Black Bean + Plantain Polenta Stacks

fullsizeoutput_1049

Moments ago, I learned something incredibly disturbing.

fullsizeoutput_106d

I warn you, this is going to be graphic.

fullsizeoutput_1078

There are apparently people in America who only eat meat.

fullsizeoutput_1074

I mean, ONLY eat meat. BY CHOICE! Not lack of resources. No fruits, no veggies, no grains. Just……meat. Can you imagine what their insides look like?!?! I imagine everything just covered in tar. Their poor guts and heart! Some of them even use skin and body care products made of…..meat. Like beef moisturizers. Have you ever heard of anything more grotesque???? I know this sounds like I’m judging these folks. I don’t mean to, I’m just genuinely shocked. They rub beef on themselves!!!! Maybe there’s something to it, I don’t know. I just want to stick with my Cetaphil face wash, OK?

fullsizeoutput_104b

Wait, do people say the same things about me since I DON’T eat meat??!!?!

 

 

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 3-4

Ingredients:

  • 1 cylindrical package of polenta, sliced into thin rounds
  • 2 ripe plantains, peeled + chopped into 1/2 inch thick rounds
  • 1 onion, sliced thin
  • 1 can of black beans, rinsed + drained
  • 1 lime
  • 5 tbsp. of olive oil
  • 1 tsp. of cumin
  • 1 tsp. of chili powder
  • S+P, to taste
  • Jalapeno, sliced thin, for serving
  • Red cabbage, sliced thin, for serving
  • Cilantro, for serving

How to:

  • Heat 1 tbsp. of olive oil in a skillet over medium heat
  • Add onion + S+P, cover + cook 8-10 minutes, stirring occasionally until caramelized
  • Remove from the pan + set aside
  • Heat another tbsp. of olive oil to the pan + place half of your polenta rounds, cook 3-4 minutes on each side until crisp, cook remaining polenta using another tbsp. of olive oil if needed
  • Meanwhile, heat another tbsp. of oil in another large skillet over medium heat + place half of your plantains, cooking 2-3 minutes on each side or until caramelized to your desire, cook remaining plantains using another tbsp. of olive oil
  • Meanwhile, heat black beans in a pot over medium heat
  • Add cumin + chili powder + half the lime juice + S+P, cook 5-7 minutes
  • To assemble, place some polenta on a plate + top with beans + onion + plantains + some jalapeno + cabbage + cilantro + serve with a sauce of your choosing
  • Eating these lil mini stacks, pretend like you’re a dainty + delicate flower and not the greedy lil food monster you are

Avocado + Charred Corn White Pizza

fullsizeoutput_105d

Want to know how to keep the romance alive in your marriage?

fullsizeoutput_106a

I have some tried and true tips for you.

fullsizeoutput_106b

When there is an overly commercialized holiday like Valentine’s Day, first things first. At the very last minute, get each other grocery store cards featuring lil animals. Accompany the card with some candy that the other person does not want and will inevitably take to work to share with colleagues.

fullsizeoutput_106c

To fully celebrate the occasion, plan to do absolutely nothing. Less than nothing. Crawl into your hermit shells and hibernate, in fact. When you get hungry, make some homemade pizzas at like 3pm and eat them standing up at the kitchen counter. Then, go for a walk around town to work off the many carbs you just consumed. Come back home, put on your fugliest sweats and make the man watch Netflix original teen rom coms. Get in bed by 8pm – SHARP! Read a few chapters of your books. Lights out by 9pm.

fullsizeoutput_1061

Keeping it spicy!

 

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 1 pizza

Ingredients:

  • 1 avocado, chopped
  • 1/2 cup of corn
  • 1/2 cup of cherry tomatoes, halved
  • Handful of spinach
  • 1/2 cup of fresh basil
  • 1 cup of cashews, soaked overnight
  • 1/4 cup of unsweetened, plain almond milk
  • 2 tbsp. of all-purpose flour
  • 1 1/2 tbsp. of nutritional yeast
  • Juice of 1/2 a lemon
  • 1 tsp. of garlic powder
  • 1 tsp. of onion powder
  • 2 tbsp. of olive oil
  • S+P, to taste
  • Pizza crust of your liking (I used a cauli crust here!)

How to:

  • Pulse cashews in a food processor until nice + crumbly
  • Add milk + flour + nutritional yeast + lemon + garlic powder + onion powder + 1 tbsp. of olive oil + most of the basil, reserving a lil for topping, + S+P, process until smooth + creamy
  • Preheat oven to 425
  • In a cast-iron skillet, heat remaining olive oil over medium heat
  • Cook corn for a few minutes, charring + getting some color on those bad boys
  • Spread cashew cream on a crust + top with spinach + corn + tomatoes
  • Bake 13-15 minutes until your crust is done + your tomatoes + spinach or wilted
  • Remove + top with avocado + more basil, serve warm
  • Rub any leftover white sauce on your face + let it harden like a face mask, allowing the cashew nutrients to fully clog your pores

 

Sauce adapted from here!

Chickpea Dumplings

fullsizeoutput_1043

I like being spoiled.

fullsizeoutput_1033

Not just with lil treats and happies, but with my reality television show endings.

fullsizeoutput_1034

I need spoilers to survive this cruel & unusual world.

fullsizeoutput_103f

Specifically, I have to know The Bachelor/ette spoilers or I can hardly watch the show. I don’t want to be surprised, I don’t want a plot twist. I want to know what I’m getting into. This is why before every season I stalk the blogs until I discover the ending and every twist and turn leading up to it. I’m prepared, I’m ready. I am usually the go-to in my friend group for Bach news. (I have very little joy, leave me be.) For SOME reason I cannot comprehend, my sources don’t have the dirt this season. They speculate, but no one KNOWS how this season ends. It’s driving me absolutely bonkers. How am I just supposed to WATCH the show for the next four weeks and not know who he picks and will ultimately break up with in 3-4 months? Who do you think I am?

fullsizeoutput_1041

In my next life, I hope I’m one of those kewl, enlightened girls who couldn’t be bothered with the trash fire that is reality television.

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 2-3

Ingredients:

  • 1 can of chickpeas, rinsed + drained
  • 1/2 cup of breadcrumbs
  • 4 cups of spinach, chopped
  • 1/2 cup of olive oil
  • 1/4 cup of coconut milk yogurt
  • 1 jalapeno, diced
  • 1 tbsp. of ground ginger
  • 1 tbsp. of curry powder
  • 2 tsp. of ground coriander
  • 1 tsp. of cumin
  • 1 tsp. of ground mustard
  • 1 can of diced tomatoes
  • 1 can of tomato sauce
  • S+P, to taste

How to:

  • In a food processor, pulse chickpeas until broken down
  • In a bowl, combine chickpeas + breadcrumbs + 1/2 cup of spinach + 1/2 the oil + yogurt + jalapeno + S+P
  • Shape into lil dumplings + arrange on a parchment paper lined baking sheet
  • Refrigerate while you work on the rest
  • Heat remaining olive oil in a deep skillet over medium heat
  • Add ginger + curry powder + coriander + cumin + mustard, cook about a minute, stirring constantly
  • Add tomatoes + tomato sauce, bring to a simmer
  • Add remaining spinach + S+P, cook 1-2 minutes
  • Nestle dumplings into the skillet, cover + cook for 20 minutes, turning dumplings a couple of times
  • Praise the good Lord above for giving you a warm bowl of grub to devour + dig in, hunny

 

Adapted from here!