Chili + Cheese Cauli Tots

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Working from home has afforded me the opportunity to really get to know my neighbors.

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From afar. I’ve never introduced myself to any of them – far too shy and they’d all hate me, I’m sure.

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So I was really happy for my neighbor when she got a new car last week. What an exciting time!

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A couple of days later I noticed the car was a different color. I sat on this for a while and thought: A) they painted it B) they traded it in for a different color C) I’m out of my mind and it was always light gray not dark gray. Finally, I realize I haven’t seen the husband’s car in a while. Interesting. What a mystery. Until I look out the window one morning, and there in the driveway sit two, IDENTICAL, brand new cars – one light gray, one dark gray. They got matching cars! Within days of each other!!! I’m not judging here, I’ve just never seen this before! A couple of additional theories: A) Their love is on another level & they thoroughly enjoy matching B) They got a 2-for-1 deal 3) They are doomsday preppers and it’s more economical to stock up on identical car parts.

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Moral of the story: I need a life.

 

 

Time: 2 hours (prep + cooking) | Serves: 4-6

Ingredients:

Tots-

  • 1 head of cauliflower, cleaned + chopped into florets
  • 1 cup of panko breadcrumbs
  • 1/2 a yellow onion, chopped
  • 3 tbsp. of nutritional yeast
  • 2 tbsp. of ground flaxseed meal
  • 2 tbsp. of cilantro
  • 1 tsp. of crushed red pepper
  • S+P, to taste
  • Vegan butter, for coating your baking sheet

Chili-

  • 1 yellow onion, diced
  • 1 jalapeno, diced
  • 1 red bell pepper, diced
  • 1 cup of cooked lentils
  • 1 cup of cooked red beans
  • 3 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 1 tbsp. of chili powder
  • 1 tsp. of smoked paprika
  • 1 tsp. of cumin
  • 1 tsp. of oregano
  • 1 tsp. of crushed red pepper
  • 1 can of diced tomatoes
  • 2 tbsp. of tomato paste
  • 2 tsp. of apple cider vinegar
  • 2 tbsp. of sriracha
  • 1 tbsp. of olive oil
  • S+P, to taste

Cheese-

  • 1/4 cup of cashews, soaked in water overnight + rinsed before using
  • 1 russet potato, chopped
  • 1 carrot, chopped
  • 3 tbsp. of nutritional yeast
  • Juice of 1/2 a lemon
  • 1/2 tsp. of white wine vinegar
  • 1 tbsp. of sriracha
  • 1 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 2 tbsp. of olive oil
  • 1/4 cup of water
  • S+P, to taste

Toppings-

  • Cilantro
  • Tomatoes

How to:

  • To make the cheese, add potato + carrot to a pot + cover with water
  • Bring to a boil, reduce heat + simmer for 15 minutes
  • Add the drained potato + carrot + all other cheese ingredients to a food processor
  • Combine until smooth + drizzleable (new word), set aside
  • Now, preheat oven to 400 degrees + grease baking sheet with vegan butter
  • Add cauliflower to a food processor, pulse until riced
  • Add remaining tot ingredients (except the butter), + pulse until all combined
  • Scoop out a lil with a cookie scoop + form into tots, arrange on baking sheet
  • Bake these lil guys for 10 minutes, turn over + bake another 10 minutes
  • While tots bake, make your chili!
  • Heat olive oil in a skillet over medium heat
  • Add onion + S+P, cook 3-4 minutes
  • Add garlic, cook another minute
  • Add jalapeno + red pepper + S+P, cook another 3-4 minutes
  • Add chili powder + smoked paprika + cumin + oregano + crushed red pepper + S+P
  • Add diced tomatoes + bring to a simmer
  • Add tomato paste + lentils + red beans, smash with the back of a fork
  • Add vinegar + sriracha, cook another 10 minutes
  • To serve, arrange your tots in a dish + top with chili + cheese + more tots + top with cilantro + tomatoes
  • Pretend you are at a drive-in wearing your sweatpants + listening to some early 2000’s top hits while stuffing your face with this

 

Chili + cheese from Oh She Glows! Tots adapted from here!

 

Broccoli + Cauliflower Tots

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What do you do when your face starts producing enough oil for you to open a Waffle House?

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Asking for a friend.

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My friend, let’s call her Smachel, is a nice girl. She just tries to work hard & stay out of the way. She’s wholesome & kind. Why must this curse befall her?

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Y’all know those blue, Clean & Clear grease wipes? Like, you swipe one across your face & it removes the excess oil? Yeah, hers end up being see-through and she’s up to two-a-days now. It’s not OK. Some lil old ladies keep dirty Kleenex in their handbags, but Smachel is going to be looking for her checkbook amidst a sea of oily grease wipes if this madness doesn’t stop.

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Smachel & I thank you for your understanding during this difficult time.

 

 

Time: 50 minutes (prep + cooking) | Serves: 16 tots

Ingredients:

  • 1 cup of frozen broccoli
  • 1 cup of frozen cauliflower
  • 1/2 cup of panko breadcrumbs
  • 1 egg
  • 1/4 cup of parmesan cheese
  • 1 tsp. of crushed red pepper
  • S+P, to taste
  • 1 tbsp. of olive oil

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 400 degrees
  • Place broccoli + cauliflower in a bowl + cover with water
  • Microwave for 3-4 minutes
  • Once cool, drain the water + excess water from veggies
  • Add veggies to a food processor and pulse until chopped
  • In a bowl, combine veggies + breadcrumbs + egg + parmesan + red pepper + S+P
  • Form into lil tot nuggets + arrange on a lined baking sheet
  • Drizzle with olive oil + bake for 15 minutes
  • Flip tots + bake another 10 minutes
  • Serve hot with your favie sauce
  • Juggle tots until they all land on the floor + you must eat them off of the ground