Tempeh Chili

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I may or may not be a psychopath.

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At least according to my adoring husband.

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I don’t exhibit the normal characteristics of a psychopath, but apparently this one habit of mine is so abhorrent it automatically classifies me as such.

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I eat my oatmeal plain. No cinnamon or brown sugar, certainly no raisins. I flirt with blueberries occasionally, but even they alter the experience. I do add some nuts when I’m eating the complimentary breakfast at the Hampton Inns, just to not scare the other patrons. It is the true highlight of my day. Nothing brings me more satisfaction than sitting down at my dining table with a piping hot bowl of stick to your ribs plain as the day is long oatmeal. I’m sorry, I can’t help that oats are pure in nature and need no refining, but apparently this is not normal? Garrett is literally so appalled by this, he tells everyone he comes in contact with that he’s married to a psychopath who eats her oatmeal plain. He’s obviously so in love.

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Tbh I’ve been called worse, so I’m just rolling with it.

 

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 4

Ingredients:

  • 1 package of tempeh
  • 1 onion, chopped
  • 1 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 1 jalapeno, diced
  • 1 red bell pepper, diced
  • 1 can of diced tomatoes
  • 1 can of green chiles
  • 1 can of black beans, rinsed + drained
  • 1 can of pinto beans, rinsed + drained
  • 1 can of kidney beans, rinsed + drained
  • 1 can of hominy, drained
  • 1 tbsp. of olive oil
  • 1 tbsp. of chipotle chili powder
  • 1 tsp. of cumin
  • 1 tsp. of crushed red pepper
  • S+P, to taste
  • Cilantro, for serving
  • Avocado, for serving

How to:

  • Heat oil in a large stock pot over medium heat
  • Add onion, cook 3 minutes
  • Add garlic, cook another minute
  • Crumble in tempeh, cook for 5-6 minutes or until starts to slightly brown
  • Add jalapeno + red pepper + some S+P, cook for 2-3 minutes
  • Add 1-2 cups of water (depending on how brothy you like your ish) + tomatoes + chiles + beans + hominy + chipotle chili powder + cumin + crushed red pepper + S+P
  • Bring to a boil, reduce heat, simmer for 30-40 minutes
  • Serve hot with cilantro + avocado
  • Locate giant straw + plop into bowl + slurp down chili, accelerating the nutrients entering your bloodstream

Pesto Spaghetti Squash

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I did a bad thing.

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Like, four years ago when I first started this whole thing, I posted a spaghetti squash recipe and pretended I liked it.

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I lied to you. To all of you. It was heinous. The worst thing, to date, I’ve ever made, and certainly the worst I’ve ever fed another human. Garrett still talks about the spaghetti squash incident of 2014 with tears in his eyes.

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I’ve literally not had this pasta imposter since. In fact, I’ve actively avoided it and told myself and others it is an overrated, garbage vegetable that should be boycotted at all costs. Then, I was at dinner the other night and my options were limited and I was forced to order a salad with crispy lil spaghetti squash noods on top and I DIDN’T HATE IT.  Could it be the spaghetti squash is just a moody, misunderstood veg? Maybe spaghetti squash just prefers not to be stuffed with multiple cheeses & slimy, horrific artichokes (these I actually do detest). I don’t blame it, tbh. It could also be I actually have no idea what I’m doing in the kitchen 93.5% of the time.

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Spaghetti squash & I have redeemed ourselves and this household is once again full of believers!

 

 

Time: 1.5 hours (prep + cooking) | Serves: 4

Ingredients:

  • 1 spaghetti squash, halved + de-seeded
  • 2 cups of basil, rinsed
  • 1/4 cup of walnuts
  • 1/4 cup of nutritional yeast
  • 1/2 cup of olive oil
  • 2 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • Juice of 1 lemon
  • 2 shallots, sliced thin
  • 1 can of canellinni beans, rinsed + drained
  • 2 cups of spinach
  • 1 tbsp. of crushed red pepper flakes
  • 1 tsp. of oregano
  • S+P, to taste

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 400 degrees
  • Place squash halves cut side up on a baking sheet
  • Drizzle with 1 tbsp. of olive oil + some S+P
  • Roast for 60 minutes
  • Meanwhile, in a food processor, combine basil + walnuts + nutritional yeast + 1 tbsp. of garlic + juice if 1/2 a lemon + 1/4 cup of olive oil + S+P, process until smooth, refrigerate until ready to use
  • Once squash is roasted + cooled, scrape out them noodles
  • Heat remaining olive oil in a skillet over medium heat
  • Add shallots + S+P, cook 3 minutes
  • Add remaining garlic + crushed red pepper + oregano, cook another minute
  • Add cannellini beans + S+P, cook another 3-4 minutes
  • Add spinach + S+P, cook another 2 minutes
  • Add squash noodles + pesto + juice of the other 1/2 lemon, cook for 2 minutes, turn off heat
  • Slurp down a bowl of these bad boys + pour yourself another + keep ’em coming till you pass out

Autumn Harvest Salad

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My husband is going off the grid.

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He’s going underground, living on the lam, getting out of dodge!

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Also, he’s just deleting social media.

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Much to my chagrin, he’s slowly but surely deleting all his accounts. He claims it’s terribly addicting and bad for our mental health or something?? Idk. What I do know is that it’s downright selfish! He’s just not thinking about me and Topanga and all of the cute photos he, exclusively, has captured over the years! If Topanga had thumbs and could manage her own accounts, this would be a lil less of an issue, but alas. What, we’re just going to sacrifice all of our treasured pix to the internet Gods? Our memories scattered to the wind?? (Name that movie) I just can’t stand by and let this happen. He’s putting the millennial good name to shame!

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It also means I’m going to lose a follower and that’s simply not good for MY mental health.

 

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves 3-4

Ingredients:

  • 1 acorn squash, tops trimmed off + cut into rounds
  • 1 head of purple cauliflower, cut into florets
  • 3 beets, peeled + tops trimmed off
  • 2 parsnips, sliced in lil rounds
  • 1 can of chickpeas, rinsed + drained
  • 2 shallots, sliced thin
  • Spinach, for serving
  • 2 tbsp. of apple cider vinegar
  • 5 tbsp. of olive oil
  • 1 tbsp. of dijon mustard
  • 1 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • S+P, to taste

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 400 degrees
  • Place squash rounds + parsnips on a lined baking sheet + drizzle with 1 tbsp. of olive oil + S+P
  • Place cauliflower on a lined baking sheet + drizzle with 1 tbsp. of olive oil + S+P
  • Place chickpeas + shallots on another lined baking sheet + drizzle with 1 tbsp. of olive oil + S+P
  • Wrap each beet in its owl lil piece of foul + drizzle each with 1 tbsp. olive oil + S+P, place on another baking sheet
  • Roast all your veggies for 15 minutes, toss (no need to toss beets obvio) , cook chickpeas another 5-7, cauliflower + squash another 10-15, until browned to your desire + beets another 15 minutes
  • Meanwhile, combine apple cider vinegar + remaining olive oil + dijon mustard + garlic in a lil bowl
  • To serve, top spinach with all your roasted veggies + drizzle with your dressing
  • Light all your pumpkin waffle flavored candles + smash face down onto plate, rubbing throughly in all veggies