Spicy Tomato Pasta

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It would be nice to put on makeup and pants.

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Technically, nothing is stopped me from doing that now.

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Except I barely have enough motivation to practice proper hygiene. Who do I have to impress?!

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I mean, welcome to my first world problem of the day, but I just want to get dolled up! But I’m sorry, I can’t fathom using my v expensive Wet & Wild highlighter when no one will actually see it. I’ve also spent these last 6 weeks going through some rigorous training. By that, I mean I’ve trained my hair to only be washed once a week. By train, I mean, I just ignore the grease or throw it up in a bun & headband & pretend everything is OK. Zoom calls aren’t even enough to motivate me. I’ve learned I can face the window in such a way I practically look like a ghost and no one *really* knows if I did anything to myself.

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The lengths I will go to live like a trash panda in peace.

 

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 4-5

Ingredients:

  • 1 package of whole wheat angel hair or thin spaghetti
  • 2 red tomatoes, diced
  • 2 yellow tomatoes, diced
  • 1 onion, diced
  • 1 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 1 14 oz. can of crushed tomatoes
  • 2 Anaheim chiles, seeded + chopped
  • 1 cup of spinach
  • 1 tbsp. of olive oil
  • 2 tsp. of oregano
  • 1 tsp. of crushed red pepper
  • S+P, to taste

How to:

  • In a bowl, combine tomatoes + S, let stand for about 40 minutes
  • Meanwhile, heat 1 tbsp. of olive oil in a skillet over medium heat
  • Meanwhile, cook pasta to al dente, drain
  • Add onion + S+P, cook 3-4 minutes
  • Add garlic, cook another minute
  • Add tomato sauce, bring to a simmer + cook for 5 minutes
  • Add tomatoes + chiles + spinach + oregano + red pepper + S+P, cook another minute
  • Turn off heat + add pasta to pan with more S+P, if desired
  • Serve warm
  • Tuck yourself into the deepest recess of the couch + pull a hoodie up over your head + eat your pasta in the peace of your private love cave

 

Adapted from here!

Avocado Pesto Pasta

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Today is probably the biggest day of my life.

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My child turns 10. Double DIGITS!!!!!!

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Topanga wants you all to know, though, she’s a youthful 10 and plans to live another decade.

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We’re OBVIOUSLY throwing her a birthday pawty (see what I did there) this weekend. Complete with a new pink, sequined dress and party hat. We also ordered rose gold party decorations – very classy. Today I ordered some pup cakes – topped with peanut butter & cream cheese frosting & rainbow sprinkles. You could say I’m the best mother in the entire world. Oh, and we invited no other dogs, so she could be the star, of course. She has, however, requested everyone out by 9pm sharp so she can get her full 8 hours of beauty sleep. She’s very regimented in her old age.

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Don’t let me forget to brush her teeth before the party, her rotting old lady teeth reek.

 

 

 

Time: 45 minutes (prep + cooking) | Serves: 3-4

Ingredients:

  • 1/2 a ripe avocado
  • 1 cup of fresh basil leaves
  • 1 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 2 tbsp. of pine nuts, + more for serving
  • Juice of 1/2 a lemon
  • 1/4 cup of nutritional yeast
  • 1 package of whole wheat pasta
  • 1 broccoli crown, cut in florets
  • 2 tbsp. of olive oil
  • S+P, to taste

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 400
  • In a food processor, combine avocado + basil + garlic + pine nuts + lemon juice + nutritional yeast + S+P
  • Pulse + drizzle in 1 tbsp. of olive oil + a lil water if needed to thin out the pesto
  • Refrigerate until ready to use
  • Meanwhile, arrange broccoli on a lined baking sheet + drizzle with remaining olive oil + S+P
  • Roast for 25 minutes, tossing once
  • Meanwhile, cook pasta to al dente, drain + add back to the pot with the heat off
  • Stir in pesto + broccoli + more S+P, if needed
  • Serve warm with more pine nuts
  • Play a fun game where you can see how many noodles you can fit on a fork + subsequently your mouth

 

Pesto adapted from here!

Charred Veggie Ragu

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I’ve met someone.

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It’s serious, we’re very committed. I can’t imagine ever saying goodbye.

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To our cleaning woman.

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That’s not even a good enough title for her. Cleaning queen? Her majesty? Master of my heart and soul? I don’t even know, but I love her with my entire being. Used to, I would spend our entire Sundays cleaning the house. We could never really do anything on Sundays because it was always church, clean, nap, fold laundry. That was the rhythm. We sound fun, right? Well, after months of Garr begging to hire someone, claiming he refuses to scrub one more toilet (first world problems), I caved. And I will never look back. She came for the first time last week and FIRST THING SHE SAID was, “Do you have a ladder? I want to clean all of these ceiling fans. If not, I have one in the car.” *SWOON* I went to get some tea, so I was out of her way. I came back and she was on top of the kitchen counters cleaning above the cabinets. I proposed to her right then and there.

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Next, I plan to invest in a Honey I Shrunk the Kids device so I can shrink her and keep her in my pocket.

 

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 3-4

Ingredients:

  • 1 onion, quartered
  • 5-6 portobello mushrooms, quartered
  • 2 stalks of celery, chopped
  • 2 carrots or 8 baby ones, chopped
  • 2 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 1 package of cremini mushrooms, chopped
  • 2 tbsp. of tomato paste
  • 1/2 cup of red wine
  • 1 package of papparedelle
  • 4 tbsp. of olive oil
  • 1 tsp. of crushed red pepper
  • S+P, to taste

How to:

  • Preheat broiler
  • Arrange onion + portobello + carrots + celery on a  parchment paper lined baking sheet
  • Drizzle with 1 tbsp. of olive oil + S+P
  • Roast for 20 minutes, tossing once
  • Once cooled, process in food processor until a paste-like consistency + a lil chunky
  • Meanwhile, heat remaining olive oil in a skillet over medium heat
  • Add cremini mushrooms, cook 6-8 minutes
  • Add tomato paste + red wine, cook, stirring constantly for a minute
  • Add veggie paste + red pepper + S+P, cook another minute
  • Meanwhile, cook pasta to al dente, reserving 1 1/2 cups of cooking liquid
  • Add noodles straight to the ragu pan + 1/2 cup of liquid, tossing + cooking for a minute
  • Add another 1/2 cup, tossing until sauce starts to thin
  • Add another 1/2 cup if necessary to thin the sauce
  • Add some S+P + red pepper if desired
  • Serve warm

 

 

Adapted from here!