Coffee Cookies

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The Met Gala is a nice annual reminder that I am not what the kids would call “hip” and our world is pretty sick that we slingshot money at this kind of thing and watch it all unfold with bated breath.

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It took my friend approximately 45 minutes to explain the “camp” theme to me.

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FYI – I still don’t understand.

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While I thoroughly enjoyed the flamboyant fashion, I couldn’t help but wonder (*channels Carrie Bradshaw*) is this really the best use of this much wealth??? Like, I get it’s a fundraiser for the Met and these are millionaire celebrities who blow their noses in hundred dollar bills, but $35,000 a TICKET?! 100,000 humans could eat a hot meal for that (I have no idea of this is true). That’s just the ticket. The celebs only know if they’ve been invited like three weeks before so how much are they paying these designers to create wearable hamburgers on such short notice??? Idk, maybe I’m just jealous I’ll never receive a personal invitation from Anna Wintour requesting my presence on this carpet. Though, that is a BIG mistake, Anna, because I will happily pull a Gaga and do a 15-minute performance complete with 3 wardrobe changes and backup dancers as I make my entrance. I will, however, need to borrow $35,000 to make it happen.

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Cher performed, though, and that’s worth at least $27,000.

 

 

Time: 45 minutes (prep + cooking) | Serves: 12-18 cookies

Ingredients:

  • 1/2 cup of vegan butter
  • 3/4 cup of coconut sugar
  • 4 tbsp. of dairy free milk (I used unsweetened vanilla almond milk)
  • 2 tsp. of vanilla extract
  • 2 cups of whole wheat flour
  • 1 tbsp. of instant coffee
  • 1/2 tsp. of baking soda
  • Pinch of salt
  • 1/2 cup of dark chocolate chips

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 350
  • In a mixer, combine butter + sugar until well combined
  • Add in milk + vanilla, combine well
  • Slowly add in flour while mixer is on low
  • Add in coffee + baking soda + salt, mix until a dough is formed
  • Fold in chocolate chips
  • Using a cookie scoop, scoop cookies onto a lined baking sheet
  • Flatten them a bit with the back of the scoop
  • Bake for 10 minutes, remove + let cool
  • Serve warm or room temperature
  • Dunk into your morning coffee + cram into your mouth, repeat until you explode

Chopped Greek Salad

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Apparently, I have what some like to call Rolls Royce taste on a Honda budget.

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We’re shopping for our first home.

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And we could just get a lot more house for the money if our budget was like $800,000.

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Honestly, Garrett is the problem. He’s wildly against a fixer upper because he doesn’t want to spend his time making improvements. I’m really down for whatever. As long as there are at least 2.5 baths, floor to ceiling windows with lots of natural light and a giant kitchen with white marble countertops and white cabinets, I’m set. I’m simple, really. I don’t mind having to make a couple of updates to get our dream home. But I can’t even online search with Garr anymore. If we look at a house and the curtains are ugly, he’s like nope, no, can’t, exit out of this page, I’m out. He can’t look past the poor decorating choices and see the good bones of a place. We saw one and he was like ugh NO I’d have to rip off that wall paper. The audacity! He thinks we just need to buy a new build. I was like OK great, that sounds really nice, why don’t you just loosen the grip on your pocketbook, good sir.

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How easy is it to buy a house behind your husband’s back? Asking for a friend.

 

 

Time: 30 minutes (prep + cooking) | Serves: 3-4

Ingredients:

  • 1 head of romaine, washed + shredded
  • 1 english cucumber, sliced thin
  • 1/2 a red onion, sliced thin
  • 1 pint of cherry tomatoes, halved
  • 1/2 cup of kalamata olives
  • 1/4 cup of banana peppers
  • 1/4 cup of roasted red peppers
  • 1/2 cup of quinoa, uncooked
  • 1/2 cup of olive oil
  • 1/3 cup of red wine vinegar
  • 1 tsp. of lemon juice
  • 2 tsp. of oregano
  • 1 tsp. of garlic powder
  • 1 tsp. of onion powder
  • Pinch of sugar
  • S+P, to taste

How to:

  • Cook quinoa according to package directions, set aside
  • In a bowl, whisk olive oil + red wine vinegar + lemon juice + oregano + garlic powder + onion powder + sugar + S+P, refrigerate until ready to use
  • In a big bowl combine lettuce + cucumber + onion + tomatoes + kalamata olives + peppers
  • Pour onto a big cutting board
  • Using a ulu knife, chop up the salad to your desire
  • Add back to bowl + add quinoa + mix in dressing
  • Serve chilled
  • Using a spatula, shovel salad contents into mouth until they are all gone and you have eaten your daily calories in salad

Rainbow Carrot + Asparagus Tart

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How can I ever accurately express the impact Celine Dion has had on my life?

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I suppose I’d have to go back to the beginning. When a six-year-old Rachel sat in the movie theatre after her first screening of Titanic and the credits rolled. Something inside of me just clicked.

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My Heart Will Go On became the first in what would become a collection of ballads I would memorize and sing at all hours of the day staring at myself in the mirror performing in a melodramatic fashion.

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And now, in less than one year, I will see my idol in person. I will breathe her angelic air and hear her golden voice live. Because my mother knows me to my core, she was determined to get these tickets. She joined a Celine fan club to get early access to tickets and on the morning they went on sale, she was prepared to fight the masses with two cell phones, an iPad and a laptop. After we lost out on Adele tickets in 2016, she was not taking any chances! After about 73 failed attempts, she gets them. 8 tickets for me, her and 6 of my BFFs. It’s not until after she’s paid she realizes she accidentally bought us VIP tickets. Like, OK, do I smell a meet and greet in my future?!?!! After further research, we discover the 8 VIP tickets we purchased give us 8 commemorative lanyards and 1 CD. A single CD. For the 8 of us to share. We’ll be creating a rotation schedule so everyone gets equal amount of time with the disc.

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And we are also all going to channel different Celines for our wardrobe and makeup, so we or may not go viral.

 

 

Time:  1.5 hours (prep + cooking) | Serves: 1 tart

Ingredients:

  • 1 puff pastry
  • 4 rainbow carrots
  • 1/2 a bunch of asparagus
  • 1 cup of basil leaves
  • 1/2 cup of walnuts
  • 1/4 cup of nutritional yeast
  • 1 tbsp. of garlic
  • 1 tbsp. of lemon juice
  • 1/2 cup of olive oil
  • S+P, to taste

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 400 degrees
  • Thaw puff pastry for 40 minutes
  • Arrange carrots + asparagus on two lined baking sheets
  • Drizzle each with 1 tbsp. of olive oil + some S+P
  • Roast 20 minutes, tossing once in the middle, remove the asparagus, cook carrots a couple more minutes
  • Meanwhile combine basil + walnuts + nutritional yeast + garlic + lemon juice + S+P in a food processor, process on low + add in remaining olive oil
  • Spray a baking sheet with oil + place puff pastry on sheet
  • Spread pesto on thawed puff pastry, leaving edges plain
  • Cut carrots in half, length wise + place them + asparagus on top of the tart in whatever order your heart desires
  • Bake 15-20 minutes or until crisp to your desire
  • Cut in quarters + serve warm
  • Take a quarter in your hand + crunch it up over your tilted mouth letting the crumblies fill your pie hole