Classic Totchos

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It’s time I reveal a secret to you.

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I would prefer to wait until the very last minute, but literally nothing else is going on in my life so here it goes.

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We’re pregnant!!!!

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And not just with tater tots. But a real, live fetus. Growing in my womb. I still can’t believe. We tried for so long and were first class passengers on the fertility struggle bus. This little bit is the biggest blessing of our whole lives!!!! But she is also trying to kill me. I thought girls don’t fight with their moms until they’re like 14??? Who knew it would happen this soon?! Really she’s just making my BP plummet on random occasions and making me feel like I’m going to faint while leading a Zoom call. V professional. Whatever, she’s worth it. But I am adding it to the spreadsheet of all the crap she’s put us through that I plan to whip out and review when she’s being a big ole turd.

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Oh, and fried potatoes are a pregnant girl’s #1 BFF.

 

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 3-4

Ingredients:

  • Half a package of frozen tots
  • Cheese sauce from here
  • 1 can of black beans, rinsed + drained
  • 1 red pepper, diced
  • 1/2 pint of cherry tomatoes, halved
  • 1/4 cup of pickled red onions
  • Cilantro, for serving

How to:

  • Cook tots according to package directions
  • Meanwhile, prepare cheese sauce
  • Once tots are crisp, scooch them together + top with beans + red pepper + cherry tomatoes + cheese sauce
  • Pop back in the oven at 450 for about 5-6 minutes or the broiler for just a hot minute until cheese has browned a little
  • Top with red onion + cilantro
  • Serve hot
  • Put a whole slop of these into a bowl + just enjoy the tater tot bowl of your dreams

Vegan Hot Dish

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Tater tots hold a special place in my heart.

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And my gut.

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I’ve mentioned it before, but I used to be what some call a picky eater.

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Hot dogs and chicken nuggets were my main food groups. Growing up we dined out a lot. Probably because I threw a fit every time they tried to serve me pork chops and apple sauce or some crap. I frequented the local Sonic Drive-In regularly with my pops. By regularly, I mean weekly, I’m pretty sure. After two bites of whatever heinous dinner they tried to shove down my throat, I would kick and scream and Greg would drive us to the local Sonic for limeades and wait for it…… cheese tots. Your girl used to drown her adolescent sorrows all up in some cheesy tots. I just have the fondest memories of my dad introducing me to Conway Twitty and listening to the top 40 radio countdown shows (I have a vivid memory of Vitamin C’s “Graduation” being number 1 for a considerable amount of time and IT WAS MY JAM) while sitting in our spot at Sonic.

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I don’t eat cheese now, but I can tell you with absolute certainty I will have cheese tots again one day.

 

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 4

Ingredients:

  • 1 onion, chopped
  • 1 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 1 jalapeno, diced
  • 2 red peppers, chopped
  • 1 green pepper, chopped
  • 1 can of black beans, rinsed + drained
  • 1 can of corn, drained
  • 1 can of fire roasted tomatoes
  • 1 package of cauliflower tater tots
  • 1 tbsp. of olive oil
  • 1 tbsp. of cumin
  • 1 tsp. of crushed red pepper
  • 1 tsp. of smoked paprika
  • 1 tsp. of chili powder
  • S+P, to taste
  • Cilantro, for serving

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 350
  • Heat oil in a skillet over medium heat
  • Add onion + S+P, cook 3-4 minutes
  • Add garlic, cook another minute
  • Add peppers + S+P, cook another 3-4 minutes
  • Add beans + corn + tomatoes + spices + S+P, bring to a simmer + cook 3-4 minutes
  • Turn off hot + top with tots
  • Bake 20 minutes
  • Broil for 2-3 minutes until tots get crispy
  • Serve warm with cilantro
  • Scoop a heaping helping of this into a bowl + go to daggum town on this grub

Chili + Cheese Cauli Tots

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Working from home has afforded me the opportunity to really get to know my neighbors.

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From afar. I’ve never introduced myself to any of them – far too shy and they’d all hate me, I’m sure.

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So I was really happy for my neighbor when she got a new car last week. What an exciting time!

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A couple of days later I noticed the car was a different color. I sat on this for a while and thought: A) they painted it B) they traded it in for a different color C) I’m out of my mind and it was always light gray not dark gray. Finally, I realize I haven’t seen the husband’s car in a while. Interesting. What a mystery. Until I look out the window one morning, and there in the driveway sit two, IDENTICAL, brand new cars – one light gray, one dark gray. They got matching cars! Within days of each other!!! I’m not judging here, I’ve just never seen this before! A couple of additional theories: A) Their love is on another level & they thoroughly enjoy matching B) They got a 2-for-1 deal 3) They are doomsday preppers and it’s more economical to stock up on identical car parts.

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Moral of the story: I need a life.

 

 

Time: 2 hours (prep + cooking) | Serves: 4-6

Ingredients:

Tots-

  • 1 head of cauliflower, cleaned + chopped into florets
  • 1 cup of panko breadcrumbs
  • 1/2 a yellow onion, chopped
  • 3 tbsp. of nutritional yeast
  • 2 tbsp. of ground flaxseed meal
  • 2 tbsp. of cilantro
  • 1 tsp. of crushed red pepper
  • S+P, to taste
  • Vegan butter, for coating your baking sheet

Chili-

  • 1 yellow onion, diced
  • 1 jalapeno, diced
  • 1 red bell pepper, diced
  • 1 cup of cooked lentils
  • 1 cup of cooked red beans
  • 3 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 1 tbsp. of chili powder
  • 1 tsp. of smoked paprika
  • 1 tsp. of cumin
  • 1 tsp. of oregano
  • 1 tsp. of crushed red pepper
  • 1 can of diced tomatoes
  • 2 tbsp. of tomato paste
  • 2 tsp. of apple cider vinegar
  • 2 tbsp. of sriracha
  • 1 tbsp. of olive oil
  • S+P, to taste

Cheese-

  • 1/4 cup of cashews, soaked in water overnight + rinsed before using
  • 1 russet potato, chopped
  • 1 carrot, chopped
  • 3 tbsp. of nutritional yeast
  • Juice of 1/2 a lemon
  • 1/2 tsp. of white wine vinegar
  • 1 tbsp. of sriracha
  • 1 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 2 tbsp. of olive oil
  • 1/4 cup of water
  • S+P, to taste

Toppings-

  • Cilantro
  • Tomatoes

How to:

  • To make the cheese, add potato + carrot to a pot + cover with water
  • Bring to a boil, reduce heat + simmer for 15 minutes
  • Add the drained potato + carrot + all other cheese ingredients to a food processor
  • Combine until smooth + drizzleable (new word), set aside
  • Now, preheat oven to 400 degrees + grease baking sheet with vegan butter
  • Add cauliflower to a food processor, pulse until riced
  • Add remaining tot ingredients (except the butter), + pulse until all combined
  • Scoop out a lil with a cookie scoop + form into tots, arrange on baking sheet
  • Bake these lil guys for 10 minutes, turn over + bake another 10 minutes
  • While tots bake, make your chili!
  • Heat olive oil in a skillet over medium heat
  • Add onion + S+P, cook 3-4 minutes
  • Add garlic, cook another minute
  • Add jalapeno + red pepper + S+P, cook another 3-4 minutes
  • Add chili powder + smoked paprika + cumin + oregano + crushed red pepper + S+P
  • Add diced tomatoes + bring to a simmer
  • Add tomato paste + lentils + red beans, smash with the back of a fork
  • Add vinegar + sriracha, cook another 10 minutes
  • To serve, arrange your tots in a dish + top with chili + cheese + more tots + top with cilantro + tomatoes
  • Pretend you are at a drive-in wearing your sweatpants + listening to some early 2000’s top hits while stuffing your face with this

 

Chili + cheese from Oh She Glows! Tots adapted from here!