Lentil + Pineapple Salsa Tacos

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I said this time would be different.

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I wouldn’t fall into the same trap I end up in every few years.

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I’ve grown, I’ve changed, I’m strong.

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Then August 23rd came around and Taylor Swift dropped Lover and all my resolve went out the window. The album is killer, man. I was the first person to tell anyone I talked to about it that I felt like this would be her worst yet. I didn’t like the singles. I wasn’t feeling her ‘tude about the whole thing. I was OK with the idea of this being an off year for her. I listened to the whole thing once through and I was like dagnabit she done made me a liar! It’s so good. It gives me Red vibes which is unarguably her best album of all time and quite possibly won’t be topped. Even the singles I didn’t enjoy as they stood alone sound better when played with the rest of the songs. Why, oh why, is she so good at connecting with twenty-something upper middle class females?!?!?!

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Though I do need to have a talk with her about the v unnecessary Leo lyric in The Man.

 

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 6 tacos + extra salsa

Ingredients:

  • 1 cup of lentils
  • 1 pineapple, cut into cubes
  • 1 red pepper, diced
  • 1/2 a red onion, diced
  • 1 jalapeno
  • 1 tbsp. of olive oil
  • 1/4 cup of cilantro
  • Juice of 1 lime + the zest
  • 1 tbsp. of chili powder
  • 1 tsp. of cumin
  • 1 tsp. of smoked paprika
  • 1 tsp. of onion powder
  • 1 tsp. of garlic powder
  • 2 tbsp. of tomato paste
  • S+P, to taste
  • Warm tortillas, for serving

How to:

  • In a bowl, combine pineapple + red pepper + red onion + jalapeno + cilantro + olive oil + juice of 1/2 the lime+ S+P, mix well + refrigerate until ready to serve
  • Cook lentils according to package directions
  • Once lentils are just about cooked, mix in remaining lime juice + zest + chili powder + cumin + smoked paprika + onion powder + garlic powder + tomato paste + S+P, cook another 2-3 minutes until all liquid is absorbed
  • To serve, spread some lentils in a warm tortilla + top with salsa
  • Smear leftover lentils on face for a detoxifying mask + feed yourself chunks of pineapple

 

Adapted from here!

Grilled Pineapple Burrito Bowls

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Conflabit, I love a good comeback.

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I am SO here for all of these TV reboots and sequels and adaptations and anything else that gives my eyeballs or earholes fresh content.

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Bring it all back! Jennifer Aniston was on Ellen the other day and she said she’s down for a Friends reboot. CAN YOU IMAGINE?!

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But the comeback I am most unashamedly excited for is none other than….drumroll, please…..The Jonas Brothers. This new album literally ROCKED MY SOCKS OFF. I have not stopped playing it since Friday and the end is nowhere in sight. I wish I could explain what these three brothers meant to me in 2008. I will sum it up by sharing I did have a Joe Jonas fitted tee that I wore under my clothes occasionally. I’ve just always loved them unconditionally. Their music resonated deeply with my naive soul. Plus, they were in Camp Rock which is only one of the top 8 greatest Disney Channel films of all time – supremely underrated and better than the more popular High School Music. Controversial opinion, I know, but I STAND BY IT. I’m just so happy the boys are back together. I really think this is what our country needs right now to bring peace and unity to our communities.

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Also, Garrett is out having divorce papers drafted because he claims he’d rather be alone than listen to the JoBros for one more second. Weird.

 

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 3-4

Ingredients:

  • 1 onion, diced
  • 1 tbsp. of garlic, diced
  • 1 jalapeno, diced
  • 2 red bell peppers, diced
  • 1 can of black beans, rinsed + drained
  • 1 pineapple, sliced in 1/2 inch thick rounds
  • 2 ears of corn
  • 6 corn tortillas, cut in lil strips
  • 2 cups of brown rice, cooked
  • 1 avocado, for serving
  • Cilantro, for serving
  • 1 tsp. of chili powder
  • 1 tsp. of cumin
  • 1 tsp. of smoked paprika
  • S+P, to taste
  • 1 tbsp. of olive oil

How to:

  • Heat oven to 350 degrees
  • Arrange tortilla strips on a lined baking sheet + bake for 10 minutes, tossing once in the middle
  • Remove + sprinkle with + S+P, set to the side
  • Meanwhile, heat olive oil in a skillet
  • Add onion + S+P, cook 3-4 minutes
  • Add garlic, cook another minute
  • Add jalapeno + red peppers + S+P, cook another 3-4 minutes
  • Add beans + chili powder + cumin + smoked paprika + S+P, cook another 4-5 minutes
  • Meanwhile, heat a grill or grill pan over medium heat + spray with oil
  • Grill pineapple on each side for about 2-3 minutes or until you have nice lil char marks
  • Grill corn for about 20 minutes, flipping on each side every 5 minutes or so
  • Once cooled, cut pineapple in chunks + shuck the corn
  • To serve, combine rice + black bean mix + pineapple + corn + avocado + tortilla strips + cilantro
  • Mix up all your bowl ingredients + dump into large trough, eat from it whilst on hands + knees like the animal you are

Sweet + Sour Pineapple + Peppers

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This is probably going to be my last post.

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Because my husband has spent all of our money and we cannot afford to pay the internet bill anymore.

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Like, I throw the man a bone and he wants the whole steak. (This is a metaphor I just made up, I hope it makes sense.)

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The human I married has been pestering me for actual years about investing in equipment for a home gym. I’m not talking a treadmill in the den, people. I’m talking, take everything out of the garage and fill it with barbells and bikes and rowing machines and something called a squat rack, I don’t even know. I’ve been incredibly against this for a couple of valid reasons: 1) the expense is thousands of dollars – mama likes to have nice things, too. 2) I don’t think parking in my own garage is really too much to ask 3) the sound of a barbell dropping on concrete sends me into full-blown panic & I convince myself the foundation is cracking & we are going to get sucked into a sink hole.

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I caved after he looked at me all lovingly and whispered, “If I have a home gym, I get to be home with you more, babe……….”

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 3-4

Ingredients:

  • 1 pineapple, cut in chunks
  • 1 red bell pepper, cut in chunks
  • 1 yellow bell pepper, cut in chunks
  • 1 orange bell pepper, cut in chunks
  • 1 tbsp. of ketchup
  • 1 tbsp. of soy sauce
  • 2 tbsp. of rice vinegar
  • 4 tbsp. of agave
  • 2 tsp. of cornstarch
  • 2 tbsp. of olive oil
  • 1/2 cup of raw cashews, toasted
  • Brown rice for serving,
  • 2 green onions, diced
  • 1/4 cup of cilantro, chopped
  • S+P, to taste

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 350 degrees
  • Arrange pineapple + peppers on a lined baking sheet
  • Drizzle with olive oil + S+P
  • Bake for 15 minutes, toss, bake another 15 minutes
  • Meanwhile, in a bowl, combine ketchup + soy sauce + rice vinegar + agave
  • Combine 1/3 cup of water + cornstarch, stir until cornstarch dissolves
  • Add cornstarchy water to ketchup mix
  • Add to saucepan, bring to a boil, turn down + simmer for 6-8 minutes or until thick + sticky, but drippy
  • In a bowl, combine sauce + roasted peppers + pineapple
  • Serve over brown rice with green onions + cilantro
  • With hands, scoop mix + throw at blank wall, finger paint to create art

 

Sauce from here!