Smoky Tempeh + Hummus Salad

I desperately need a life.

I’ve always known this, it’s not totally news. I’m pretty boring, lackluster, average, etc. I’m not looking for compliments, I’m just very self aware.

But it’s become glaringly obvious in the last several days that something has to give.

As my dreams have been haunted completely by…characters from The Bachelor franchise. I call them characters because I’m not convinced they’re real people. I’ve only seen one in real life and she was far away, but we did ride on the same airplane together so ~celeb sighting~. Anyways, it just does not do anything good for my psyche to go from watching The Bachelorette every Monday night immediately into a fresh season of Bachelor in Paradise. As much as I love the continuity, I am truly consumed with these people and need a break.

But will I give myself one by just not stalking all of them on instagram and skipping next week’s episode? Absolutely not.

Time: 3.5 hours (prep + cooking) | Serves: 2-3

Ingredients:

  • 1 package of tempeh, cut in thin slices
  • 1 cup of hummus, any flavor you fancy
  • 3-4 rainbow carrots, sliced in thin rounds
  • 1/4 of a red cabbage, sliced thin
  • 2 tbsp. of soy sauce
  • 1/2 cup + 1 tbsp. of apple cider vinegar
  • 1 tbsp. of honey
  • 1 tsp. of smoked paprika
  • 1 tbsp. of sugar
  • 1 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 1 tsp. of rosemary
  • 4-6 cups of arugula
  • S+P, to taste
  • 3 tbsp. of olive oil

How to:

  • In a bowl, combine soy sauce + 1 tbsp. of apple cider vinegar + honey + smoked paprika + olive oil + S+P
  • Arrange tempeh slices in a container + pour marinade over them, cover, shake + refrigerate for 3 hours
  • Meanwhile, add cabbage to another container + pour 1/2 cup of apple cider vinegar + 1/2 cup of water + sugar + garlic + S+P, cover, shake + refrigerate that too
  • Once tempeh is marinated + cabbage pickled, preheat oven to 350 degrees
  • Arrange carrots on a lined baking sheet + drizzle with 1 tbsp. of olive oil + S+P + rosemary
  • Bake 20-25 minutes, tossing once, until roasted to your desire
  • In a skillet, heat remaining tbsp. of olive oil
  • Add tempeh, cook 5-6 minutes until crisp to your desire
  • To serve, arrange some arugula in a dish + top with tempeh + pickled cabbage + roasted carrots + a big dollop of hummus
  • Cram a little bit of each bite into your cram hole

Vegan Buffalo Mac

Our fridge is on the fritz.

Yesterday it started making this horrendously loud humming noise. Try as I might to ignore it and tell myself everything is fine, Louisa & I both had headaches within a couple hours.

By the afternoon, it was beeping and giving me 90’s flashbacks to AOL dial up.

Naturally, I had visions of a pipe bursting and flooding the kitchen and destroying the hardwood and causing water damage and pooling so heavily in one spot that the floor caves in. So I convinced Garrett to empty the fridge and freezer and live out of coolers until we can get a repairman out here. It’s kind of like camping! Or what I imagine camping would be like if I were to ever try it.

It was all fun and games until I went to grab my daily smoothie fixings and what was supposed to be my frozen mango was soft and sad.

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 3-4

Ingredients:

  • 1 package of pasta
  • 1 1/2-2 cups of cubed butternut squash
  • 3/4 cup of raw cashews, soaked for a couple of hours + drained
  • 1 cup of unsweetened almond milk
  • 1/2 cup of buffalo sauce
  • 2 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 7 tbsp. of nutritional yeast
  • 1 tsp. of paprika
  • 1 tsp. of crushed red pepper
  • 1/2 tsp. of dijon mustard
  • 1/2 tsp. of Italian seasoning
  • 1/2 tsp. of turmeric
  • S+P, to taste
  • 1 tbsp. of olive oil
  • Arugula, for serving

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 400
  • Arrange butternut squash on a lined baking sheet + drizzle with olive oil + S+P
  • Roast 25-30 minutes, tossing once, until roasted
  • In a food processor, blend the cashews
  • Add butternut squash + almond milk + buffalo sauce + garlic + nutritional yeast + paprika + red pepper + dijon mustard + Italian seasoning + turmeric + S+P, blend until smooth
  • Meanwhile, cook pasta to al dente, reserving a lil bit of pasta water
  • Drain pasta + add back to pot with sauce, adding the pasta water if necessary to thin it out + make it saucy
  • Serve warm with some arugula
  • The arugula is really just to make you feel like you are the picture of health despite you eating a vat of pasta rn

Tempeh + Quinoa Stuffed Peppers

Anyone else practicing their vault run in the kitchen during the commercial breaks of the Olympics?

Just me? Kewl, kewl.

Idk what gives, but whenever the summer Olympics come around, I act like I’ve been competing as an elite gymnast my entire life.

I’m especially into it this year because I’m trying to manifest Lou’s Olympic gymnastic debut at the 2036 games. 2040 at the latest, but she’ll basically be an old hag by then so we’ll see. I just think she has the *it* factor. She likes to play this game where Garr holds both of her feet in one of his hands & she balances & throws her arms out like a daggum cheerleader. She’s a prodigy! I’m making her watch gymnastics with me and I keep telling her these women are her future mentors so watch and learn!

My luck she will blame me for putting immense pressure on her at the ripe age of 8 months old & she’ll do an E! True Hollywood Story on her life painting me as the villain.

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 3-4

Ingredients:

  • 4 bell peppers, halved
  • 1 package of tempeh, cubed
  • 1 cup of quinoa, cooked
  • 1 yellow onion, diced
  • 1 zucchini, chopped
  • 1 yellow squash, chopped
  • 1 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 1 cup of tomato sauce
  • 1 tsp. of italian seasoning
  • 1 tsp. of crushed red pepper
  • S+P, to taste
  • 3 tbsp. of olive oil
  • Vegan cheese shreds

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 350
  • Arrange bell peppers in a baking dish, cut side up
  • Drizzle with 1 tbsp. of olive oil + S+P, bake for 10 minutes, just to soften them a bit
  • Meanwhile, heat 1 tbsp. of olive oil in a skillet over medium heat
  • Add tempeh + S+P, cook 5-7 minutes or until crisp to your desire, remove from the skillet
  • Heat remaining oil
  • Add onions + S+P, cook 3-4 minutes
  • Add zucchini + squash + S+P, cook another 3-4 minutes
  • Add garlic, cook another minute
  • Add tempeh back to the skillet along with quinoa + tomato sauce + italian seasoning + red pepper + S+P, cook 6-7 minutes or until everything is nice + combined
  • Heap some of your mixture into each pepper half + top with cheese shreds
  • Bake for 20-25 minutes or until cheese is as melty as vegan cheese gets
  • Smash a pepper in a pal’s face like you would a nice cream pie