Eggplant Parm Pizza

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I am a zombie.

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I am walking around with glazed over eyeballs, ragged breaths and outstretched arms looking for my next victim.

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By victim, I mean plush object to cuddle and nap with for 23 hours.

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I just returned home from a long work conference where I had, on average, 4 hours of sleep each night. I am fully grown adult who needs at LEAST eight hours of beauty rest to even look and act like a human being. Nine is preferable – I find the extra hour adds just the faintest glow to my complexion. By the end of the week, I was struggling to form sentences and conceal the bags under my eyes. At one point, I was going down an escalator and saw some folks I needed to connect with coming up & I proceeded to practically bark at them….but also stutter?? Like, I tried to get my point across, but the combination of no sleep and the moving staircase I was on made it tricky. Another time, I found myself riding the escalator up, only to ride it back down immediately because I forgot something, and then do it all over again. The passersby found it amusing at least. I came home and fell asleep during yoga, so really doing well on fitness goals, too.

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Now why did I think it was a good idea to plan a vacation immediately after this requiring me to get up at 3:00am for a flight????

 

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 2 pizzas

Ingredients:

  • 2 cauliflower crusts
  • 1 eggplant, peeled + sliced in 1/4 inch thick discs
  • 1 cup of tomato sauce
  • 1/2 cup of raw cashews, soaked overnight
  • Juice of 1 lemon
  • 2 tbsp. of unsweetened almond milk
  • 1/2 of a block of firm tofu, water drained
  • 1 tbsp. of ground flax seeds
  • 1/2 tbsp. of all-purpose flour
  • 1 cup of panko
  • 1 tsp. of italian seasoning
  • 1 tsp. of oregano
  • 1/2 tsp. of crushed red pepper
  • S+P, to taste
  • Olive oil spray
  • Basil, for serving

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 400 degrees
  • Place eggplant rounds in a colander + sprinkle with salt, let drain for 20-30 minutes
  • Meanwhile, pulse cashews in food processor
  • Add lemon juice + tofu + S+P, process on high + slowly add in milk until smooth
  • Adjust seasoning to taste and place in fridge until ready to use
  • Meanwhile, combine flax seeds + 1/3 cup of water in a bowl, set aside for 10 minutes
  • Add panko + Italian seasoning + oregano + crushed red pepper + S+P to another bowl
  • Dredge eggplant disc in flax egg, then panko, place on a sprayed lined baking sheet, repeat with remaining dics
  • Bake 30 minutes, flipping once in the middle of cooking
  • Spread the crusts with tomato sauce + top with eggplant slices + tofu ricotta
  • Bake another 10 minutes
  • Serve warm with basil
  • Fold a slice like a lil pizza boat + swim it right down your cavernous gullet

 

Adapted from here!

Spicy Thai Basil Tofu + Veggies

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After 6 long weeks, my boo is HOME.

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We’ve done way longer obvio, but this time particularly sucked because we couldn’t speak. As soon as he came through the front door, I presented him with a list of 83 things I’d written down to tell him so as not to forget including inconsequential things like, “I put this new lamp together all by myself.”

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I got a couple of letters which was nice. I liked to pretend it was the 1940’s and I was just a sweet, naive debutante awaiting word from her handsome beau that all was well. Except in these letters he’s more interested in telling me about his meals (fajita chicken with rice and beans was a really good day) than professing his love.

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The best is just like getting back into a routine with each other. As much as I missed him, I got used to my evenings on the couch with Topanga, bingeing whatever our hearts desire. Only having to do laundry once a week. Having the tidiest home, with everything in its proper place. Really enjoying the numbers in the bank account because the online shopping queen was without his devices.  He, on the other hand, got used to sleeping in the wilderness surrounded by a bunch of dudes who hadn’t showered. Different strokes. It just takes like 48 hours to adjust when he returns. Like, I can’t lose my mind when he leaves his clothes on the floor and he can’t get mad at me because we, as a household, have adopted a new way of folding said clothes!

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Honestly, I’m just so happy he’s home. The house is finally starting to smell like itself – the perfect mix of Bath & Body Works candles and farts.

 

 

Time: 40 minutes (prep + cooking) | Serves: 3-4

Ingredients:

  • 1 package of extra firm tofu, excess water drained (I like to wrap it in a towel + then press a heavy pan on top)
  • 1/2 a head of green cabbage, chopped
  • 1 red bell pepper, chopped
  • 1 green bell pepper, chopped
  • 1/2 cup of carrots, sliced thin
  • 1 tbsp. of red chili paste
  • 1 tbsp. of brown sugar
  • 1 tbsp. of soy sauce
  • 2 tbsp. of lime juice
  • 2 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 1 tbsp. of fresh ginger, minced
  • 1 tbsp. of sesame oil
  • 1 tbsp. of olive oil
  • 1 cup of fresh basil, chopped
  • S+P, to taste
  • 1 tsp. of crushed red pepper
  • Brown rice for serving

How to:

  • In a lil bowl, combine chili paste + brown sugar + soy sauce + lime juice, set aside
  • Heat oils in a wok over medium heat
  • Add tofu + a lil S+P, cook until crisp to your desire about 6-7 minutes
  • Remove from pan
  • Add garlic + ginger, cook one minute
  • Add cabbage + peppers + carrots, cook 5-6 minutes
  • Add tofu + sauce in, cook for 2-3 minutes until combined + luscious looking
  • Turn off heat, stir in basil
  • Serve hot with brown rice
  • Wrap mouth around one end of the plate + tip your head back + mouth up, allowing all contents to gracefully slide into your pie hole

 

Adapted from here!

Eggplant Rollatini

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I’m dreaming in a British accent.

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And I blame my Great British Baking Show addiction.

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I’m convinced there has never been a happier show.

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Who knew the whole of the UK was filled with genius amateur bakers that can design giant towers of caramel in the shape of dinosaurs? And they are all just like normal blokes (see what I did there). Like, when did they find the time to do this? Do English folk not spend the entirety of their evenings watching Netflix like the rest of us? They must actually work to better themselves or something in their free time. They all just have the purest personalities. Just sweet cherub angel babies making their ginormous meat pies. I just love how they say every single word. Like how their r’s are so soft and their th’s sound like f’s and they add an r after words that end in a. Oh, and how they use “brilliant” to describe the really good bakes. And don’t act like you don’t tear up a little every time Paul Hollywood sticks out his hand for one of his infamous handshakes!!

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It’s also inspired me to think I, too, can create a lion out of various freshly baked breads.

 

 

Time: 1.5 hours (prep + cooking) | Serves: 3-4

Ingredients:

  • 2 eggplants, peeled + cut into thin strips
  • 1 cup of whole wheat panko breadcrumbs
  • 1 tbsp. of flaxseed meal
  • 1 package of extra firm tofu, drained of water
  • 1/2 cup of roasted, unsalted sunflower seeds
  • Juice of 1/2 a lemon
  • Zest of 1/2 a lemon
  • 2 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 1/4 cup of nutritional yeast
  • 1 tsp. of crushed red pepper
  • S+P, to taste
  • 1 tbsp. of olive oil
  • Jar of your favie pasta sauce
  • Basil, for serving

How to:

  • Arrange eggplant slices in a colander + sprinkle with some S, let sit for about 15-20 minutes + let the water drain
  • Meanwhile, make a flax egg by combining flax meal + 3 tbsp. of warm water, stir + let sit in the fridge for 15 minutes
  • Meanwhile, pulse the sunflower seeds in a food processor until ground
  • Add tofu + process until combined
  • Pour that in a bowl + add lemon juice + zest + garlic + nutritional yeast +crushed red pepper + S+P, mix well + put in fridge until you’re ready to use
  • Pour your breadcrumbs in a bowl
  • Dunk an eggplant slice in the flax egg, then the breadcrumbs + coat on both sides, arrange on a lined baking sheet
  • Repeat with remaining eggplant slices
  • Bake 20 minutes or until crisp to your desire, flipping once
  • Let cool for a few minutes until you can handle your slices
  • Add a scoop of your tofu cheese to one end of your eggplant slice + roll, arrange in a greased baking dish
  • Repeat
  • Pour sauce on top + bake for 15 minutes
  • Serve warm with basil
  • Put on your cargo pants + pop a rollatini in all your compartments for convenient snacking