Shrimp Burrito Bowls

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I think I know why every other country hates America.

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It’s because Americans absolutely suck on the Internet.

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I’m serious. We are just so daggum opinionated. Give us an international crisis & a Facebook account & it’s all she wrote.

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Like, why does every human on Facebook feel the need to not only post their own opinion 8 times a day, but also comment on every person’s posts who disagree with them??? The truth is – you’re all idiots! Every American human on Facebook is a moron. Now some might argue this is a gross generalization, but I can say this because I, too, am an internet moron (have you read this blog??). All I’m saying is if you aren’t sharing puppy videos & photos of you & your boyfriend at dinner, then no one wants to see it! Folks in other countries look at our Facebook pages & see ignorant comments & no puppies & they’re like, “oh yeah THIS is why we hate America.”

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This is also while I’ll make an excellent First Lady someday because I just really connect with the people.

 

Time: 30 minutes (prep + cooking) | Serves: 2

Ingredients

  • 1 lb. of shrimp, peeled + deveined + uncooked
  • 1/2 cup of quinoa
  • 1 red onion, diced
  • 1 red pepper, diced
  • 3 tbsp. of cilantro, chopped
  • 1 tomato, diced
  • 1 can of black beans, rinsed + drained
  • 1 tbsp. of garlic
  • 1 tbsp. of chili powder
  • 1 tsp. of garlic powder
  • 1 tsp. of cumin
  • 1/2 tsp. of oregano
  • S+P, to taste
  • 2 tbsp. of olive oil

How to:

  • In a bowl, combine chili powder + garlic powder + cumin + oregano + S+P
  • Add shrimp + 1 tbsp. of olive oil + combine well, set aside
  • While shrimp marinate, cook quinoa according to package directions + drain
  • Heat other tbsp. of olive oil in a skillet over medium heat
  • Add garlic + cook for 1 minute
  • Add shrimp + cook until pink
  • Add shrimp + quinoa + red onion + red pepper + tomato + black beans + some cilantro to a bowl
  • Serve hot
  • See how many scrimps you can fit in your mouth at one time

Shrimp + Broccoli Stir Fry

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Hello, it’s me.

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I apologize for my absence. Daylight savings time really screwed me. Also, I was recovering from a ridiculous weekend with my BFF.

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Cheryl came to Seattle for Halloween. There aren’t enough adjectives to describe her time here. I will sum it up with this: ludicrous. Like, we went to lunch, dinner, and drinks. Then we ordered a Papa John’s. Night ONE.

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We can’t be stopped when we get together. Mix that with costumes & it’s absolutely over. We decided on being Black Swan weeks ago. Like, Natalie Portman’s acclaimed role. I would be the black swan & Cheryl the white swan, obviously. Tutus & leotards ordered, the whole nine yards. Halloween comes. We’re all, “let’s get brunch & then we’ll come home & put on costumes.” Do you think we made it into our costumes on Halloween? We made it to tacos & pumpkin cider but we did not make it into our costumes. Priorities, people.

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So we got up Sunday morning & had a photo shoot instead.

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Time: 30 minutes (prep + cooking) | Serves: 2

Ingredients:

  • 1 lb. of shrimp
  • 1 large head of broccoli, cut in florets
  • 1 red pepper, diced
  • 1 tbsp. of olive oil
  • 3 tbsp. of soy sauce
  • 1 tbsp. of sriracha
  • 1 tbsp. of rice wine vinegar
  • 2 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 1 tbsp. of ground ginger
  • 1 tsp. of crushed red pepper
  • P, to taste
  • Sesame seeds, for serving
  • Green onion, for serving

How to:

  • In a bowl, combine soy sauce + sriracha + rice wine vinegar + garlic + ginger + crushed red pepper + P
  • Heat olive oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat
  • Add shrimp + cook for 2-3 minutes or until pink + cooked through
  • Add broccoli + red pepper + cook another 2-3 minutes
  • Slowly pour in sauce + stir to combine
  • Bring to a boil + then turn down the heat
  • Serve hot with sesame seeds + green onion
  • Scoop warm handfuls into face hole

Cod Piccata

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K so I’m not going total vegetarian.

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Apparently there is this thing you need called protein??? Idk but I don’t get enough of it according to my “medical physicians” so I am keeping fish in my diet.

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This pleases my carnivorous husband to no end because he likes to complain when we he goes more than two dinners without an animal on his plate.

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Like, I’m not even allowed to take a stand for something. Maybe I don’t NEED protein. I’m a relatively small human. I have little to no muscle mass. Perhaps I’m fine without it. I’ve been trying to tell people for years that my particular body runs best on an all-carb diet. Bagels? Now THAT is fuel.

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I’m lying – I’m still eating fish because they are the tastiest of the animals & imagining a world without fish tacos was really bleak.

 

 

Time: 35 minutes (prep + cooking) | Serves: 2-3

Ingredients:

  • 1 lb. of wild cod
  • 1 cup of almond meal
  • 1/2 cup of olive oil
  • 3 cups of vegetable stock
  • 1 lemon
  • 3 tbsp. of capers
  • 1 tbsp. of parsley, chopped
  • S+P, to taste

How to:

  • In a bowl, combine almond meal + S+P
  • Pat fish dry with a paper towel + dredge in almond meal, coating well
  • Heat 1/2 the oil in a skillet over medium heat
  • Add fish in batches, cooking for 3-4 minutes on each side
  • Add more oil between batches if need be
  • Turn down the heat + deglaze pan with stock (stand back!)
  • Scrape any brown bits up and add lemon juice + lemon halves + capers, letting cook for 2-3 minutes
  • Add fish back in to reheat
  • Serve hot with fresh parsley + more sauce drizzle over
  • Pour remaining sauce on body