Chocolate Chip Larabars

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A fun new marital test: go 71 hours without power.

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Hurricane Florence was something else, I tell you what.

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Our power went out at 6pm Friday and I, being naive and incredibly stupid, was actually excited for the vacation from amenities.

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It started out with a lot of potential. The power went out and we had like all of our neighbors over and we grilled and listened to music and my house smelled like a cookie shop (food candles) and it was just FUN! The next day we basically did the same except there were games and a puzzle and reading by headlamp. More fun! It wasn’t until hour like 56 after I’d read an entire book and Garrett refused to play another board game with me and I’d had several cold showers and three cans of soup heated on the grill that I became a tad despondent. The prospect of sleeping in a hot room with no air flow next to a 200-pound human furnace AGAIN was discouraging. After a bucket of tears and a quick screaming match, we decided to stay at a friend’s house. We left the Panera we were working at to go home and quickly pack. As we pull into our driveway, we could see a lamp was on through the window. LET THERE BE LIGHT, PEOPLE!!! We ran into the house, jumping and screaming and kissing and all was well again.

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Until it was time to clean out the fridge and we discovered a rotten cucumber whose stench we still cannot get out of our nostrils.

 

But like for real, it could have been 109234i5x worse and we are so grateful and looking for ways to help those affected!

 

Ingredients:

  • 4 cups of pitted dates
  • 2 cups of whole almonds
  • 1 cup of vegan chocolate chips
  • 2 tbsp. of peanut butter

How to:

  • Line a 9×13 pan with double the parchment paper you think you need
  • Add almonds to a processor + pulse until fine
  • Add chocolate chips + pulse until combined + fine
  • Pour mix into a bowl
  • Now add half the dates to processor + process until they form a lil ball
  • Add half the peanut butter + half the chocolatey nuts + process until all combined into a ball
  • Remove + place ball on the lined pan
  • Repeat with remaining ingredients
  • Combine both date balls + knead + pat down into an even layer
  • Cover with sides of the parchment paper until completely covered
  • Put something heavy on top + refrigerate for two hours
  • Cut into shapes you like, wrap individually + refrigerate, eat when hungry
  • Set up a table outside of your home + sell your bars for $35 a pop

 

These easy peasy dudes are adapted from here!

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Balsamic Veggie Stacks

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Apparently I moved from Earthquakeville to Hurricaneland.

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I thought the Carolinas were supposed to be a calm little southern piece of the American pie filled with little suburbias and mini vans, but here I sit in the direct path of a ginormous storm with it’s eye (get it) set on trying to kill me!

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Honestly, I was not concerned about this until like 24 hours ago. I was like, k, so we’ll get some rain, kewlie.

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But errbody was wiggin’ out on the interwebs, so I ran to Walmart to get some bottled water. No joke, that place was an absolute zoo. Like, more so than your average Wally World. I park 83 miles away and roll my lil cart to the water aisle. I wish I could describe what I saw. Picture nothing. Absolutely nothing. Not a bottle of water on the shelves. No water in the little mini fridges up by the registers. Nada! I would have bought that fancy artisanal water straight from the depths of the Alps, but it was ALL GONE. The sheer panic that consumed me in this moment was epic. I literally pushed the cart into a large display of cereals (I did not do this) and ran out of that Walmart to ransack every grocery store I could find. I did find some water and stocked up on junk food and cans of soup that the thought of eating cold only slightly churn my stomach.

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Also, I literally just had a preview of what the next few days will be like because our power went out for an hour while in the middle of cooking dinner so I ate pasta in a raw garlic sauce, yum.

 

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 4-5

Ingredients:

  • 1 sweet potato, peeled + sliced about 1/2 inch thick
  • 1 package of tempeh, cut in lil cubes
  • 2 roma tomatoes, sliced about 1/4 inch thick
  • 1 red pepper, sliced
  • 1 green pepper, sliced
  • 1 zucchini, sliced in coins
  • 1 yellow squash, sliced in coins
  • 1/4 cup of soy sauce
  • 1/2 cup of balsamic vinegar
  • 1 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 5 tbsp. of olive oil
  • S+P, to taste
  • Basil, for serving
  • Avocado, for serving

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 400 degrees
  • In a bowl, combine soy sauce + 1/4 cup of balsamic vinegar + garlic + 1 tbsp. of olive oil
  • Arrange sweet potatoes on a lined baking sheet, drizzle with 1 tbsp. of olive oil + S+P, rub on both sides, arrange in an eve, layer
  • Arrange peppers on a lined baking sheet, drizzle with 1 tbsp. of olive oil + S+P, arrange in an even layer
  • Arrange squash on a lined baking sheet, drizzle with 1 tbsp. of olive oil + S+P, arrange in an even layer
  • Bake all for 25 minutes, stirring all once in the middle of cook time
  • Meanwhile, heat remaining oil in a skillet over medium heat
  • Add tempeh, cook for 6-8 minutes until crisp to your desire
  • Add remaining vinegar to a lil pot + reduce over low heat for about 4-5 minutes, until it thickens a bit
  • To serve, place a sweet potato on a place + top with tempeh + peppers + squash + basil + drizzle with some balsamic reduction, repeat with remaining veggies
  • Serve warm with avocado
  • Play rock, paper, scissors with sweetie + only select rock, smashing each veggie stack in the process

Vegan Ravioli

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Quick! I need a way to stream every football game in the country on any screen in my house legally and for free.

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We have officially been cable-free people for three months.

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For the most part I feel like we are happier, dumber people. We’ve saved a ton of money and know nothing about what’s going on in the real world. It’s so dope.

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Until my husband remembered it’s football season and I remembered I am the Seahawks number one fan! We are in a serious predicament here. I cannot not dress Topanga and I up in our matching jerseys and prance around the house screaming at the television. I just won’t do it. Our other option is to post up at the local Buffalo Wild Wings and bribe the bartenders to put all of the screens on the games we want also kicking out all other patrons. But I’d have to pack my own snacks and that involves a lot of advanced planning. I suppose we could break down and buy some sort of football package, but I prefer the weekly bi-weekly agony and complaining.

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Until then, we will refresh ESPN’s homepage while bingeing Queer Eye.

 

 

Time: 2 hours (prep _ cooking) | Serves: 3-4

Ingredients:

  • 2 cups of all-purpose flour
  • 1/2 cup of whole wheat flour
  • 1 block of extra firm tofu, water drained
  • 1/2 cup of roasted, unsalted sunflower seeds
  • Juice of 1/2 a lemon
  • Zest of 1/2 a lemon
  • 3 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 1/4 cup of nutritional yeast
  • 4 tbsp. of olive oil
  • 1 tsp. of crushed red pepper
  • S+P, to taste
  • Basil, for serving

How to:

  • In a large bowl, combine flours + a pinch of S, stir
  • Make a well in the center + add 3/4 cup of water + 3 tbsp. of olive oil, stir until you got a doughy thang
  • It’ll likely be a lil dry, so go on with your bad self, add another 1/4 cup of water, combine well
  • Once you have a dough ball, put on a floured surface + begin to knead for a full 10 minutes
  • Place back in a bowl, cover with plastic wrap + refrigerate for an hour
  • Meanwhile, pulse sunflower seeds in a food processor
  • Add tofu, process until combined with seeds
  • Pour all of that in a bowl + add remaining olive oil + lemon zest + lemon juice + garlic + nutritional yeast + crushed red pepper + some S+P, combine well
  • Remove pasta dough from refrigerator + cut in half
  • Take one half, roll out on a floured surface until a nice + thin rectangle, about 1/8 inch thick
  • With the long side of the dough facing you, use a lil cookie scoop + scoop some tofu ricotta onto one section + repeat until you fill up a lil row
  • Fold dough in half over the tofu ricotta + press gently around the ricotta to form lil squares
  • Wet your fingers + pinch the edges all together
  • Using a pizza cutter, cut your lil guys, making sure to continue pinching the edges to tuck away all the filling + place on a plate
  • Repeat with the other dough half
  • Bring a pot of salted water to a boil
  • Cook 3-4 at a time until raviolis pop to the top, about 3 minutes
  • Serve hot with basil + your favorite tomato sauce – here’s mine – sans the cheese
  • Rub saucy raviolis on face like a luxurious mask + draw yourself a bubble bath + nibble on the lil guys while you relax, you deserve it

 

Recipe from Thug Kitchen!