Chili Lime Broccoli Steaks


Pretty sure I live in an alternate universe.


And/or a North Carolina suburb with really well-behaved, respectful children. Either or.


Garrett & I were the kewl house on the block last night. Ya know, the kind that leave out the giant bowl full of name-brand candy with no passive aggressive sign saying to please only take two pieces.


We’re jazzed, man. Some little kid is going to have the Halloween of his life because he can take this bowl and dump it directly into his pillow sack and brag to all his friends that he got 89 mini Snickers from the kewl couple down the street. Garr and I go out and enjoy an evening with pals. We get home prepared to find an empty bowl, maybe catch a glimpse of a stray toddler dressed as a little cowboy, I don’t know. The bowl is UNTOUCHED. Not a single grubby mitt has been placed upon these Skittles. How can this be? We left the light on and everything! The front porch was decorated with pumpkins and mums! Mums, I tell you!!!! It’s an inviting porch! I was devastated. Questioning every decision. The Starburst were too wild, weren’t they??


Now we are stuck with all of this candy and cannot decide whether to pitch it or throw it at passing cars.



Time: 45 minutes (prep + cooking) | Serves: 4 lil steaks


  • 2 heads of broccoli, carefully halved
  • Juice of 1 lime
  • 2 tbsp. of chili powder
  • 1 tsp. of cumin
  • 1/2 tsp. of cayenne pepper
  • 1/2 tsp. of garlic powder
  • S+P, to taste
  • 1 tsp. of nutritional yeast
  • 1 shallot, sliced thin
  • 1 cup of cooked quinoa, for serving
  • Green onion, for serving

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 450 degrees
  • Arrange broccoli on lined baking sheet
  • Spray broccoli all over with cooking spray
  • Combine chili powder + cumin + cayenne pepper + garlic powder + S+P in a lil bowl
  • Rub all over the broccoli
  • Roast for 15 minutes
  • Flip steaks, roast another 10 minutes
  • Fresh out the oven, hit ’em with that lime juice + nutritional yeast
  • Serve hot with shallots + quinoa + green onion
  • Tell sweetie you’re having steaks for dinner, then serve him this + see if he still loves you


Cauliflower Steak

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I went to college yesterday.

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Specifically, I went to my alma mater for a conference.

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Let me tell you, I was basically Grizabella in a ragged Cats costume belting “Memories” at the top of my lungs.

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I was just flooded with them! I walked around and stood in some of the spots that built me. Like the spot in the English building where I sat eating my umpteenth bagel of the day and saw Garrett for the first time and thought that he looked buff and mean. Or the spot I stood in when I told my friend I was going on a date with Garrett and she was like, “OMG no do not do that I went to high school with him & he is the worst!” And the spot on the quad I stood on after Garrett convinced me to be a delinquent, leave physics class and meet him for our first public smooch.

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One day there will be a plaque at that school commemorating this love story.



Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 6-8 steaks


  • 2 heads of cauliflower
  • 2 limes
  • 1/4 cup of olive oil
  • 2 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 1 tsp. of honey
  • 1 tbsp. of paprika
  • 1 tbsp. of chili powder
  • 1 tsp. of cumin
  • S+P, to taste
  • Rice for serving
  • Cilantro, for serving

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 400
  • Pull stem leaves of cauliflower off
  • Cut off one side of the cauliflower
  • Starting with this flat side, cut cauliflower into 1/2″ thick steaks
  • In a bowl, combine olive oil + garlic + honey + juice of 1 lime
  • In an other bowl, combine paprika + chili powder + cumin + zest of 1 lime + S+P
  • Arrange steaks on a lined baking sheet
  • Rub with olive oil + sprinkle with seasoning on both sides
  • Bake for 15 minutes
  • Flip steaks
  • Bake another 10-15 minutes or until golden brown to your desire
  • Serve over rice with cilantro + the remaining lime wedges
  • Lean head back + place cauliflower steak on face. You are now cauliflower steak man


Flavor combo idea from here!