchies