I burned off my taste buds.

Not from food that is too temperature hot, but from food that has been soaking in Asian chili peppers for 40 years + then takes a bubble bath in red pepper flakes.

It’s this local Chinese restaurant. They have this fried rice dish that has a literal disclaimer on it for being so spicy. Do I order it every time? Yes. Do I always regret? Most obviously.

The past couple of times I’ve ordered this I’ve been a little disappointed. It just hasn’t been as spicy as my wretched body has become accustomed to. So I order it last night, thinking, “Eh, it’ll be ~mild~.” It comes to the table. I’m pleasantly surprised by the looks of things – red pepper flakes allllll up in this bowl. I’m ready – mentally and physically (loose dress). I get about half way through and the usual sweating happens. Two glasses of water & I’m fine, a champ. I finish the meal. Like, I eat every bite of this monster fried rice. Then the dizziness sets in. I am on another planet. A planet I think must be similar to hell because there are flames and dragons everywhere. The sweat is now coming out of my head, as in the top of my hair is damp. I rub my tongue on the roof of my mouth and realize it’s all numb and there are probably no longer taste buds there.

So I’ll be going back next week.

 

 

Time: 20 minutes (prep + blending) | Serves: 1-2

Ingredients:

• 2 cups of frozen blueberries
• 1 banana, sliced
• 1/2 tsp. of vanilla extract
• 1 1/2 cups of skim milk
• Banana, for topping
• Blueberries, for topping
• Granola, for topping

How to:

• Combine frozen blueberries + sliced banana + vanilla + milk in a blender or bullet
• Blend until smooth
• Pour into a bowl + top with bananas + blueberries + granola
• Hold breath + dive face-first into bowl + enjoy luxurious smoothie facial

 

Pulled this one out of a magazine, but can’t remember which one – I’m fun!!!