Egg Roll Bowls

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I’ve had a disturbing realization.

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Rather, it’s come to my attention that there are human being out there in our very own world that are not motivated by food?

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I’m sorry, so like…what do you live for?

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Every single one of my days is measured in food. I live one meal to the next. My next meal is what keeps me motivated to keep going through the day. Right now as I’m writing this, I’m thinking about how tasty my breakfast is going to be tomorrow. And all other meals are planned. Any time I venture outside of my house, snacks are packed. When I travel, I have to be sure I know when and where I’ll be having my meals. Food just rules me. And I love it. Up until now, I just assumed we were all like this….???? Apparently this is not the case and I am FLOORED. No joke, there are people out there who just *forget* to eat. Literally have never done that one day in my life for any meal. What do people think about all day if not the food they will soon enjoy? What do they spend their time looking at on the interwebs if not restaurant reviews and recipes? What does it mean for someone to not be a “foodie?” How do I respond to that? How can I help these people?

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Tbh I think they’re probably too far gone for even medical attention.

 

 

Time: 45 minutes (prep + cooking) | Serves: 3-4

Ingredients:

  • 1 red onion, diced
  • 1 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 1 tbsp. of ginger, minced
  • 1/2 head of purple cabbage, chopped
  • 1 cup of carrots, cut in match sticks
  • 2 cups of mushrooms
  • 1 head of broccoli, cut in tiny florets
  • 1 tbsp. of sesame oil
  • 1/4 cup of soy sauce
  • 1 tbsp. of crushed red pepper
  • S+P, to taste
  • Green onion, for serving
  • Sesame seeds, for serving
  • Avocado, for serving
  • Rice, for serving

How to:

  • Heat oil in a wok over medium heat
  • Add onion, cook 3-4 minutes
  • Add garlic + ginger, cook another minute
  • Add cabbage + carrots + mushrooms + broccoli + crushed red pepper, cook 6-7 minutes
  • Add soy sauce, cook another 2 minutes
  • Serve hot over rice with green onion + sesame seeds + avocado
  • Pretend like you are on an episode of Chopped + have to transform all the ingredients to pulse them in a blender + serve to pals in smoothie form

Chickpea + Fruit Salad

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Welp, I’ve fallen in love with Colorado.

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As if I needed another place to become obsessed with.

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Who woulda thunk I’d jive so hard with the midwest? Until now, I always pictured tumbleweeds just flowing through the streets and kids in overalls.

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But Colorado is kewl, man! So many beautiful mountains and plenty of nature things and good places to grub and excellent people watching. The homeless population rivals Seattle, making me feel ever so at home. I just loved everything about it. The main purpose of the trip was to see our favie band at Red Rocks. I thought I would be underwhelmed by the venue because it’s like “the” place to see a show, but nopity nope nope. It was amazing. You’re just watching a radical show surrounded by these giant…red…rocks… It sounds lamer than it is, I promise. We did a couple of hikes too and they about killed me. Apparently elevation sickness is a thing and there is less oxygen in CO. That would explain my incessant wheezing. The other purpose of our trip was to scope out neighborhoods your girl and her man are MOVING there next summer WOOOO. We are so stoked. We had a list of neighborhoods to explore. Ask me how many we got to, just ASK! You’d be right, we saw not a one and instead just ate our way through the state.

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There are so many vegan restaurants I am absolutely going to go bankrupt in this state.

 

 

Time: 30 minutes (prep + cooking) | Serves: 2-3

Ingredients:

  • 1 can of chickpeas, rinsed + drained
  • 1/2 a red onion, diced
  • 1 jalapeno, diced
  • 1/2 an english cucumber, sliced thin + quartered
  • 1 orange, segmented
  • 1 cup of strawberries, quartered
  • Juice of 1 lime
  • 2 tbsp. of cilantro, diced
  • 1 tbsp. of agave
  • S+P, to taste

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 400 degrees
  • Arrange chickpeas on a lined baking sheet + sprinkle with S+P
  • Roast for 25-30 minutes, tossing once
  • Meanwhile, combine onion + jalapeno + cucumber + orange + strawberries + lime juice + agave + cilantro in a bowl
  • Add chickpeas + S+P, toss well
  • Serve chilled
  • Sit on couch with bowl of chickpea + fruit salad between your legs + eat all of the contents of said bowl while bingeing Handmaid’s Tale so you can talk to me about all of your feelings

 

Eggplant Parm Pizza

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I am a zombie.

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I am walking around with glazed over eyeballs, ragged breaths and outstretched arms looking for my next victim.

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By victim, I mean plush object to cuddle and nap with for 23 hours.

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I just returned home from a long work conference where I had, on average, 4 hours of sleep each night. I am fully grown adult who needs at LEAST eight hours of beauty rest to even look and act like a human being. Nine is preferable – I find the extra hour adds just the faintest glow to my complexion. By the end of the week, I was struggling to form sentences and conceal the bags under my eyes. At one point, I was going down an escalator and saw some folks I needed to connect with coming up & I proceeded to practically bark at them….but also stutter?? Like, I tried to get my point across, but the combination of no sleep and the moving staircase I was on made it tricky. Another time, I found myself riding the escalator up, only to ride it back down immediately because I forgot something, and then do it all over again. The passersby found it amusing at least. I came home and fell asleep during yoga, so really doing well on fitness goals, too.

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Now why did I think it was a good idea to plan a vacation immediately after this requiring me to get up at 3:00am for a flight????

 

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 2 pizzas

Ingredients:

  • 2 cauliflower crusts
  • 1 eggplant, peeled + sliced in 1/4 inch thick discs
  • 1 cup of tomato sauce
  • 1/2 cup of raw cashews, soaked overnight
  • Juice of 1 lemon
  • 2 tbsp. of unsweetened almond milk
  • 1/2 of a block of firm tofu, water drained
  • 1 tbsp. of ground flax seeds
  • 1/2 tbsp. of all-purpose flour
  • 1 cup of panko
  • 1 tsp. of italian seasoning
  • 1 tsp. of oregano
  • 1/2 tsp. of crushed red pepper
  • S+P, to taste
  • Olive oil spray
  • Basil, for serving

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 400 degrees
  • Place eggplant rounds in a colander + sprinkle with salt, let drain for 20-30 minutes
  • Meanwhile, pulse cashews in food processor
  • Add lemon juice + tofu + S+P, process on high + slowly add in milk until smooth
  • Adjust seasoning to taste and place in fridge until ready to use
  • Meanwhile, combine flax seeds + 1/3 cup of water in a bowl, set aside for 10 minutes
  • Add panko + Italian seasoning + oregano + crushed red pepper + S+P to another bowl
  • Dredge eggplant disc in flax egg, then panko, place on a sprayed lined baking sheet, repeat with remaining dics
  • Bake 30 minutes, flipping once in the middle of cooking
  • Spread the crusts with tomato sauce + top with eggplant slices + tofu ricotta
  • Bake another 10 minutes
  • Serve warm with basil
  • Fold a slice like a lil pizza boat + swim it right down your cavernous gullet

 

Adapted from here!