Black Bean Brownies

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I wore my hair in a ponytail yesterday.

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I have not done that since the 5th grade when my boyfriend broke up with me because he said my hair did not look good in a pony & I dressed like I was in the 50’s. I do not blame him for this. It was the most honest thing anyone has ever said to me.

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I also don’t wear ponies because have y’all SEEN this nose of mine?! It needs to be under a dark veil of mop-like hair at all times.

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I was in a photo shoot yesterday (I am a model, autograph signings TBA) and they ponied my hair. I found it freeing, really. By nature, I am a nervous hair player. By nervous, I mean that I touch & twirl my hair around my fingers literally all the livelong day. Like, if there is a split end, I will find & destroy him. You could say it is my nervous tick. That, and the word vomiting I still haven’t gotten under control. I’m a work in progress.

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The point of the above in its entirety was to reveal that I had pictures of myself taken yesterday without sounding too conceited yet I think failure has found me.

 

 

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + baking) | Serves: 1 dozen

Ingredients:

  • 1 can of black beans, rinsed + drained
  • 1 cup of semi-sweet chocolate chips
  • 3 eggs
  • 3 tbsp. of olive oil
  • 1 tsp. of vanilla extract
  • 1/4 cup of baking cocoa powder
  • 2/3 cup of sugar
  • 1/2 tsp. of baking powder
  • 1/2 tsp. of coffee grounds
  • Pinch of salt

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 375 degrees
  • In a food processor, process black beans until formed into a paste
  • Mix black beans with eggs + oil + vanilla
  • In another bowl, combine cocoa powder + sugar + baking powder + coffee grounds + salt
  • Add wet ingredients to the dry ingredients bowl + combine well
  • Add in chocolate chips
  • Grease a brownie pan with cooking spray
  • Pour brownie batter in pan
  • Bake for 35 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean from the center of the pan
  • Serve warm with a glass of milk
  • Go ahead + unbutton pants so more beanies can fit inside your belly

 

Used ideas from several places for these bad boys, but this one specifically!

http://www.liveeatlearn.com/black-bean-fudge-brownies/

Roasted Beetroot Hummus

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What do you & your pals do for fun?

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I imagine normal groups gather around a meal or a bottle of wine and catch up on work, boys, maybe swap a few stories, reminisce on yesteryear, etc.

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My friends aren’t much different. There’s always dinner and some $11 cab but after about 3 minutes of catching up, someone inevitably turns on YouTube and we watch clips for hours.

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Our tastes are wide. We like to start with sad movie trailers and music videos, then we take a turn for our favorite musical numbers, which segue ways nicely to watching numbers from Glee, transitioning us to Cory Monteith’s death and Lea Michele’s strength and conviction in the face of loss, which reminds us of Sia and how she has overcome her addictions, landing us on her music video of Shia Labeouf with the little chick from Dance Moms, leading us to our final and most fulfilling destination which is that of Shia Labeouf videos.

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You all would have such a blast – come over some time!!

 

 

Time: 1 1/2 hours | Serves: 4-6

Ingredients:

  • 2 beets, scrubbed clean
  • 1 can of chickpeas, rinsed + drained
  • 1 tbsp. of tahini
  • 2 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • Juice of 1/2 a lemon
  • Plenty of S+P
  • 1/2 cup of olive oil
  • Parsley flakes, for serving
  • Pita, for serving

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 375 degrees
  • Trim ends off of beets
  • Set each beet on individual pieces of foil
  • Drizzle with 1/2 tbsp. of olive oil each before wrapping up fairly tightly in foil
  • Set on a baking sheet + roast for 1 hour
  • When cooled, remove skins from the beets with a paper towel
  • Add chickpeas + beets to a food processor
  • Process for a few seconds or until not very chunky
  • Add tahini + garlic + lemon juice + S+P
  • Process on low + slowly pour in remaining olive oil
  • Serve room temperature or chilled with parsley flakes + pita
  • Slather on face and run to your mother telling her you have a horrible infection

Tofu Nuggets

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Why must I be trapped in a consumer economy?

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I simply hate paying money for goods and services.

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I work so hard for my money. Why must I give it away in exchange for necessities like food and shelter???

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I was in the market for some new clothes. So what did I do? I did what you have to do in America and I bought some. I went to a couple of stores and I tried some things on and I bought what looked decent on me. I spent probably $300 on some overpriced fabrics that happened to hug me in the right places. What gives??? There’s got to be a way around this. What if we put some flat rates on clothes? Like, a new top – maybe $3? A sundress – a modest $4.

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Though, I will continue to pay globs of money for jeans because whoever is making mine are magicians of the booty-shaping variety and I feel like I’ll never pay them back for all they’ve given me.

 

 

Time: 40 minutes (prep + cooking) | Serves: 3-4

Ingredients:

  • 1 lb. of firm tofu
  • 3/4 cup of whole wheat breadcrumbs
  • 1 tsp. of cajun seasoning
  • 1 tsp. of paprika
  • 1/2 tsp. of crushed red pepper
  • 1/2 tsp. of ground mustard
  • S+P, to taste
  • 1 tbsp. of olive oil
  • 1/4 cup of mayonnaise
  • 1 tbsp. of sriracha

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 375 degrees
  • Wrap tofu up in paper towels and put a small pan on top
  • Let as much water drain out as possible, about 10 minutes
  • Cut tofu into nuggets
  • Combine breadcrumbs + cajun seasoning + paprika + crushed red pepper + ground mustard + S+P
  • Dredge tofu in breading and arrange on a lined baking sheet
  • Drizzle with olive oil
  • Bake for 15 minutes, then flip
  • Bake for another 7-8 minutes
  • Meanwhile, combine mayo + sriracha
  • Serve hot with yummy sriracha mayo dipping sauce
  • Throw into the air one at a time and chase with your pie hole