Blueberry + Banana Bowl

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I burned off my taste buds.

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Not from food that is too temperature hot, but from food that has been soaking in Asian chili peppers for 40 years + then takes a bubble bath in red pepper flakes.

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It’s this local Chinese restaurant. They have this fried rice dish that has a literal disclaimer on it for being so spicy. Do I order it every time? Yes. Do I always regret? Most obviously.

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The past couple of times I’ve ordered this I’ve been a little disappointed. It just hasn’t been as spicy as my wretched body has become accustomed to. So I order it last night, thinking, “Eh, it’ll be ~mild~.” It comes to the table. I’m pleasantly surprised by the looks of things – red pepper flakes allllll up in this bowl. I’m ready – mentally and physically (loose dress). I get about half way through and the usual sweating happens. Two glasses of water & I’m fine, a champ. I finish the meal. Like, I eat every bite of this monster fried rice. Then the dizziness sets in. I am on another planet. A planet I think must be similar to hell because there are flames and dragons everywhere. The sweat is now coming out of my head, as in the top of my hair is damp. I rub my tongue on the roof of my mouth and realize it’s all numb and there are probably no longer taste buds there.

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So I’ll be going back next week.

 

 

Time: 20 minutes (prep + blending) | Serves: 1-2

Ingredients:

  • 2 cups of frozen blueberries
  • 1 banana, sliced
  • 1/2 tsp. of vanilla extract
  • 1 1/2 cups of skim milk
  • Banana, for topping
  • Blueberries, for topping
  • Granola, for topping

How to:

  • Combine frozen blueberries + sliced banana + vanilla + milk in a blender or bullet
  • Blend until smooth
  • Pour into a bowl + top with bananas + blueberries + granola
  • Hold breath + dive face-first into bowl + enjoy luxurious smoothie facial

 

Pulled this one out of a magazine, but can’t remember which one – I’m fun!!!

Berry + Pineapple + Chia Protein Bowl

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I have a new, crippling disease.

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I eat too fast.

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It’s not like a cute, “whoops I’m done before you!” It’s an, “OMG I have licked my plate clean and no one has even touched their main courses yet” kind of thing.

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I feel like it’s the worst in public. I know I’m alarming onlookers. I mean, there is no way to eat like a ravenous gorilla & still look graceful. I was at Panera Bread yesterday & was dipping this sammich into some tomato soup & literally slamming it into my face. There was soup all over my mouth, crumbs on my chin. I went through 12 napkins, finishing the meal in 4 minutes flat. ALL while carrying on a conversation. Something is WRONG. It doesn’t have to be this way, does it?

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Perhaps it does because I specifically used this wide bowl for my smoothie so I could shove my face all up in there.

 

 

 

 

Time: 20 minutes (prep + smoothieing) | Serves: 1

Ingredients:

  • 1/2 cup of frozen berries (raspberries, blackberries, + blueberries used here)
  • 1/2 cup of frozen pineapple
  • 1 tbsp. of peanut butter
  • 1 scoop of vanilla whey protein
  • 1 tbsp. of chia seeds, + more for serving
  • 4 oz. of nonfat vanilla yogurt
  • 1 cup of almond milk
  • Granola, for serving
  • Fresh berries, for serving

How to:

  • In a nutribullet, ninja, blender or other pulverizing contraption, combine berries + pineapple + peanut butter + protein + chia seeds + yogurt + almond milk
  • Blend until smooth + no chunks
  • Pour into a bowl + top with more chia seeds + granola + berries
  • Serve cold
  • Time yourself + see if you can beat my record of swallowing this in 2.5 minutes