Grilled Pineapple Burrito Bowls

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Conflabit, I love a good comeback.

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I am SO here for all of these TV reboots and sequels and adaptations and anything else that gives my eyeballs or earholes fresh content.

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Bring it all back! Jennifer Aniston was on Ellen the other day and she said she’s down for a Friends reboot. CAN YOU IMAGINE?!

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But the comeback I am most unashamedly excited for is none other than….drumroll, please…..The Jonas Brothers. This new album literally ROCKED MY SOCKS OFF. I have not stopped playing it since Friday and the end is nowhere in sight. I wish I could explain what these three brothers meant to me in 2008. I will sum it up by sharing I did have a Joe Jonas fitted tee that I wore under my clothes occasionally. I’ve just always loved them unconditionally. Their music resonated deeply with my naive soul. Plus, they were in Camp Rock which is only one of the top 8 greatest Disney Channel films of all time – supremely underrated and better than the more popular High School Music. Controversial opinion, I know, but I STAND BY IT. I’m just so happy the boys are back together. I really think this is what our country needs right now to bring peace and unity to our communities.

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Also, Garrett is out having divorce papers drafted because he claims he’d rather be alone than listen to the JoBros for one more second. Weird.

 

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 3-4

Ingredients:

  • 1 onion, diced
  • 1 tbsp. of garlic, diced
  • 1 jalapeno, diced
  • 2 red bell peppers, diced
  • 1 can of black beans, rinsed + drained
  • 1 pineapple, sliced in 1/2 inch thick rounds
  • 2 ears of corn
  • 6 corn tortillas, cut in lil strips
  • 2 cups of brown rice, cooked
  • 1 avocado, for serving
  • Cilantro, for serving
  • 1 tsp. of chili powder
  • 1 tsp. of cumin
  • 1 tsp. of smoked paprika
  • S+P, to taste
  • 1 tbsp. of olive oil

How to:

  • Heat oven to 350 degrees
  • Arrange tortilla strips on a lined baking sheet + bake for 10 minutes, tossing once in the middle
  • Remove + sprinkle with + S+P, set to the side
  • Meanwhile, heat olive oil in a skillet
  • Add onion + S+P, cook 3-4 minutes
  • Add garlic, cook another minute
  • Add jalapeno + red peppers + S+P, cook another 3-4 minutes
  • Add beans + chili powder + cumin + smoked paprika + S+P, cook another 4-5 minutes
  • Meanwhile, heat a grill or grill pan over medium heat + spray with oil
  • Grill pineapple on each side for about 2-3 minutes or until you have nice lil char marks
  • Grill corn for about 20 minutes, flipping on each side every 5 minutes or so
  • Once cooled, cut pineapple in chunks + shuck the corn
  • To serve, combine rice + black bean mix + pineapple + corn + avocado + tortilla strips + cilantro
  • Mix up all your bowl ingredients + dump into large trough, eat from it whilst on hands + knees like the animal you are

Stuffed Avocado Tacos

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I am an ugly man.

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Like, as a man, I kind of just look like roadkill.

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Thanks to the new Snapchat filters, we can all discover what we look like as the opposite sex! Because that is a thing our society needs.

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All of my girlfriends are all, like, really good looking dudes. I mean, they’re all gorgeous women, but it’s just not fair they are hot guys too! I, on the otherhand, look like a “geeky frat boy who is trying too hard” according to one pal. Then, Garrett does the girl filter and he is like really pretty….. The filter gave him like feathered hair and perfectly manicured brows. It softened his smile and gave him these rosy cheeks. He was so proud of himself, too. At least 8 times, he chanted “I’m a pwetty giwl! I’m a pwetty giwl!” I just don’t think I can be friends with all of these stunning hermaphrodites. It’s not good for my ego.

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Honestly, I’m most upset Snapchat gave me a trash ‘stache.

 

 

Time: 40 minutes (prep + cooking) | Serves: 4

Ingredients:

  • 4 avocados, pitted
  • 1 package of soyrizo
  • 1 white onion, diced
  • 1 pint of cherry tomatoes, halved
  • 7-8 leaves of butter lettuce, chiffonaded
  • 4 tortillas, cut in lil strips
  • 1 tbsp. of olive oil
  • 1 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • S+P, to taste
  • Cilantro, for serving

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 400
  • Arrange tortilla strips on a lined baking sheet in an even layer, bake 20 minutes, tossing once, being careful they don’t burn
  • Meanwhile, heat olive oil in a skillet over medium heat
  • Add 1/2 the onion + some S+P, cook 3-4 minutes
  • Add garlic, cook another minute
  • Add soyrizo, cook for 8-9 minutes or until soyrizo is crisp to your desire
  • To serve, sprinkle some soyrizo onto an avocado + top with some raw onion + tomatoes + lettuce + crunchy tortilla strips + cilantro
  • With hands tied behind back, dive face first into this sea of avocado taco boat goodness + go to town

Sweet + Spicy Brussels Sprouts Tacos

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I just feel really seen.

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Like, the people I surround myself with really just get me and accept me for who I am.

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As confirmed at my BFF Christmas party during our traditional round of Secret Santa when I opened the most Rachel gift I ever could have dreamed of.

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A hot pink karaoke microphone. Bazinga! Now that’s a thoughtful gift, I tell you. I’m not sure how I made it 27 years without one already. It’s just so daggum handy. We were watching music videos all evening and I was able to sing into my new microphone at a higher volume than my peers thereby drowning out their voices and letting me hear myself better. It obviously has bluetooth so I can play music through it and sing along to my favorite artists or, as intended, to instrumental versions of hits so I can really shine. For some reason, I don’t sound as good on Rehab when dueting with Amy Winehouse. It was also really useful on Christmas Eve when my family played this game where you had to say stupid phrases in equally stupid accents. The echo effect on the mic proved most helpful.

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If your Christmas was half as pleasant as mine, you, my friend, are a lucky lil kitten.

 

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 3-4

Ingredients:

  • 1 lb. of brussels sprouts, ends trimmed + brussels halved
  • 1/2 red onion, diced
  • 1/2 small red cabbage, sliced thin
  • 1 can of vegan refried beans
  • Juice of 1 lime
  • 2 tbsp. of hot sauce
  • 1 tbsp. of agave
  • 1 tbsp. of olive oil
  • S+P, to taste
  • Tortillas, for serving
  • Cilantro, for serving
  • Avocado, for serving

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 400 degrees
  • Arrange brussels sprouts on a lined baking sheet
  • Drizzle with olive oil + hot sauce + some S+P
  • Roast 15 minutes, remove + drizzle with agave, roast another 10-15 until crisp to your desire, remove
  • Meanwhile, heat beans in a lil pot
  • To serve, spread a couple of warm tortillas with some refried beans + fill with brussels sprouts + red onion + cabbage + top with cilantro + avocado + drizzle with lime juice
  • Form taco boat with hand + sail these bad boys straight into hole in your face