Broccoli + Grain Salad

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Reason 23,085 I’m not meant to live in the south: my daggum ‘do can’t take it.

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The combination of humidity and high winds does truly unspeakable things to my hair.

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We went to Charleston for the weekend and they were having tornado-like winds the whole time. Ya girl had her hair up IN A PONYTAIL. Tragic!!!!

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Apart from the hair debacle, we had a delightful time. We frolicked and explored and took in some sights and only a few folks did double takes at what the heck was atop my head (my messy bun frightens people). Charleston’s food scene is pretty dope and I ate like a right queen. Garr & I are high key obsessed with Netflix’s Chef’s Table and have been jonesing to visit one of the featured restaurants. We finally checked that off the bucket list this weekend and it was just superb. They made me a vegan entree without any hassles and it was basically just a bunch of side dishes but we all know that’s the best part of the meal anyways. G must have had a stroke or something when he placed his order because he chose snapper and he doesn’t like seafood?¿ It was swimming in a lil broth and it reminded him of a time he was camping and surviving off the land and he and his pals had the great idea to boil a fish they caught in a stew they were making and it turned gray and tasted like dirt. So, slightly different experiences.

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We ended the evening at a hot pink champagne & caviar bar & I decided then & there that I simply MUST have such a room in my next home.

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 3-4

Ingredients:

  • 1/2 cup of red lentils, uncooked
  • 1/2 cup of quinoa, uncooked
  • 1/2 cup of barley, uncooked
  • 2 heads of broccoli, washed + cut into florets
  • 1/2 a red onion, sliced thin
  • 1/2 cup of almonds, toasted + chopped
  • 1/4 cup of pomegranate seeds
  • 1/4 cup of apple cider vinegar
  • 1/2 tbsp. of sugar
  • 1/4 cup + 1 tbsp. of olive oil
  • Juice + zest of 1/2 a lemon
  • 1/2 tsp. of dijon mustard
  • S+P, to taste

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 400 degrees
  • Add onions to a jar or bowl, top with apple cider vinegar + sugar + 1 tsp. of S + 1 cup of warm water, cover + refrigerate until you’re ready to serve
  • Cook grains according to package directions, drain + set aside
  • Arrange broccoli on a lined baking sheet, drizzle with 1 tbsp. of olive oil + some S+P
  • Roast for 25 minutes, tossing once
  • Meanwhile, combine remaining olive oil + lemon juice + zest + dijon + S+P
  • To serve, combine grains + broccoli + pickled red onions (minus their juice) + almonds + pomegranate seeds + dressing
  • Serve warm, room temp or chilled
  • Place self in a high chair + feed self with hands like lil doll baby you are

 

Spring Pasta Salad

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I have the music in me.

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In that, it’s trapped inside of me & I can’t help but belt tunes at the top of my lungs at all hours of the day despite sharing walls with neighbors.

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So I’m channeling my energy into a new hobby: I am going to teach myself to play the guitar.

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Turns out it’s like really difficult. I was trying to learn some v basic chords the other day and thought I was going to break my fingers. I went to yoga the next morning and my left hand cramped so badly I almost collapsed. Is this normal? Anyways, I really suck. First, my guitar needs to be tuned. Having less than no experience, I do not know how to fix this on my own. I just keep twisting the knobby things and plucking and I stop when my ears stop bleeding. Second, I think I should chop off my fingernails??? They seem to inhibit me. Third, I need a kewl strap and a microphone stand so I can stand in front of the mirror and strum while performing for myself. This is all I really want to do tbh. Put on concerts for myself and keep the delusion alive that I am jam packed full of hidden talent and at any moment an agent will walk into my bedroom (if this happened, I should prob be concerned for my safety) and whisk me to Hollywood and I will grace the cover of a couple of major magazines and have a sitcom written around my life. I digress.

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If all else fails, I’ll just dramatically bust the guitar and crowd surf off the stage and into my imaginary audience.

 

 

Time: 30 minutes (prep + cooking) | Serves: 3-4

Ingredients:

  • 1 cup of pasta
  • 1 can of chickpeas, rinsed + drained
  • 1 english cucumber, sliced thin
  • 6 mini sweet peppers, sliced thin
  • 8 mini multi-colored carrots, sliced thin
  • 3 radishes, peeled + sliced thin
  • 4 cups of arugula
  • 5 tbsp. of olive oil
  • Juice of 1 lemon
  • 1 tsp. of dijon mustard
  • 1 tsp. of agave
  • S+P, to taste
  • Hemp seeds, for serving

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 400 degrees
  • Arrange chickpeas on a lined baking sheet, bake 15 minutes
  • Remove from oven + drizzle with 1 tbsp. of olive oil + some S+P, bake another 15 minutes
  • Meanwhile, cook pasta to al dente, drain
  • Meanwhile, meanwhile, whisk together remaining olive oil + lemon juice + dijon + agave + S+P
  • To serve, combine arugula + pasta + chickpeas + cucumber + peppers + carrots + radishes + drizzle with vinaigrette
  • Serve chilled or room temp
  • Take a small broom + brush plate contents into mouth to avoid leaving any crumbs behind

 

Adapted from here!

Copycat Panera Bread – Modern Greek Salad

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Why, oh why, was I not born in the early 1800s to a wealthy English family?!

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I think I could have really excelled.

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But only if I had money. I wouldn’t survive if I had to slum it.

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I went to a tea parlour this weekend with some girlfriends. My gosh, it was posh. This darling old lady waited on us wearing the most gorgeous apron I’ve ever seen. The whole place was decorated with these ornate paintings of British aristocrats. My people! We each had a pot of tea, served to us in these adorable tea pot coozies. Who knew such a happy thing existed in this world? Floral tea pot coozies! We ate scones and little biscuits (British for cookies, you wouldn’t understand) and just gabbed and sipped. In that moment, I felt I had truly found my calling. I am meant to be surrounded by beautiful things and delicate floral patterns and fine china and adorable little sugar cubes with equally adorable miniature sugar cube tongs. I now know I need at least three hours a day in the early afternoon for my tea time. Unfortunately, this is unacceptable in our heinous, overworked society.

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I feel like the Bronte sisters are probably the only ones who get me.

 

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 4

Ingredients:

  • 2-3 cups of kale, washed
  • 2-3 cups of romaine lettuce, washed + shredded
  • 1/2 cup of kalamata olives, halved
  • 1/2 cup of slivered almonds, toasted
  • 1 english cucumber, quartered
  • 2 cups of dry quinoa
  • 1 onion, diced
  • 1 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 15 oz. can of crushed tomatoes
  • 1 tsp. of italian seasoning
  • 1 tsp. of paprika
  • 2 tbsp. of white wine vinegar
  • 1 tsp. of oregano
  • Juice of 1/2 a lemon
  • S+P, to taste
  • 6 tbsp. of olive oil

How to:

  • Cook the quinoa according to package directions, drain excess water
  • Heat 1 tbsp. of olive oil in a skillet over medium heat
  • Add onion + S+P, cook for 4-5 minutes
  • Add garlic, cook another minute
  • Add crushed tomatoes + italian seasoning + paprika + S+P
  • Bring to a boil, reduce heat + simmer for 15 minutes
  • Stir in quinoa + some S+P
  • To make the dressing, whisk remaining olive oil with vinegar + oregano + lemon juice + some S+P
  • To serve, combine kale + romaine + cucumber + olives + toasted almonds + quinoa sofrito + drizzle with dressing
  • Serve chilled

 

Adapted from here!