Fig Jam Pizza


I wish I was 13 years old again and my greatest joy in life was learning a new cheat code in The Sims.


I wasn’t a cool 13-year-old, OK?


If I could calculate it, I’d likely discover I spent the better part of my adolescence behind a giant Dell computer screen making fictional families comprised of me, my school crushes and lots of children with my favorite names at the time – Juliet, Katarina, Trevor, etc.


I’d build extravagant houses and paint all of the walls hot pink and lime green and fill the backyard with like 6 hot tubs. My character’s career path was ALWAYS music and I mastered the guitar in like 3 days and painted in my spare time. I always made my husband (better known as my 7th grade flavor of the week) a doctor and when, in real life, I decided I was totally over him and/or he got a girlfriend (more likely the case), I would make him cheat on me in the game so I could slap him and kick him out. Learning healthy relationship skills from the jump.


The best was when I’d get bored with a family so I’d put them all in the house, remove the doors and watch them go nuts.



Time: 2 hours (prep + cooking) | Serves: 1 pizza


  • 2 lbs of figs, ends trimmed + sliced thin
  • 1 1/2 cup of sugar
  • 1/2 cup of lemon juice
  • 1 pizza crust
  • 2 cups of arugula
  • 1 onion, sliced thin
  • 1 tbsp. of olive oil
  • S+P, to taste

How to:

  • In a bowl, combine figs + sugar, coat + let sit for 15 minutes, stirring occassionally
  • Transfer figs to a pot + add lemon juice + 1 cup of water, bring to a boil
  • Turn heat down a bit, let simmer for 40-45 minutes, until jam is sticky + runny to your desire
  • If you want chunks, leave as is, if not, turn off heat + blend with an immersion blender
  • Transfer to a mason jar + refrigerate
  • Meanwhile, preheat oven to 400 + heat olive oil in a skillet over medium heat
  • Add onion slice + S+P, let caramelize for 8-10 minutes, remove from pan
  • On a pizza crust, spread some jam + top with onion
  • Bake for 10 minutes or until crisp to your desire
  • Top with arugula + serve warm
  • Put a slice atop your head + run into the streets chanting “I gotta pizza on my head, but don’t call me a pizza head”


Fig jam adapted from here!

Taco Pizza


Fitbits are equal parts motivating and gut-wrenching.


I got one for Christmas in an attempt to be mindful of my activity (or lack thereof).


Turns out my daily yoga session is only like 8 steps.


What’s a girl gotta do to get her 10,000 steps?! I don’t run and it rains here. I’m meant to be indoors. I’ve really been trying to think outside of the box, though. Cleaning is actually a nice way to get some steps. My baseboards are shined up like pennies! I’ve also been practicing old dance moves. Turns out I’m still pretty terrible. I am, however, quite good at reading. Instead of cozying up with a good read, I just walk and read. All around the house. Garrett is moderately upset with this new hobby because, apparently, it’s distracting when I walk in front of him during his evening TV time.


I think “Destined to be Sedentary” will be a chapter in my memoir.


Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 2 (or 1 if you’re me)


  • 1 whole wheat crust
  • 1 package of soyrizo
  • 1 can of beans
  • 1 can of corn, drained
  • 1 jalapeno, diced + more for topping
  • 1 roma tomato, diced
  • 1 cup of butter lettuce, shredded
  • 1/4 cup of cilantro, chopped
  • 1/2 of an avocado, chopped
  • Tortilla chips
  • 1 tsp. of cumin
  • 1 tsp. of chili powder
  • S+P, to taste
  • 1 tbsp. of olive oil

How to:

  • Prep dough according to package directions
  • Preheat oven to 450
  • Heat olive oil in a cast iron kitchen over medium heat
  • Add soyrizo, cook 4-5 minutes
  • Add jalapeno + corn, cook another 2-3 minutes, set aside
  • Meanwhile, add beans + juice to a small pot over low-medium heat
  • Add cumin + chili powder + S+P, cook 6-7 minutes
  • Spread beans on crust
  • Top with soyrizo mix
  • Bake 10 minutes
  • Top with lettuce + tomatoes + avocado + crumbled tortilla chips + cilantro
  • Serve hot
  • Fold pizza slice into shape of taco for some real Shutter Island business


Heirloom Tomato Tart


My BFF spent 12 days in WA with me.


Would your BFF fly across the country & spend 12 days with you because your husband is out playing in the woods for work? No, that’s the answer.


Everyone was all, “Aren’t y’all going to get sick of each other?” And we were all, “Obvio, but we’ll just slap each other around a bit and get over it like normal people.”


We did all of the things – went to all of the cities, ate all of the vegan food (& cheated on our diets a bit – PLS LOVE ME I’M ONLY HUMAN!!!), went on long walks, saw Coldplay in concert (v casual), ate more food, watched some sad TV, and ended the visit with a trip to Whole Foods because I am a really adventurous host. I offered to let her be my assistant/doggy nanny and told her she could live in the guest bedroom for a small rent & cleaning fee, but, sadly, she returned to Memphis.


Luckily, we have matching shark tattoos to remember it all by.



Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 1 tart


  • 10 sheets of phyllo dough, thawed
  • 1 lb. of heirloom tomatoes, washed + sliced thin
  • 1 shallot, sliced thin
  • 1 cup of basil, chiffonaded
  • 1/2 cup of breadcrumbs
  • 7 tbsp. of olive oil
  • S+P, for taste

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 375
  • Brush a baking sheet with 1 tbsp. of  oil
  • Lay a sheet of phyllo dough + brush with 2 tsp. of olive oil + sprinkle with 1 tsp. of breadcrumbs
  • Top with another sheet of dough + repeat
  • Bake for 20-25 minutes or until golden + crisp to your desire
  • Meanwhile, heat remaining tbsp. of olive oil in a skillet over low-med heat
  • Add shallot + S+P, cook for 5-6 minutes
  • To serve, top warm dough with tomatoes + shallot + basil + some S+P
  • Cut it up + serve warm
  • Make a fist + punch your tart until it all crumbles into lil bits making it easier for you to vacuum up with your pie hole


Original idea from here!