Fig Jam Pizza

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I wish I was 13 years old again and my greatest joy in life was learning a new cheat code in The Sims.

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I wasn’t a cool 13-year-old, OK?

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If I could calculate it, I’d likely discover I spent the better part of my adolescence behind a giant Dell computer screen making fictional families comprised of me, my school crushes and lots of children with my favorite names at the time – Juliet, Katarina, Trevor, etc.

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I’d build extravagant houses and paint all of the walls hot pink and lime green and fill the backyard with like 6 hot tubs. My character’s career path was ALWAYS music and I mastered the guitar in like 3 days and painted in my spare time. I always made my husband (better known as my 7th grade flavor of the week) a doctor and when, in real life, I decided I was totally over him and/or he got a girlfriend (more likely the case), I would make him cheat on me in the game so I could slap him and kick him out. Learning healthy relationship skills from the jump.

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The best was when I’d get bored with a family so I’d put them all in the house, remove the doors and watch them go nuts.

 

 

Time: 2 hours (prep + cooking) | Serves: 1 pizza

Ingredients:

  • 2 lbs of figs, ends trimmed + sliced thin
  • 1 1/2 cup of sugar
  • 1/2 cup of lemon juice
  • 1 pizza crust
  • 2 cups of arugula
  • 1 onion, sliced thin
  • 1 tbsp. of olive oil
  • S+P, to taste

How to:

  • In a bowl, combine figs + sugar, coat + let sit for 15 minutes, stirring occassionally
  • Transfer figs to a pot + add lemon juice + 1 cup of water, bring to a boil
  • Turn heat down a bit, let simmer for 40-45 minutes, until jam is sticky + runny to your desire
  • If you want chunks, leave as is, if not, turn off heat + blend with an immersion blender
  • Transfer to a mason jar + refrigerate
  • Meanwhile, preheat oven to 400 + heat olive oil in a skillet over medium heat
  • Add onion slice + S+P, let caramelize for 8-10 minutes, remove from pan
  • On a pizza crust, spread some jam + top with onion
  • Bake for 10 minutes or until crisp to your desire
  • Top with arugula + serve warm
  • Put a slice atop your head + run into the streets chanting “I gotta pizza on my head, but don’t call me a pizza head”

 

Fig jam adapted from here!

Vegan Eggplant Parm Sammies

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With the turn of the year, comes the turning of a new leaf.

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I’m going vegan. Without cheating.

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I’ve been 90% vegan since July with the OCCASIONAL slip. I’m a weak, worthless wimp, I know it. But THIS IS IT. My last hoorah was New Year’s Eve.

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I started out the day on a positive note, scraping some decadent-looking pecorino from my brunch. Then I arrived at Century Link Field to watch my baby Seahawks get they butts whooped and my emotions and hunger pangs were running rampant. My husband could see my dismay. Toward the end of 2nd quarter, up to the nosebleed section my knight walks with a piping hot Papa John’s. This is why I married him. Once I stuff my face, I have the energy to talk smack to the opposing team’s fan sitting next to me. I needed to cool off so I took a bathroom break. Then, I spy the Papa’s with my very own eyes. Mini Rachel angel and mini Rachel devil appear on my shoulder. Whose advice do you think I took?

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After my second personal pan pizza in 1 hour, I have decided I’m a sick, sick person.

 

Time: 1 1/2 hours (prep + cooking) | Serves: 4 sammies

Ingredients:

  • 1 eggplant, peeled + sliced thin
  • 3 roma tomatoes, washed + sliced 1/2 inch thick
  • 1 small onion, sliced thin
  • 1 cup of basil leaves
  • 1 tbsp. of nutritional yeast
  • 1 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 1/2 cup of walnuts
  • 1 cup of oats, finely ground
  • 2 tbsp. of flax meal
  • 1 cup of olive oil
  • Toasted ciabatta rolls, for serving
  • 1/2 cup of your favie marinara sauce
  • 1 tsp. of crushed red pepper
  • S+P, to taste

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 375
  • Arrange eggplant slices in a colander + sprinkle with salt + let drain for 30 minutes
  • Meanwhile, combine oats + flax + crushed red pepper + S+P in a bowl
  • Pat dry eggplant slices, dredge in oat mix + arrange on lined baking sheet, repeat (I needed to use three cookie sheets) + drizzle eat sheet with 1 tbsp. of olive oil
  • Bake for 15 minutes, flip + bake another 15 minutes
  • Meanwhile, arrange tomatoes + S+P on a lined baking sheet + drizzle with 1 tbsp. of olive oil + bake for 20 minutes
  • In a skillet over low-medium heat, add a tbsp. of olive oil
  • Add onion + S+P, let caramelize for 8-10 minutes, stirring often
  • Meanwhile, in a food processor, combine basil + nutritional yeast + walnuts + garlic + S+P, while processing drizzle in remaining olive oil
  • To serve, spread some marinara on one bun + some pesto on another + add eggplant slices + tomatoes + onion + make a sammie, repeat
  • Find machine to shrink self + arrange body in between buns to become one with sammie

Buffalo Tempeh Quesadillas

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I am weak.

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I had a cheese quesadilla and rice and beans smothered in cheese this weekend.

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Then I had 8 slices of a very cheesy pizza.

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I AM THE WORST VEGAN EVER. I feel like I need a scarlet D on my shirt for all of the dairy I have consumed recently. Everywhere I turn, it’s just…cheese. You can’t go to a Mexican restaurant and avoid it! You can’t go to my local, sketchy pizza joint where all of the employees yell at each other and get a pizza without cheese! I cannot escape it! I really feel like it’s not my fault, I’m a product of my environment.

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I also accidentally drank a latte with skim milk so I’m just counting August as a loss.

 

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 2 quesadillas

Ingredients:

  • 1 package of tempeh, cut into cubes
  • 1 cup of arugula, packed
  • 1 onion, sliced thin
  • 1/4 cup of cilantro, chopped
  • Some jalapenos if you are a masochist
  • 4 whole wheat burrito-size tortillas
  • 2/3 cup of hot sauce
  • 1/2 cup of olive oil + 4 tbsp.
  • 1 1/2 tbsp. of white vinegar
  • 1/2 tsp. of Worcestershire
  • 1 tbsp. of smoked paprika
  • 1 tsp. of cayenne pepper
  • 1/2 tsp. of garlic powder
  • S+P, to taste

How to:

  • In a food processor, combine hot sauce + 1/2 cup of olive oil + white vinegar + Worcestershire + paprika + cayenne + garlic + S+P, pulse until well-combined
  • Pour into a sauce pan + heat over low-medium heat until it starts to bubble, remove from heat
  • Meanwhile, heat a tbsp. of olive oil in a skillet over medium
  • Add onion + S+P, let caramelize for 6-7 minutes, set aside
  • In the same skillet, heat another tbsp. of olive oil + add tempeh + cook for 4-5 minutes letting them get a lil crispy
  • Once crispy, toss tempeh in the buffalo sauce
  • To prepare the quesadillas, heat another tbsp. of olive oil in the same skillet over medium heat
  • Lay down a tortilla + top with 1/2 the onion + 1/2 the arugula + 1/2 the tempeh + 1/2 the cilantro + top with another tortilla, cook for 3 minutes, flip + cook another 1-2 minutes
  • Repeat with remaining ingredients
  • Serve hot with extra cilantro
  • Fold over quesadilla triangle + tilt head back + let quesadilla contents slide down gullet

 

Buffalo sauce adapted from here!

http://www.theedgyveg.com/2014/01/16/vegan-buffalo-sauce-recipe/