Vegan Ravioli

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Quick! I need a way to stream every football game in the country on any screen in my house legally and for free.

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We have officially been cable-free people for three months.

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For the most part I feel like we are happier, dumber people. We’ve saved a ton of money and know nothing about what’s going on in the real world. It’s so dope.

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Until my husband remembered it’s football season and I remembered I am the Seahawks number one fan! We are in a serious predicament here. I cannot not dress Topanga and I up in our matching jerseys and prance around the house screaming at the television. I just won’t do it. Our other option is to post up at the local Buffalo Wild Wings and bribe the bartenders to put all of the screens on the games we want also kicking out all other patrons. But I’d have to pack my own snacks and that involves a lot of advanced planning. I suppose we could break down and buy some sort of football package, but I prefer the weekly bi-weekly agony and complaining.

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Until then, we will refresh ESPN’s homepage while bingeing Queer Eye.

 

 

Time: 2 hours (prep _ cooking) | Serves: 3-4

Ingredients:

  • 2 cups of all-purpose flour
  • 1/2 cup of whole wheat flour
  • 1 block of extra firm tofu, water drained
  • 1/2 cup of roasted, unsalted sunflower seeds
  • Juice of 1/2 a lemon
  • Zest of 1/2 a lemon
  • 3 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 1/4 cup of nutritional yeast
  • 4 tbsp. of olive oil
  • 1 tsp. of crushed red pepper
  • S+P, to taste
  • Basil, for serving

How to:

  • In a large bowl, combine flours + a pinch of S, stir
  • Make a well in the center + add 3/4 cup of water + 3 tbsp. of olive oil, stir until you got a doughy thang
  • It’ll likely be a lil dry, so go on with your bad self, add another 1/4 cup of water, combine well
  • Once you have a dough ball, put on a floured surface + begin to knead for a full 10 minutes
  • Place back in a bowl, cover with plastic wrap + refrigerate for an hour
  • Meanwhile, pulse sunflower seeds in a food processor
  • Add tofu, process until combined with seeds
  • Pour all of that in a bowl + add remaining olive oil + lemon zest + lemon juice + garlic + nutritional yeast + crushed red pepper + some S+P, combine well
  • Remove pasta dough from refrigerator + cut in half
  • Take one half, roll out on a floured surface until a nice + thin rectangle, about 1/8 inch thick
  • With the long side of the dough facing you, use a lil cookie scoop + scoop some tofu ricotta onto one section + repeat until you fill up a lil row
  • Fold dough in half over the tofu ricotta + press gently around the ricotta to form lil squares
  • Wet your fingers + pinch the edges all together
  • Using a pizza cutter, cut your lil guys, making sure to continue pinching the edges to tuck away all the filling + place on a plate
  • Repeat with the other dough half
  • Bring a pot of salted water to a boil
  • Cook 3-4 at a time until raviolis pop to the top, about 3 minutes
  • Serve hot with basil + your favorite tomato sauce – here’s mine – sans the cheese
  • Rub saucy raviolis on face like a luxurious mask + draw yourself a bubble bath + nibble on the lil guys while you relax, you deserve it

 

Recipe from Thug Kitchen!

Spicy Tofu Bowl

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IT’S OVER! Hallelujah, praise my sweet baby Jesus, it is OVER.

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I’m writing this Tuesday evening & only a handful of state decisions are in so we don’t even know the outcome yet. BUT I DON’T CARE BECAUSE BY THE TIME I POST THIS IT’LL BE OVER!!!!!!!

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I think I will probably play some sort of Broadway Pandora and sing show tunes all day.

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How many days until we forget this nightmare election ever happened and the internet goes back to useless memes that aren’t politically charged??? I’ll give you all a couple of days, 11 max, to get all of the Donald & Hillz memes you have left out of the way. Then, I want puppies & people tripping over stuff.

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PLOT TWIST: THAT DID NOT TURN OUT LIKE WE ALL THOUGHT WHOA HOLY COW OMG I THINK THE INTERNET WILL TAKE MORE THAN MY ALLOTTED 11 DAYS MY FACE IS THAT OF THE BLUSHING EMOJI WITH THE BIG EYES RN

 

 

Time: 3 hours + 40 minutes (prep + cooking) | Serves: 2-3

Ingredients:

  • 1 lb. of extra firm tofu
  • 2 tbsp. of light soy sauce
  • 1 tbsp. of honey
  • 3 tbsp. of olive oil
  • 1 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 1 tsp. of crushed red pepper
  • 1 tsp. of sriracha
  • 1/2 tsp. of white vinegar
  • 1/2 cup of quinoa, cooked
  • 1 jalapeno, sliced
  • 1 can of spicy corn, drained
  • 1 can of black beans, rinsed + drained
  • 5 corn tortillas, cut in thin strips
  • Cilantro, for serving
  • Avocado, for serving
  • Salsa for serving
  • S+P, to taste

How to:

  • Wrap tofu in a dry cloth + lay in a strainer + place a heavy pot on top, let drain for 20-30 minutes
  • Meanwhile, in a bowl, combine soy sauce + honey + 1 tbsp. of the olive oil + garlic + crushed red pepper + Sriracha + white vinegar + a dash of pepper
  • Cut tofu into lil nuggets + add to the bowl of marinade, toss to combine + refrigerate for 2-3 hours (if you don’t have time to marinate it, just freaking go for it)
  • Arrange tortilla strips onto a lined baking sheet + drizzle another tbsp. of the olive oil + S+P
  • Bake for 10-12 minutes, flipping once
  • Heat a skillet over medium heat
  • Add tofu + all of the marinade juices, cook for 8-10 minutes or until crisp + browned to your desire, remove from pan
  • Add the remaining olive oil to the skillet
  • Add jalapeno + corn, cook for 3-4 minutes or until slightly crisp
  • Turn off the heat + add the beans, warming through
  • To serve, combine quinoa + tofu + corn mix + tortilla strips + cilantro + avocado + your favie salsa
  • Mash all bowl contents with a fork + blend it up + chug tofu bowl smoothie for a fun kick

 

Tofu Nuggets

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Why must I be trapped in a consumer economy?

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I simply hate paying money for goods and services.

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I work so hard for my money. Why must I give it away in exchange for necessities like food and shelter???

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I was in the market for some new clothes. So what did I do? I did what you have to do in America and I bought some. I went to a couple of stores and I tried some things on and I bought what looked decent on me. I spent probably $300 on some overpriced fabrics that happened to hug me in the right places. What gives??? There’s got to be a way around this. What if we put some flat rates on clothes? Like, a new top – maybe $3? A sundress – a modest $4.

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Though, I will continue to pay globs of money for jeans because whoever is making mine are magicians of the booty-shaping variety and I feel like I’ll never pay them back for all they’ve given me.

 

 

Time: 40 minutes (prep + cooking) | Serves: 3-4

Ingredients:

  • 1 lb. of firm tofu
  • 3/4 cup of whole wheat breadcrumbs
  • 1 tsp. of cajun seasoning
  • 1 tsp. of paprika
  • 1/2 tsp. of crushed red pepper
  • 1/2 tsp. of ground mustard
  • S+P, to taste
  • 1 tbsp. of olive oil
  • 1/4 cup of mayonnaise
  • 1 tbsp. of sriracha

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 375 degrees
  • Wrap tofu up in paper towels and put a small pan on top
  • Let as much water drain out as possible, about 10 minutes
  • Cut tofu into nuggets
  • Combine breadcrumbs + cajun seasoning + paprika + crushed red pepper + ground mustard + S+P
  • Dredge tofu in breading and arrange on a lined baking sheet
  • Drizzle with olive oil
  • Bake for 15 minutes, then flip
  • Bake for another 7-8 minutes
  • Meanwhile, combine mayo + sriracha
  • Serve hot with yummy sriracha mayo dipping sauce
  • Throw into the air one at a time and chase with your pie hole