Copycat Panera Bread – Modern Greek Salad

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Why, oh why, was I not born in the early 1800s to a wealthy English family?!

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I think I could have really excelled.

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But only if I had money. I wouldn’t survive if I had to slum it.

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I went to a tea parlour this weekend with some girlfriends. My gosh, it was posh. This darling old lady waited on us wearing the most gorgeous apron I’ve ever seen. The whole place was decorated with these ornate paintings of British aristocrats. My people! We each had a pot of tea, served to us in these adorable tea pot coozies. Who knew such a happy thing existed in this world? Floral tea pot coozies! We ate scones and little biscuits (British for cookies, you wouldn’t understand) and just gabbed and sipped. In that moment, I felt I had truly found my calling. I am meant to be surrounded by beautiful things and delicate floral patterns and fine china and adorable little sugar cubes with equally adorable miniature sugar cube tongs. I now know I need at least three hours a day in the early afternoon for my tea time. Unfortunately, this is unacceptable in our heinous, overworked society.

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I feel like the Bronte sisters are probably the only ones who get me.

 

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 4

Ingredients:

  • 2-3 cups of kale, washed
  • 2-3 cups of romaine lettuce, washed + shredded
  • 1/2 cup of kalamata olives, halved
  • 1/2 cup of slivered almonds, toasted
  • 1 english cucumber, quartered
  • 2 cups of dry quinoa
  • 1 onion, diced
  • 1 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 15 oz. can of crushed tomatoes
  • 1 tsp. of italian seasoning
  • 1 tsp. of paprika
  • 2 tbsp. of white wine vinegar
  • 1 tsp. of oregano
  • Juice of 1/2 a lemon
  • S+P, to taste
  • 6 tbsp. of olive oil

How to:

  • Cook the quinoa according to package directions, drain excess water
  • Heat 1 tbsp. of olive oil in a skillet over medium heat
  • Add onion + S+P, cook for 4-5 minutes
  • Add garlic, cook another minute
  • Add crushed tomatoes + italian seasoning + paprika + S+P
  • Bring to a boil, reduce heat + simmer for 15 minutes
  • Stir in quinoa + some S+P
  • To make the dressing, whisk remaining olive oil with vinegar + oregano + lemon juice + some S+P
  • To serve, combine kale + romaine + cucumber + olives + toasted almonds + quinoa sofrito + drizzle with dressing
  • Serve chilled

 

Adapted from here!

Autumn Harvest Salad

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My husband is going off the grid.

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He’s going underground, living on the lam, getting out of dodge!

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Also, he’s just deleting social media.

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Much to my chagrin, he’s slowly but surely deleting all his accounts. He claims it’s terribly addicting and bad for our mental health or something?? Idk. What I do know is that it’s downright selfish! He’s just not thinking about me and Topanga and all of the cute photos he, exclusively, has captured over the years! If Topanga had thumbs and could manage her own accounts, this would be a lil less of an issue, but alas. What, we’re just going to sacrifice all of our treasured pix to the internet Gods? Our memories scattered to the wind?? (Name that movie) I just can’t stand by and let this happen. He’s putting the millennial good name to shame!

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It also means I’m going to lose a follower and that’s simply not good for MY mental health.

 

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves 3-4

Ingredients:

  • 1 acorn squash, tops trimmed off + cut into rounds
  • 1 head of purple cauliflower, cut into florets
  • 3 beets, peeled + tops trimmed off
  • 2 parsnips, sliced in lil rounds
  • 1 can of chickpeas, rinsed + drained
  • 2 shallots, sliced thin
  • Spinach, for serving
  • 2 tbsp. of apple cider vinegar
  • 5 tbsp. of olive oil
  • 1 tbsp. of dijon mustard
  • 1 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • S+P, to taste

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 400 degrees
  • Place squash rounds + parsnips on a lined baking sheet + drizzle with 1 tbsp. of olive oil + S+P
  • Place cauliflower on a lined baking sheet + drizzle with 1 tbsp. of olive oil + S+P
  • Place chickpeas + shallots on another lined baking sheet + drizzle with 1 tbsp. of olive oil + S+P
  • Wrap each beet in its owl lil piece of foul + drizzle each with 1 tbsp. olive oil + S+P, place on another baking sheet
  • Roast all your veggies for 15 minutes, toss (no need to toss beets obvio) , cook chickpeas another 5-7, cauliflower + squash another 10-15, until browned to your desire + beets another 15 minutes
  • Meanwhile, combine apple cider vinegar + remaining olive oil + dijon mustard + garlic in a lil bowl
  • To serve, top spinach with all your roasted veggies + drizzle with your dressing
  • Light all your pumpkin waffle flavored candles + smash face down onto plate, rubbing throughly in all veggies

 

Black-Eyed Pea Salad

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Do you ever have those times in life when so much is happening at once and if you don’t laugh at all of the things going wrong you will actually crumple into a ball and completely lose your mind?

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Hi, it me.

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Ya girl has been in and out of the hospital over the last two weeks with appointments and tests and a big barrel of melodrama. All is fine but I can say with great confidence which hospital restrooms reign supreme – first floor second set on the left – and there is popcorn on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

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The off-brand maraschino cherry on top of my radical few weeks: On the way to my most recent appointment, I’m cruising along, listening to some good tuneage, daydreaming about my to-do list when BAH BOOM pot hole. I hit that thing so hard it about knocked me into a tree. I’m swerving trying to get my act together when I hear this heinous sound. I pull over just to catch my breath and look at the car. What do ya know? I successfully popped a tire! Being the modern woman I am, I have always MEANT to learn how to change my own tire, but for some reason, kept finding 8 million better things to do with my time. So there I sat. Waiting for my knight in overalls to show up in his steed of a pickup truck.

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I still can’t decide if I’m uber grateful or disappointed not one person stopped and offered to help. Am I that off putting even from afar?

 

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 4-6

Ingredients:

  • 2 cups of uncooked black eyed peas (soaked overnight)
  • 1/2 red onion, diced
  • 1 red pepper, diced
  • 1 green pepper, diced
  • 1 serrano pepper, sliced thin
  • 1 cup of cherry tomatoes, halved
  • 1/4 cup of cilantro, chopped
  • 1/2 cup of flax milk (or other non-dairy milk)
  • 2 tbsp. of lemon juice
  • 1 tbsp. of apple cider vinegar
  • 1 tbsp. of agave
  • 1 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 2 chipotles in adobo + 1 tbsp. of the adobo sauce
  • 1 tbsp. of olive oil
  • 1 tsp. of cumin
  • 1 lime
  • S+P, to taste

How to:

  • Rinse soaked beans + add to a pot
  • Fill with water + bring to a boil, cook for 25-30 minutes
  • In a large bowl, combine onion + peppers + tomatoes + cilantro + S+P, set aside
  • Meanwhile, in a food processor, combine milk + lemon juice + apple cider vinegar + agave + garlic + chipotles + adobo sauce + olive oil + cumin + a lil S+P, process until smooth + runny like a dressing
  • Drain peas + add to veggie bowl + top with dressing (or let peeps serve themselves) + squeeze lime juice over
  • Serve warm or cold, whatever your prerogative baby
  • Use mouth as vacuum to suck all of this up