Buffalo Tempeh Quesadillas

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I am weak.

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I had a cheese quesadilla and rice and beans smothered in cheese this weekend.

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Then I had 8 slices of a very cheesy pizza.

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I AM THE WORST VEGAN EVER. I feel like I need a scarlet D on my shirt for all of the dairy I have consumed recently. Everywhere I turn, it’s just…cheese. You can’t go to a Mexican restaurant and avoid it! You can’t go to my local, sketchy pizza joint where all of the employees yell at each other and get a pizza without cheese! I cannot escape it! I really feel like it’s not my fault, I’m a product of my environment.

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I also accidentally drank a latte with skim milk so I’m just counting August as a loss.

 

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 2 quesadillas

Ingredients:

  • 1 package of tempeh, cut into cubes
  • 1 cup of arugula, packed
  • 1 onion, sliced thin
  • 1/4 cup of cilantro, chopped
  • Some jalapenos if you are a masochist
  • 4 whole wheat burrito-size tortillas
  • 2/3 cup of hot sauce
  • 1/2 cup of olive oil + 4 tbsp.
  • 1 1/2 tbsp. of white vinegar
  • 1/2 tsp. of Worcestershire
  • 1 tbsp. of smoked paprika
  • 1 tsp. of cayenne pepper
  • 1/2 tsp. of garlic powder
  • S+P, to taste

How to:

  • In a food processor, combine hot sauce + 1/2 cup of olive oil + white vinegar + Worcestershire + paprika + cayenne + garlic + S+P, pulse until well-combined
  • Pour into a sauce pan + heat over low-medium heat until it starts to bubble, remove from heat
  • Meanwhile, heat a tbsp. of olive oil in a skillet over medium
  • Add onion + S+P, let caramelize for 6-7 minutes, set aside
  • In the same skillet, heat another tbsp. of olive oil + add tempeh + cook for 4-5 minutes letting them get a lil crispy
  • Once crispy, toss tempeh in the buffalo sauce
  • To prepare the quesadillas, heat another tbsp. of olive oil in the same skillet over medium heat
  • Lay down a tortilla + top with 1/2 the onion + 1/2 the arugula + 1/2 the tempeh + 1/2 the cilantro + top with another tortilla, cook for 3 minutes, flip + cook another 1-2 minutes
  • Repeat with remaining ingredients
  • Serve hot with extra cilantro
  • Fold over quesadilla triangle + tilt head back + let quesadilla contents slide down gullet

 

Buffalo sauce adapted from here!

http://www.theedgyveg.com/2014/01/16/vegan-buffalo-sauce-recipe/

 

Stuffed Avocado Salad

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Reason 920,385 I should not be allowed out of the house:

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My word vomit is getting out of control.

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I can’t even grocery shop without causing a scene.

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I’m checking out at Trader Joe’s. Because I am a crunchy, granola gal, I bring my own bag for my groceries. My cashier is scanning all of my tempeh & vegan cream cheeses & bottles of Two Buck Chuck (he’s def judging me already) and I’m just bagging away, doing my part. I’m really just chucking items in there, no strategy at all. He finishes his deal and takes over. He takes one look in the bag and goes, “Man, it’s a free-for-all in here!” I respond, “Oh my gosh, I know, I’m so sorry, I’m just really terrible at everything I do.”

 

…………………………………….too far, Rachel. Too far.

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When will I learn that I can’t use kind strangers as free therapy anymore?

 

 

Time: 30 minutes (prep + cooking) | Serves: 2 salads

Ingredients:

  • 2 avocados, halved + pits removed
  • 1 can of chickpeas, drained + rinsed
  • 1 cup of cherry tomatoes, quartered
  • 1/2 red onion, diced
  • 1 lemon
  • 1/4 cup of tahini
  • 1 tbsp. of maple syrup
  • 1 tsp. of cumin
  • 1/2 tsp of smoked paprika
  • S+P, to taste
  • 1 tbsp. of olive oil

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 400 degrees
  • Arrange chickpeas on a lined baking sheet
  • Drizzle with olive oil + cumin + paprika + S+P
  • Roast for 20 minutes, stirring once
  • Meanwhile combine tahini + 1/2 the lemon juice + maple syrup in a bowl
  • Add hot water to thin until it’s drizzleable (is this a word?)
  • Make a lil grid in your avos for easy scooping
  • To serve, top the avos with chickpeas + tomatoes + onion + remaining lemon juice + drizzle with the tahini
  • Just smash your face on this + go to town

 

 

Idea from here!

https://minimalistbaker.com/avocado-boats-2-ways/

 

 

Eggplant BLTAs

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OK, OK, I’ll tell you about my toes.

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I just don’t really have any….

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I mean, I have ten ~things~ on the ends of my feet but I’m not sure you can call them toes.

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Let’s set the scene: My big toe and baby toe are the only normal-sized ones. Think the rockstar hand symbol. The second and third lil piggies are webbed. I like to think of them as being on their own plateau. Half of the webbed duo, toe #3, is the smallest one. The nail on this one is about the size of your average food crumb, I’d say. Both feet are identical. It’s a medical miracle, honestly. I used to avoid sandals as much as possible cause evil peeps would make fun. Then I started telling people that I was born toe-less so they cut some off of a dead baby and sewed them on me. That shut ’em up.

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I would include a visual but you might gouge your eyes out and forever lose your appetite.

 

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 4 sandwiches

 

  • 1 eggplant, peeled + sliced thin on a mandolin
  • 2 tbsp. of olive oil
  • 2 tbsp. of soy sauce
  • 1 tbsp. of Worcestershire
  • 1 tbsp. of honey
  • 1 tbsp. of liquid smoke
  • 1 tsp. of smoked paprika
  • 1 tsp. of garlic powder
  • S+P, to taste
  • 1/4 cup of vegan mayo
  • 2 tbsp. of sriracha
  • Avocado, for serving
  • Tomato, for serving
  • Lettuce, for serving
  • Sourdough bread, toasted

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 225 degrees
  • In a bowl, combine olive oil + soy sauce + Worcestershire + honey + liquid smoke + paprika +garlic powder + S+P
  • Arrange eggplant slices on a parchment paper-lined baking sheet
  • Spread some of the sauce onto each slice, flip + spread on other side
  • Bake for 30 minutes or until crisp
  • Meanwhile, combine mayo + sriracha
  • To serve, spread sriracha mayo on two slices of bread + on one slice add lettuce + tomato + avo + eggplant bacon + top with mayo side of the other slice
  • Serve this to your sweetie at a summer picnic + see if he still talks to you

 

 

Bacon adapted from here!

https://minimalistbaker.com/crispy-eggplant-bacon/