Sweet + Sour Pineapple + Peppers

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This is probably going to be my last post.

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Because my husband has spent all of our money and we cannot afford to pay the internet bill anymore.

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Like, I throw the man a bone and he wants the whole steak. (This is a metaphor I just made up, I hope it makes sense.)

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The human I married has been pestering me for actual years about investing in equipment for a home gym. I’m not talking a treadmill in the den, people. I’m talking, take everything out of the garage and fill it with barbells and bikes and rowing machines and something called a squat rack, I don’t even know. I’ve been incredibly against this for a couple of valid reasons: 1) the expense is thousands of dollars – mama likes to have nice things, too. 2) I don’t think parking in my own garage is really too much to ask 3) the sound of a barbell dropping on concrete sends me into full-blown panic & I convince myself the foundation is cracking & we are going to get sucked into a sink hole.

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I caved after he looked at me all lovingly and whispered, “If I have a home gym, I get to be home with you more, babe……….”

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 3-4

Ingredients:

  • 1 pineapple, cut in chunks
  • 1 red bell pepper, cut in chunks
  • 1 yellow bell pepper, cut in chunks
  • 1 orange bell pepper, cut in chunks
  • 1 tbsp. of ketchup
  • 1 tbsp. of soy sauce
  • 2 tbsp. of rice vinegar
  • 4 tbsp. of agave
  • 2 tsp. of cornstarch
  • 2 tbsp. of olive oil
  • 1/2 cup of raw cashews, toasted
  • Brown rice for serving,
  • 2 green onions, diced
  • 1/4 cup of cilantro, chopped
  • S+P, to taste

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 350 degrees
  • Arrange pineapple + peppers on a lined baking sheet
  • Drizzle with olive oil + S+P
  • Bake for 15 minutes, toss, bake another 15 minutes
  • Meanwhile, in a bowl, combine ketchup + soy sauce + rice vinegar + agave
  • Combine 1/3 cup of water + cornstarch, stir until cornstarch dissolves
  • Add cornstarchy water to ketchup mix
  • Add to saucepan, bring to a boil, turn down + simmer for 6-8 minutes or until thick + sticky, but drippy
  • In a bowl, combine sauce + roasted peppers + pineapple
  • Serve over brown rice with green onions + cilantro
  • With hands, scoop mix + throw at blank wall, finger paint to create art

 

Sauce from here!

Hawaiian BBQ Chickpea Bowls

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Garrett and I are going on our first vacation together tomorrow.

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Well, kind of.

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It’s our first reallllllll vacation that’s just the two of us. No family, no friends, just two young lovebirds out on an adventure, left to our own devices to make it in a strange city………… Just the two of us, all alone…….

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I’ve left Garr in charge of logistics. Plane, rental car, hotel. Fingers crossed we make it alive, are driving something safer than a Tonka truck and aren’t staying in the outhouse of a unabomber. Oh, I’ve also put him in charge of dining and explorations. He’s just so much better at the internet than I am and can google things at lightning speed. Plus, I need my phone battery to take food pix so.

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Also, only one argument so far because I want to check a bag so I can take my hot rollers.

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 4-6 bowls

 

Ingredients:

  • 1 pineapple, peeled + cubed
  • 4 tbsp. of honey
  • 2 tbsp. of apple cider vinegar
  • 2 tsp. of liquid smoke
  • 1 6 oz. can of tomato paste
  • 1 tbsp. of garlic powder
  • 1 tsp. of cayenne
  • 1 tsp. of crushed red pepper
  • 1 cup of water
  • 1 can of chickpeas, rinsed + drained
  • 1 red onion, diced
  • 1 red pepper, diced
  • 1 yellow pepper, diced
  • 1 jalapeno, diced
  • 1 avocado, cubed
  • S+P, to taste
  • 1 tbsp. of olive oil
  • Brown rice for serving
  • Cilantro, for serving

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 425
  • In a food processor, combine 1 cup of pineapple + honey + vinegar + liquid smoke + tomato paste + garlic powder + cayenne + crushed red pepper + S+P + water, pulse until smooth
  • Transfer to a small pot + warm over medium heat
  • Meanwhile, arrange chickpeas on a lined baking sheet
  • Drizzle with olive oil + S+P, roast for 20-25 minutes, stirring once
  • Once cooked, dump chickpeas into BBQ sauce pot + turn off heat
  •  To serve, put some rice in a bowl + top with some pineapple + onion + peppers + avocado + BBQ chickpeas + cilantro
  • Create catapult with spoon + launch contents at sweetie

 

BBQ sauce idea from here!

http://ifoodreal.com/hawaiian-bbq-sauce/#_a5y_p=5521070

 

 

 

Pineapple Fried Rice

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We need to talk about Catfish.

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Not the bottom feeder, the television show about people who meet on the internet but have no idea who they are *actually* communicating with so they call in MTV to crack the case. AKA give these fools an Emmy.

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Who knew this stuff actually happened? I mean, I definitely found myself in a couple of weird chat rooms in the 8th grade, but these people carry on internet relationships with each other for yearrrsssssss.

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I had heard of this show, but never watched an entire episode. Luckily, my father is a teenage boy so he’s super into it. He’s all, “Come over – I’m watching Catfish.” And I’m all, “K.” Just like that, I’m hooked. Surprisingly, I’m really skilled at guessing the outcomes of the episodes. Like, oh yeah his crazy ex definitely made some fake accounts and has been getting him to tell her all of his secrets for the last three years – duh. It’s like I can get into the minds of crazy girls or something – weird.

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If you or someone you know is possibly being Catfished, please call me first so I can know all of the deets.

 

 

Time: 30 minutes (prep + cooking) | Serves: 3-4

Ingredients:

  • 2 cups of cooked brown rice
  • 1 cup of fresh pineapple chunks
  • 1 red pepper, chopped
  • 2 eggs, beaten
  • 1/2 cup of cashews, chopped
  • 1/4 cup of green onion, chopped
  • 2 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 1 tbsp. of cilantro, + more for serving
  • 1/4 cup of low-sodium soy sauce
  • 2 tbsp. of sriracha
  • S+P, to taste
  • 2 tbsp. of olive oil

How to:

  • Heat one tbsp. of the olive oil in a large skillet over medium heat
  • Add eggs + scramble, remove from pan
  • Turn up heat to medium-high + add the other tbsp. of olive oil
  • Add pineapple + red pepper, cook for 5 minutes
  • Add green onion + garlic, cook another minute
  • Remove pineapple + red pepper mixture
  • Add cashews to the hot pan + stir constantly for a minute
  • Add rice + S+P, cook for 4-5 minutes
  • Add the egg + pineapple mix back to the pan, cook for a minute
  • Add soy sauce + sriracha, cook for a minute
  • Top with cilantro + serve hot
  • Eat until your tummy distends to look like you are carrying triplets

 

 

Adapted from hereeeeeeeee!

http://cookieandkate.com/2015/thai-pineapple-fried-rice-recipe/