Butternut Noodle Bowls

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How many pairs of eyewear will I purchase online before I realize it’s a very bad idea?

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3 dozen? 100? Does the limit really not exist?

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I legit get a new pair every 8 months because I can no longer stand the sight of myself in the giant goggles I choose.

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I always order from the same site and they are chock full of the latest fashions and v stylish options. I’m hip, I’m trendy, I can wear those ginormous oblong frames, right? Wrong. They even offer free at-home try-ons so you’re not stuck with something that looks horrendous. Do I utilize this convenient service? No, never. I always think this time is going to be different. This pair will perfectly my fit equal parts long face and chubby cheeks. A new pair arrived yesterday. These are much smaller than my old pairs, neatly round, no crazy shape, and pink. Pink! I have found the perfect pair! I sent a selfie to my father who immediately told me I look more and more like a grandmother everyday.

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The BEST part of new glasses is the first couple of days where they haven’t stretched to my face & they are squeezing my head so hard they leave stellar bruises.

 

 

Time: 45 minutes (prep + cooking) | Serves: 3-4

Ingredients:

  • 1 butternut squash, spiralized
  • 1 red onion, sliced thin
  • 1 package of cremini mushrooms, sliced thin
  • 1 head of cauliflower, cut into florets
  • 1 zucchini, sliced into thin ribbons
  • 1/2 cup of pomegranate seeds
  • 1 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 4 tbsp. of olive oil
  • Juice of 1/2 a lemon
  • S+P, to taste

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 400 degrees
  • Arrange cauliflower on a lined baking sheet with a drizzle of 1 tbsp. of olive oil + some S+P
  • Roast 20-25 minutes, tossing once
  • Meanwhile, heat another tbsp. of olive oil in a skillet over medium heat
  • Add onion + S+P, cook 3-4 minutes
  • Add garlic, cook another minute
  • Add mushrooms + S+P, cook another 5 minutes
  • Toss the raw butternut squash noodles + raw zucchini + mushroom + onion mix + cauliflower in a large bowl with remaining olive oil + lemon juice + pomegranate seeds + S+P
  • Refrigerate for a bit + serve chilled or room temp
  • Enjoy slurping the entirety of this guilt free meal + doing a lil happy jig around your party pad in celebration

Eggplant Rollatini

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I’m dreaming in a British accent.

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And I blame my Great British Baking Show addiction.

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I’m convinced there has never been a happier show.

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Who knew the whole of the UK was filled with genius amateur bakers that can design giant towers of caramel in the shape of dinosaurs? And they are all just like normal blokes (see what I did there). Like, when did they find the time to do this? Do English folk not spend the entirety of their evenings watching Netflix like the rest of us? They must actually work to better themselves or something in their free time. They all just have the purest personalities. Just sweet cherub angel babies making their ginormous meat pies. I just love how they say every single word. Like how their r’s are so soft and their th’s sound like f’s and they add an r after words that end in a. Oh, and how they use “brilliant” to describe the really good bakes. And don’t act like you don’t tear up a little every time Paul Hollywood sticks out his hand for one of his infamous handshakes!!

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It’s also inspired me to think I, too, can create a lion out of various freshly baked breads.

 

 

Time: 1.5 hours (prep + cooking) | Serves: 3-4

Ingredients:

  • 2 eggplants, peeled + cut into thin strips
  • 1 cup of whole wheat panko breadcrumbs
  • 1 tbsp. of flaxseed meal
  • 1 package of extra firm tofu, drained of water
  • 1/2 cup of roasted, unsalted sunflower seeds
  • Juice of 1/2 a lemon
  • Zest of 1/2 a lemon
  • 2 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 1/4 cup of nutritional yeast
  • 1 tsp. of crushed red pepper
  • S+P, to taste
  • 1 tbsp. of olive oil
  • Jar of your favie pasta sauce
  • Basil, for serving

How to:

  • Arrange eggplant slices in a colander + sprinkle with some S, let sit for about 15-20 minutes + let the water drain
  • Meanwhile, make a flax egg by combining flax meal + 3 tbsp. of warm water, stir + let sit in the fridge for 15 minutes
  • Meanwhile, pulse the sunflower seeds in a food processor until ground
  • Add tofu + process until combined
  • Pour that in a bowl + add lemon juice + zest + garlic + nutritional yeast +crushed red pepper + S+P, mix well + put in fridge until you’re ready to use
  • Pour your breadcrumbs in a bowl
  • Dunk an eggplant slice in the flax egg, then the breadcrumbs + coat on both sides, arrange on a lined baking sheet
  • Repeat with remaining eggplant slices
  • Bake 20 minutes or until crisp to your desire, flipping once
  • Let cool for a few minutes until you can handle your slices
  • Add a scoop of your tofu cheese to one end of your eggplant slice + roll, arrange in a greased baking dish
  • Repeat
  • Pour sauce on top + bake for 15 minutes
  • Serve warm with basil
  • Put on your cargo pants + pop a rollatini in all your compartments for convenient snacking

Copycat Panera Bread – Modern Greek Salad

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Why, oh why, was I not born in the early 1800s to a wealthy English family?!

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I think I could have really excelled.

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But only if I had money. I wouldn’t survive if I had to slum it.

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I went to a tea parlour this weekend with some girlfriends. My gosh, it was posh. This darling old lady waited on us wearing the most gorgeous apron I’ve ever seen. The whole place was decorated with these ornate paintings of British aristocrats. My people! We each had a pot of tea, served to us in these adorable tea pot coozies. Who knew such a happy thing existed in this world? Floral tea pot coozies! We ate scones and little biscuits (British for cookies, you wouldn’t understand) and just gabbed and sipped. In that moment, I felt I had truly found my calling. I am meant to be surrounded by beautiful things and delicate floral patterns and fine china and adorable little sugar cubes with equally adorable miniature sugar cube tongs. I now know I need at least three hours a day in the early afternoon for my tea time. Unfortunately, this is unacceptable in our heinous, overworked society.

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I feel like the Bronte sisters are probably the only ones who get me.

 

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 4

Ingredients:

  • 2-3 cups of kale, washed
  • 2-3 cups of romaine lettuce, washed + shredded
  • 1/2 cup of kalamata olives, halved
  • 1/2 cup of slivered almonds, toasted
  • 1 english cucumber, quartered
  • 2 cups of dry quinoa
  • 1 onion, diced
  • 1 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 15 oz. can of crushed tomatoes
  • 1 tsp. of italian seasoning
  • 1 tsp. of paprika
  • 2 tbsp. of white wine vinegar
  • 1 tsp. of oregano
  • Juice of 1/2 a lemon
  • S+P, to taste
  • 6 tbsp. of olive oil

How to:

  • Cook the quinoa according to package directions, drain excess water
  • Heat 1 tbsp. of olive oil in a skillet over medium heat
  • Add onion + S+P, cook for 4-5 minutes
  • Add garlic, cook another minute
  • Add crushed tomatoes + italian seasoning + paprika + S+P
  • Bring to a boil, reduce heat + simmer for 15 minutes
  • Stir in quinoa + some S+P
  • To make the dressing, whisk remaining olive oil with vinegar + oregano + lemon juice + some S+P
  • To serve, combine kale + romaine + cucumber + olives + toasted almonds + quinoa sofrito + drizzle with dressing
  • Serve chilled

 

Adapted from here!