Roasted Beet Tacos

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I’m in the best shape of my life.

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That’s really not saying much considering my default state is a giant sack of spoiled potatoes nestled in a couch cushion.

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My daily hot yoga sessions have made me ripped! JK I have like one semblance of a tricep and that’s it, but it’s prob the best I’ll ever get, so I’m milking it.

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Tbh I thought I was ready to like run a marathon or get in a street fight or really take on anything. So when Garr suggested a hike this past weekend I was game. We hiked in WA and I totes held my own – even without triceps! So I fully planned to smoke everyone and come in first place (in the race I created in my mind and shared with no one). I was extra jazzed because G said there was a waterfall at the end of the hike. I was like zomg EPIC photos are about to be ours. I am PUMPED UP. I am pushing it those first 2.5 miles. My breathing is good, I am getting after it. We get to the “waterfall” and it is literally a river surrounded by trees so I can not even take in the majesty of nature and then a couple of like babbling brooks. Womp womp. We got some subpar photos with the trees and recharged with some sammies and kept moving. Ya girl bout fell out on the way back. If Garrett didn’t have a rucksack on his back, I would have absolutely made him carry me to the car.

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It’s been suggested I start doing a lil bit of cardio.

 

 

Time: 1.5 hours (prep + cooking) | Serves: 6 tacos

Ingredients:

  • 6 small beets, cleaned + peeled + cut in 1/2 inch thick quarters
  • 1 zucchini, sliced thin
  • 1/2 red onion, sliced thin
  • 2 tbsp. of sunflower seeds
  • 1 avocado, diced
  • 1/2 cup of apple cider vinegar
  • 1 tbsp. of pure cane sugar
  • S+P, to taste
  • 1 tbsp. of olive oil
  • 6 corn tortillas, for serving
  • Cilantro, for serving
  • Lime, for serving

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 400 degrees
  • In a small bowl, combine apple cider vinegar + sugar + 1 cup of warm water + 2 tsp. of S
  • Pour that over a bowl containing your red onion slices, let sit while you prepare the rest of the ingredients
  • Meanwhile, spread beets on a lined baking sheet + drizzle with 1 tbsp. of olive oil + some S+P
  • Roast 30 minutes, tossing once in the middle of cooking
  • Sprinkle your zucchini slices with some S+P
  • Warm your tortillas – I throw mine in a warm oven for a couple of minutes or microwave in a wet paper towel for about 20 seconds
  • Place some beets in a tortilla with zucchini + onions + avocado + seeds + cilantro + some lime juice, repeat
  • Roll these lil guys up like taquitos + let them dangle from your lips like delicate, edible, scrumptious cigarillos

 

Adapted from here!

Grilled Pineapple Burrito Bowls

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Conflabit, I love a good comeback.

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I am SO here for all of these TV reboots and sequels and adaptations and anything else that gives my eyeballs or earholes fresh content.

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Bring it all back! Jennifer Aniston was on Ellen the other day and she said she’s down for a Friends reboot. CAN YOU IMAGINE?!

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But the comeback I am most unashamedly excited for is none other than….drumroll, please…..The Jonas Brothers. This new album literally ROCKED MY SOCKS OFF. I have not stopped playing it since Friday and the end is nowhere in sight. I wish I could explain what these three brothers meant to me in 2008. I will sum it up by sharing I did have a Joe Jonas fitted tee that I wore under my clothes occasionally. I’ve just always loved them unconditionally. Their music resonated deeply with my naive soul. Plus, they were in Camp Rock which is only one of the top 8 greatest Disney Channel films of all time – supremely underrated and better than the more popular High School Music. Controversial opinion, I know, but I STAND BY IT. I’m just so happy the boys are back together. I really think this is what our country needs right now to bring peace and unity to our communities.

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Also, Garrett is out having divorce papers drafted because he claims he’d rather be alone than listen to the JoBros for one more second. Weird.

 

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 3-4

Ingredients:

  • 1 onion, diced
  • 1 tbsp. of garlic, diced
  • 1 jalapeno, diced
  • 2 red bell peppers, diced
  • 1 can of black beans, rinsed + drained
  • 1 pineapple, sliced in 1/2 inch thick rounds
  • 2 ears of corn
  • 6 corn tortillas, cut in lil strips
  • 2 cups of brown rice, cooked
  • 1 avocado, for serving
  • Cilantro, for serving
  • 1 tsp. of chili powder
  • 1 tsp. of cumin
  • 1 tsp. of smoked paprika
  • S+P, to taste
  • 1 tbsp. of olive oil

How to:

  • Heat oven to 350 degrees
  • Arrange tortilla strips on a lined baking sheet + bake for 10 minutes, tossing once in the middle
  • Remove + sprinkle with + S+P, set to the side
  • Meanwhile, heat olive oil in a skillet
  • Add onion + S+P, cook 3-4 minutes
  • Add garlic, cook another minute
  • Add jalapeno + red peppers + S+P, cook another 3-4 minutes
  • Add beans + chili powder + cumin + smoked paprika + S+P, cook another 4-5 minutes
  • Meanwhile, heat a grill or grill pan over medium heat + spray with oil
  • Grill pineapple on each side for about 2-3 minutes or until you have nice lil char marks
  • Grill corn for about 20 minutes, flipping on each side every 5 minutes or so
  • Once cooled, cut pineapple in chunks + shuck the corn
  • To serve, combine rice + black bean mix + pineapple + corn + avocado + tortilla strips + cilantro
  • Mix up all your bowl ingredients + dump into large trough, eat from it whilst on hands + knees like the animal you are

Stuffed Avocado Tacos

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I am an ugly man.

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Like, as a man, I kind of just look like roadkill.

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Thanks to the new Snapchat filters, we can all discover what we look like as the opposite sex! Because that is a thing our society needs.

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All of my girlfriends are all, like, really good looking dudes. I mean, they’re all gorgeous women, but it’s just not fair they are hot guys too! I, on the otherhand, look like a “geeky frat boy who is trying too hard” according to one pal. Then, Garrett does the girl filter and he is like really pretty….. The filter gave him like feathered hair and perfectly manicured brows. It softened his smile and gave him these rosy cheeks. He was so proud of himself, too. At least 8 times, he chanted “I’m a pwetty giwl! I’m a pwetty giwl!” I just don’t think I can be friends with all of these stunning hermaphrodites. It’s not good for my ego.

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Honestly, I’m most upset Snapchat gave me a trash ‘stache.

 

 

Time: 40 minutes (prep + cooking) | Serves: 4

Ingredients:

  • 4 avocados, pitted
  • 1 package of soyrizo
  • 1 white onion, diced
  • 1 pint of cherry tomatoes, halved
  • 7-8 leaves of butter lettuce, chiffonaded
  • 4 tortillas, cut in lil strips
  • 1 tbsp. of olive oil
  • 1 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • S+P, to taste
  • Cilantro, for serving

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 400
  • Arrange tortilla strips on a lined baking sheet in an even layer, bake 20 minutes, tossing once, being careful they don’t burn
  • Meanwhile, heat olive oil in a skillet over medium heat
  • Add 1/2 the onion + some S+P, cook 3-4 minutes
  • Add garlic, cook another minute
  • Add soyrizo, cook for 8-9 minutes or until soyrizo is crisp to your desire
  • To serve, sprinkle some soyrizo onto an avocado + top with some raw onion + tomatoes + lettuce + crunchy tortilla strips + cilantro
  • With hands tied behind back, dive face first into this sea of avocado taco boat goodness + go to town